The Broken

♪♪♪ Mirror shattered down Tried to piece it together, But just got pierced Then shattered and pierced And shattered once again. Oh, when will my heart be whole, Or will it be broken always? Broken always, broken always… ♪♪♪ I switched off the gramophone and faced the mirror. “Faith, this is the last time you’ll be playing that song,” I told myself and then genuinely smiled. As usual, I picked up my concealer that I used to hide my freckles on my nose and below my eyes. But then, there’s no point hiding them, now. So, I put it down¸ took my foundation, and applied it lightly. Looking at my black yet sparkling eyes, I decided not to put on my contacts, instead I applied nude eyeshadows with peach tone to blend with my skin color. I also added mascara and eye liner to highlight my big round yet twinkling eyes. For my cheekbones, I simply used a golden shade to add a natural radiance to my already glowing face. No need of adding contour, now. And finally, I put on a brown shade lipstick to finally create a natural look. I stood up and wore my red dress that was well-fitted to my voluptuous body, flauntling my right thigh with the side slit and part of my breast due to its plunging neckline. Lastly, I put on my two-inch heels with ankle straps, making me feel shorter as I was only 5 feet tall; nonetheless, it was comfortable and not painful to wear. I examined myself again in the mirror, and I just felt exposed. Could I really go out and let people see so many of my flaws? I smiled. It did not matter. Howard loved me regardless. I wore my coat and took a quick glance at my apartment. A few glass furniture standing on a white marble floor with blue grey veins that mirrored the middle wall as it was paneled with the same marble design was glistening and seemingly filling up the room with brightness. Thinking everything was polish and clean, I closed the door and drove my car to the restaurant where I would meet my fiancé, Howard Moon. As I walked towards our reserved table, I couldn’t help but notice other women who were all too slender and had flawless and white skin—exactly opposite mine. Most women here had almost the same body shape and skin color, except me and probably few others. One of my parents was not originally from here and unfortunately, I had acquired most of his genetics... well, my point was that the standard of beauty here relied heavily on how white, smooth, and slim a woman was. And I so happened to fail any of those categories. But then again, why should I blend in when I could stand out? So, I strut confidently and took a seat with a smile in my face. I didn’t order and waited for Howard. But after an hour, I remained alone on my table. Since I already sent him many messages but got no reply and called him countless times but didn’t answer, I started to worry. He was not usually this late in our date. What could have gone wrong? I hoped he wasn’t involved in some accident. But then, he wasn’t a reckless driver. He might had had an emergency meeting being the President of their family-owned manufacturing business. The moment I saw him coming, all my worries disappeared, but soon replaced by fear as he looked defeated. His disarrayed hair, slouched shoulders, weary eyes, ties loosened sloppily, and crumpled shirt all created this impression as though he had battled something extremely dreadful and he got beaten, terribly beaten. “What happened?” I tried to say calmly. He did not reply, instead he called the waiter and ordered a wine. He, then, succumbed himself into a complete silence while waiting for the waiter to come back. I also kept quiet and waited patiently for him to explain. But, he continued to look down while his hands were clasped together on the table. He was definitely not in his usual self. He used to be so engaging, so enigmatic, and always well-groomed. “Tell me, what’s going on, Howard?” I asked with a trace of panic in my voice. Before he could answer, the waiter returned, poured the wine, and left us. Howard drank the wine on his glass in a single gulp and uttered, “I am getting married." “Of course, we are,” I simply replied. “No, to other woman.” My heart skipped a beat. Slowly, I held my chest tightly, thinking it would prevent from feeling any pain triggered by Howard’s words, that seemed had turned into a sharp dagger stabbed right into my heart. And now that crushing pain seemed to have spread to my entire body that my hands started to tremble. Probably noticing it, he grasped my hand and I quickly looked at him. “I’m sorry, Faith. I really am.” Pain was also visible on his face. For two weeks, we had not seen each other because he, along with his family, went to Europe to have a vacation. Still, we had a constant communication. So, what happened? Did he cheat on me? He would not, but then, there were a few things I could not simply give to him. “Did you get that woman pregnant?” I asked in a low and cracked voice. “No, no, Faith. I would never...,” he deliberately stopped as he shook his head and then looked at me in a hopeless expression. “It’s really complicated.” “I deserve an explanation, Howard.” I replied, now in a steadier voice. I would not leave this place without hearing his reason for marrying other woman. Sensing my determination, he took a deep sigh and took his moment before speaking, “Do you remember Nancy Lee? I simply nodded. She was the only child of the Lee who was one of the richest and influential families here in Yeonghon City. Lee held a big share to the business of Moon’s family. He may had mentioned that to me twice only, but I remembered it as my memory was usually sharp. “You also know that the Lee family has helped our company not only thrive but survive when we faced financial crisis many times before. And now, we must pay that dues.” He uttered in a defeated voice. “By marrying that woman? But, you said she’s already married.” Something is definitely off, I just could not figure it out. “She got divorced a year ago. And since then, Mr. Lee has kept on insisting on marrying his daughter even if I refuse every time. And lately, he’s been taking aggressive actions like pulling out his shares, influencing other board members to do so, and even threatening investors.” “And just like that, you would throw away our relationship that we both have worked on for four years.” My words were etched with pain. “I tried, Faith, I tried to fight.” He said desperately. “Then, you could have told me, so we both could have fought." “I don’t want to further burden you with—" “And now, I’ll bear that burden alone, wouldn’t I?” I could not help but speak with an accusatory tone. He could not answer but only looked down. He’s clearly giving up. Should I, too? NO. “How about your parents? What did they say about this?” His father did like me, well, his mother, not really. Still, they had been supportive to our relationship and even congratulated us when we got engaged three months ago. “It’s my own decision, and they respect it. And I hope, you will, too.” He spoke in a pleading tone. “You’re being unfair. I could never...” I trailed off as I fought back my tears and thought quickly of a resolution. “We could run away, Howard,” I said desperately. He stared at me for a long time. “How about your job? You can’t just simply walk away--” “I can, Howard," I said confidently. Then, I quickly left some money on the table and grabbed Howard who obediently followed me. I took both our coats from the attendant, and we went to the parking lot where I spotted Sophie, Howard’s younger sister and my best friend. I felt as though that dagger in my heart was slightly drawn, but enough to give me hope. “Thank goodness, you’re here, Sophie. You need to help us. We’re planning to run away,” I told her in a single breath. Sophie stared at Howard who seemed to be helpless and then to me who was determined. “He’s not going with you, Faith.” Sophie finally said. “Of course, he is,” I uttered defiantly and tightened my grasp to Howard’s hand. “You would want Howard abandon us, just like how your family did to you,” she said in dismay. I looked down as guilt seemed to have enveloped my entire body, but I quickly shook it off. As Luther's family, they shouldn't turn him into some sort of p*****t to debt?” "It’s simply marriage, Faith. Before, you’re his only choice, but now, he has better, far better option. Nancy is a beautiful, sophisticated woman who comes from a rich and powerful family, while you are just this fat, ugly, orphan girl who thinks you're good enough for my brother,” she exclaimed. Her words were beyond harsh, but if other people uttered it, I will be unaffected. But, since it came from the person I dearly cared and loved as a sister, it was hurtful...more hurtful than when Howard told me that he was marrying someone else. It was as though Howard put that dagger but it was her that twisted and buried it deeper, wounding my heart beyond repairable. “Sophie, stop,” I heard Howard’s voice, not with authority but of pleading. Summoning all the courage left in me, I uttered firmly, “I will not give up, Howard." “Then, let him decide.” Sophie simply said. We both looked at Howard. And I started to repeat this mantra in my mind, “Please, choose me. Please choose me. Please, choose me.” After quite some time, Howard turned to me and uttered, “I’m sorry Faith, I choose my family.” Then, he let go of my hand and walked towards his car. “Don’t forget your coat… and the ring,” Sophie reminded him before getting in the car. Howard grabbed his coat and opened up his palm in front of me. I instinctively held my left hand and said pleadingly, “Howard…” I tried for the last time. Without looking at me, he forcefully seized my hand and took my ring… no, his ring. And as the car was moving away, I was still hoping it would stop but did not. Yet, I remained standing there I don’t know for how long. When a car suddenly honked behind me, it brought me back to the bitter reality, and I started walking towards my own car. I drove my way back to my empty apartment, went to my bedroom, and laid down. Tears soon trickled as I looked at my ringless finger. I should have thrown it to Howard’s face and cursed him... and his sister. Still, I could not force myself to feel hatred, but only pain that seemed to radiate from my body down to my soul. Slowly, I felt like disintegrating piece by piece. NO. I do not want to feel this type of pain again, so I brushed away my tears and took all the beer cans in the refrigerator. Not wanting silence to accompany me, I played rock songs and started drinking. After consuming three cans, I was soon singing, more of screaming along with the music and bobbing my head fiercely as though I were a mad woman possessed not by evil spirit but of overwhelming pain and trying all my might to shake it off from my body. When the music stopped in between, I was hearing a series of persistent knock. Probably my neighbors. Well, damned them... damned them all. So, I continued screaming and dancing wildly while drinking excessively. This was better than sulking or crying. But then, I was tripped down by the glass table with its jagged edges, and I fell hard on the cold floor. Why did it have to be this cold? Then, tried standing up but could not as every bone seemed to ache, I stayed sprawled on the ground. I knew I was not drunk yet, but my body did not want to move probably out of exhaustion. Then, I noticed the marble design on the floor extending to the wall was like mirror shards scattered all over, as though creating cracks on my home. Why did I even choose this design? Soon, tears flowed down once again and this time, I did not have any energy to stop them. They were like this heavy rain continuing to downpour as though I would be drowned by my own tears. But I did not... and I wished I would. Being able to move now, I curled slowly my body and hugged myself tightly as a realization finally hit me: I lost both my fiancé and my best friend in just a single day... and I was alone again.