Lush Love

Peas In A Pod

Elise:

Statistically speaking I should have been in love at least once already. Whether it be with a person or the idea of what it would be like to date someone. That's never happened to me. In fact, I have driven away literally any boy who has approached me with the intent to date. Starting with Xion who has made it clear that he is still pursuing me despite him having very intimate relationships with a few others and not always girls. He doesn't know I know about those. 

Ever since I can remember, my life had been a complete experiment. My mom was not only an heiress but very much in love with her work. She was a very well-known psychologist. Her last book is still used in the itinerary of some junior colleges and high schools. I was twelve when she passed away and I remember her a lot better than the others do. 

My parents had been arranged at a very young age. These two completely different people didn't even care for each other at first but they fell in love and they made each other happy enough to function as a married couple. One that was constantly being broadcasted. They made the best of their situation and that was it. 

One day, she was just gone and my dad didn't take it well. He used to be a fairly decent person. He had the worst dad jokes ever. They were also slightly racist and snobby at times but my mom loved them. She had the same mindset as my father. They were each other's best friends. I got front row tickets to the spiral of a great man. He might have been there in person but we never got him back when she passed.

For a while, I had to take care of everything. The times he didn't go to work because he was too hungover to get out of bed. The times I had to drag him into a cold shower while I waited for the paramedics. I think that's when I decided that I wanted to continue to work on her experiment. I dove into her work for a bit and I began to follow the patterns and slightly change them to get a better outcome. 

With my dad, I would casually leave small items around the house that reminded him of my mom. In areas where he could also see family pictures. I grew my hair out so that I can look like her. The results were amazing. He sobered up, went back to work, and started paying attention to us. The flaw was that in exchange for all of those things, he became a massive piece of s**t. He just roasts the hell out of everyone and anyone who annoys him even just slightly. He's had fifteen assistants since we started this little experiment. I lost control of that and this is who he is now. Forgive me for that everyone but him being mean saved his life. 

I spend my entire time analyzing everything and everyone around me. All I do is think and try to place everything around me. So, the thought of dating has always scared the hell out of me. How do I know that this person likes me because they do it of their own volition or is it because I'm making them? I know how to have the perfect first date every single time. I've gone out with a total of eight men. Six of those dates have ended perfectly because I made them perfect. Then I ghosted those men because they're f*****g idiots. Maybe, I am. I don't know. 

In front of me is the contract Mr. Pierce Kingsley drew up for the first year of this marriage. First and foremost we start with the agreement of us terminating our partnership if things go south when I meet his parents later tonight. If things get a little out of hand and one of us decides that this is too insane for us to pull off and wants to bail, we can. 

Then there's a contract of things he has planned for our first year. That is such a bold move! This man is giving me a peek into what we might expect in the upcoming time we're going to have to spend together. The first page under the cover sheet is a request for my medical records. I already have them. The super cute part is that he included his immediate records along with his latest physical. I don't want to go through them now I rather do it later with a glass of wine. Under are his credentials and a request for mine. 

"What are you doing?" I jumped at the sound of her voice. 

"Rissa, what the hell are you doing in my office?" I demanded.

"I brought you for-yo, b***h. I've been here for like ten minutes. You've just been sitting there giggling to yourself," she laughed. She pushed the cup of frozen yogurt towards me. Red-handed.

"Sorry, I've been distracted," 

"Is that Thunderman's contract?" she asked pointing at my relationship contract as I put it away before it got Fro-yo on it. How unprofessional would it look if I handed Mr. Kingsly a filthy contract even if I decided not to sign it? 

"No, this is Mr. Kingsly's marriage agreement," I slid it into a drawer. I finally reached for the frozen yogurt and smiled at the odd colors she got me. I'm pretty sure this is going to be awful. I love mixing the flavors. Rissa knows me so well. 

"What? You guys drew up a contract?" she asked before placing her purse on my desk. I move it over a little so it wouldn't be in the way.

"Yes, and we exchanged," whipped creme, sprinkles, nerds, and sour worms. Fun toppings. 

"Wait, he made one for you and you made one for him?" she laughed. I nodded. Bubble gum and kiwi yogurt. Ugh. 

"You outdid yourself," I complimented her.

"Was it the scoop of kiwi bits?" she smirked. 

"Yeah, it's slimy," I spooned some into my mouth. "Did you get the same?" 

"Mhm, I gagged the first time the kiwi touched my tongue," she ate some more. "But I just can't stop eating it," 

"Same," I agreed. 

"Okay, you and I have been best friends for a long time, Elise. You're very special to me and you are also very special to yourself, sweetie. Do you get what I'm trying to say?" she asked. 

"No," I shook my head. 

"Elise, you are insanely smart. I don't know why you went into business. You could have been a politician, you could have been a doctor or a scientist. I am convinced that you could have been able to cure cancers. More than one because let's be honest they're not all the same," 

"I love that you know that," I grinned trying to find a combination of the things in this cup that don't make me want to throw up.

"Thank you. Elise, this is the first time I see you excited about someone new. A boy actually. A man. We're closer to thirty than we are twenty-one. He's not that much older. Anyway, what I am trying to tell you is that you should be careful. 

"I know you love this s**t and that you finding the only other person on earth who is insane enough to make love about work is very exciting for all of us. I am going to be here every step of the way because I need to experience this with you," 

"Awe, that's concerning but also very flattering," I admitted. 

"Ellie, promise that you're going to talk to me about the things you feel when it's not about the paperwork. I want you to also pay attention to the things you feel in the scenarios around you. The little red flags, the butterflies, the scary parts. Pay attention to those things. If you don't feel comfortable, I need you to call me. I'm going to need you to walk away and find literally a way to help me get to you should you need it. Yeah? Do you kind of get where I'm going with this?" 

"Do you think this is stupid?" I asked sitting back. 

"No," she shook her head. "I think this is a little bit of a breakthrough. You're attracted to someone. I mean it's insane. You skipped all the steps and just got married. That is some serious Disney princess s**t," she laughed. "Ah! But I think this is going to be good for you. I'm excited about this step in your life," 

"Me too," I admitted. 

"Is this what it feels like to mothers who see their baby walking for the first time?" she wondered out loud.

"Did you just compare our friendship to that of a mother-infant one? Is that what you think you're feeling right now?" 

"Make a note of that in your crazy brain because I want you to tell me the first time that happens to you and we'll compare notes," she pointed at me. 

"We have a very strange connection. You know so much about me. You're not allowed to talk to Pierce about me," 

"Oh, is that where your mind jumped to?" she laughed. "You think I'm going to embarrass you?" 

"I do, yes. I want him to figure out that there's something wrong with me. I would like him to choose if he would like to be part of my life knowing what you do by figuring it out himself,"

"Elise, you're the coolest person I've ever met. You're daring, you're sophisticated. I have never described anyone like that, BTW. You're super hot. You're the smartest person I've ever met and we've partied with people from most Ivy League schools. I've dabbled with the professors you were tutored by. You're also the sweetest girl I've ever met and we met the Obamas. If Pierce doesn't fall in love with you the way I did. Better actually, he's going to do stuff to you. Stuff that I've had nightmares about. If he doesn't, he's an i***t," I am going to ignore that she just implied that she's had wet nightmares about the two of us.  

"What if I don't like him?" I asked. She tossed a binder on my desk with a picture of Pierce Kingsly on the front. That's not good.

"You're not the only one fully invested in this. That is a complete background check on Pierce Kingsly. Statistically speaking, he's perfect for you. The only way you wouldn't like this overachieving weirdo is if he has a shitty personality or you're gay," she tapped the binder. 

I hated my moral philosophy teacher down to my very debatable soul. How do I tell her that she crossed a line again but that I appreciate the gesture because holy Conoly, she just statistically evaluated my chances of me liking Pierce Kingsly? That is both sweet and extremely creepy at the same time. It's only okay when both parties agree to reveal these secrets. 

"I want to- first. I'm informing you now that I will be hurting your feelings and I am sorry but you need to know this for all future references, Clarrisa," 

"Oh," she sat down. "First name. I crossed a line again," 

"Yes, you are not allowed to get a P.I. to background check anyone who has not committed any crime against you or anyone you love. What Pierce and I are doing is consensual. He gives me his medical records and I give him mine and it's romantic. You pull his medical records to see if he has a disease that can hurt me and it's creepy and very illegal. You know that. You're an attorney for my brother Mac," 

"I will be taking this back," she grabbed the binder. "I totally see what you mean now and my explanation is that I am so excited for you to date. You like to talk yourself out of things and I didn't want you to talk your way out of this one. I want you to experience things. You live in a bubble. Granted it's a huge bubble but a bubble nonetheless," 

"I understand and I will look the other way because that's very sweet. Burn that. You don't know the Private investigator's name. As a matter of fact, what private investigator?" I shrugged. 

"I have no idea," she shoved the binder in her backpack and zipped it up. 

"Good. On another note, wow, That is hilarious. I can't believe you did that," we both started laughing. "Go get rid of it right now," 

"I am going," she stood up. "I hope you enjoyed that because we are never having it again. Call me when you get home tonight," 

That just happened. It's safe to say that I let her in on my secret. She once asked me why I'm so quiet but when people talk to me, I seem to always know exactly what to say. So, I showed her my mom's notes for her unfinished book. How to Have The Perfect Marriage. When I showed her some of my little social experiments and the results, she was hooked and I admit that she has the tendency to take things too far but she's been very helpful. I think we're going to need to set new rules. The ones from the sorority house no longer apply and I'm kind of hoping to put the experiment to rest soon.

A-part of me wishes I would have kept the binder and gotten rid of it myself but that was too intrusive for me. I laughed looking down at my empty yogurt cup. That was disgusting, the yogurt, the candy, the whipped cream. All of it. It oddly fits the situation. Now that I know just how close Clarissa and I are, it kind of left a bad taste in my mouth. It also oddly makes sense. We've been inseparable for a long time. If the question comes up, my longest relationship would be her. We're just two peas in a pod.