Siobhan, The goddess' handmaiden

18. Reborn

The courtyard is bigger than she thought. Those few glances she got from the library windows never let her see far into the darkness. Ereshkigal is sitting on a stone bench in what once was a gazebo. Siobhan can see remnants of trees and huge flower pots that sit empty along the cobbled path. This used to be a garden. The lamps Ereshkigal posted along the way illuminate most of it. She can see it’s completely walled in and very private. It also looks incredibly sad, almost heartbreaking. She wonders what happened here?

After a fast look up into the air she gapes in disbelief. She can’t see the palace roof or the top of Nakir’s tower. The darkness above them must be magically created, there is no other explanation for it. The only question is why? Why go to the trouble of keeping the light contained? She gets ready to ask Nakir, but he shakes his head: “Don’t ask. You don’t really want to know.”

“Have you made up your mind?” Ereshkigal inquires.

“Yes. Let’s do this,” Siobhan nods. She’s already dead, so what’s the worst thing that could happen to her? But, if this turns out to be true, she will wake up an Elf.

Nakir makes her lay down on the stone table. A small reassuring smile is all she gets from him. He does care, he just shows it in a weird way. She’s still not sure what to think about Ereshkigal. The goddess lives in her own bubble and everyone else is just visiting. She cares mostly and foremost about herself. Siobhan thinks there is something she wasn’t told. Some benefit for Ereshkigal, or the goddess wouldn’t be doing this at all. Siobhan looks at her arm because there is something restricting her. The vines have sprouted from the dead soil beneath the table, and they wound around her.

“Sorry,” Nakir shrugs before he walks away to sit on a bench just outside of the gazebo. There must be something about this place, she thinks, but what?

“Ready?” Ereshkigal asks her. She can’t read the goddess’ expression, but it doesn’t bode well .

“Not really,” she answers. Is it too late to back out?

“Pity,” Ereshkigal shrugs. The vines tighten even more around her. Luckily, she doesn’t have to breathe, but the feeling of suffocation is still there. The tightness of the vines squeezes her chest and she passes out.

Absolute darkness envelops her mind. She can’t see or hear anything. It feels like she’s floating in water, but there was none in the garden. Is this a dream or something else? Where is she? She can’t feel her body. Does she have one at all? Why didn’t she ask about this? What is Ereshkigal doing to her? How long will this last? What if it doesn’t work? If Ereshkigal kills her again, can she bring her back? Is it possible to die if you’re already dead? What happens to you? Where do you go from hell? Nakir said she would not exist if he fed on her now that she’s dead, but what about Ereshkigal? Will she obliterate her before she puts her back together?

“You’re funny,” Ereshkigal chuckles. Siobhan can’t see the goddess, she can’t see anything. The vines are still holding her down. Siobhan tries to move, but she can’t. She can’t speak either, but the goddess can hear her thoughts.

“What happened? Am I dead?” She directs her thoughts at the goddess.

“You are not more dead than before. The rest is yet to be seen,” Ereshkigal tells her. “We are just starting.”

“Starting what?” Siobhan inquires. The weight of the darkness is crushing her bones.

“You have to be reborn,” Ereshkigal whispers. “Birth hurts, but you can’t remember that. Rebirth is a pain that you can’t even imagine. Find a happy thought and hold on to that. Don’t give in to the pain.”

That is easy to say. What can she hold on to? Who? Nina comes to mind. Her precious girl was always her light. The image of Nina as a child dances before her. The darkness is not so bleak anymore. Siobhan watches the light reflect off of Nina's wings. The feathers shine and waver in a light breeze. Nina is spinning around herself and laughing. She can’t be more than six in this memory. Tears fall silently down her cheeks. She can’t feel them, but they are there. A lightning of pain shoots through her. Every single bone in her arms just got crushed. Her head feels like it will split open. Like there is someone with a crowbar prying it loose from her body.

Nina dances her happy dance around her room. She just got home from training and she’s boasting the ribbon for merit. Siobhan looks at the individual locks of her daughter’s red hair. The only indicator that she is hers. Nina looks more and more like Nakir with every passing year. A crushing blow hits her from behind. Her spine is shattered. Siobhan swoons lightly, but her eyes never leave the dancing angel before her. Nina’s wings reflect light in a million shards. Siobhan’s ribs get crushed next. It’s hard to breathe, so she doesn’t bother. Nina is all that matters. That happy little face and the wings of an angel. Gods, why can’t kids stay six? The world would be perfect.

Siobhan can feel her legs break in several places. Will the agony never stop? Nina’s dancing got better by the time she turned nine. Siobhan even managed to ram in the importance of keeping her wings hidden. Siobhan can feel her ankles twist, the snapping sound of breaking bones is too much to bear. Darkness is her friend. It’s cold and silent. There is nothing to feel, nothing to see. She is floating, almost weightless. The first sign that something changed is a light that shines green. There is nothing else in the darkness, just this light. Siobhan opens her eyes and the whole garden is bathing in that same green light.

Huh? The light is coming from her. She looks around and the first thing she notices is the smile on Ereshkigal’s face. A real smile that reaches the goddess’ eyes. The experiment must have been a success, then. Nakir is his usual cold self, but she really can’t expect feelings from the angel of Death. The next thing is the weightless feeling. She is in the air, lightly floating above the stone table. The fluttering sound is not her heart, but a pair of translucent green wings. She’s got wings! Her feet touch the stone and she tries to look behind her to see the wings.

“The wings are not even half as impressive as you think,” Ereshkigal chuckles. “Your hair is back to red and your transformation brought the garden back to life.”

“That was me?” Siobhan gapes. She hadn’t paid any attention to the garden around her. The green light took all her focus. The garden is indeed alive. The trees are full of green leaves, the grass is green, and vibrant violet flowers are blooming in what once were empty pots. The bushes along the way have turned green, too. Is that a small maze? Probably not, because it would not make sense to have a maze that is all of four feet tall. It does look like a crest of some sort created from bushes. It looks amazing. Manicured to the nines, flawless, perfect, colourful.

“Welcome back among the living. Now, the fun can begin!” Ereshkigal laughs.