Rejecting my Alpha

Chapter 9: Avoidance

By the time morning came around, I didn’t feel refreshed. Half of the night was spent trying to figure out what to do. Life wasn’t very easy here and everyone’s expressions showed me that they were living in fear most of the time. The situation wasn’t stable. Adrian had a hard time keeping his position as Alpha and from what I understood from Angela, their uncle constantly looked for any mistakes to challenge Adrian’s authority.

It would be my second day in the pack and I decided to follow the rules Adrian had given me, those spoken and unspoken as well. Instead of wearing the same kind of revealing clothes as the day before, I put a loose short sleeve shirt over my sweatpants. That way, the only parts revealed were my hands and nothing else. As with the day before, I gathered my hair, tied it into a messy bun and went downstairs for breakfast.

“Mariam. Good morning,” I greeted once I entered the kitchen.

“Good morning Luna,” she replied. As I took my place, she was already taking out the same bowl I’d had the day before and poured some oatmeal into it, adding some fresh berries to it. Oatmeal was sweet, especially with blueberries.

“Thank you,” I said with a smile when she placed the bowl in front of me.

“I put some berries in it today, so you won’t have to eat the same breakfast every day,” she told me and I nodded. I had already told her that this was my regular breakfast the day before. Oatmeal was not only healthy, but it also filled the stomach for the entire morning and I was usually able to stay full till lunch time. In my pack I kept training the entire morning, so taking a break just to eat wasn’t really an option. It wasn’t great to train when one felt too full after a meal either. Other breakfasts weren't sufficient to fill me for a long time, sometimes it was too light to last even two hours.

“Thank you. I love blueberries and wild strawberries, so I am sure I will enjoy it,” I said with gratitude. She was really good at her duties and I noticed that most people who ate their breakfast in the kitchen had different kinds of food. She made sure that everyone ate what they liked.

“You are most welcome Luna,” she replied politely.

“Does the Alpha have his breakfast here as well?” I asked her, but she shook her head.

“The Alpha has his breakfast in his office,” she informed me. That was strange. The Alpha back in my pack ate with us. He came to our house with his family many times when I was a child and ate with us. I didn’t think that this kind of avoidance that Adrian was practicing was good for his relationship with the pack. An Alpha should be supportive and keep a close relationship with his people. That was my deep belief at least. An Alpha was nothing without his pack, just like the pack was nothing without its Alpha.

“I see. Thank you,” I said and started to eat my breakfast. Maybe I could try to talk to Adrian. I didn’t mean to meddle in his matters, but I might be able to improve his position as Alpha by improving his relationship with the pack members.

I quickly finished my food and went directly to Adrian’s office. My mind was telling me not to go there and to leave it for now, but at the same time, I wanted to talk to him and I wanted to see him. I had my own internal battles, which I had been fighting from the moment I came to this place.

I swallowed, hardly ready to knock on the door, but before my hand reached for it, Adrian called me.

“Come in,” he said calmly.

I opened the door and entered.

“Close the door,” he said while pointing with his hand to the chair in front of his desk, offering me a seat.

“Good morning Alpha Adrian,” I greeted him, remembering that last time he asked me to call him by his title. The last thing I wanted right now was to make him angry as soon as I spoke. If I was planning to improve his relationship with his people, first I need to improve our own. It wouldn’t be easy, but Angela was on my side and I knew she would help me as well. It might take time, but that was something I had plenty of.

“Good morning,” he said and to my surprise, there wasn’t any hostility in his voice. It even seemed that his voice was warmer than it was the last two days.

“I thought that maybe we could talk for a bit if you are not so busy. I’d like to apologize for making you angry yesterday,” I said as politely as I could, showing my pure intention to fix our relationship. He was silent for a moment and his eyes scanned me. I guessed he liked the modest clothes I wore today and the fact that I had covered everything except my hands.

“Just make sure to keep space between you and other males,” he said, putting his eyes back on papers in front of him. It stung my heart a bit that that was all he said, but to me, it was the beginning of our conversation. I, myself, did not know how to talk to him. He was older, he should be more mature and more experienced in this kind of thing, but given his past, he kept his distance from everyone. So right now I was the one who needed to push the conversation forward. I understood that much at least.

“I can do that,” I said resolutely, hoping it would make him look at me once more and I could get his attention. He dropped the paper, which he had picked up a second ago, and kept reading it.

“I think I should make some things clear to you. I am not planning to have an intimate relationship with you. You are the Luna of this pack and I won’t take that from you, but there is nothing between us and there never will be anything between us. This pack needs a Luna, but you are not in my heart and you will never be. I won’t make you mine. I won’t claim you. You are free to do whatever you like and this place is your home now. Just make sure to do your duties as a Luna and stay away from any males. That’s all I am asking.” His words echoed in my mind. They were like daggers, breaking every single piece of hope I had for us. That wasn’t something I wanted to hear. Those weren’t the words I wanted him to say. I could accept most things, but this was too cold. His eyes became like ice. There was nothing inside. His expression held no emotions.

I swallowed hard, pushing the tears that were already collecting in my eyes and threatened to fall down. He wasn’t worthy of my tears and I didn’t want to show him how heartbroken his words made me.

“I understand,” I said, pushing my strength and self-control to the maximum, to make sure my voice wouldn’t break. Right now, I needed to leave the room. I needed to get away from him.

I quickly stood up and turned around so he wouldn’t see my face. My eyes couldn’t handle more tears and I knew that as soon as I closed my eyes or even blinked, the tears would start rolling down my cheeks. How I was supposed to be Luna if he wasn’t even going to mark me? I wanted to scream at him, but that would solve nothing.

“Thank you for your time,” I said, I walked straight to the door and turned the knob, opening the door and leaving his cursed office. I didn’t know what he was doing. Maybe he turned his eyes back to his paperwork and the words he said had no effect on him. Part of me wished for him to stop me, to tell me that what he said was just on impulse because he was scared to start a relationship. The other half of me was so angry and kept telling me to just pack my stuff and leave. I could reject him and break the bond between us for good, but at the same time, while the bond was still there, I could still persuade him and make him love me.

On my way out, I met Angela in the hall and she tried to stop me, but I couldn’t talk to her now. I dashed upstairs to my room. All I wanted was to be alone and cry.