I look at Diane as she speaks, like the blabbermouth herself, sitting at the table James and I share.
"It's been two weeks, Thea! Two weeks!" I look at her even more, imagining her as one of those politicians who screams and shouts; she would suit the role so well. "Are you listening to me?"
I shake my head.
"I'm sorry, what?"
Diane looks at me angrily because again I haven't paid attention to her words.
Suddenly, I hear a very low but hoarse laugh. It's James, I don't have to look at him to know. He pretends not to hear anything, but I'm sure he does. I don't know what surprises me more, that he pays attention and is amused by my conversations, or that Diane is totally unaware that the boy next to me is keeping up with everything she tells me.
"Thea, stop being so distracted" Diane snaps her fingers in front of me to get me to focus on her. "I was telling you about Ariana and your boyfriend Mathew, remember them?"
"In fact, I'm not even sure I remember the sound of Mathew's voice anymore," I say, reluctantly pulling out my day planner. "He hardly speaks to me anymore because he spends it with her."
"That's why, Thea! We must do something that...!"
Now I imagine her as a soccer team coach, in this case I would be the only member. I watch her lips move and all I can imagine her saying is: Come on, Thea! You can do it! The team together will never be defeated....
"Ouch" I stroke my head as she smacks me to get my attention.
And again I hear James' chuckle next to me.
I don't even think for a second to move my foot and give his a hard stomp.
Holy Macarena, what have I done?!
I wait in total panic for him to hit me back or insult me in front of the whole class. I get my little white flag ready to apologize to him or, in case things get out of hand, I get my super-strong fists ready. However, I don't get to need either the flag or the fists because all he does is laugh again.
Uh.
"Thea, you need to talk to Mathew" I turn my attention back to Diane as she continues talking completely oblivious to the weird interactions between my classmate and I: "He's acting like a complete jerk because of a newcomer. Even she already looks like his girlfriend and not you! I swear I've dreamed so many times of holding her extensions in my hands."
I laugh softly as I imagine such a thing. That would be so much fun to see. Ariana's blonde extensions tangled in my best friend's fingers.
"Diane, calm down" I shake my head to concentrate on the matter again. "I will talk to Mathew today, I promise."
If I can find him alone, I tell myself mentally, because Ariana always spends it with him.
I'd like to say that all this doesn't hurt, but I'd be lying. More than my boyfriend, Mathew has been my best friend. Seeing how easily he puts a stranger over me only made me disappointed in him.
All I've questioned myself these past two weeks is: is it really worth it to stay with someone like that?
If I haven't broken up with him it's out of respect for the years of friendship we have, because I'm waiting for him to give me a justification with which I can forgive him and at least we can remain friends... but nothing has come.
And I only feel more disappointed in him every day.
"Miss Smirk" I startle when I hear the voice of the devil who teaches us mathematics call Diane. At what point has the teacher arrived? "The tables are not for sitting. Please return to your seat."
Diane bites her lip as she blushes bright red. I can only suppress my laughter as I watch her return to her seat with her tail between her legs.
"So I have a surprise for you that you will love" I growl very quietly at the professor's words. Usually the devil of mathematics - yes, the devil, because if mathematics is my personal hell, the teacher would be the devil himself - when he says he has a surprise for us, it is indeed a surprise, but not a good one. On the contrary, I would call it my penance for stealing the cookies that my mom makes, so I mentally prepare myself to lose the surprise test that the devil will give us today. "Take out a sheet of paper and pencil, we will have a test today."
I almost want to cry when the devil writes the exercises on the board.
When did we see those topics?!
All I see is a bunch of Greek, Japanese and Chinese letters that make no sense to me. The only thing I know for sure in math is that 1x1= 1, and that's using the calculator to verify the answer.
God of all the galls in the world, why do numbers exist?
I bite the tip of my pencil with no elegance as I try to get some divine intelligence to solve these exercises. I look up to see where Mathew and Ariana are and, indeed, they do look calm, as if the exam is very easy.
And I'm about to pee my pants!
I close my eyes and cross my fingers while I repeat in a low voice: "God, send me a little divine help, please. I promise not to steal my mother's cookies and I won't throw my garbage in the neighbor's yard anymore, but please, send me a little divine help...."
My plea is interrupted by a small giggle next to me.
I open my left eye and look at James, who is watching me with a totally amused smile on his lips.
I'm tempted to tell him to f**k off, but I clam up when I remember that the boy is dangerous. I repeat the same thing to myself over and over again, even though these past few weeks I've been together with him he hasn't done anything weird, except laugh when I do one of my silly things that never need to be done.
Cookie God, why didn't you make me normal? My mom is normal, my dad is normal, my sister is mildly normal. So why did you make me an alien on my own planet?
"Five minutes and I pick up" says the devil.
I put my hands to my head and look at the clock.
At what point has an hour gone by!
My mother told me! I mentally reprimand myself. I must stop being so absent-minded, for heaven's sake! One day a galactic war will break out in front of me and I won't even notice!
I close my eyes again to ask for the last divine help and, when I open them, Holy Macarena, a miracle! The exam is completely solved right under my nose! I knew miracles existed! God, I'll stop stealing cookies, I won't throw garbage in the neighbor's yard and.... Why is James erasing my name from his test and writing his own?
My slow brain is trying to figure out why the handwriting on the test in front of me is not mine, but that of the rude boy next door.
Wait a minute...
Has he changed the exams?
No! Impossible!
Or has he?
Before I can open my mouth and ask him, the math devil walks by our stations and picks up the exams.
I look still with my mouth open at James, trying to ask him, but before I can say a single word, he gathers his things, stands up and rushes out of the classroom.
What just happened?
***
"I can't believe it," Diane says, walking beside me as we look for the science book in the library, "The same James who beat up a guy on the first day of school? The same James who told a teacher to eat s**t when he told him off? The same James who they say sold drugs? The same James who...."
"Yes, that same James" I roll my eyes as I look for the book we need for homework. God, this is dusty. I'm going to get pneumonia or whatever. I'll have to get a wipe and clean this mess up. "What were we talking about?" I ask Diane when I've forgotten what we were talking about.
"Thea, you are so absent-minded" Diane shakes her head as she looks at me with amusement. "We were just talking about James changing the math tests...."
"I don't think it's fair to Thea what you're doing" Diane and I are silent when we hear a very familiar voice speaking. "She's your girlfriend, you shouldn't do that."
"Is that Ben's voice?" Diane asks me in a whisper. "My boyfriend?"
I nod with wide eyes, surprised that he's talking about me.
"Who is he talking to?" I ask, confused.
The voices are still ringing and they seem to be coming from the passageway next door, right where the social studies section is.
"Thea won't have any trouble, Ben" and there we recognize the other voice, Mathew's voice. Diane and I move closer to listen better. "She always does what I ask her to do."
"Mathew" Ben sounds angry. "What you're going to ask her is totally stupid. You're going to lose her to Ariana's whims."
"Understand me, Ben!" Mathew seems to get a little upset. "You know I love Thea, I really do, but I can't risk turning Ariana down because she'll probably go complain to her daddy later and he'll end business with my family's company, don't you understand?"
"So what then, Mathew, what are you going to tell Thea?" Diane holds my hand tightly as I feel my eyes fill with tears. " Yeah? Is that what you're going to tell her, Mathew?"
"Ben, please understand me."
"I'm not going to understand you for s**t" Ben speaks again while I bite my lip to hold back the sob that struggles to escape. "I would never trade Diane for anything. You're my best friend, Mat, but don't count on me for this."
I slip out of Diane's grip and, before Ben and Mathew can leave, I turn around to get to where they are.
Mathew loses color in his face when he sees me, suddenly I compare him to a white sheet of paper, but I'm unmoved by it.
My hand collides hard on his cheek.
"We broke up" I tell him without looking away from his gaze. "And it's not a we broke up for a while..." I deny while I wipe my tears with the back of my hand. "It's over for good, Mathew."
And I turn around to run out of the library.
I hear Diane coming after me, but all I can do is bring my hand to my chest where it hurts, it hurts too much.
He just broke my heart.