Chapter one.
I stood in front of the mirror, staring at the dark circles under my eyes. Another sleepless night, courtesy of my husband, Ethan. The bruises on my arms and shoulders were hidden under my clothes, but the emotional scars ran deep.
"You're worthless, Lexi," he'd sneered last night, his words still echoing in my mind. "You're nothing without me."
I flinched, remembering the way he'd raised his hand, his fist clenched. I'd cowered, expecting the blow, but it hadn't come. Not this time.
I sighed, feeling the weight of his toxic words. We'd been married for five years, but it felt like a lifetime of walking on eggshells. One wrong move, one misstep, and he'd lash out.
Just then, my phone rang. It was Rachel, my best friend and confidante. She was still on summer break from work, and I knew she'd be calling to check in on me.
"Hey, girl! How's it going?" Rachel asked, her voice cheerful.
I hesitated, unsure how much to share. But Rachel had always been there for me, covering up for me when Ethan's abuse got too obvious.
"It's going," I said, trying to sound casual. "Just dealing with some stuff."
Rachel's tone turned serious. "Lexi, what's going on? You sound off. And how's your arm? I saw the bruise last time we hung out. You said you had a minor accident at home?"
I winced, feeling a pang of guilt. I'd lied to Rachel, told her I'd slipped and fallen in the kitchen. But the truth was much darker.
"It's nothing, Rach. Just a bump," I said, trying to downplay it.
But Rachel knew me too well. "Lexi, I'm worried about you. You can tell me the truth. Is everything okay with Ethan?"
I took a deep breath, unsure how much to reveal. But something about Rachel's concern made me want to open up.
"It's just... Ethan's been stressful lately," I said, trying to find the right words. "He gets frustrated sometimes."
Rachel's voice was firm. "Frustrated? Lexi, that's not frustration. That's abuse. You deserve better than that."
I nodded, even though she couldn't see me. I knew she was right.
But leaving Ethan wasn't that simple. I was trapped in this toxic cycle, unsure how to escape.
As I stood there, talking to Rachel, my mind began to wander back to the early days of my relationship with Ethan. We'd met in college, and it was like the whole world had come alive. He was charming, handsome, and attentive. We'd spend hours talking, laughing, and exploring the city together.
I remembered the way he'd hold my hand, the way he'd look at me with such adoration in his eyes. We were inseparable, and I thought we'd be together forever.
But then, something changed. It was like a switch had been flipped, and Ethan became a different person. He started getting angry easily, criticizing me constantly, and making me feel small.
At first, I thought it was just stress or work-related, but as time went on, the behavior continued. He'd lash out at me for no reason, and then apologize later, saying he loved me and didn't know what came over him.
I'd tried to brush it off, thinking that maybe I was just being too sensitive. But deep down, I knew something was wrong.
As I thought about those early days, I felt a pang of sadness. What had happened to the Ethan I fell in love with? Where had he gone?
"Lexi, are you there?" Rachel asked, bringing me back to reality.
"Yeah, I'm here," I said, trying to shake off the memories. "I just... I don't know what's going on with him, Rach. He's just so different now."
Rachel's voice was soft. "Maybe it's time to take a step back and reevaluate the relationship, Lexi. You deserve better than someone who makes you feel small."
I nodded, knowing she was right. But a part of me still held on to the hope that things would go back to the way they were before. That Ethan would change back to the man I fell in love with.
As I hung up the phone with Rachel, I couldn't shake off the feeling of nostalgia. I missed the Ethan I fell in love with, the one who made me laugh, who held my hand, and who looked at me with such adoration.
I walked over to the couch and sat down, surrounded by the familiar walls of our home. But it didn't feel like home anymore. It felt like a prison, a constant reminder of the toxic relationship I was trapped in.
I thought about all the times Ethan had promised to change, to be better, to love me the way I deserved. But it never happened. The apologies, the promises, the sweet words - they were all just empty gestures.
As I sat there, feeling lost and alone, I heard the sound of the front door opening. Ethan was home.
My heart sank, my mind racing with anxiety. What mood would he be in today? Would he be kind, or would he be cruel?
I took a deep breath, trying to prepare myself for whatever was about to come. But as I looked up and saw Ethan walking towards me, I knew that I couldn't do this anymore.
"Hey," Ethan said, dropping his bag on the floor. "What's up?"
I looked up at him, my eyes searching for the man I once knew. But he was gone, replaced by a stranger who only cared about himself.
"I need to get ready for work," I said, quickly getting up from the couch.
"Okay, babe," Ethan replied, not even noticing my distant tone. "But hurry up, I don't have all day. If you're not ready in five minutes, I'm leaving without you."
I dashed to the bathroom, my heart racing. I quickly applied foundation to cover the bruise on my cheek, followed by concealer and powder. I added a swipe of mascara and a quick coat of lip gloss, trying to look presentable despite the turmoil inside.
As I finished getting ready, I heard Ethan's impatient shout from the living room. "Lexi, come on! Let's go!"
I grabbed my bag and rushed out of the bathroom, trying to look calm. "I'm ready, let's go!" I called out.
Ethan grunted in response, already heading out the door. I followed close behind, feeling like a prisoner being led to her cell.
As we walked to the car, I felt a sense of relief wash over me. I was escaping, at least for a little while.
But as I got into the car and looked over at Ethan, I knew that this was far from over.
Here is the continuation of the story:
As we drove to work, the tension between us was palpable. Ethan's anger and frustration seemed to fill the entire car, making it hard for me to breathe.
I stared out the window, trying to avoid eye contact with him. I knew that one wrong look could set him off, and I didn't want to deal with another argument.
We finally arrived at the office, and I breathed a sigh of relief as Ethan pulled into his parking spot. I quickly grabbed my bag and opened the door, eager to get out of the car and away from him.
"See you at lunch," Ethan said gruffly, not even looking at me.
I nodded and got out of the car, feeling a sense of freedom as I walked away from him. I knew it was only temporary, but I was grateful for the reprieve.
As I walked into the office, I was greeted by the familiar sight of my coworkers chatting and laughing. I forced a smile onto my face, trying to blend in and hide my true emotions.
But as I made my way to my desk, I couldn't shake the feeling of unease. I knew that Ethan's anger and frustration were still simmering, waiting to boil over at any moment.
And I knew that I couldn't keep running forever. Eventually, I would have to face him and the toxic relationship that was suffocating me.
But for now, I just took a deep breath and tried to focus on my work, pushing the thoughts of Ethan and our troubled relationship to the back of my mind.
As I walked into the office, I couldn't help but feel a sense of unease. The bruise on my cheek, which I had tried to cover up with makeup, still lingered, a constant reminder of Ethan's anger.
I tried to hide it, but it was clear that it wasn't well concealed. My coworker, Karen, noticed it immediately and her eyes widened with concern.
"Lexi, what happened to your face?" she asked, her voice low and discreet.
I quickly came up with an excuse, not wanting to reveal the truth. "I slipped and fell in the kitchen this morning," I said, trying to sound casual.
Karen looked skeptical, but she didn't push the issue. "Oh, okay. Well, be careful, okay?"
I nodded, feeling a wave of guilt wash over me. I hated lying to my friends, but I didn't know what else to do. I couldn't tell them the truth - that Ethan had hit me again, that I was trapped in a toxic relationship and didn't know how to escape.
I quickly changed the subject, asking Karen about her weekend, trying to steer the conversation away from my bruise and trying to cover up.
Karen's face lit up with excitement as she started talking about her summer getaway with her fiance. "I'm so counting down the days until our beach vacation," she said, her eyes sparkling. "We're going to relax, soak up the sun, and just enjoy each other's company. It's going to be amazing!"
I forced a smile onto my face, trying to play along. "That sounds incredible, Karen. You deserve it."
Just then, I remembered that Rachel was already away on her summer break. I felt a pang of envy, wishing I could be as carefree as she was.
"I'm so jealous," I said, trying to sound lighthearted. "Rachel is already living her best life on her summer break. I'm stuck here, dealing with...work."
Karen laughed. "Well, you'll just have to live vicariously through us. We'll make sure to send you plenty of photos from our trip."
I nodded, feeling a little left out. But I was happy for my friends. I just wished I could be as happy as they were.
We spent the rest of the day focusing on work, trying to meet the looming deadlines. Karen and I worked together on a project, our minds fixed on the task at hand. The tension from earlier was forgotten, replaced by a sense of camaraderie as we collaborated.
As the day drew to a close, I felt a sense of accomplishment. Despite the challenges I was facing in my personal life, I was determined to succeed in my career.
As I packed up my things to leave, Karen turned to me and said, "Hey, Lexi, don't forget to take care of yourself, okay? You've been looking a little stressed out lately."
I forced a smile, trying to hide my true emotions. "I will, thanks for looking out for me."
But as I left the office and headed home, my anxiety grew. I knew I was going back to that prison I called a home, where Ethan's anger and resentment awaited me. I never knew what would trigger his next outburst, or what kind of hurtful words he would unleash on me.
I felt trapped, like I was walking into a war zone, never knowing when the next explosion would happen. My heart raced as I opened the door, bracing myself for whatever lay ahead.
"Hey," Ethan said, his voice neutral, giving me no indication of what mood he was in.
I hesitated, trying to read his expression, but it was impossible. I knew I had to be careful, to tread lightly, or risk facing his wrath.
"Hey, how was your day?" I asked, trying to sound casual.
"It was fine," he replied, not looking up.
I knew that tone. It was the tone that said he was simmering just below the surface, waiting for something to set him off.
I decided to tread carefully. "I'm going to go make dinner," I said, heading for the kitchen.
As I cooked, I could feel Ethan's eyes on me, boring into my skin. I knew he was watching me, waiting for me to slip up so he could pounce.
I finished making dinner and brought it out to the living room. Ethan barely acknowledged me, just grunting as he took his plate.
We ate in silence, the tension between us thick and heavy. I knew I had to be careful, to avoid saying or doing anything that would trigger his anger.
As we finished up, Ethan suddenly spoke up. "You know, Lexi, you've been distant lately. What's going on?"
My heart skipped a beat. This was it. This was the moment I had been dreading.
"Just stressed with work," I replied, trying to sound calm.
Ethan raised an eyebrow. "That's it?"
I nodded, trying to avoid eye contact.
Ethan sighed and stood up. "I'm going to go watch TV. Try to relax, okay?"
I nodded, relieved that the conversation was over. But as I watched him walk away, I knew that this was far from over.
I sighed and began doing the dishes, trying to distract myself from the tension still lingering in the air. Ethan was laughing loudly on the phone, completely carefree, while I was left to deal with the aftermath of his anger.
As I finished up the dishes, I decided to take a bath, hoping to relax and unwind. I added some calming essential oils to the water and soaked my bruised cheek, wincing as the heat touched the tender skin.
"Ow, damn it," I muttered to myself, gently patting some ointment onto the bruise.
Just then, my phone buzzed on the counter. I got out of the bath and saw a message from my father's lawyer. I rolled my eyes, thinking it was just some routine paperwork or update. I didn't feel like dealing with it right now.
"I'll look at it later," I said to myself, switching off my phone and heading to bed.
As I lay down, I couldn't shake off the feeling of unease. Ethan's laughter still echoed in my mind, and I knew that this wasn't over yet.
"Try to sleep, Lexi," I whispered to myself, closing my eyes and willing myself to drift off.
I had just drifted off to sleep when I felt Ethan's touch. My body tensed, knowing what was coming. I didn't want to resist, didn't want to give him an excuse to get angry.
"Lexi, come on," he whispered, his breath hot against my ear. "Don't pretend you're asleep."
I didn't respond, hoping he would just leave me alone. But he didn't. He caressed my breast, his touch rough and possessive.
"Lexi, I know you're awake," he said, his voice low and demanding. "Don't make me wait."
I lay there, silent and still, as he climbed on top of me. I didn't dare resist, didn't dare say no.
As he began to move, I felt a tear roll down my cheek. This wasn't making love, this was just a brutal act of possession.
"Ethan, please," I whispered, trying to push him away.
But he just gripped me tighter, his fingers digging into my skin. "Don't say no to me, Lexi," he growled. "I'm your husband."
I felt a wave of despair wash over me as he finished and rolled off me. I didn't dare move, didn't dare speak. I just lay there, waiting for him to fall asleep.
As I listened to his steady breathing, I felt a sense of hopelessness wash over me. This was my life now. This was what I had been reduced to.