BATTLING FEARS

Obsession

Dr Gabriela seemed intrigued and interested in this conversation. She raised her eyebrows and scribbled something down on her note. 

"Okay, Okay, this is getting really interesting. So you mean your parents often brainwash you by using the negative occurence of the world. At what age did this start?"

"I am not sure. I do know when i was five my mum had told me not to attend a friend's birthday party because her brother was a murderer and he was wanted the police. There was this other time my parents moved to a new neighborhood and warned me not to ever speak our new neighbours because they had a black cat and the owner looked like on in cult...i mean there are so many scenerio where my parents instill fear in me" 

"Okay...this all started since when you were a child. Is it still going on now?" 

"I am an adult now. I get really angry when i hear them speak about this and prefer to stay at my friend's place instead" 

"Interesting. Now all their talks annoy you, bore you and irritate but it doesn't matter much. They are just words of their mouth. What do you think about the world though? Do you think everyone is against? Does it ever feel everyone you see is a menace to you and you have yo be careful?' 

"Yes. It's something i can't help with. It's difficult for me walking down the street and smiling at a stranger or talking to someone i don't know. You never know their intentions toward approaching you…"

"I think all the negative experiences of your friends and your parents words really affected your view towards others. In your mind you judge people so quickly before you even get to know them and this is really affecting your relation with others. I mean, it's normal to be scared if someone you don't know approaches you but too much of that especially with someone who means no harm can be really draining and annoying to other people. How do you relate with people you already know?" 

"I tend to keep them" i replied. 

"Keep them. How?"

"I don't know...i get scared of losing them. I become possessive over them somehow because i get really scared of being alone or not getting a chance to find another amazing friend like them. I try to maintain friendships for as long as possible. I don't want to be alone" 

"O! Dear. So here we have some possible causes of your anxiety. Others Negative Experiences, Parent's bad influence and fear of loneliness. I mean most of it were caused by your parent's bad advises and traumatic statements but for you to be so possessive with those who get into your life and not let anyone easily in, you really do have a big anxiety issue which needs to be tackled. You know what you can do dear? Why don't you try and make conversation with those you find interesting? It won't be easy but it's not impossible. That will be your task from me. Come back next week with an update on that. I will be in my office. Do not forget to take your medications as prescribed" 

"Sure. Sure. I will listen to you on that ``I agreed nodding. She shut her book with a relief. I knew the session was over and i had to go but i wasn't sure why i had a big urge to tell her what was going on between me and Vixen. I really missed him and wanted things to get back to normal. 

"I know our session is over but i need advise on one more thing" I requested with pleading eyes. 

"Okay dear, tell me. You seem like an interesting lady. I like you" 

"So, there is this guy who has been helping me with my anxiety issues. I have been able to control how i perceive others until i lost him…"

"Lost him? As in died…"

"No. He is still alive. I mean, i kind of ruined our friendship with this possessive issue. He had a girlfriend and i had feelings for him too. I got really jealous he spent more time with her and stopped talking to him. I didn't realize he was going through a lot so i wasn't really there for him when he needed me the most and that really broke him. I really want this friendship back ma. I know i was possessive but i do promise not to see him as an obligation anymore. Please advise me on how to get him back"

The lady stared at me for a while and tapped her pen on her wooden table. 

"Madame Maureen, you are too dependent on this guy" She told me with a little disappointment. 

"How?"

"You depend on him for your strength. You shouldn't. He discovered that and got really angry at you for not fighting your insecurities. I love that guy. He isn't avoiding you or hating on you. He is just trying to help you. I have a feeling he wll accept you back only if you stop getting possessive of him and prove to him you can live your life comfortably without him…" 

"I can't. How about all the people i have to speak to?.."

"It's fine to be scared. That's why i am help to help you control it. Alright, so that starts with the task i gave. Leave this Vixen guy for now. He will come back at the right now. For now, work on yourself" 

"What if he never comes back?..."

"I bet you that he will. I know what i am saying" She assured me. I finally listened and thanked her before walking out of her office. I heard the next patient being called in and three other patients seated in front of her office. She was a really nice doctor i can assure you. Perhaps i should have taken her number for private sessions. O my God! How could i have forgotten that aspect? I knew it was already to late and i couldn't get her number that day but i'd decided to get her number during the next meet up. 

***

Arriving to my hostel, i laid on my bed staring at my phone screen wondering if it message Vixen or not. I couldn't just lay and do nothing. He might call me or i should just call him but neither happened anyways. I ended up dropping my phone and heading over to my bag searching for an old note which contained my plans for that afternoon. You could call it a to do list. As i went through my stuff tirelessly, my phone vibrated and this made my heart skip a bit. It was an unknown number calling me. Could it be Vixen? I picked up my phone immediately and answered the call without thinking twice. 

"Hello..." I said hoping to hear his voice at the other end. 

"Hello..." A familiar voice responded which made my heart skip a bit. "Wait this wasn't Vixen...'