Her Fire

10 ~ Broken

She can almost see him breaking inside as his eyes dim with unspoken pain from the rejection.

Guilt assails her again but she refuses to change her mind.

He says nothing, merely turns away from her and looks toward the field of lupines again.

“Did you know that lupines are a popular symbol of nature and the cycle of life? They also represent rebirth and have been used throughout history as symbols of strength and protection. The flowers are often considered symbols of transformation and renewal. Of abundance, growth, and change.” He seems to be reciting from memory, in a controlled voice that merely sounds empty and automated.

She stares at him in bewilderment. “What the fvck are you talking about?”

He looks at her and smiles, but even that smile is fragile and never reaches his eyes. “Just something interesting to keep in mind. Please don’t leave. I will stay out of your way if my presence bothers you. It will be as if I was never here in the first place.” He turns to go.

“Wait! We have to talk about breaking the bond first—”

“Please… let me prepare my wolf first. He is… we are, the both of us, already broken… Give me a little time to make sure we’ll be alright… after… the deed is done.” He murmurs before walking away, his frame trembling as if he can barely keep himself together.

Blast it, what is she supposed to say to that!?

She takes out her cell phone and dials Matt’s number again.

“Hey, I was about to call you—”

“Cut the crap, Matt. I’ll be in your office in a few minutes. You better be there and you better have answers.”

****

****

Matt is waiting for her outside his office. He quietly opens the door and motions for her to enter.

He sits on his own chair and regards her with a somber expression.

“What do you want to know?”

“Are you a wolf too?”

Matt waits for a few seconds before answering. “Yes. David is my cousin.”

Deirdre sighs. “I suspect as much… you seem to be having silent conversations all the time with… someone.” She clears her throat. “What happened to David? He mentioned something about being a failure…and some crap about not being Flint. The last time I encountered wolf shifters, they were two sides of one coin. One and the same. Is it not true anymore? I did read somewhere that the last shifters were ultimately seen a long time ago and that shifters have evolved further but that’s all I was able to find…Not exactly easy to research hidden history, especially those of the supernatural world, and frankly I was too busy with my new life to really care enough to dig up some more about the past…”

Matt takes a deep breath before leaning back on his chair, staring at her curiously. “When was the last time you encountered shifters?”

“Back when the continent was one, before there was one god.”

Matt blinks in surprise. “That was a long time ago. What are you?”

She shrugs. “I’m human now, as you can probably tell by my scent, reborn in this modern world. I used to be an elemental deity, the goddess of fire, but you would not have heard of me. I was part of the hidden history. Tell me about the fate of the wolf shifters.”

He whistles. “That’s… incredible. Okay… Well, let’s see… From what I know about our recorded past, as the wolf shifters continued to find human mates, the wolf counterparts somehow took a step back and after some time, many of the later generations didn’t even have wolves. Or at least, they did but could not or would not often shift. Some claimed that instead of two separate entities in one body, the wolf spirits and their human counterparts have begun to merge, resulting in some kind of superhumans with very keen senses, intelligence and abilities. As the world modernized and turned less barbaric, the call to shift… to defend the packs as fearsome beasts, became less and less a necessity, and so instead, the shifters evolved into something new.”

“And that is?”

Matt stands up and pours two glasses of brandy, offering her one that she accepts. “Well, in the new world, they simply retained the spirit beasts’ characteristics. You know… their strengths and special gifts, fast healing abilities, attractiveness and sharp senses and that was probably why these… superhumans were very successful in business, and the ones with alpha bloods, having the best instincts and superior senses, usually dominated their chosen fields instead of the battlefield,” he explains.

Deirdre raises an eyebrow. “Or perhaps, in some way, the battlefield has merely shifted.”

Matt chuckles and raises his glass. “Touché! Anyway, after some time, having a separate wolf and human started to be viewed as an oddity and was considered a weakness rather than strength because it was seen as… a struggle. That the human cannot completely conquer the wolf within.”

Deirdre rolls her eyes. “That’s absurd.”

He shrugs. “Perhaps. You must understand, Deirdre, that it’s a different time, a different way of life. The shifters adapted to the change in the world and the ‘new wolves’ now emerged, mastering the business world and their chosen fields. In time, those that are considered the ‘weaker ones’... I mean those who cannot merge with their spirit beasts, no longer exist, for that is our nature. Always evolving to become the better version of ourselves. It’s just… survival.”

She snorts but says nothing, merely stares into her glass of brandy.

“Unfortunately, David has not merged with his wolf Flint. This is considered a taboo in our world, a shameful weakness.”

Deirdre opens her mouth to say that it is a load of bull$hit but Matt raises a hand to stop her.

“I don’t share that sentiment, of course, but that’s just how things were and still are.” He says defensively.

“Alright, but that’s not a good enough reason to be so… broken. So what if he can’t merge with his wolf? That’s hardly a crime. You should have seen the shifters during my time. Magnificent humans who live in harmony with the spirit beasts.”

Matt shakes his head. “Times have changed and people with it. Also, it wasn’t actually the reason that broke him… although it played a huge part. When he was in his early twenties, David fell in love with a beautiful she-wolf and had chosen her as a mate… but she broke the bond with him when she found out that he never merged with his wolf. Then word of his… oddity came out and it was not an easy time. He was ridiculed and… that was when he became even more withdrawn, although his wolf is already some sort of a recluse. Flint is… a little… difficult.”

“Difficult?”

Matt sighs. “I understand it must be so frustrating to him…. not finding another one like himself anymore… as all the spirit wolves have gone, absorbed by their human counterparts.”

There are several minutes of silence as Deirdre contemplates his words.

“What a twisted world this has become.” she murmurs, lost in her own thoughts. “The one deity was supposed to be the answer to everything and yet… Chaos seems to continue making trouble. I wonder if my daughter knew…”

“Your daughter!? You have a daughter!? ”

Deirdre frowns. “I had, in my past life, of course. Haven’t you been listening?” She asks impatiently. "My daughter Merrin was the mother of the one deity."

Matt scratches the back of his head. “That’s… surreal… Were you truly a goddess? How come you still remember things? Aren’t people supposed to forget once they are reborn? You know, fresh start and all that?”

She stands up and walks to the window, staring blindly outside as she tries to remember her daughter’s beautiful face. It is difficult to see beyond the fog, with human memory dulling most of the details of her vibrant treasure. Her beautiful little egg.

It started as an act of rebellion against Destiny who chained her to someone she never chose herself and as a ‘fvck you’ to sky god Ouranos, the mate who didn’t want her, fire goddess Deirdre created a child with the water god Oceanus. The result is someone so perfect that used to make her wonder how it would have been, had the child been created with her fated mate. But she has no regrets and she shakes the maudlin thoughts away.

“Merrin…” She whispers fondly, feeling a terrible ache in her heart as she misses the most important person in her past life.

“... tell that a$$hole Ouranos… to go fvck himself.”

Deirdre chuckles. She might have forgotten many things already but never the last words she had uttered before she died the first time. A deity should have been immortal, but not when her mvrderer was her own fated mate. For a soul mate is not only one’s strength but unfortunately also one’s weakness and although they never completely accepted each other, only Ouranos knows her core and where to strike to extinguish her spirit.

Which reminds her…

Her face darkening as she remembers being given another fated mate, Deirdre turns to Matt who stares at her warily as he sees her expression.

“I was assured of another chance, a new life free from the shackles of the mate bond. I am not accepting another one.” She says firmly.

Matt’s wary expression turns into horror and he stands up without realizing it. “Oh no… you’re going to reject him!?”

She goes to the door. “He’s a grown man. He can handle it.”

“It’s not him I’m worried about.”

Frowning, Deirdre looks back as she is about to open the door. “Do you mean Flint?”

Matt sighs, sitting back down. “I’m afraid you won’t understand.” He shakes his head in sorrow, already dreading what is to come. “How could you understand, really..?” He asks absent-mindedly.

“What do you mean? What is wrong with him?”

He stares at her with resignation, smiling sadly. “Not everyone is as strong as you appear to be, fire goddess.”

And just as he said that, a wolf’s hair raising howl echoes throughout the whole vineyard.

Matt closes his eyes, rubbing his temple. "Damn...it has begun."