Finding Her True Alpha

Messed Up

Future Alpha Ian

I howled in pain as I gripped my chest and fell to my knees. She rejected me. I pushed Nicole away when she tried to touch me. She has done enough. I stumbled to grab my clothes as the pain subsided in my chest. My wolf, Jax, was whimpering in pain at his mate's rejection.

I f****d up. I’m such a f*****g f**k up, and I screamed in my head as I ripped the sweatpants up my legs and rushed from my room.

I needed to get to her, to explain, to say something. But what the hell do I say? I never wanted someone as perfect as Ashlyn to see how f****d up I was.

I raced down the stairs, hearing Nicole yelling behind me, but I didn’t stop. I ran until my father’s glare met me at the bottom. I stopped with Nicole running into my back.

“Ian, what the hell?” She gasped, wrapping her arms around my bare waist. I quickly moved her arms as my father watched.

“Both of you to my office now,” he ordered.

“Dad, I need.”

“Now,” he commented.

I turned around to head up to my father’s office. I snapped Nicole’s wrists before she ran her hands down my bare chest.

“Enough,” I growled, moving around her. I stomped up the stairs to his office. I tried to link her, but she wouldn’t open the link. I reached into my pockets, but my phone was still in my pocket. f**k.

“Both of you sit,” my father demanded as he and his beta, Nicole’s father, walked in behind us.

“Dad, I don’t have time for this. I need to go after Ashlyn. Have you seen her?” I rushed out, not taking a seat. My body was trembling with the need to run out of her and track her down. I needed to explain. To come up with something she could forgive to get another chance.

“I don’t think she wants to see you, son. I don’t know what happened, but I have an idea. What the hell were you thinking?” He shook his head, and shame filled me, twisting my stomach.

“Alpha Jason, Daddy, Ian, and I are in love,” Nicole announced.

“No, we are not,” I corrected as I paced the room. “This isn't love, Nicole, this is sex.” Her father growled, but I didn’t care. It was the truth.

“So, when did you and Ashlyn break up? Today is her eighteenth birthday. Was she not your mate?” my father asked, and I pinched the bridge of my nose.

“Not anymore,” Nicole exclaimed. My attention snapped to my father’s Beta’s daughter, and Jax let out a growl.

“She rejected you,” my father exhaled.

“Dad, I can fix this. This isn’t a done deal,” I assured him.

“Nicole, why would you do something like this? You knew they were together?” Her father questioned.

“I’m the beta’s daughter. I should be Luna, not some unranked b***h,” she scoffed as she crossed her arms over her chest.

“You fucken cunt,” I screamed. I lunged, but my father held me back. I was ready to murder her. I shouldn’t have done it, but her reasons infuriated me.

“Leave,” my father ordered as he held me back. I watched his beta grab his daughter and force her from the office.

“Now, what the hell were you thinking?” He scolded, pushing me back up against the wall.

“I wasn’t, okay. I f****d up. I f****d everything up, but if I could just speak to her, I can fix this,” I plead. He barked a laugh, and I clenched my fists. How was any of this funny?

“Ashlyn is never going to forgive you. You f****d up, and now you are going to have to live with it,” he shook his head before taking a seat behind his desk.

“I’m going to try,” I told him.

“She has already left the territory, son. She asked to leave, and I permitted it. If she wants to talk to you, she will have to answer your calls,” he shrugged.

“Why the f**k would you allow that? She rejected me, and you just let her leave?” I screamed.

“Son, I know this last year has been hard, but you need to grow up if you want to be the alpha I expect. Men don’t cheat on their women. Men protect what is theirs. Maybe next time you will get it right.” I was raging inside at my father’s words. I did this. I hurt her, and she left.

I left his office without another word. There was nothing I could say to justify what I had done. Instead, I raced up to my room to grab my phone and a shirt before marching out the front door of the pack house. I know he said she had left, but I’m praying she hasn’t left her house yet. I was going to beg and plead on my knees for her forgiveness.

I’ll do anything to get her back.

I ran. I ran as fast as I could until I stood in front of her door, taking harsh breaths.

“Ashlyn,” I called as I banged on the door. “Please open the door?”

I tried to open a link, but she didn’t answer, so I pulled out my phone and dialled her number. My heart twisted tighter as it rang until I heard her voice saying to leave a message.

“Please, Ashlyn, please, just talk to me. I know I can make this right. I love you.” I ended the call.

“I told you, Ian. I told you not to f**k this up, but you didn’t listen.” Jax growled.

“I know, okay. I know I f****d this up. I’m a complete asshat.” I exhaled as I leaned against the door. “I’m sorry.”

I opened a link with someone who could tell me where she was going. I needed to go after her.

“Alpha Ian, what can I do for you?” Brad, Ashlyn’s uncle, grumbled when he opened the link. I ignored his tone, knowing Grace had probably told him what had happened.

“Where’s Ashlyn?”

“I don’t want to get in the middle of this. You hurt her, and I’m pissed. How the hell could you have done that?” He demanded.

“I need to speak with her, Brad. Now, tell me where she went. I can’t fix this if I can’t speak to her.” I argued. If he wasn’t a part of the pack, I knew he would tell me to go f**k myself. Brad has always been protective of his niece.

“She went into the city with Grace. They are staying for a few days to go shopping and relax. She will call you when she is ready to speak to you,” he snapped before ending the link.

I stepped off the porch and walked back home. She had just gone into the city to cool off but would be back—she had to come back.

I walked into the pack house and headed up to my room. My best friend and future beta was waiting outside my room.

“What the hell happened to you? You look like shit.”

“Thanks, I grumbled as I opened the door and stepped inside. He followed and took a seat in one of the leather chairs while I flopped down on the couch. I leaned my head back and closed my eyes as I replayed the morning.

“It’s been a crazy morning,” he chuckled. “I came back from training to find my father screaming at Nicole. I didn’t think he had it in him.” I sighed in response. “But what the hell happened to you? It was Ashlyn’s birthday today. Wasn’t it? Why are you not with her?” He questioned. I opened my eyes and turned my attention to my beta.

I couldn’t say it. Everyone who knew her loved her. She is fun and easy-going. She was larger than life, and she chose me. She could have picked anyone, but she picked me, and I hurt her. I cheated, and it wasn’t just with Nicole. I would drink until I couldn’t remember, chasing away the demons that haunted me. But I just created more, and now, I’ve lost her.

“Ian,” Alex pressed when I didn’t answer.

“She caught me with Nicole,” I breathed out. My heart clenched with the admission.

“Caught you and Nicole doing what?” He questioned before I watched his eyes go wide, and he growled.

“What the hell is wrong with you? She’s my damn sister,” he exclaimed. Standing from his seat, he paced the room.

“I know,” I mumbled.

“How did this happen, Ian? I thought you were with Ashlyn,” he exhaled. He stopped and looked at me.

“It started about a year ago. I was drunk at a party, Ashlyn wasn’t there, and Nicole threw herself at me. I should have said no, but I didn’t. She was in my room after training this morning. I shouldn’t have done what I did. Ashlyn walked in and claimed me as her mate.”

“Ashlyn is your mate,” he murmured.

“She rejected me and left.”

“f**k, man.” He took a seat again, resting his elbows on his knees. “I should punch you for f*****g my sister and for hurting Ashlyn. Such a stupid f**k,” he grumbled that last part.

“Have you spoken to her?” He asked.

“She hasn’t answered my links or calls.” I sighed, feeling defeated.

“I don’t blame her. I would be ripping my eyeballs out if I had seen that,” he exclaimed.

“I already feel bad enough,” I snapped.

“Ian, I don’t know what you want from me. I’m not going to sugarcoat things for you. This is f****d up. Ashlyn is your mate. Your girlfriend. And as your best friend, I didn’t see this coming. I know you haven’t been yourself since your mother’s death, but to hurt Ashlyn, I don’t understand, man,” he said. I leaned forward and rested my head in my hands.

“I know, Alex. I didn’t want anyone to see how messed up I was. I hurt the best thing in my life. Someone who the Moon Goddess blessed me with, and she’s gone. She went to the city, and I don’t know when she will be coming back.” I choked.

“She’ll be back, man. I know she loves you. She cares, maybe too much, in this case.” He clasped my shoulder.

“There’s something else,” I sighed, looking at him.

“Go on, I don’t think it can get much worse.”

“In her rejection, she mentioned being the future alpha of the Emerald Lake pack. Have you heard of it?” I asked.

“I don’t think so. Are you sure that’s what she said?”

“Maybe,” I shrugged.

“I’ll look into it while you think of a way to win her back. It’s not going to be easy.”

“I’ll do anything,” I assured him.

“I know you will,” he patted my back. I'll let you know when I find anything.” I nodded before he left me in my empty bedroom.

I hated myself. I hurt the one person who genuinely cared about me. She didn’t care about being Luna. She didn’t care about money or brand names. She did the things she did because that's who she was. She cared. And like everything else in my life, I f****d it up.

How was I ever going to gain back her trust?