REJECTED

SUPRESS MY FEELINGS

Watching her weep like an infant, Lillian asked the woman, "What happened to you? I'm right here for you if you need to vent."

While snivelling, Emily couldn't communicate her pain anymore. Lillian, accordingly, spoke, "It freaks me out when you get all quiet on me like this. I'm your friend. If there's anything you need, I've got you. Stop worrying about useless things now."

After wiping her tears with Lillian's handkerchief, Emily expressed her gratitude, "Thanks. It's so nice to know that you have my back. Either way, I need to solve this on my own."

Emily finally smiled at Lillian to show her appreciation for her. Although she had been nothing but trouble since they met, Lillian has been extremely kind to her.

While gently smiling at Emily, Lillian spoke, "What’s troubling you, girl? You keep confusing me with your behaviour today. I hope you’re fine now."

“I am okay now. It’s all thanks to you,” responded Emily.

While gently stroking her hair, Lillian was quick to remark, “You can come to me whenever something is bothering you.”

Lillian then went away to work while Emily stayed behind in her room. Since she couldn't arrange a place this early, she had to keep herself hidden in the servant's quarter while making sure she doesn't get caught, especially by Mister Wagner.

Since Emily settled idly on the bed, she took out a book from her backpack and began reading. As she read, she couldn't help but compare her situation with the protagonist in the book. To her surprise, she was now beginning to understand her feelings towards Madeline. 

"So, this is what love feels like," spoke Emily while thinking about Madeline. “If I hadn’t come here at the capital, I would have been stuck in that small town forever.”

Emily likewise compared her life in the capital with her town. She knew she could achieve more here while being closer to Madeline. Although they can’t be lovers, she would still get to see her face. Although she didn't want to give up yet, the facts prompted her. 

"Maybe, Mister Wagner would let me stay if I sincerely apologised,” suggested Emily, On her own, the lassy debunked the idea as she spoke, “ I'm not sure if he'd listen to me as he's a crude man, but I need to give it a try.”

Anyways, she decided to give it one last try. Since her last meeting with the grandfather was a bit awkward, she doubted that she'll be granted mercy. 

"Worrying isn't going to take me anywhere," After telling her to calm herself down, Emily reminded herself, "This time he said he'd evacuate me to another faraway place. It's not as bad as losing my neck. I've become quite shameless while living here. I wouldn't have done such a thing in my town."

With a burst of unnecessary laughter, Emily then hurried out of the room and headed to look for Mister Wagner in his office. As she dashed towards the senior man's office, her fingers began trembling in fear. 

Nonetheless, she charged forward and opened the door to approach the crude man, "We need to talk, sir."

The young woman, however, was taken aback when she found him collapsed to the ground, writhing in pain. She rushed to grab the telephone and called for an ambulance. 

The ambulance reached within five minutes. They carried the man to the hospital, and Emily accompanied him.

Later in the evening, Madeline rushed as well to the hospital to meet up with her sick grandfather.   

As she entered the hospital ward where Mister Wagner got admitted, she let out in a concerned voice, "Grandfather!"

The nurse gestured to Madeline to maintain the silence as she explained, "He's sleeping. Let's not wake him up. His situation is much more stable now."

While Madeline got quieter, the nurse informed her in a hushed tone, "Let me tell you. A blonde girl about your age brought him in earlier today. She was a big help. She stayed right by his side until everything settled down. Furthermore, she refused to go anywhere until we promised to contact his granddaughter."

While Madeline speculated it could be Emily, the nurse further spoke, "Your grandfather's lucky that the girl was around to save him. She was such a sweetheart!"

After understanding the whole situation, Madeline returned to her grandfather's ward and sat beside him quietly.

After an hour or so, Emily too arrived at the spot. Since she was resting in the waiting room, she decided to visit the senior man before leaving.

To Emily's surprise, Madeline had already arrived at the spot. She, therefore, tried to retreat, "I didn't know you were here. Since you've arrived, I'll go back."

"Don't go yet," demanded Madeline, and Emily stopped at the very spot. 

Madeline then moved out of the grandfather's ward and instructed Emily to follow behind as she wanted to discuss something with her. Upon reaching the terrace of the building, they stood near the railing. Emily feared her heart might break into millions of fragments if she'd steal even a glance of Madeline. She could no longer see her in pain.

'It's so hard to look her in the eye,' worried Emily while holding her breath.

She was so nervous that she didn't even know if she should even say anything at that moment. 

Madeline, on the other hand, stood completely silent while Emily even worried about their eyes meeting one another's. She also feared that she might end up appearing ludicrous and say something inappropriate to the alpha. 

'No, I need to say something to her. Even though she got betrothed to another, I can be a friend to offer her help. I must clear the misunderstandings that I created by babbling about my feelings earlier,' concluded Emily in her head. She knew that silence wouldn't do her justice.

"Alpha Madeline, I just wanted to--" spoke Emily while hesitation was still prevalent in her voice.

Madeline intervened as she reminded Emily, "Call me Madeline. It is my name. You told the nurse to call his granddaughter, but you didn't give her a specific name to contact."

While Emily glared dumbfounded, Madeline further told her, "I can only assume you haven't been using my name because you can't remember what it is."

Though unsure about the reason why Madeline brought that up, Emily tried to clarify, "No, I was--"

She stopped in the middle as she realised that she was just too shy to say her name after being kissed by her. Whenever she used to take her name, her lips used to tremble while her heart raced against her will. 

"You may be a student, but it doesn't feel like you're younger since we're almost of the same age. It might feel weird to you. Even so, I feel like it's appropriate to address one another through our first names. Being a handmaiden to me is like being a family," reminded Madeline. "You're family from now onwards."

As Madeline's hair moved because of the wind, they caught Emily's attention. As a result of that, she glared directly into her eyes. 

'What she'd just day?' wondered Emily in her head while looking at her peerless face. Emily wasn't able to process her thoughts appropriately as Madeline's face grew even more magnificent in the moonlight. 

Before responding to Madeline's kind words Emily realised Madeline herself has never addressed her with her first name. If she were to call her by her first name, she wanted the same thing for herself as well.

Before Emily would say anything, Madeline intervened, "Anyways, would you please tell Ferdinand that there's no need to worry and about grandfather's health? He must be worried sick."

"I will remember to do that," Emily nodded and then went away, wishing the alpha with a smile, "Goodnight, Madeline."

While Madeline returned to her grandfather's ward, Emily walked back to the mansion. That night Emily was so glad that she felt as if she was on top of the world. She hadn't been acquainted with this feeling lately, especially after the argument with Mister Wagner. 

Upon reaching the mansion, she had asked the messenger to inform Ferdinand regarding Mister Wagner's health while she had headed for her room. That was the only day she slept soundly since her arrival in the capital. The alpha's acknowledgement of her kindness made her feel as if she had gotten a little closer to her.

The next day, Emily got ready, prepared a healthy breakfast in the kitchen and rushed to the hospital to attend to the alpha. 

"Hello, Madeline!" greeted Emily while smiling sheepishly. "How's the grandfather's health, Madeline?"

After addressing her by her name twice, Emily was beyond embarrassed to look her in the eyes.

"I'm going to head inside," responded Madeline without responding to the handmaiden's enthusiasm. 

She, too, obediently followed behind Madeline. 

As they reached inside, Mister Wagner hung his head in shame upon seeing Emily and apologised, "Forgive me, dear. I've been quite prejudiced towards you. After wielding the pressure of everyday life, I've become quite crude in my behaviour."

Before Emily could respond, the grandfather further commanded, "Regarding my earlier instruction of urging you to move out, I would like to change that. You're allowed to provide your services to my grandaughter while pursuing your studies. Since Madeline clarified the earlier misunderstandings, I would like to make up for my mistake by insisting on you to accept the offer and stay here with us."

While smiling gleefully, Emily responded, "You're making me embarrassed by apologising. I was at fault too. Thank you for your kind offer."

"Yes, please take care of my Madeline as a sister. Since she works herself too much, she doesn't even give much priority to her health. That becomes a problem at times," reminded the grandfather.

Though Emily was willing to be of service to Madeline, she hesitated to regard Madeline as her sister. While Emily was happy to receive the honour of being together with the alpha, she realised that she needed to suppress her feelings for her. 

If anybody were to find out that she was developing feelings for a woman while being a woman herself, she might lose her neck. Even though the choice of suppressing her emotions was an obvious one to make, she assured the concerned man by saying, "I will make sure that all of her needs are taken care of."

As Madeline left the room, she whispered into Emily's ear, "I wonder what can you offer me as a sister?"

Emily looked at her with an open mouth as Madeline walked away from the room. It was weirdly enticing for Emily to become her handmaiden.

In a low tone, the woman whispered to herself, "No matter how much you play with me, I will suppress my feelings for you until they have ceased to exist. I don’t want to intervene in your relationship with Prince Ferdinand."

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AUTHOR’S NOTE

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