Beautiful Catastrophe

Chapter Eighteen:

Kim couldn't sleep at all that night. She managed to shake out of Nathan's arms and put some clothes on before making her way quietly out to the balcony. It was five in the morning but Las Vegas was still truly awake. She looked out at the beautiful view of bright lights before her while Stephen's words continued to invade her thoughts: Nathan's parents aren't the only ones Kevin Green took away from him.

The realisation that there was more misfortune to Nathan's already tragic story made Kim's chest ache. She felt more sympathy for him than anyone she had ever met before. It crushed her to wonder what else may have happened to him, and how much more he had to deal with in his past. All of this made her realise that she truly did care about Nathan, as much as she didn't want to believe that, it was the truth.

She had been up all night worrying about him and trying to figure out how much more there was to his story. Her head hurt, her eyes itched with hunger for sleep and her heart felt heavy in her chest. She brought her knees to her chest and rested her chin on them before letting out a deep breath.

All of a sudden, Kim felt another weight on her chest. She remembered Stephen's warning about not hurting him and couldn't overlook it. Maybe she didn't mean enough to Nathan to be able to hurt him, but she knew for sure what they had between them certainly would. The realisation came after she thought about all of this running around and jumping into bed with one another they would soon enough end up in D.C and never speak again. Maybe their relationship that wasn't really a relationship needed to be nipped in the bud before any feelings grew stronger.

"Hey." Kim almost jumped at the sound of Nathan's voice, barely above a whisper. He too had thrown some clothes on and was standing at the door of the balcony observing at her.

"Hey." She smiled at him, although she really didn't feel like smiling. Nathan sensed her sorrow and took a seat across from her, wondering what was wrong. "I'm sorry, did I wake you? You should probably go back to bed."

"No it's fine really. I woke up and noticed you were gone."

"It's beautiful isn't it?" Kim eyed the view ahead of her again for a moment before looking back at him.

"It sure is." It took him a minute or two to turn his head to face her again and once his eyes connected with hers, he spoke. "Is something wrong?" He seemed concerned, she hesitated then.

"I don't think we should do this anymore." Kim eventually spit out what was on her mind and instantly noticed the expression of hurt creep up on his features. He was confused.

"What? Why?" he remained calm but couldn't quite understand why she was saying the things she was saying.

"Nathan, you know there are a million things wrong with what we're both doing. It's not that I don't want to I, I just don't think it's the best idea-"

"But it's just s*x, remember?" he recalled the same words she had used in the beginning of all of this.

"I know I just- I don't want either of us to get hurt."

"We won't." he looked her dead in the eye then, both still remaining relaxed.

"I just keep thinking that after all of this, we're going to have to go to D.C and then that will be it. And I don't know about you, but that makes me feel... different than I expected."

"Well what if we didn't go to D.C?" his words made her hold her breath and inspect him with her eyes for signs that this was a joke.

"You wouldn't do that."

"How do you know?"

"Because that's ridiculous. As much as I don't want to face whatever it is I'm going to face when I get there, you'd never agree to just run away with me- again."

"I'm not so sure anymore Kim. I think that maybe we shouldn't go to D.C, just until I figure out a plan."

"A plan?" she asked, confused.

"A plan to prove you're innocent. To prove that you're father tricked you into making the software."

"You would do that for me?"

"Yes." Nathan's tone told her that there wasn't any other answer. It all felt a bit strange.

"I can't just keep running away."

"Sometimes running away is the best way to deal with your problems." His words were deep with meaning; it felt as though he was talking from previous experience along with her situation.

"I- I don't know what to say." She really was lost for words.

"Then don't say anything at all." His voice was gentle and for once, Kim listened to him.

Next of all, Nathan stood up and sat beside her on the outdoor love seat. He tugged her close to his chest and wrapped his arms around her, the familiar sweet smell and feeling of her presence was comforting for him and his thoughts.

This couldn't be the best option, but then again, going straight to D.C didn't feel like a particularly amazing plan either. Maybe she was prolonging her time with him instead of facing what needed to be faced with the CIA but she didn't care right then, just snuggled closer to Nathan. He nuzzled her neck and took in her scent. There was a comfortable silence between the pair for a little while until Kim spoke, wanting to change the topic of conversation to something lighter.

"Want to play twenty questions?" she turned her head slightly to look up at him and saw him chuckle, feeling his chest vibrate on her back.

"Alright then."

"If you could be anything at all, other than a CIA agent, what would you be?" she asked, curiosity taking over.

"That's easy." He said shortly after she finished her question. "I'd work at McDonald's." Nathan deadpanned, followed by Kim erupting into blissful laughter. It was like music to his ears then, he savoured it completely.

"You know, I could see you working there actually. The uniform would look great on you."

"Kim anything could look great on me. You could put me in a bin liner and I'd still be fuckable."

"God, you're insane." She rolled her eyes before grinning like an i***t. "Although there's nothing at all wrong with working in McDonald's, I doubt you're being serious so I need an actual answer since I'm wasting my question on it."

"I'm not sure. I always wanted to do this. I mean, when I was younger I was very good at football but not good enough to go anywhere with it."

"Was it not difficult when you were younger and your parents were working? I'm sure their missions would probably be very long."

"They began working normal hours with more office type work after they had me. They decided it was the best thing to do."

"Oh, I see."

"Right, my turn. Since you asked two in a row, I get to do the same."

"If you could have a super power, what would it be?"

"I think I'd like to be able to fly. Or no, maybe it would be good to read people's minds. Or-"

"You have to pick one." He chuckled.

"No, I'll just stick with flying."

"Okay, question ten... What's your favourite colour?" Kim paused the very moment his words filled her ears. He did seem genuinely interested, it made her feel happy but she knew it really shouldn't.

"Purple. What's yours?"

"Red."

"Your turn again."

"If you could go anywhere in the world, where would be it?"

"Hmm... that's a difficult one."

"Take your time."

"Hawaii." Nathan scoffed after she answered his question.

"Really?"

"Well who wouldn't want to be in Hawaii right now, I mean c'mon? I know it sounds cliché Nathan but it's my first choice. I've never been."

"Me either." His voice trailed off.

"That's where I'm going to go when all of this s**t is over. I'm going to run away to Hawaii." She snuggled closer to him and yawned after she spoke.

Of course, Nathan chuckled at her words. She wasn't being serious, he could tell by her tone. But there was sorrow when she spoke, and that was something that both confused and saddened Nathan at the same time.

"Nathan?" Kim's voice was shaky, it made Nathan snap out of any daze that he was beginning to fall into.

"Yeah?"

"Should I be nervous about tomorrow?"

"No, of course not." His arms tightened around her then involuntarily. Nathan felt a sudden need to protect her.

"Okay."

"Kim?" Nathan said gently as he played with her hair. There were still a couple of unanswered questions eating away at him. He was nosey and too curios for his own good about her.

"Hmm." She mumbled. He could tell then that she was getting tired.

"Do you miss anyone?" Nathan wasn't exactly asking about Chicago, the question was about Portland too.

"I'm not sure." Kim said after a long pause.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, I don't know whether there is a point in missing people that are out of my reach. I don't know how my life is going to go from here, but I certainly don't think it's going to go back to normal again. My friends in Portland were great, but I haven't really been thinking about them. My friendship with them was different to the ones I had when I lived back in Chicago."

"In what way?"

"In lots of ways. The friends I had back in Chicago were completely different to the ones I made in Portland. I knew all of them my whole life -well I thought I knew them."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"They left me really disappointed."

"Because they wouldn't move away with you?"

"Can we talk about something else now?" Kim failed miserably at changing the subject in a subtle way but hoped he wouldn't keep urging her to explain her reasons for hating her old friends.

Although Nathan knew there was something particularly fishy about the entire thing, he did as she asked and stayed quiet. The fact that whenever Kim's friends were mentioned, she was always holding back, and keeping this big secret from him about them made him even more interested despite knowing he probably would never get the information out of her.

Nathan thought that whatever it was her friends had done, it was something unforgiveable and difficult to talk about. But what Nathan didn't know was that unforgiveable thing also had something to do with Shane. Kim almost cringed at the thought of explaining to Nathan the story of how she lost her best friends and her boyfriend at the same time. She didn't forgive or forget, and that was understandable considering the circumstances.

"Maybe we should go to bed." Nathan finally spoke. He could hear her breaths begin to get heavier by the minute and knew she was probably falling back to sleep.

"Hmm." She answered again in that same sleep tone like before.

"C'mon. Kim." He whispered in her ear and shook her a little but she didn't budge.

It took him some time to get up off of the love seat since she had been lying on him. Once he did so, he picked her up gently and began to carry her.

"Nathan." She groaned.

"Shut up Kim, you're lucky I didn't make you walk to bed."

"You shut up." Kim's voice was soft and relaxed, her words made him laugh a little.

"We have a busy day ahead of us tomorrow, so we need to sleep in an actual bed and not on the balcony of our hotel room."

Nathan put her down in bed and got in beside her. Kim felt his weight on the bed and moved closer to him under the covers.

"Night Nathan." She whispered before falling back to sleep again, this time her mind a little more at ease from the conversation with Nathan. Although her mind still wandered into all of the endless possibilities of what Stephen's words could have meant earlier, Nathan's arms were comforting enough to make her forget for a little while.

In the short couple of minutes Kim had before she fell asleep, she realised she was not the only one of the pair that had been hurt badly. She decided it was time to treat Nathan a little nicer than before, he too had been through a lot and still was trying to make her feel better. Bringing her to the ballet had been a perfect example. Kim needed to give him a break, and she promised to do so tomorrow.

Meanwhile Nathan was almost panicking about his feelings towards Kim. As he held her close, his arms wrapped tightly around her, he felt at ease, he felt relaxed and context. But most of all he felt terrified because Kim was dangerous for his heart, and she didn't even know it yet.