CRAVE (ENGLISH)

"ARE you sure about your decision?" it is obvious in the tone of Jenny's mother Rowena that she is worried as the young lady distracted herself by packing some personal belongings that she would bring on her trip.   Jenny nodded then stared at her mother for a moment before continuing what she is doing.   "I will be away for a while. About two weeks, maybe enough time to let go of the resentment that I feel right now," she said with a bitter smile that cracked her lips afterward.   That was when her mother grabbed her hand and then gently squeezed it. "I know you are blaming yourself. But I should tell you, you are also a victim of everything that happened," she said meaningfully as she stared into her eyes.   Because of what her mother did, the corners of her both eyes quickly heated up until she finally burst into tears. Rowena hugged her quickly and not long until she felt the gentle caress on her back.   "Everything will be fine you’ll see. I’m happy that you also thought of taking a vacation. Somehow that will help you to feel okay again,” she said then released her and looked at her with a smile.  "Everything is not hopeless for you sweetheart. You are beautiful and smart, you have a good and successful business, you will find the man you deserve," her mother advised her, but Jenny chose not to respond to her mother's words.   The young lady agrees with what her mother told her.   But maybe because of everything that just happened recently, she could still feel inside her that she is still hurting. And that is the very reason why she decided to leave Manila to have a vacation in a beautiful and peaceful place like Baguio City.   “If you think you need or you want to extend your vacation there is no problem with that. What is important to me is for you to be okay,” her mother continues.   Jenny simply nodded to what her mother has said. ,  “I will ask the maid to prepare lunch already. Or maybe it is much better if I will be the one to cook for you this time? What do you think?”   With the gentleness in her voice, Jenny was unable to resist herself by making an eye-contact with her mother.   Jenny quickly felt the heat of both corners of her eyes once again because of that, until it didn't take long for her tears to flow.   “Mama,” she said in almost a whisper then hugged her mother tightly afterward.   That was when her mother caressed her back again. She is lucky that despite everything Rowena is still able to understand her.   She did not like everything that happened and that is the truth. Because in fact for less than a year she did not think that the man she considered her boyfriend was married and had a child. In other words, she became a mistress.   That's right, she doesn't know but she was a mistress. And she is angry not only with Ryan but even more with herself. Because he was able to fool her without even realizing it.   Jenny met Ryan at a seminar that she attended in Batangas more than a year ago.   He was the manager at the hotel where the seminar was held.   Ryan was kind so it was not difficult for her to trust him. Something she did not do easily because she also saw her mother's experience with her father.   Because like her, her mother Rowena was also a victim of her father who introduced himself as a single but the truth is that, it’s the other way around.   She is an illegitimate child.   And because she did not want to follow in her mother's footprints just as Rowena often reminded her, she became very conservative.   But she failed to fulfill that thing, because when she was in college, there was a man she loved so much and that she was able to give her virginity to him.   "Tell me the truth Jennifer, did something happen to you and Ryan?" when her mother stared straight into her eyes.   Jenny quickly shook her head. "Nothing," she said truthfully.   Apart from the man whom she gave her virginity to when she was still in college, she never had a boyfriend until Ryan. But unlike what happened before, this time she did not allow anything to happen between her and the latter.   Something she is now very grateful for.   But despite all that, she is still hurting, apart from the fact that she loves Ryan, she is also angry with herself because even though she does not know and she is also still a victim, she is still a mistress who almost ruined a family.   It is only yesterday did she find out the truth.   She was very grateful that Ryan's wife Miriam was not the scandalous type.   Miriam went to her bakeshop and talked to her, that's when she found out the truth.   Ryan has been married to Miriam for five years and has two children.   After finding out the truth she immediately called the man.   At first, Ryan did not want to admit everything to her. But because of her persistence, he eventually also told her the truth.   Jenny felt very upset.   She loves Ryan but it would be a big mistake to continue everything they have. And just in case she found out the truth from the beginning, she would not let that happen.   “It's good then, what you did was right. Because someone so much better than that man can love you. Where you can be completely happy. Someone who can protect you and most of all offer you marriage,” her mother said as she dried her wet face.   Jenny nodded then felt immediate relief and hope at what her mother had said.   "Thank you, Mama," was all she could say.   *****   JASON sighed heavily as he stared at the tombstone of Ara's grave.   “Ara, I know you and Daniel are happy now. I guess I did the right thing not to fight for what I feel for you back then. Because in the end, until the next life you two will still be together, and I am so happy for you guys,” the other side of Jason's mind as he quietly watched the flame of the white candle that he lit.   “I want to be happy, but it becomes difficult for me because I always feel that something is missing. I was looking for something I could not understand and I did not know what it was. I was looking for something that I seemed to have lost before and I feel like I regret it now and I can't determine what it is,” he continued then stroked the white tombstone with his hand.   The young man spent a few moments before he decided to leave.   He just went through Ara's grave in this town of San Ricardo. He traveled less than two hours just to talk and visit his best friend who had been dead and buried there for a year.   When they were still in college, during the first meeting he did not have a hard time liking Ara. Because even though she was so beautiful, the young lady was indeed very kind.   Both of them are student assistants in the library. And that is the reason why they became very close that eventually became the best of friends.   But something different happened to him because he fell in love with Ara. What is painful is that she does not feel the same way for him. It has always been Daniel for Ara and it was too late for him when he found out about their secret relationship.   Daniel died caused by a serious illness, Leukemia.   And maybe true love is like that because what Ara feels for his other best friend Daniel remained. And he respected that as he chose to stay beside her.   He never left her side, the reason why it pained him so hard when she died.   During college, he tried to turn into others what he feels for Ara. He started dating for there were plenty of beautiful and sexy women in the university. But there has always been this only face that he never forgets.   He did not know why but over a long time, there were times when the memories of the two of them still coming back to his mind.   Even if he does not admit it to anyone else, deep inside him, he knew that the kind of happiness she gave him is something priceless and different. And the heat of passion is still there every time he remembers how she surrendered her everything to him over and over again. And Jason has to admit that until now everything is still haunting his mind. Even if it has been a long time ago since that happened.   “I don’t know what is this that I feel, Ara. But you know she never left my memory, my mind. And I feel like there is a place here in my heart that kept on telling me that I should go looking for her because she needs me. Help me, you and Daniel, help me to find Jenny,” again was the other side of Jason's mind as he walked away from that place.