The Luna

21

Once Emily showed me to the room, she left me to get settled and that was the last I had seen her for, I don't even really know how long. I had tried to nap for a bit, my body feeling beyond exhausted, but all I ended up doing was watching the fan twirl around a blank ceiling as tons of regrets nagged at me.

But I think everyone can say that they have their fair share of should-have, could-have, would-haves. I need to learn to put them behind me. I know that I can't change what's happened, I can only move forward from where I am.

But why is that always easier said than done?

I stand at the window watching the lives of the wolf people. They're everywhere, walking around, laughing. It's weird to even see wolves strolling on the grass towards the house from the trees. No one seems bothered by them and why would they be?

They all seem so happy, so free. No one is rushing to get here or there, staring at their phone screens or even looking mad. They smile at each other as they pass, taking time to say hello and even chat for a bit.

Kids play on the grass, running and laughing enjoying the weather before the snow starts to fall. I can't even remember if I had seen any kids at Caspian's pack - really aside from him and his parents, the only ones I really saw were my guards and the kitchen staff.

An impatient knock on the door snaps me out of my reverie. Austin stands rigidly on the other side, a sandwich on a plate in his hands and a scowl on his face as he glares at me. Is it rude to hope that the sandwich is for me because I am starving? I had been kicking myself for not asking sooner for something to eat.

"If you wanted to starve yourself to death, you should have just stayed with the Lotus pricks," he snaps, thrusting the plate at me with an exaggerated roll of his eyes.

I fumble with the suddenness of it, barely keeping the sandwich from falling to the ground. My eyes and mouth are wide as I try to collect myself, staring up at him in shock. What is he even talking about?

"Excuse me?"

"I'll spell it out slowly for you," he bends a little to be closer to my height, speaking to me like I'm a five-year-old, "A lot of people are sticking their necks out for you and they may not matter to you, but they matter to me, so the least you could do is act grateful and not like some inconvenienced teenager throwing some hormonal tantrum," he turns and walks away so quickly that I barely have time to suck in the air that had been forced out of my lungs like a sucker punch to the gut.

Hormonal tantrum? How am I acting anything but grateful? I've been polite, bowed to the Alpha to show respect, I have been minding my manners since I got here? What more could I have done?

And why would he think I'm starving myself? I mean, I am starving but not purposefully! I am nowhere near strong enough to starve myself on purpose. I love food too much. I've been in my room waiting for someone to come get me. I wasn't sure if I should just go exploring on my own, with no guards or anything. I had thought Emily or maybe even Harper would come back and give me more direction, but no one had. I was beginning to think that I had been forgotten about.

The sandwich begins to feel heavier in my hand, my hunger is all but forgotten now as I stare after where he disappeared down the hall.

"Mia? What're you doing standing in the hall with a sandwich?" Harper walks up from behind me, her brows pulled together before her face morphs into concern, "Honey, Hey, What happened? You okay?"

I don't fight her as she takes the plate from my hand, ushering me back into the room. Her hand rubbing soft circles on my shoulder blades as we go. I feel the lump rising in my throat and I'm trying really hard not to cry.

I am so tired of crying.

"It's nothing," even to my own ears, it didn't sound convincing, but I push past it and continued, "Just tired of being cooped up in this room,"

It's not exactly a lie, but I'm not sure if I want to tell her that Austin yelled at me. Harper looked around the room before looking at me.

"Wait, have you been in here the whole time?" her eyebrows are nearly to her hairline as she sets the plate on my bed quickly, trying to look at me, "you haven't left to explore or anything?"

"I - I didn't know I could," my voice was small and I sit softly on the edge of the bed, my hands clasped in my lap, "at Lotus, I wasn't allowed to go anywhere without a guard. After that, I was always with Malachi."

Something in my face must speak volumes to Harper because her head tilts to the side as she watches me carefully. I can tell she wants to say something but is hesitating, but her curiosity won over as she takes a deep breath, kneeling in front of me.

"Mia, has anyone explained any of this to you?" she asks softly, her shoulders dropping with a sigh as I shake my head delicately no.

Shock flits across her face quickly replaced with anger. Her eyes seem to flame as she looks over me and continues to watch me. She stands and I can see her jaw clenching, her hands balling into fists.

"I'm so sorry, Mia," she took a deep breath, straightening her shoulders, "Stay here, I'll be right back,"

"Wha-" Harper cuts me off by putting her hand up, her face softening just a little as she takes a step back,

"No. I'm going to talk to Jaxon. You deserve to know about what's happening and why. I'll be back," she opened the door before looking at me one more time, "and you should really eat that sandwich, especially if you've been in here since Malachi left yesterday,"

The door clicks shut softly behind her, leaving me, once again, alone. My stomach growls and even though I don't want to give Austin the satisfaction of knowing I ate his sandwich, I cave in. The bread is a little stale and even though it's probably from having sat on the plate for so long, I'll blame it on him and say he's a terrible chef.

Well, that took all of five minutes. I think staring at the sky through the window. Ugh, I'm so tired of these four walls, it's not even funny. But I don't know if I can leave. Harper hadn't exactly been clear. I can't just sit here anymore though, and if I can't sleep, there is only one thing I know that will kill at least thirty minutes.

Looks like I'm taking a shower.

"How can you say that?!" I can hear the angry shouts as soon as I opened the bathroom door, the steam billowing out around me. At first, I thought maybe it was the television but quickly realized they were coming from Emily outside the door, "She deserves to know what it is, exactly, that she is hiding from."

"Seriously?! Next, you're going to say that she should be welcomed into the pack and invited to all the pack meetings," it takes me a few seconds to recognize Austin's voice, but he's the only one who, right now, simultaneously makes me want to roll my eyes and slap him by just the sound of his voice.

And he can thank his verbal attack on me earlier for that.

I tiptoe forwards, pressing my ear quietly to the door. Eavesdropping is frowned upon, yes, but I know they are talking about me. Maybe this is the only way I'll be able to know the truth.

"She's a human, Em. She doesn't belong in this world with no claim. She -"

"Is standing on the other side of the door," Jaxon's deep voice is calm as he listens to both sides of whatever argument he had been mediating, "and deserves to make her own informed decision on her being here,"

I had been so quiet. How did he know I was listening? Even knowing that they know, I still jump when someone raps their knuckles against the door. I guess there is no point in waiting a few seconds to make it seem like I had to walk to the door.

I open the door slowly, a sheepish look on my face at the idea of being caught eavesdropping.

"Hello, Mia," Jaxon smiles, his hands clasped behind his back as he stands with Emily and Harper on one side and Austin on the other, "May we come in? There are a few things we need to discuss about your being here with us,"

"Of course, Alpha," I step with the door, opening it wide for them to enter. Emily and Harper give me reassuring smiles, but Austin just looks impassive, as if this is a waste of his time.

"You don't have to call me Alpha. Jax or Jaxon will be just fine," I smile at his words, bowing my head to show respect and understanding, "I need you to be honest with us right now, okay? No hiding, no lying because you think it's what we want to hear."

All four of them are watching me carefully, the same look I would get from Malachi when I had asked him for a truth he thought would scare me.

"Harper said that no one has explained why this is happening to you. Is that true- Not even Malachi?"

"He was very vague,"

Austin puts his hand on Jaxon's shoulder, pulling the attention to him for a moment, but he doesn't say anything. Instead, they stare at each other, a silent conversation only they're privy to. Finally, Jaxon shakes his head, looking back at me with a deep breath.

"Normally, humans aren't brought into this world unless a wolf has the intention to claim them. However, these are unprecedented circumstances that we will have to navigate together one step at a time," Jaxon sounds so diplomatic as he takes a step forward, placing himself directly in front of me.

The action should have intimidated me, sending my instinct to run haywire, especially with how tall Jaxon is, but it doesn't. Instead, the only thing I feel is fear of where this is going.

"The ladies have argued that you deserve to know the what, why, and if's of everything that has happened or could happen. but," his eyes searched mine silently telling me to listen closely, "it's important for you to understand that the more you know, the more the council won't just let you walk away-"

"Just knowing about our existence, in general, will stop them from letting her walk away," Austin interjects, crossing his arms over his chest with a huff.

"He has a point there as well," I was surprised for a moment that Jaxon didn't get mad that Austin had interrupted him. He is Alpha after all, "but that choice is yours."

Caspian hadn't wanted to tell me much of anything and there was always an excuse. He said he didn't want to overwhelm me, that there was plenty of time, especially after the ceremony. I felt so in the dark, trying to figure out my place among them and what it means, and here, they are giving me the option.

But is the whole truth something I really want? Once I know it, I can't unlearn it and sometimes, ignorance truly is bliss. Will it do more harm than good to learn once and for all what being a Luna really means?

And if the truth is as shocking as the wolves so far have made it seem, what then? I am still just a weak human, fragile like glass to them. So I'll have my truth, but I won't be able to do anything to defend myself.

"I had guards in the Lotus pack," my eyes meet Harpers first before roaming over Emily to look at Jaxon, "they said it was an honor to be the Luna's guards, to protect me because I was human,"

I notice all four of them sharing a look I don't understand. One that I would if I knew the whole truth of what is happening. But I push that thought away and continue.

"I won't have guards here, will I?" I know the answer before Jaxon shakes his head slowly.

"No, but you don't have to wait in the room for any kind of escort either. We'll get you a tour so you know where the borders are and as long as you stay within them, you'll be safe,"

There's that word again, safe. Why don't they see that I'll never be safe? Even Malachi was able to so easily get to me inside Caspian's pack.

"But if something were to happen, I would have to defend myself, and I'm not sure if I could. Will you teach me that too?"

"You want to learn how to defend yourself against a wolf?" Austin scoffs, barely holding in his laughter, "guess I'll be the one to burst that bubble there, sweetheart, but even with a g*n you wouldn't stand a chance against a wolf,"

Emily punches him in the arm, the laughter dying on his lips as he rubs the spot on his bicep. I can't say I'm not jealous. If I thought it would hurt him, I might have punched him too. Even Jaxon and Harper have turned to glare daggers at Austin.

"What? I'm not gonna lie to the girl," Austin says, lifting his hands in mock surrender as he lowers his amber eyes to the ground. Even when put in his place, a smile stays plastered on his lips, a chuckled laughter coming from him every few seconds.

"Though I don't agree with how he said it," Jaxon turned his glare at Austin into a soft, sympathetic look at me, "I don't disagree with him overall,"

"Look, in a perfect world, I would be the same human, blissfully unaware of your even existence. I know I don't stand a chance against you. I've been reminded over and over how weak I am compared to you," I snapped, shooting a glare at Austin who at least had the decency to wipe the smile off his face long enough to look a little ashamed, "but I can't be the weak human that everyone has to protect and shelter all the time, who isn't even aware as to why,"

My cheeks heat in embarrassment just thinking about having to be the damsel in distress around every corner. Always hoping that if something happened, that someone, anyone could swoop in and save me. What kind of life is that?

I don't want to stay locked in a room because that's where I feel most safe. Maybe I haven't shown it because of the intimidation, but I am curious about the wolves and their lives. As scary as the truth is, I even want to learn about what being a Luna is and why everyone reacts the way they do.

"Alright, on one condition," Jaxon had thought so long, that I was beginning to lose hope entirely, "I want you to agree that if something were to happen, you only use it in extreme circumstances."

He stares at me with narrowed eyes, probably because I've been nodding since he said I could learn without hearing the rest.

"I mean it, Mia, any other option available, including running and hiding, is to be done first."

"Okay," I can't contain my smile with Emily looking just as pleased while Harper steps up and wraps her arms around his waist.

"Okay. Harper and Emily, you can teach her the histories," he turns to look back at me and I can see that he and Austin share the same apprehensive look, "and I'll teach you the basics of self-defense,"