A Snow moon christmas

The gift of a choise

*Merida*

I awaken in a fog, remembering the warm bath, the tray of food, and the covers slipped over me. I had tried to fight off sleep, wanting to wait until Chester returned, but exhaustion claimed me.

Rolling onto my side, I stare at the burgundy draperies, thinking of others I've recently encountered. They are drawn aside, and through the windowpane, I can see the darkness. I have slept through the day. We have missed the play. Tonight is the ball. I need to get dressed and see how Chester is. I know Beta Raphael had stayed behind to continue searching for him. I wonder if he has found him or if Chester has made his own way here.

Reaching over, I yank on my bell pull to summon the maid who has been assigned to me. However, when the door opens, it is Anne who walks through.

"Oh, finally, you're awake," she says.

“Alpha Chester?" I ask.

She smiles warmly at me. "Doing remarkably well. Raphael announced that he found him at the abbey ruins, although I shall eat my favorite bonnet if Raphael truly found him there and not at the castle."

Heat suffuses my face. While I don't know Anne well, we share a common interest: Chester. I feel as though I can trust her with anything involving him. "He didn't want us to be found together."

"No, he wouldn't have, now, would he?" She says.

"Why do you say that?" I ask.

Her smile widens. "Because I know him well enough to know that he would give to you what he once gave to me."

With my brow furrowed, I stare at her. "What was that?"

"The gift of choice."

****

As I descend the stairs, the sound of the orchestra playing a quadrille fills the air, signaling the first dance of the night, as noted on the dance card the Luna had given me.

I much prefer the waltz, but I consider heading to the grand salon. Instead, I turn into the parlor and approach the small decorated tree sitting on a table near the window. Tiny boxes are gathered beneath its boughs, most likely containing treats that the Luna will distribute to her guests tomorrow upon their departure.

I will be returning home to spend the holiday with my family, and a few days later, I will be moving into the residence I will share with Lightfoot. The place where we will share a bed, where he will touch and kiss me, bringing me pleasure, and where I will do the same for him.

But amidst these thoughts, Chester's absence lingers. If he had stayed by my side this morning, we would be getting married. In the years to come, would we have wondered if the person sitting across the table was the one we would have chosen if given a choice?

Only I have the choice. Chester made sure of it by leaving.

"Oh, there you are. I heard you were finally up and about," Lightfoot says, appearing beside me.

Turning slightly, I offer him a smile. "Yes, I had quite a lovely nap."

"Shall we go have our dance?" he suggests.

"How many?" I inquire.

He blinks. "Pardon?"

"How many dances?" I ask.

"Well, two, of course. The first and the last." He says, like it is the only possible answer.

I breathe in slowly. "And in between?"

"You shall dance with others, and I shall play cards." He says.

Four dances on the night we met. I wonder how long it will be until he desires only one... and then none.

Swallowing hard, I consider if I truly want to know the truth, but I must put these nagging doubts to rest. "The night we were discovered kissing in the garden, during Greystone's ball, I heard my father and brothers approaching."

He gazes at me as if I have lost my senses. "As did I."

"I tried to slip away so we wouldn't be caught. You held me tight and whispered that it would be all right." I point out.

He smiles. "And it did turn out all right, didn't it?"

"Would you have held me so tightly if I had no dowry?" I ask, fearing the answer.

He laughs. "Now you are being silly. Let's go join the merriment."

He takes my arm, but I shake him off. "I'm serious, Lightfoot. We had time to avoid getting caught."

"I wanted to marry you," he replies impatiently. "Is that suddenly a crime?"

"Not a crime, but not entirely right either." I recall the kisses Chester bestowed upon me in the billiards room, during our walks, and at the castle. It was as if he couldn't get enough of me, as if he would never have enough. "Do you know that we have not kissed once since that night? Not once."

He shakes his head lightly. "I took liberties that night I should not have taken. I have been trying to spare you any further gossip."

I narrow my eyes. "So you did tell people about the kiss in the garden."

He shrugs. "Only as a precaution."

"Against what?" I ask.

"Your father changing his mind and thinking that it didn't matter, that our marriage was not in order." He explains.

I let out a light laugh. "Since he has withdrawn the dowry, that's not likely to happen, as he knows no one else will have me now."

He grabs my arms and jerks me. "What are you talking about?"

Not a lie, I tell myself, but a small test. "My father has decided, based upon the recent worry I caused him, that I shall not come with a dowry."

Releasing me, he runs his hands through his hair. "I won't have it. We discussed the settlement. Granted, we haven't signed the papers, but I was depending on that dowry to cover my gaming debts. I shall have a word."

"Don't bother," I say. "I won't be marrying you, with or without the dowry."

He narrows his eyes. "Have you been testing me? You silly girl, I will tell everyone what happened in the garden. Your reputation will be ruined. No one will have you."

"I think you may be wrong on that score." I hope he is, but even if he isn't, as I walk away from the room, I realize that I've been spared from making a grave mistake.