The red flags are back, tossing around in my mind like a sports penalty. Every cautionary tale of strangers I have ever heard ringing in my ear. I can't leave with a man I have just met. It doesn't work like that. Or does it?
"I - uh," I can't think of what to say or how to say anything.
Caspian nods as if he understands me, his eyes roaming my face as if he could read my thoughts like a book.
"Let's go upstairs where it's warm. We can talk more, I can explain more," Caspian turns us, his hand finding its way to the small of my back as he leads us up the stairs to my apartment door. My mind is in a haze, barely registering the creaking of the old steps.
"The key?" Caspian asks his hand out expectantly. My cheeks turn pink as I reach for the knob, turning it to let us in.
I can practically feel the question in the air - feel his curious gaze on me. I shrug, not wanting to embarrass myself further and admit I forgot to lock the door. My hand finds the light switch easily enough, and soon we are alone in my apartment.
"This is where you live?" his eyes move over the small space as I hovered by the door. He hadn't said it in a way that suggested he was disgusted. I mean I was in no way a slob, but still, I can't help but to be suddenly self-conscious about the room I live in.
"Um, yeah," I fidget in place, my eyes looking at my breakfast dishes sitting on the small sink and then to my work uniform I had just tossed on my bed after working today. In my defense, I wasn't exactly expecting any company, "sorry about the mess."
"Mess?" Caspian laughs, turning to face me, "It looks like no one even lives here," he sits on the edge of the futon, his muscles moving under his skin as he makes himself comfortable in my space.
"Okay, seriously. How are you not cold?" I accuse, finally snapping out of what felt like a dream-like state, "You're only in jeans for goodness sakes!"
Caspian takes a deep breath and I can tell his mind is processing something as he purses his lips and folds his hands in his lap.
"I'll tell you why I'm not cold when you tell me you'll come with me," he pushes the ball back into my court and he knows it.
How does he keep doing that? I feel like I'm trying to look right, and he keeps moving me to face left. But here we are, back to will I leave with him. Leave Crest falls for wherever he's from, but I still can't place the why. He has just met me, knows next to nothing about me, and yet, he seems determined that I go.
"Why do you want me to leave with you?" I move cautiously to sit on the futon next to him. I leave enough distance between our two bodies, enough to hopefully get the point across that no funny business will take place.
"Alright, we can start there," Caspian says with a smile on his face as he turns to face me, "To put it simply, you're my Luna."
"What?"
"There are a lot of questions I'm sure you have, and I have the answers, but it all comes down to this," he moves off the futon slowly landing on his knees and moving in front of me, "I've finally found you and I can't let you go. I won't." His tone is final as he looks intently at me.
Thought after thought races through my mind, my mouth gaping like a fish ready to vocalize whatever it is I decide to say. However, all I can get out is a series of squeaks. I don't even see his hands moving toward my face until his palm is against my cheek, his thumb moving in slow circles under my eye.
"It's overwhelming, I know," he whispers, "but aren't you tired, Mia? Tired of struggling? Tired of the loneliness - tired of nothing more than this," One of his arms sweeps around the apartment, emphasizing his point.
His words strike something in me and I could feel the emotion moving its way through my chest, ready to tighten in my throat at a moment's notice. I couldn't vocalize anything even if I knew what I wanted to say.
"You mean more to me than you know, Mia, and I will give you the answers you want. But we have time, we don't have to answer everything today. Let me give you peace." he whispered, his green eyes intense on me and I could see the determination in his eyes.
Even if I couldn't see it, I could feel it coming off him. He isn't going to take no for an answer and, honestly, I'm not sure if I even want to say no. There is something about Caspian, a certain charm that is able to disarm you. But there are still so many red flags that are waving in my mind. So many things that I don't know and don't have answers for. We don't need to have all the answers today - there's time, that's what Caspian said.
So really I need to ask myself one very important thing. Can I trust what he says and leave with him - on only promises?
"I need to know something first," I say, watching his face carefully but he just nods for me to continue, "How are you not cold outside in just a pair of jeans?"
"I'm not one hundred percent human and my body temperature regulates differently," He doesn't even hesitate in his answer and even though my first response is to laugh at the joke, something inside of me knows he's not joking.
My mind flashes back to the wolf in the woods. He was there one minute and gone without a trace the next. His eyes were watching me cautiously - the same eyes that are looking at me now.
I had the thought in the diner. I thought that they were similar, but I shook it off and now I'm not so sure.
"The wolf," my voice is barely audible to my own ears, but Caspian smiles softly and nods, confirming my suspicion.
Blank. How can my mind be racing and completely blank at the same time? This is crazy - absolutely crazy, and yet, I can't help but believe him, even though I can't for the life of me seem to get the two puzzle pieces to fit together.
"It's okay, Mia, you don't understand, I know that. But come with me - leave with me and I'll help you understand," his thumb moves in circles on my cheeks and he tilts his head with a small smile on his lips, "My Luna, let me take you home."
Home. The word sends me back to my mom. Her voice, her smile. The small house that always smelled like cinnamon from whatever she was baking and there was either a song being sung by her or playing in the background as she sang along. That was home and that feels so long ago now.
But the way Caspian says it makes me think that maybe I can have that again. I know it won't be exactly the same, but he's making me feel hopeful that I can have something equally good.
"Okay."