Medical Batchelor 1: Taking Chances

CHAPTER 2

Mira

HE didn't speak again until we were in the hallway, several doors down from my dad's room.

"It's good to see you again Miranda. Boston looks good on you!" he delightedly said to me. As we hugged each other together. He was good–looking on his Light Blue Fred Perry polo shirt tucked in a khaki pants topped with a white coat. As I read.

Jed Marco Lopez, MD 

Oncology Medicine

"So you're a Doctor now huh?" pabiro kong tanong sa kanya. As I jab him in his chest pero parang hindi naman siya nasaktan. Napahalakhak siya ng tawa. He once knew Marco dahil naging school mate niya ito nung college. Senior na sila Marco at Jairus samantalang sophomore kami nila Sidney, at Lexie.

"Hindi ba sinabi ng papa mo na ako ang tumitingin sa kondisyon niya?" he was curiously looking at me. Umiling na lang ako.

"I don't have any idea. He never mentioned." kunot noo niya akong tinitigan.

"Really? Coz I've been looking for him since three years now. Well siguro kaya hindi niya nasabi was that he wants to contained it into his self." napatango na lang ako na parang sumasangayon sa sinabi niya.

"Enough with the catch-up. Has your father told you about his release?" he said.

"No, not really. He doesn't really want to talk about cancer. He just wants to discuss the...f-funeral." I said to him. Napalunok ako ng halos hindi lumabas sa bibig ko ang mga salitang iyon. Tumikhim si Marco sa akin saka malamlam na tumingin.

"Hindi na din ako magtataka. Mira, your dad has been in a lot of pain, and although he doesn't complain, he will need a higher dosage of pain medications at home, over the course of the next few weeks as his pain increases. We need to make sure, though, that he has someone with him at all times, as the medications will make him a bit unstable, physically." mahabang paliwanag ni Marco sa akin. Hindi ko man maintindihan ang mga medical terms na sinasabi ni Marco sa akin. Isa lang ang naiisip ko.

It is irreversible. Hindi na maisasalba pa.

"That's not a problem. I'll be here for the entire summer. Longer, if necessary." tumango ako saka tipid na ngumiti.

"He already has a hospice service lined up, so he's good that way and providing he doesn't take a turn for worse overnight, we're prepared to release him into your care first thing tomorrow morning."

I was speechless. I feel numb. I never expect that this time will come. Niyuko ko ang ulo ko para lang hindi mapansin ni Marco ang pagpatak ng mga luha ko. Pero bigla na lang niya akong kinabig papunta sa dibdib niya? Which meant there wasn't anything more the hospital could do for him. 

"I'm sorry, Mira..."

Parang magic word iyon para magbukas ang lahat ng emosyon na pilit kong kinikimkim. Nalaman ko na lang na umiiyak ako sa dibdib ni Marco. Hindi man kami ganon ka-close pero pakiramdam ko siya lang ang taong nakakaramdam ng nararamdaman ko ngayon.

Papa was living on borrowed time now.

____________

I ASKED the nurse to let my dad know about the release.

No. My dad is coming home to die.

It was so unfair. What was I going to do without him?

My life was going to be so—EMPTY.

I almost throw up the small amount of food I had ingested this breakfast. Kahit masakit, kahit mahirap. Hindi ako dapat magpakita sa harapan niya ng kahinaan. I came back to his room. I entered quietly so I didn't wake him – pero ako pa ang nagulat ng makita ko na siyang gising.

"Did you hear that? I get to go home!" he exclaimed. His cheeks were pink with excitement. I couldn't help but smile. Siguro nga mas makabubuti para kay papa ang mag-stay sa bahay. He might even get better. Baka puwede pa niyang ma-overcome ang cancer. 

"Oo nga daw po. So, do you have clothes to wear at home?" Pinasigla ko ang boses ko as I smiled at him.

"Actually, no. Can you drive out to the house and get me some? Gusto ko guwapong-guwapo akong lalabas dito." he announced at kumindat pa siya sa akin. Napangiti na din ako. Nakakahawa kasi yung masigla niyang attitude. Akala mo walang dinadamdam.

"Sure. Tell me what you want." I said as I jot down which jeans and T-shirt he wanted and where they were in his room.

"Don't come back until dinner time, Mira. Iligpit mo na muna din yung mga gamit mo." pahabol pa ni papa na sabi sakin bago ako umalis. Yan ang namimiss ko sa kanya. Ang natural na pagiging maalalahanin.

"Sure. Dadalhan ko na lang po kayo ng hapunan." Habol ko pang turan.

"No way, I've already got someone bringing dinner at six. I'll see you then," he said. He brushed me off, but I gave him a hug and then left, recognizing there was no way I would change his mind.

I made my way to my car, a recently purchased and newer model Chevy. I turned the ignition and took a deep breath. This was going to be harder than I anticipated. I drove from Manila to Calamba. Napansin ko, ang dami na pa lang nagbago dito. Ang daming nagkalat na mga batang naglalaro sa initan. May was the beginning of the tourist season in the area, and the weather was cooperating perfectly. I sighed as I realized I was going to be forced to interact with people I hadn't spoken to in years. I had a feeling it was going to be a summer of fake smiles.

Kahit dito sa Calamba ang dami ng mga fast foods, restaurants, resorts at kung anu-ano pa. I stopped when the light flashed red. Maybe things had changed while I was gone. The light glowed green and I kept straight, turning right three streets down.

Isang oras pa ang nakalipas nakarating na ako sa bahay. It was a two-storey ranch-style house. Mayroon itong dalawang kuwarto at dalawang bathrooms, for which I was truly grateful during my teenage years.

Sino bang may gustong may ka-share sa bathroom? Especially with your father?

The yard was trimmed and the porch looked like it had been somewhat repaired recently. Maybe my dad hired someone for that since there was no way he was mowing the lawn or fixing up the porch in his condition. I walked through the kitchen, napansin kong walang pinagbago at lahat ay nasa lugar there weren't even any dirty dishes in the sink. He must have hired a housekeeper, my dad was anything but organized.

Bumalik ako sa sala para kuhanin ang travelling bag ko saka umakyat sa kuwarto ko. It was almost exactly the same as it had been five years ago. The paint was purple. The bedspread was pink and purple; even the curtains were in bright colors. I looked down at my bright blue T-shirt, wondering that my life in Boston never changed me. 

Ipinatong ko ang bag ko sa ibabaw ng kama saka ko binuksan ang closet. There, underneath a loose floorboard, was the shoebox I never thought I'd ever want to see again.