BITTER PILL:CANTALOUPE

CHAPTER 6*IT CAN'T BE*

||*TREVOR*||

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"It's nine in the morning, young man, why are you drinking alcohol?"

I pivot on the bar stool, to my uncle, who had a tired look on his face. He had gone to the bureau since yesterday afternoon and he is, just coming in now.

"Just bored and thinking."

I answered, turning back to my canned bear while he takes a seat beside me.

"When did alcohol become a remedy for boredom?"

Uncle josh grabs a can of bear from the bar counter, pulls it open and gulps down the content. So much for scolding me about drinking this early in the morning.

"At least it's a remedy for thinking and you're drinking likewise. That doesn't give good guardian example."

"What are you thinking about this time?"

I sighed at Uncle's josh question and I placed the can of beer on the counter.

"School resumes next week. I have to resume, at least graduate high school."

"That's not your main concern, is it?"

He knows it is not my main concern; I want to go back to Crossville, but I keep fighting the thought that there is nothing there left for me.

"I want to go back, I want to see him, but I don't know if he would be happy to see me. What do I say to him? I disappeared for five months."

"You say the truth, don't act tough, you lost someone dear to your heart. Let him see that, let him see your weakness, all of it, then give him time to decide if he wants to listen to you, accept you or reject you."

Can I deal with another rejection again? Riley is literally the only thing I look forward to in Crossville, but what if he doesn't want to see me? What if my absence this past month finally made him realise the sort of monster I am?

"What if he's find love and happiness in someone else?"

"If you keep up with the what ifs? You'll not come to a reasonable conclusion. That question begs another one, have you, within you, accepted that your attraction to him isn't what you made it out to be before? Have you come to terms with your sexuality? If you go back, can you stand beside him in public and declare your love without fear? I am not saying you should announce your love to the entire school, that was a figure of speech. I think your thoughts should be inclined in this direction and not the what ifs. If he is happy with someone else, you owe him a duty to understand and wish him well."

I let out a sigh, nodding my head in understanding because I know uncle Josh is right about everything he just said. 

"Thank you."

"You need to put a stop on your alcohol consumption. You can't show him the best of you if you are swimming in alcohol."

Uncle Josh advised, and I nod. The only thing I drink these days is beer, and I'll stop it, sometimes it just helps with the overthinking. 

"It's nothing, also I wanted to tell you I am going on a mission, might take a while before I return. Will you be fine on your own?"

Uncle Josh asked and I nod, I should be. I hope I am. 

"I will. I'll be in Crossville, anyway. Just let me know when you come back."

Uncle Josh pats my back fondly as he nods.

"I should be back before you graduate. I would also forward some money to you account tomorrow, enough until I get back."

"Thank you so much."

I really don't know what I would do without him. Mom's death hit me like a train, the doctors had given me hope, that she would get better and then suddenly there is nothing they could do to keep her alive. 

If Uncle Josh hadn't come for me the night of her death at the hospital, I would have spiraled out of control and probably committed suicide myself because at that moment I saw no reason to live. 

What was the point? Skylar was dead, mom gone. My father is as good as dead, even Riley had almost killed himself because of me. 

"That is enough beer, freshen up. Let's eat out today."

Uncle Josh says and I nod, sliding off the bar stool before making my war to my room. I just hope I meet Riley in the best condition when I go back.

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I arrived at Crossville last night, and I have been sceptical about going to Riley's house.

I've been gone for five months and I don't know about his parents' schedule, they might be home and the last thing I want is getting him in trouble showing up at their door late at night.

Instead, I booked a motel to stay for a few days, until I find a new apartment to rent, I cannot go back to our home, not when the memory of everyone I once had is still there. 

I am still not over the pain and sleeping in that house would only remind me what it feels like to have mom and Skylar around. I don't want to keep longing for them when I know it will never happen. 

I woke up very early this morning to prepare for school; I know Riley shows up in school early, so If I leave early I might catch him on time. Honestly, I don't know what reception to expect of him, knowing Riley he might snub me for a few days before giving me an audience. 

If that's what he does, I don't mind as long as he doesn't shut me out forever. I made my way through the school gates seeing as it was still early, if Riley was here he would be in class so my first stop was his homeroom. 

To my surprise, the class was empty; I waited until the first bell rang and I had to leave for my first class, which felt weird. 

Almost in a blink, first period was over, I hadn't seen Bryce and some faces that I know. I am assuming because school just resumed, but somehow the school is oddly quiet. Even as I walked the corridor to my first class, the entire air in the school felt different from what it used to be. 

Did something happen? The usual group of students you'll see gossiping in the hallway weren't there. Everyone is just busy shuffling to their various classes with little or no interaction. 

Gladly for me as I stepped into my next class, I found Bryce sitting at his usual spot and I walked over to the seat beside him.

"Hey."

I greet, Bryce raised his head from a book on his desk and his face beams up the moment our eyes met.

"Bro, when did you get back. How are you?"

Bryce stands up to shake my hand, and he pulls me in a for a bro hug before I take my seat and he settled down as well.

"I am good, I came back last night. Thought I would at least complete high school despite the losses."

Bryce's face morphed into a sympathetic look at the words, and he nods.

"Can't say I understand what it feels like to lose someone close to you, but I am sorry for your loss. Hope you're holding up well?"

I nod at his question while I set my books on the desk.

"I am, nothing I can do will bring back the dead. I've just got to keep living."

"I feel you, bro, I feel you. I am here for you, if you need a friend, always, here."

"Thank you."

The teacher walks in and class began just like that. I was aching to see Riley so badly, but I needed to pay attention in class if I want to graduate with the others. However, waiting until lunch break to see him felt like forever. 

Two hours later, class was over, and I filed outside with the rest of the student. 

"Hey man, want to catch up with the rest of the boys?"

Bryce asks, throwing his hands over my shoulder and I shake my head, with my eyes trained on the hallway.

"Ah, I'll do that later, I have something I need to do first. See you later."

I waved, already strutting down the hallway, and I climbed down the stairs. I know what class Riley had for a second period on Mondays, knowing Riley, he mostly waits for the rest of the class to file out before he leaves. 

However, I got to the classroom, and it was empty, much to my surprise, where could he be? I know he doesn't go to the cafeteria, so searching for him there was no use. I tried the comfort room, there is a possibility that he is there, perhaps to eat his lunch or just relax. 

Much to my disappointment, I got to the comfort room, and the door was locked with a padlock. A sighed in frustration as I turned on my heels and made my way to the cafeteria. There is no harm in checking, perhaps he's made new friends while I was away and they now dine together.

I pushed the door to the cafeteria open and the squeaky sound it made caused all eyes to turn to me, disregarding the stares from the student. I scanned the tables for anybody with resemblance to Riley, but found none.

Did he stop coming to school? Or is he sick? I should have checked him at home this morning first before coming to school. I walked away from the cafeteria, deciding to walk the hallways. Maybe I might find him coming from the restroom.

As I walked closed to his homeroom, I noticed a figure around the lockers and made my way towards the person. The boy who is almost my height struggled with opening the locker and I peaked behind him to see it was Riley's locker, what does he want with Riley's locker. 

"1303."

I say, startling the boy, who jumped and turned to me with a questioning gaze.

"What?"

"The password is 1303, I see you were struggling to open the locker."

I tell him and he makes an oh sound, nodding before he input the password and the lock snaps open, the boy moves to open the locker and he paused.

"How do you know the password? Aren't you new here, I don't think I've seen you around?"

He turns from the locker, holding a protective stance to shield me from looking into it and I frowned.

"I am Trevor, the owner of the locker is a friend of mine, I am a senior here but I was away last year, family issues."

"You are a friend of Riley's?"

He seemed surprised by the revelation, and I nod, how does he know Riley? Last I remembered, the students here don't care about Riley that much to know his name.

"Yes, why are you so surprised?"

"Oh, I am Ronin and Riley never mentioned having any friend, anyway welcome back to school."

His reply was dismissive, and he turned back to the locker.

"You know Riley?"

Is this his new friend? If he is, I guess we never really had any good memory together that Riley could tell his new friend Ronin about.

"Yes."

"Oh, thank goodness. I was looking for him, have you seen him around? I wanted to stop by his house this morning, but I didn't want to get him in trouble with his parents. Have you seen him in school today?"

Ronin's hand paused on the locker door and it went silent between us for minutes. Did I say something wrong?

"Used to. I used to know him."

The Ronin boy respond in a heavy voice without looking at me and I stood confused, because I don't understand what he meant by used to. Did they fight?

"I uh, don't understand."

Okay, something about my response pissed him off and I jolt in place as he slammed the locker door. 

"Haven't you heard the rumor around since you returned?"

What is the need for the hostility in his voice? 

"I came back last night, what rumors."

"See, I don't care when you came in or where you are coming from. Riley is dead."

He pushed past me, ready to walk away, and I grabbed his hands.

"Is this a prank, or did I hear wrong. Riley is what now?"

Ronin tries to pry my hand off his arm, but I wasn't bulging, and he sighed.

"See Trevor or whatever you called yourself. I don't know what you had with Riley, and I seriously don't care. Riley is dead, he died February, now can you let me go."

My hand dropped from his arm as I stood, stunned. A shock wave of heat radiated my body while I tried processing what I just heard. 

Riley is dead? No, it can't be, why would he die? I turned on my heels, facing the direction of the cafeteria. What am I going there to do? 

I pivot on the spot facing the hallway and the students returning to their classes while my brain tried rebooting to process the information. I was literally frozen.

I don't know how long I stood in the hallway, seconds, minutes, hours. I wanted to move but my leg won't co-operate. The bell for the next period rang, announcing the end of lunch, the sound snapped me out of my daze and I staggered backward but a hand grabs me.

"Dude, are you okay? We have the next class together."

Bryce, it was Bryce. He moved to my front, and I saw the surprise on his face.

"Trevor, man? You are crying. Is everything alright?"

I blinked once and my hand crept to my face; I was crying. 

"Is it true?"

"What is true, man? You are scaring me, you look lost."

Bryce says, searching my eyes and I looked ahead.

"Is Riley dead?"

His face dropped at my question, and he sighed.

"I thought you knew."

"I didn't, I... I came back for him, what happened?"

Why? I needed to know why, how he died. He made me promise I wouldn't take my life and then he dies in my absence.

"After you left, a few spreads in school, s*x tape of him, and someone at a fountain or lake. His parents found out he was gay. They beat him up and s**t, sent him out of the house, and he committed suicide. Some rumor said his mother killed him and dumped his body in the lake. They got arrested anyway and sent to jail."

No, this can't be true, we had s*x at the abandoned amusement pack I took him too, who made the video? No, Riley wouldn't just kill himself over that. I don't believe this.

"I have to go."

"Dude, where are you going? You'll miss the class."

I ignored Bryce's words as I dashed out of the school building and into my car. He can't be dead, it's impossible. Why would his mom kill him? Because he is gay? It makes no sense. 

I needed to find him; I have to find him.

 I am sure Riley would be at home. He has to be at home, I can't just lose him also, please not him. 

I've lost everything, I can't lose him too, please Riley.