Lady Alpha (The Wolves Of Winter Valley)

Chapter 4 - Too Much

Natasha POV

Harmony grumbled and yanked the blankets over her head as the screech of my alarm bounced off the walls in my bunker. I grinned as I swiped left to shut it off, then crawled under the blankets and enveloped her in my arms, peppering her neck and shoulder with kisses.

“Time to get up, my Queen,” I whispered in her ear.

She groaned loudly. “You get up. I’ll stay here and dream about getting up.”

I laughed and bit her shoulder.

“Ouch! Okay, okay! Damn you’re mean.”

Rolling away from her, I flipped on the bedside light and pushed myself out of bed. “We’ve got a full plate today, baby. Did you clear the dressmaker with the patrols?”

“Yeah, she’s clear. Vinny’s on deck as her escort. He’ll bring her here and help her set up in the common area,” she said, shoving the blankets away and bounding out of bed in all her naked glory. I couldn’t help but stare. She was gorgeous and as I stared at her, I wished I had the option of canceling everything and spending the day in bed making love. “If you keep looking at me that way, we’ll never leave this room.” Her voice shook me out of my thoughts, and I grinned sheepishly.

She was trying to look stern, but her twitching lips gave away her urge to smile. Unable to resist, I crossed the room and claimed those trembling lips, ravishing them until I’d nearly talked myself into blowing off the day.

“I can’t help the way I look at you, my love, any more than you can help being the sexiest thing to grace this planet.” I gave her scrumptiously round bottom a gentle squeeze, then forced myself to focus on getting dressed and the day ahead.

“Are you nervous about tonight, boo?” she asked, her voice low and filled with concern.

“I’m not nervous about the ceremony, but what comes after,” I answered honestly while tying my shoes. “It was hard enough to be Luna and have the entire pack depending on me to be a source of strength. It’s going to be even harder having them depend on me for everything else.”

She was tying her hair into a short, stubby tail when I turned to face her.

“You’re going to be an amazing Alpha, Nat, even my father says so.”

“And you will be an amazing Luna,” I said, watching as her eyes widened in surprise.

“Me? Luna?”

“Yes, you. Goddess willing, you’ll be my mate and my Luna.”

Her shoulders slumped. “Yes, Goddess willing, but if I’m not…”

I closed the distance between us and took her hands. “No. Don’t think about that,” I pleaded.

“Okay, we won’t think or speak of it until we have to, but I need you to promise me something first,” she said squeezing my hands.

“What?”

“If I am not your mate…” I tried to pull away. “No, listen to me, baby. If I am not your mate, promise me that you will claim and mark whoever it is immediately. I don’t want you to hurt any more than you have to,” she said linking our fingers. “Promise me.”

“Harmony, I can’t…”

She tugged me into her arms and lay her brow against mine. “Promise me, please. I need you to promise me, Natasha.”

“I promise.” The words tasted vile in my mouth. I detested them, but I spoke them because she asked me. I would keep that promise because I could deny her nothing. It would comfort her knowing that my pain would fade quickly, and if I could give her nothing else, I would give her that. But she would give me the same. “Now, you promise me.”

***

The emotions of the morning had combined with everything else weighing on me and manifested into blind fury by the time we made it to the training pitch. My body vibrated with the need to destroy everything. Because of this, I decided to change the plan Phillip, Harmony, and I had set without warning either of them.

“There’s been a change of plan, ladies, and gentlemen,” I said, taking my place in the center of the sparring ring. Phillip and Harmony exchanged a look between them, then turned their attention back to me. “Harmony, I’d like you to take the new promotions to the north ring and pair them up as you see fit. The rest of you are going to be sparring with me.” Phillip, Seth, and Harmony all started to object at once. I glared at them. “I don’t recall asking for opinions,” I said with the authority of my station that would force compliance.

“Yes, Luna,” they said, bowing their heads, though I could see the flicker of anger in each of their eyes.

Once we were all ready, I pointed out three of our best fighters and motioned for them to attack. One by one I took them down, then motioned another three and another. I fought like a beast, pouring every bit of rage into each blow I landed. I used my grief as a shield against the blows my warriors landed. When the last warrior collapsed panting to the grass, I turned my battered and bloody body to Seth and Phillip, the strongest of all my fighters. I beckoned them. They didn’t move. Their expressions were set in defiance.

“What are you trying to prove, Natasha?” Seth demanded.

“I’m training. Now, get your ass in the ring.”

He took a menacing step forward. “You’re trying to f*****g kill yourself. What has gotten into you?”

“Well, since I’m still standing, I guess, I failed then, didn’t I?” I snapped. The rage hadn’t lessened a single bit and I was still raring to go. “Let’s get this over with.”

“You’ve had enough, Natasha,” Phillip stepped forward and said, there was concern and sadness in his eyes. Seth waved a hand, excusing the warriors for the day without asking my permission which only served to infuriate me further.

I shook my head. “I’ll tell you when I’ve had enough. Now, let’s go.” I hissed through gritted teeth.

Phillip bowed his head. “Please forgive me, Luna, but I will not comply. I will not assist you in harming yourself,” he said, then turned and left the pitch. I watched him stop Harmony as she ran toward the ring. With his hand firmly wrapped around her arm, he led her away while she twisted around to look back at me.

“What’s going on, Nat,” Seth asked quietly, dragging my attention away from Phillip and Harmony’s retreating backs.

“Nothing.”

“Lying does not become you, Luna.”

I growled in warning.

He stepped forward and lay his hand on my shoulder. “You used to talk to me about everything when we were kids. We used to sit on the floor of the gazebo and talk about everything and nothing at all. All those things that we didn’t want our parents to know about. I don’t know why that changed, but I haven’t. I’m always here for you. You can still talk to me.” He held out his hand. “What do you say? Wanna give it a try for old times’ sake?”

The rage that I’d been trying to purge all morning drained abruptly, flinging the flood gates open. Mortified, I turned and walked away. I didn’t want Seth to see the tears. As of tonight, I would be his Alpha. Alphas could never show weakness of any kind. A weak Alpha left a pack vulnerable. I scrubbed my face with my hands and fought desperately for control as I stepped into the gym. The lock on the door clicked into place behind me and I spun around ready to defend myself. Seth walked toward me, ignored my aggressive posture, and pulled me against his chest. He didn’t say anything or ask any questions, he simply held me, and I let go. Everything I’d been feeling poured out of me in a storm of tears and chest-heaving sobs.

“I’m sorry,” I said as I stepped back, the storm dissipating just as quickly as it overtook me.

“No need to be. There’s also no need for you to bottle everything up until you explode. What’s going on, Nat?”

I grabbed a towel from the rack and began to dry my face. “My life is a mess, my heart is broken, and I’m f*****g pissed off.”

“Well, that’s a start. Now, can we get a little bit more detail?” he asked, taking my hand and guiding me to one of the weight benches.

Seth POV

I’d only ever seen Natasha lose her grip on her emotions one time and she was 10 years old. Her mother had taken her for a special girl’s day picnic on the beach in the little private cove connected to our northern border. They were building sandcastles when they were attacked by a rogue dragon. Our Luna had been killed and Natasha had been inconsolable for weeks after. I didn’t find out until much later that she’d actually watched her mother being burned alive while she bobbed in the ocean like she’d been told, waiting for help. While I was certain her father’s death had a great deal to do with her current state, I knew there had to be a lot more going on to push her this far. She wasn’t 10 years old anymore. 24-year-old Natasha was a fearsome warrior and a strong woman.

“Talk to me, Nat,” I beseeched her. It was killing me to see her in so much pain.

“I think I found my mate,” she said almost too quietly for me to hear.

As the words sank in, I frowned at her. “I take it, it’s not Harmony?”

“No, it’s not Harmony.”

“Your birthday isn’t for another two weeks. How do you know?” I asked, confused. I’d never heard of anyone finding their mate before they came of age.

She shrugged. “I feel things around him that I didn’t before.”

“Him? That can’t be right. Why would the Goddess mate you with a man? That doesn’t make any sense.”

Natasha’s brows furrowed as she looked at me. “Why doesn’t it make sense?”

My mouth dropped open. “Because you’re gay!”

“I most certainly am not!” she answered indignantly.

“You’re not?” Now, I was really confused. She wasn’t gay, but she was in a committed relationship with a woman.

“No, I’m not. I’m bisexual. I’m attracted to men and women.”

All at once, I remembered that she’d had a brief relationship with one of my friends during our freshman year of high school and one with the class president our sophomore year into our junior year. Both guys. “Oh. I’m sorry. I guess I just assumed since you were with Harmony…”

“Most people do. It’s apparently easier to accept that someone is gay rather than bisexual. Even humans have difficulty accepting bisexuality and they’ve had much more time to educate themselves. According to what I’ve read it’s a difficult concept to understand on both sides. You’re either gay or you’re straight, there is no in-between.” She pulled her leg up until her heel rested on the edge of the bench, hugging her knee to her chest. “Well, I’m living proof that there is. Do you have any idea how confusing it is to realize that you are attracted to both boys and girls? I thought I was losing my mind. If it weren’t for Pop, I don’t know how I would have gotten through all that.”

I studied her while she avoided eye contact. “This is why you pushed me away, isn’t it? You thought I’d have a problem with it.”

“I pushed everyone away but Harmony, and that was because she’d already come out to me,” she said finally meeting my gaze. “I’m sorry. I should have trusted you.”

“Have you told Harmony that she’s not your mate?” I asked, pretty sure I already knew the answer.

Natasha looked away. “No. I’ve been clinging to the hope that I’m wrong, but this morning she made me promise to claim and mark my mate immediately if it’s not her, and when I made that promise, all the hope I had died.”

“I’m so sorry, Nat. I know how much you two love each other. I can’t imagine how hard this is for you,” I said, reaching over and rubbing her back. “But she is right. Claiming and marking your mate right away will make the pain stop.”

“I know, but what if she doesn’t find her mate as quickly. How fair is it that I should go on while she suffers?” she sniffled lightly and lay her head on her knee. “I don’t want her to hurt any more than she wants me to hurt.”

I turned on the bench until I was straddling it and scooted closer, laying an arm over her shoulders. “The only thing I can tell you is not to give up hope until there is none. So, you think you found your mate. You’re not 25, yet. It could be you’re just a little attracted to the guy and it surprised you.”

“I’m pretty sure it’s more than just attraction. It came on far too suddenly and is way too intense,” She said, again averting her gaze.

Little prickles tickled the back of my neck as I stared at her profile. Her inability to look me in the eye when discussing her alleged mate was starting to worry me. “Natasha, look at me.”

When she didn’t move, I reached over and drew her face back to mine. A shiver skittered along my spine. I saw the answer to my question before I asked it.

“Who do you think is your mate?” I asked and watched a myriad of emotions play over her face, from fear to sadness, from guilt to confusion. “Who, Nat?” I asked again when she didn’t answer.

A single tear slipped down her cheek. “You,” she whispered, stopping my heart.

I shouldn’t have been surprised. I’d had the same suspicion when I noticed the sudden rebirth of my attraction to her but damned if I wanted to admit that the Moon Goddess had chosen me to replace my best friend in her girlfriend’s life. What kind of cruel joke was that? Guilt pooled and solidified like a heavy, nasty brick in the pit of my stomach.

“What do you want to do?” I asked, wrapping my arms around her, and drawing her against me.

“I promised Harmony that I would claim and mark my mate immediately. I have to keep my promise.”

“What if I were to reject you?”

I didn’t want to reject her. There was no one I’d rather have as a mate than Natasha Raymond. She was gorgeous, smart, strong, and one of the best fighters I’d ever seen. She was going to be an incredible Alpha and I had no doubt she’d be an incredible mate. I’d had a crush on her since we were children. A crush that I had successfully quashed upon learning she was a lesbian. We knew each other better than most siblings. Rejecting her was the last thing in the world I wanted to do, but I would do it to make her happy.

She sat up and looked into my eyes. “You can’t reject me. You’ll never get another mate.”

“But you will.”

“There’s still no guarantee that I’ll end up with Harmony as my mate.”

I pinched her chin, letting my eyes sweep over her face, lingering on her lips. “That’s true, there’s no guarantee, but there’s also no guarantee that I’m your mate. We won’t know for sure for two more weeks.”

Slowly, I eased her away and stood up. I had to put some distance between us.

Natasha frowned. “Does it bother you? Thinking that you might be my mate?”

“Of course not. Why would you think that?”

“You got up pretty quickly after acknowledging that there was a chance that you weren’t,” she said, gripping the edge of the weight bench and leaning forward, shifting her weight from her bottom to her hands.

I ran a hand through my hair. “I got up because I was very close to kissing you, and I don’t want to do anything to cause you, or Harmony any more pain. You already have way too much weighing you down. We don’t need to add to it. In two weeks, we’ll know whether or not we’re mates. We will deal with it then. In the meantime, we focus on your Alpha ceremony, browbeating Adam into Gamma, and rebuilding.” I glanced down at my phone. “Right now, you need to hurry if you’re going to make your appointment with the dressmaker.”

She jumped up from the bench and rushed from the gym. Her face was cut up and bruised and the dressmaker would likely give her grief for it, but she’d heal within hours. I had no doubt she’d be gorgeously flawless for the ceremony that night.

I needed another minute before I went to see to the additional security being put in place for the Circle of Elders and the Board of Alphas. So, I dropped back down on the bench and leaned forward cradling my head in my hands. I just needed a minute of silence, I told myself, then Adam walked in at the wrong time.

He was dressed to work out in only a pair of gray cotton shorts, socks, and sneakers. He’d skipped training that morning and that was enough to set me off.

“Hey, Seth. How’s it going?” He asked, unaware of the storm that I was about to unleash.

“Where the hell were you this morning, Keller? In this pack, we train at 5:30 a.m., ALL of us,” I roared.

Holding his hands up in front of himself, he backed up a step. “Sorry, man. I had a date last night and didn’t make it back. Besides, I told you, I’m not going to be Gamma.”

That was the wrong thing to say to me after what I’d just gone through with Natasha. “The hell you’re not! Do you have any idea what I’ve been doing this morning? I’ve watched our Luna damn near kill herself trying to purge the stress from her body. I watched her break down because on top of losing her father, and possibly losing her girlfriend, she’s taken the weight of the world on her shoulders. And you want to pass because Gamma might be too much for you? Bullshit, Adam. You’re not walking away from Gamma! You won’t disrespect your father that way and you’re not adding to Natasha’s already overwhelming load. Grow up, strap on a pair, and get your ass to work.”

I didn’t wait for a response. The only response I was willing to accept was ‘Yes, Beta.’