le décéption

We've known each other for a long time, you and me. Almost always. Childhood loves weigh only the weight of a feather. Who really cares? Who cares about their intensity? Of the joy and sorrow they carry with them? They make adults smile, but do they take them into account when it comes to planning for the future? I was four years old and not all my teeth yet. It was the first time that I left the warm cocoon of my little family universe for an unknown world that scared me. We had just moved to Montreal, in this big city where I didn't know anyone. Dad had just been promoted, but I wasn't sure what that meant. To me, all this strangeness was frightening. I was tiny, with slender legs and arms, a slim weasel face where big brown eyes ate half of my cheeks. The only thing that was a little remarkable about me was my mane of red hair, long and curly, a beautiful fire color. My family was uneventful. Three kids, two brothers older than me who liked me and teased me just as much. I was a happy little girl, even though I didn't know it yet. Happiness is a very abstract notion, especially among children. Often we appreciate it when we lose it. My parents had decided it was high time, when I was four, that I "socialized". This is why I found myself, on a beautiful Monday morning in September 1994, in the vestibule of the nursery "Les Loulous de Marie". Lady Marie greeted me with enthusiasm, leading me towards a large room where a noise of screams and laughter drew me like a promise. I let go of my father's hand almost without realizing it and I entered the sphere where you reigned like a little king. There were about twenty kids in this marvelous room, lined with large drawings, where colorful shelves crammed with toys and open books. Some children were younger than me, and one or two babies were crawling on the ground. -Hello, friends, this is Noelle. She's going to be part of your group. Sudden silence and the end of the activities of the little band. They were all looking at me with intense curiosity. News ... tiny news ... what a godsend! I hid myself behind Marie's back to crush a small tear with the tip of my finger. -Nelle, don't be embarrassed. Everyone can't wait to get to know you. Here are Lucas, Lilou, Marianne, Jade, Olivier and Erwan. Friends, be nice to Noelle. It's difficult because she doesn't know anyone here. Erwan, will you take care of her? It was you. Serious as an actor getting a leading role, you nodded and took my hand. You led me to the table to make room for me and pushed a big box of crayons towards me to welcome me. In your own way, at the height of your well-established five years old, you were a lot taller than me, at least four inches. You looked like a nice rascal, with your hair in battle and your mischievous black eyes. Head down, I looked at you out of the corner of my eye, impressed by your laughter and captivated by that remarkable ease you already possessed. It was you who asked the question that everyone else kept on the tip of their tongue: -Why your name is Noelle? Are you Santa's daughter? Or is it your grandfather? ”I couldn't help but smile and said in a very small voice.“ No, of course! But my birthday is Christmas Day.-Christmas Day? You're in luck! I had always thought the opposite, because it prevented me from having a normal birthday party, like all other children, at a time of the year when no one would have thought of anything but me when my age changes were struggling to find a place in the hustle and bustle of the year. I looked up, I smiled at you. Everything was decided at that moment. In the magic of childish love at first sight, we have become inseparable little lovers. Very quickly, you became my daily love date. I only saw you. I was only talking about you. Erwan here, Erwan there ... It was always a delight to leave for daycare in the morning, because I knew I was going to see you. When we met, you were wriggling like a fish in water. You trained me in your games, making up the most beautiful stories for me, inspired by the ones you watched on TV. It was always me the princess, the fairy, the mermaid, the prisoner to be freed. In the evening, at home, I had a lot to talk about. The prowess of my serving knight made my parents smile. My brothers couldn't make fun of me anymore. I didn't care. Erwan was the most handsome, Erwan was the strongest. Erwan was my friend forever. We had sworn never to leave each other The only downside in this idyllic life is Dagobert, the dog, the very big dog of the Loulous de Marie, of whom I was terrified. The enormous Saint Bernard was used to children and adored them. But it was the first time that I had seen such a huge animal. In addition, this nice long-haired monster had decided to welcome me by washing my face with great licks. Frozen in place with fear, I hadn't reacted. The brave doggie did not understand my reaction. He was lying on my feet, covering my sneakers with his two paws, trapping me in his warmth. You came to my rescue right away, grabbing the huge beast by the collar to get it away from me. Attentive knight, you were then mounted on his back, astride him, whispering in his ear that I had to give me time to get used to him, that I came from an unknown elsewhere, from another kingdom where the gentle dragons were not allowed to scare the tiny princesses. The dog understood perfectly. He had dropped to the ground, sighing breathlessly, looking at me like a ... beaten dog. The brave beast must have been even more traumatized than I was. It was the first time that his offer of friendship had been refused in this way. I often wondered what had gone through his mind because, that same evening, the laces of my espadrilles were completely nibbled and soaked in sticky slime. The next morning, you, my heroic knight, decided to avenge me. The dragon had to be punished for the outrage he had inflicted on me. During the siesta, while all the little Loulous were quiet, you motioned for me to follow you quietly. We took refuge in the toilet, leaving the door ajar. With a professional whistle, you ordered the slumped dog, who had been following us out of the corner of his eye, to join us. -Dagobert, here! With a delicious shiver of awe, I saw the beast shake and come towards us. The three of us found ourselves locked in the small room. You then took out a pair of scissors from your pocket. Then you proceeded to "cut the dog's hair" to punish him for eating my shoelaces. I was amazed and delighted with your boldness. Huge tufts of hair fell to the ground. The animal let it go without flinching and became, from moment to moment, a caricature of itself. My fear disappeared as if by magic. -Stop, Erwan! He's punished enough like that. Magnanimous, you put the scissors back in your pocket. We left the bathroom quietly, leaving our victim in the middle of an ocean of black and white hairs. Madame Marie screamed when she saw her dog scalped like this. She wondered which of her kitties was the author of this big nonsense. Suspicion fell on you but, stoic in the face of adversity, you said nothing, confessed nothing. Neither am I. I was so proud of you. I loved you so much. When I go over this nice movie in my head, I can't help but smile.Nobody understood the rest but, Dagobert and I, we became the two best friends in the world. **** Adventures like this one there, we have known a few good dozen. I was living enchanted days, weeks and months. It was happiness! I remember a very special day. It was raining and snowing at the same time. You came to play with me in the basement of the house. It must have been a Saturday. With the couch cushions and a blanket, we had built a cabin and had eaten a handful of cereal. We lay down one by one side to side, eyes fixed on the cushions balanced unsteadily above us. We were fine. Everything was perfect. And there, most seriously, you said these words that I have never forgotten: -Later, when we grow up, we will get married and we will always stay together. Will you? ”I curled up against you and kissed you on the mouth, like a grown-up, like the girls in the movies my brothers were watching. You closed your eyes with a sigh of happiness. An hour later, hearing no noise, my mother found us asleep, protected by the walls of our dream. It was a secret between us. A big secret. I never told anyone about it. Not even to my mother. Neither do you, I think. It was too serious to take the risk of being laughed at by adults. Weeks and months went by. We were together all the time. You were there when I blew out the candles of my fifth birthday. You taught me to recognize letters and to read a few words in my alphabet book. I knew better how to count than you. My brothers were showing me the tens, the hundreds, the billions of millions ... You said that it was not possible to count that far and that, of course, it stopped somewhere. You were probably right, that year we had chickenpox, we had lice, we had the same colds, the same sores. We learned to ride a bicycle without the small wheels, we managed to stand on skates and skis, we saw the same shows for children. We were enrolled in the same kindergarten for the next school year. There was no doubt that we were never going to part. The clouds were gathering above our little heads, without our realizing it. One evening, when we were all with family around the table, a black chasm opened up beneath my feet. Dad told us about a great adventure. In three weeks, just at the start of summer, we would be leaving our home, our city. We were going to go to another country, across the sea. We would have the chance to learn another language, to make new friends. Dad was now a partner in the company where he worked. He was so proud. That was great, right? I knew right away that we were going to be apart, you and me. My eyes drowned. I didn't want this new adventure. Dad wanted to hug me. I pushed him away with anger. I hated him. Inconsolable! I cried for three days, refusing to eat. You, your pain was expressed in fury. I've seen you kick doors, punch walls, tear books to punish you so you have a good reason to cry. We were promised sea and world. That we could phone each other, that we would see each other again soon, next year, one day ... It sucked! We knew that adults told us anything to make us feel less guilty. Skype did not yet exist. The Internet was stammering. We immediately understood that we weren't going to see each other for a long, long, long time. Our grief took all the place. We can get old really fast in just a few weeks! Do you remember our last day? You came to say goodbye to me. Your mother had come with you and Mom had invited her for coffee in the kitchen. We took refuge in my empty room since all my things were already packed in crates. We sat cross-legged on the floor, facing each other, holding hands. We couldn't talk. Just being together was enough, it was important since there was a long desert ahead. How were you going to grow up, my love? Who would you meet who would take my place in your heart, my beloved Erwan? A hubbub at the bottom of the stairs. You got up abruptly. You searched in your pocket and took out a small pink stone, all shiny, that you have placed in my hand, the most beautiful of all your collection of treasures. And there, in the cloudy mirror of our tears, you made the most improbable promise that a kid not quite six years old could ever make: -Don't be sad, Noelle of my life. I will never forget you. One day I will find you. I promise you on my heart! ”Through the living room window, I watched you go. You had the courage not to turn around. I followed my family into the unknown, living my heartbreak of misunderstood love. No one around me felt this intolerable absence that kept me from smiling and marveling. All believed that time and the discoveries to come would fix things. I went through my childhood as a lone traveler. I have become a serious little girl, too old and too melancholy. For years, I have hoped to see you again. I waited for a miracle, a sign from you. We would come back to our country from time to time, especially during the holidays to see our grandparents, but never to Montreal where you lived. We had lost contact. Dad's successive promotions have taken us to several continents. In the long run, our extravagant wanderings have almost consoled me for your loss, without ever making me forget it. I believe that if I have managed to grow, it is because I have never forgotten your promise. "One day, I'll find you, Noëlle of my life!" In a corner of my childhood heart, I never stopped waiting for you.. When we only have love to share With you Nadine, I have much more ... I have your heart, I have your joy, I have your body, I have you and your love for me ... When we only have love You and me ... 50 years of happiness in front of us, It's intoxicating, exhilarating, Exciting, reassuring ... The sun shines in our hearts, Fervor invades our bodies, The stars shine brightly ... The morning shows us the way, We advance side by side, Hand in hand, fingers intertwined Towards our destiny ... At the end of the road A cozy nest in a field of love Bordered by caresses ... In the middle, the tree of happiness with at its feet, A nest of feelings and the source of kisses ... As far as the eye can see, a bed of pleasure, Flowers of thoughts , a sky of desires ... In the distance, the lake of love And her gentle waves ... We have you and me more than that ... We live for each other ... I love you my Heart I love you I love you is a short word That many people have said without love I would like for you to invent a new one To prove to you how much I love you too much I could tell you that you are the man of my life But this too has often been said That I can't do without you It's true but it's been often repeated I looked for a long time for what could replace These sweet words expressed But as I found nothing I will just repeat to you That my heart is filled with love for you You are my joy, my treasure, my life There are many other words on earth To tell you how much I love you But they do not express never really What I feel for you You are the air I breathe, the wind that caresses me, the rain that wets me, the sun that heats me, the star that guides me, the moon that lights me up, my world. The rose that I smell, the grass that I touch, the waves that carry me to distant horizons, the sand under my feet leaving imprints with each of your passages. Your mouth that desires me, your eyes that smile at me, your hands that touch me, my heart that capsizes. You are my nights and my days, my dreams and my desires, my strength and my sweetness, my patience and my will. In your arms I feel the most beautiful of women, the most loving, the sweetest, the only, the unique. In your eyes I get lost and I discover myself. In your words I drown endlessly. Let's take what's to be taken, let's give what's to be given, let's keep this desire, this love and this strength for eternity, no matter what. I loved you, I love you and I will love you, your princess between earth and sun. You are the air I breathe, the wind that caresses me, the rain that wets me, the sun that heats me, the star that guides me, the moon that lights me up, my universe. The rose that I smell, the grass that I touch, the waves that carry me to distant horizons, the sand under my feet leaving imprints with each of your passages. Your mouth that desires me, your eyes that smile at me, your hands that touch me, my heart that capsizes. You are my nights and my days, my dreams and my desires, my strength and my sweetness, my patience and my will. In your arms I feel the most beautiful of women, the most loving, the sweetest, the only, the unique. In your eyes I get lost and I discover myself. In your words I drown endlessly. Take what is to be taken, let's give what is to be given, let's keep this desire, this love and this strength for eternity, no matter what. I loved you, I love you and I will love you, your princess between earth and sun