Cold Hearted, You

01

NOTE: Please be aware of the chapters point of view.

01

6 YEARS LATER

Is it really necessary for each person in this world to change as time passes by? Surely, as someone grows or aged, they will have these physical changes that also involve mentally the more they get exposed to the world. No one really gets to stay the way they are no matter how much they try to.

Their change can be because of their friends' influence or the environment they have suddenly grown fondly off. Some do change… well, just because they want to! It can always be one of the options but people just keep using other people to blame. Some also choose to change to become a better version of themselves. But some… they choose to change because someone breaks them apart.

It was like a superstitious belief that if one person comes to the point where he becomes a whole different kind of person, there will be one person who will come to fix you. The person who truly cares for you and, what they say, is meant for you. Someone who can pick up the broken heart pieces of a broken person. What do they call it? Knight in shining, shimmering armor?

Come to think of it, it was really stupid! Whoever believes in that kind of fantasy is just someone who wants to escape reality. The reason why Aurora has a Prince to kiss and wake her up from a long sleep after getting cursed by Maleficent or Snow White being kissed by another prince after getting poisoned using an apple by her own step mother is to give those little girls have their own fantasies to sink in their mind during their childhood. But in reality, those kinds of things… it doesn’t exist.

Fantasies are just something that will give you useless hope at the very beginning where you will think that things will go well and everything is just filled with happiness while being hidden from the cruelty. Not every story is indeed a happy ever after ending like those fairytales say. And the only thing that could wake you up from that fantasy is once you already get through the pain of reality…

in which I already did.

As people are probably walking around the streets outside this tall residence and cars speeding up on the highways to get to their destination, the sun is probably shining brightly as well out there. In a room inspired by a black and white theme, the black curtain completely manages to avoid the shining sunlight rays outside that makes this beautiful room in beautiful darkness.

It’s peaceful, quiet and calm. Not until your own alarm decided to disturb your beautiful sleep early this morning.

I raised my arm, lazily, to reach for the night stand before turning off that annoying sound that keeps ringing into my ears. "You really know how to destroy my morning every single day,” I scolded with closed eyes.

Despite the laziness inside my head, I slowly raised myself with my arms supporting me. I rub my eyes gently to recover as I open my eyes to be welcomed by my pitch black room that I always love the most. A quiet morning without anyone trying to bother me, well except for my alarm clock. It’s an ideal morning.

I reached for a remote on my night stand and pressed a button which automatically opens the curtain by itself. Without paying much more attention to it, as the sunlight slowly enters my room, I walk myself to my bathroom and do my morning routine. I tied my hair in a bun and put on my skincare after washing my face and brushing my teeth before looking in the mirror, admiring my finished look.

“Now you’re ready!”

Next, I walk into a big room filled with hanging clothes and a side of a vanity table. I stood in front of my training clothes section, deciding on what to wear today for my morning workouts. I ended up changing into a black yoga pants and a grey fitted shirt before picking sneakers to wear. I took my phone and airpods with me to use so I can still have my inner peace before going out of my unit and using the elevator down to the residence gym.

"Good morning, Ms. Vargas! Should I call your personal trainer?" The female staff member who is in the reception area of the residence immediately says the moment I step out of the elevator. I looked at her and shook my head a little, forming a small smile.

"I’ll just run in the thread mill today. Thank you." I simply said.

Turning my back from her immediately, I walked inside the gym door and went to my usual spot. I put on my airpods first and play some music before setting up the thread mill so I can start running already. Since I have class today, I will just run for half an hour since I don’t have much time.

I am Krystal Erin Vargas and this… is how my morning is like every single day. I woke up from that dark room in peace then prepared for my morning workout in the gym that usually takes about half an hour to one before going back to my unit and preparing for class after that. I attend my classes regularly then go back home and spend my remaining peaceful day in there before taking a good sleep. If I am not lazy enough, I will go to the mall with my friends to shop and just have a little fun. It’s just a pretty simple daily routine but a pretty ideal one for me.

For the last two years, that is how I have been living my life. This residence I am living in is owned by my family which means I am, in fact, the future owner of this building but I careless about that now. All I care about is the benefits I have been getting since I started living here. It just gets so uncomfortable when the staff tries to give me special treatments and greet me every single time they bump into me. It gets irritating which is why I prefer just staying in my unit.

Currently I am 17 years old and will be turning 18 in five months. I have been living alone since I was technically about to turn 16 because I demanded so. The unit I am living in was supposed to be my 16th birthday gift from my parents but because of my demand, they ended up giving it to me earlier. And them? My family? They are living in that mansion I used to live in… the house that I used to love to stay at.

Since then, living alone has been what I really want to do anyway. It wasn’t tiring or boring to have my own space because I could literally decide how my day would go without anyone trying to order me around. My usual poker, cold face is a big help because I get to have my peace more since no one dares to approach me.

The staff was even talking about me during my first week here about how I look and my usual poker face but I care less! Maybe I used to get worried about how people would view me but that was before! Right now… my business is just my own. I don’t care about what they think of me anymore. After all, the people who can only accept who I am today are the only ones who are welcome in my current life.

"Ready the car in an hour,” I told the male staff who happens to be just at the gym door. He looks new.

“Do you need a driver to drive you, ma’am?” I stopped on my tracks after passing by his spot just a few inches away. With a straight face, lips formed in a thin line, I faced him that made nervousness and fear obvious in his face.

“Then should a minor who only owns a student license should go and drive the car by herself?” I questioned in a cold tone which caused him to panic.

I caught him fidgeting and eyes almost quivering as he avoided my look. Irritation filled me so instead of giving him an earful, which I have never done, I turned to my back as I kept on hearing his sorry behind me. I didn’t dare to give him any response as I continued to walk to the elevator but stopped mid-way when someone called for me.

“What is it, Manager Perez?” I questioned with arms crossed, looking at him with dull eyes. I raised a brow when I noticed his hesitation. What is it this time? “If you can’t talk then don’t waste my time again.”

But I shouldn’t have said that… his next words are probably meant for him wanting to dig on his own grave.

“Ms. Krystal, your sister,” I raised my gaze at him, piercely gazing, which caught him off guard. “Ms. Jessica Vargas is c-currently waiting i-in your room.”

It was enough for me to see almost everything in pitch black. I wanted to yell at him or even break any pieces I could break in this area but that would be bad for the other residents.

In a very deadly tone, I look down far away with thoughts running through my mind. “Didn’t I tell you that that woman is not allowed in my room?”

“I-i’m sorry, Ms. Krystal!” He immediately apologized, raising his voice a little. “The chairwoman says and orders us to give her the spare key to your units. We couldn’t say no…”

As my fist clenched, his voice slowly faced and almost made his last few words a whisper. I’m starting to lose control and want to make a scene here but I shouldn’t. Inhaling deeply, I released a shaky exhale as I slowly let go of my tight clench and tried to relax myself by repeating the word ‘calm down’ in my own mind. I turned my back on him and entered the elevator when it opened at the right time.

“Fire that male staff I just talked with after coming out of the gym.”

It was my last words to him before the elevator door closed without letting him answer back. My mind is pretty occupied as the elevator makes its way to my floor. They never get tired. Is it not obvious that I don’t want them around after those countless times of pushing them away every time they come here? If they aren’t, then I am. I’m tired of them pushing themselves to me!

The moment I stepped inside my unit, it was just as what the manager told me. A woman dressed in a khaki colored deep v neck jumpsuit with double buttons as a design on the waist. She paired it with a chunky heeled thong sandals and a white shoulder bag placed nicely on top of the center table. She is looking around my living room as if she hasn’t been here yet before.

“What are you doing here?” She turned to my direction and immediately put on a sweet smile she usually has on. I kept my face straight and didn’t dare to give her a look as I made my way to the kitchen to drink some water. This area is visible from the living area though it is meters away that is why she can manage to see what I am doing.

“I just came to visit you, Erin.” It was so sweet and calm that it’s getting itchy through my ear.

I gulp down the water before looking up to her only to see her approaching my spot. I sense what she might want to do so I immediately back up and walk out of my spot before she could even come closer. Disappointment was obvious in her face when I passed by her like she was just not there.

“You already saw me and already visited me so now... leave.” I said in a careless tone which made her look down. I look away when she puts on that usual sad face once again. “I need to prepare for class.”

I turned to my back but before I could even go back to my room, she suddenly called for my name. I stopped and faced her arch brows and lips sealed. My arms are crossed as my gaze is looking at her tiringly.

“I just returned from San Francisco,” My eyes immediately went to the shopping bags that filled one area of the couch. She pointed to those with a wide smile but her eyes said the opposite. “I got those for you! Those are the new designs of J&E. I hope you’ll like it.”

It's just the same routine over and over again. Every time she returns back from San Francisco, she would always come here with the same shopping bags that have a printed J&E brand name on those bags. It’s her own clothing brand that she built in San Francisco two years ago. She always makes sure to give the new collections to me. That is why it’s not new to me anymore.

She went to get the bags before approaching me and standing just a few inches away. She raised her hands, handing me the bags which I just stared at for a few seconds before looking up to her.

“Aren’t you tired of handing me things that I never dare to use even for once?” I pointed out without much care of what she might feel.

I watch as her hand slowly falls down to her sides like the clouds suddenly got inside her. She looks down, trying to hide her face from me which is really useful because I am inches taller than her. I have to look down a little just to look her in the eye but I have never done that for about two years now.

I didn’t care about what others felt anymore. Maybe that is the biggest part that changes in me. Back then, I loved being with my family, hanging out with my sister and friends and even getting recognized for every good thing that I have done and achieved. For so many years, I have kept my record straight with the students looking up to me like I am such an angel doing good deeds alone that they can take advantage of…

but that person… is all gone. Completely gone.

That person is gone since the day someone decided to play with my own feelings and use me for their own benefit. That person is gone since the day those people who promised me that they will be there whenever I needed a shoulder to cry on… didn’t fulfill their promise. That person is gone… because she is weak, too fragile that anyone can ruin her in just a snap. That Krystal Erin Vargas… is long gone.

She should have known that. She should have known her mistakes. Why am I like this towards her? Why I wanted to keep them away from my life. During the time that I needed her the most, she was nowhere to be found. She chooses to keep chasing her dream, leaving me in this dark cloud. I was the one who had to take over her supposed responsibility with our family business. It didn't matter back then but when I realized that I have to be the one to suddenly suffer while she is out there doing what she wants, it hits me.

"I will just leave it here…” She approaches the couch once again, putting her shopping bags on the floor. Her voice is shaky and her shoulders are down, reflecting what she feels deep inside her. I don’t feel guilty because… she left me. “As always.”

I remained my mouth shut and just let her do her thing. I leaned to the wall with my arms crossed as I waited for her to get out of my unit. It usually takes them less than 15 minutes to get out of here every single time they try to visit me. It’s either they will leave with sadness or disappointment. They should be used to that by now. I just never understand why they keep on turning a blind eye.

“I hope we can bond again just like old times, Erin. I really missed those days.” She said,

Those days? Those days when I was still blinded to your words? You told me that you would stay by my side and you will still be there even once you already go out there to chase your dream. I let you manipulate me by taking the responsibilities that you should have been obliging for years now! I was so stupid that I let take advantage of me and now… you want to go back to those old days? Why? Just so you can make use of me again?

Just like everyone else?

She approached me once again while I remained standing on my spot. I know what she wanted to do but I kept my position without bathing an eye on her. She tiptoed on her toes to be the same height as me. And when she was about to give me a kiss on the cheek, I turned my head away from her to give a clue that I don’t want it. She should have tried to attempt it.

A sigh escapes her lips as I slowly feel her hand slipping away from my shoulder. “I will leave now then,” She says in a small voice.

She turned to her back with her head down. I look at her back and watch her walk meters away from me before saying my words that would probably make her give up by this time. I am tired from this routine already.

“Do me a favor and don’t come back again.”

Those are my last words before turning to my back and making my way to my room. I didn’t care how she would react. I don’t care if she is hurt or cries in river in my own living room. She just needs to make sure that I won’t see a single stain of tears on my carpet. Tears are only for the weak, that is why I don’t want to see anyone crying in front of me.

It’s just the same question in my head. Why do they keep coming at them when I keep on pushing them away? If we are talking about stubbornness, they should be off by that attitude now. They are adults and they should know whether one wants to be seen or met by them. Can’t they even sense that?

Just the other night, our mother came here and invited herself in my unit on her own just like what happened today with my sister. They know that I wouldn’t dare to open the door for them or would even pretend that I am not inside or is sleeping just so I can avoid them. That is why they resort to taking the spare key from the manager despite my order to not give it to them. It’s the same with our father who came last week.

Everything that I have right now came from my own hard work. Since I left that mansion, except for this unit and my tuition, I have been paying for everything that I owned. Starting from my basic necessities, bills, food and even the monthly payment for the car that I owned which I have been making a designated driver to drive for me to the place I wanna go is all paid by me.

It was all possible because of those modelling jobs that I have been continuously receiving for known bag brands. They pay a huge amount of money and all I need to do is pose for them while making use of those bags. That is why I have tons of new bags every month from each brand every time they release a new collection. I was just lucky that they keep on getting me as their model which makes my monthly income steady.

As for my parents, they are still sending me money to the bank account that they opened for me back then. The only difference is that I don’t use it. I don’t know how much money is in that card anymore because I never dare to open it. Since I got that modeling job, I opened my own account to the bank that is owned by my friend’s family. That is why it was easier for me. That account is the only one that I used since then.

I look at myself in the mirror, dressed in our school uniform. A white long sleeve blouse tucked in beige colored skirt that ends a little lower to my mid thighs. I wore a red blazer instead of using our navy blue one with a cross over tie on my blouse collar. I wore high knee black socks and a pair of oxford shoes to complete the look.

I managed to live freely for the past two years by myself. I could eat properly, have money to shop from those expensive brands and do whatever I want. I manage to do all of that without them by my side. They left me during my dark days so it’s only right for me… to choose to live like this. They weren’t there.

They should be responsible for it.

“I don’t need any of you.” I whispered.