TINADHANA

Tumakbo ako kung nasaan ang mahal ko. Gusto ko lang siyang surpresahin. Isang taong na kaming magkasintahan. Isang taon din ang kaligayahan. SAna nga ay magpatuloy ang ganito. Kunting pag-aawayan lang ayos na agad at palaging nag ka intindihan. Nasaktan man ako noong una, ngayon, ay may dahilan ako upang maging masaya at mabuhay. Habol ko ang aking hininga ng makarating ako s harap ng apartment niya. Masaya ako, oo ang saya ko. Basta naramdam ko lang na masaya ako sa araw na ito. Siguro sa achievements na aking nakuha? Bago kumatok naglagay ako ng pulbo sa mukha at inayos ko ang sarili para ang unang makita niya ay ang kanyang magandang binibini. Kumatok ako ng tatlong beses. Nakaramdam ako ng excitement na makita siyang muli. Marami pa naman akong baon na kwento para sa kanya. Nagulat ako na walang nagbukas ng pinto para sa akin. Ilang beses pa akong kumatok pero makalipas na ang ilang minuto ay wala parin. Pinihit ko ang door knob, doon ko napagtanto na bukas pala iyon at hindi naka lock kaya pumasok nalang ako. Boyfriend ko naman ang nakatira dito. Pagtingin ko sa sala bumungad sa akin ang nagkalat na mga chips at beer in can. Hindi niya sinabi sa akin na nag iinom pala siya kahapon. Pagtingin ko sa taas, nakita kong nakaawang yung pinto niya sa kanyang silid kaya paniguradong tulog pa iyon. I giggled at napangiti nalang sa naisip. Napagdesisyunan kong ipagluto siya ng breakfast, Masaya akong naghanda ng almusal para sa kanya. Pinagluto ko lang naman siya ng two sunny sides up at nag prito ng corn beef na may halong sibuyas. Sigursdo akong magugustuhan niya ito dahil ako ang nagluto, nag timpla nadin ako ng kape for him. Kinuha ko yung spanish bread na tira at pinainitan sa oven. Inaayos ko na rin ang mga kalat pagkatapos pero may napansin ako sa gilid ng pitcher, isa iyon sa beer in can na iniinom niya kaya kinuha ko nalang ito at itapon ko na sana ng may nahagilap akong lipstick. Hindi kaya? Tumingala ako, biglang kumirot ang puso ko. Wala pa nga akong nakikita at malaman kong totoo nga ba o hindi, nagkaroon na agad ako na ideya. Mabalis akong umakyat sa papunta sa kwarto niya. Hindi ko na mapigilan ang nararamdman ko. Naghalo-halo ang emosyon at mga tanong sa isipan ni isa ay hindi ko maisagot at walang sumagot! Nakaawang lang ang pinto ng kanyang silid kaya kahit kunti ay may nakita parin ako. Kahit pa na masakit ang ulo ni Cedric pinilit niya itong iminulat. Bigla nalang siyang napabalikwas ng bangon ng may napansing may katabi siyang babae. Magsasalita na sana siya ng may narinig siyang kakaiba, nang mapunta ang kanyang pananingin sa pinto. Doon, lamang niya nakita si Lea na humahagulhol na ito at nasasaktan. Only then did he realize that he was still with someone in bed. Without hesitation, he stood up and tried to approach Lea to explain but before he could get close it was already forbidden him. "Huwag kang lumapit sa akin!" sigaw niya kay Cedric as she covered her face because she could not believe what had happened. He did not know what he was going to do and prioritize. He did not know what to do with his woman who was now frowning at him and crying as if he hurt her already. "Love please let me explain." He was fond of Lea. He was about to approach Lea again when he was suddenly slapped in the face. "How could you do this to me!" It was only then that he shed all his tears. "I trust you! But what did you do?! '" "Love I'm sorry please, let me explain." pagmamakaawa niya. Ngunit tila naging bato ang kanyang puso. Tumayo siya at tumawa ng malakas. "Magpaliwanag? Sorry? Para saan?" Tiningnan niya si Cedric at ang babae na nakikinig parin sa kanila habang tango-tango naman ang ulo niya. Bumalik ulit ang tingin niya kay Cedric. "Wla ka nang dapat ipagpaliwanag pa," nangunot naman ang noo ni Cedric. "Anong ibig mong sabihin?" Naguguluhang tanong niya. "Makikipaghiwalay na ako sayo." Pagkatapos niyang sabihin iyon ay bigla niyang tinalikuran si Cedric at ang babae nito. ******* "Kausapin mo naman ako oh," patuloy parin si Cedric sa paghahabol sa kanya. "Naririnig mo ba ang sarili mo huh? Cedric?! Pakiusap naman, hayaan mo muna ako please." mangiyak-ngiyak niyang sabi dito. "Sa tingin mo ba? Na ang dali mong patawarin? Alam mo ba kong gaano kasakit yung ginawa mo saakin huh?!" Umiiyak naman siya at humagulhol. "Alam mo ang nakaraan ko Cedric, alam mo yun. Tapos ganito? Nagmamakaawa ka? What for? Para saktan naman ako ulit?" "I'm sorry... I'm sorry sa nagawa ko please..." parang piniga ang puso niya ng marinig niya itong nagmamakaawa sa kanya at umiiyak pa talaga namang sincere at inaming may kasalanan talaga siya. She was about to leave when he suddenly hugged her. "Love please don't leave, I'm so damn broke right now! That you want to leave me alone." When it pleads. She suppressed her emotions so as not to cry and not to show that she was hurt but the tears and the feelings she felt were treacherous. When she confronted him, her tears just flowed. She wants to hurt the man in front of her because she got hurt but she has no strength because of the pain she feels. Sobrang sakit kapag nakikita ko siyang umiiyak nakita ko naman na pinagsisihan naman niya ang kanyang ginawa at nagpaliwanag na pero bakit ganoon? Nasasaktan parin ako sa tuwing iniisip ko ang mga nangyayari. God knows how I love this man but. He hurt me first and I need space. We need space. Is it like this when you fall in love? Do you still need to be hurt? It is still difficult to decide for yourself and then you will have to suffer everything before you can achieve the happiness you desire. Why "Love" is so unfair? After your day of rejoicing followed eternal heartache. ********* "Love?" tinawag niya ako habang kumakain ng siopao. Niyaya niya kase akong lumabas at dahil sa wala naman akong ginagawa sa bahay, pumayag na rin ako kase gusto niya daw na bumawi. "Oh?" sagot ko sa kanya. Nandito kami ngayon sa kalda, isa itong lugar na pwede mong pasyalan pagdating na ng hapon kasama ang pamilya o barkada. Maraming mga streets food na iyong makikita. Lahat ng klase ng street foods. "Will you do something later?" He asks with a cute face. "Why do you ask?" I simply drank a soft drink and waited for his answer. "I wish we could do a movie marathon. Is that okay with you?"Tiningnan ko siya ng diritso sa mata. His eyes are blinking, hindi mo siya matatanggihan dahil sa pagka childish niya. "Why do you want to watch a movie marathon with me? Do you have nothing to do later?" I took a chicken barbecue and ate it. "No. I wanted to spend my time with you." He still had a narrow look in his eyes. He is so a handsome man. How can he smile even though we both have a problem? I still hurt but he didn't see it. I remained silent until we decided to go home. He took me to his room for our movie marathon. "What do you want us to watch?" He is happy to choose whatever we watch. I smiled at him "Anything." I responded and took the Chips to the cabinet and Two-minute maid. In the end, he chooses Tinker Bell as my favorite. I focused my attention on the show because I was like that movie since I'm a little til now and as long as T. B. was the one to talk about. I was shocked when he suddenly hugged me. "I hope we are always like this. I love you so much. I hope you did not get mad at me anymore and forgive me also. Please Don't leave me." I couldn't answer him. He hug me so tight that I didn't hold my breath. How could I leave a man who did nothing but love me but sinned? Yes, everyone is a sinner, but what he did was not just a sin. He hurt me. My heart was broken. I know you know that we love each other very much but I can't love you with chest pain. I still can't accept all the sins you have committed. Up to this point maybe I love you. The plane landed... It is necessary to do this not for me but ourselves. I get even more hurt when I am with him. We need a space. I was about to board the plane but did not know someone was saying I would come back and not continue. I also wish my loved one is here to stop me. I looked at everyone who would come in here to see the man who had stopped me from leaving. It's funny to think that I wanted to stay away and now I'm looking for him to stop me. I'm fine, right? I'm not crazy yet, am I? The plane is moving, this is the sign that I need to love myself and not rely on other people. I love you so much my love, I wish I could come back, I still love you I hope you feel it too. Hoping that you still love me until I came back. It may not be possible for that to happen but that is what I want. I hope it would have come true.