A Husband's Regret (Tagalog)

New York City. "Where are you going?" Napahinto ako sa pag-eempake ng mga damit ko nang marinig ko ang boses ng asawa kong ni hindi ko namalayan ang pagdating mula sa business trip niya raw. "I'm leaving," walang emosyon kong sagot sa kanya. Tumawa siya ngunit ramdam ko ang nerbyos sa pagtawa niyang iyon. He hugged me from behind, but I quickly moved away from him. Nagpatuloy ako sa paglalagay ng gamit ko sa maleta pero napahinto nang hawakan niya ang kamay ko at ibaling ako sa kanya. Hinila ko ang kamay ko at isinara na ang maleta ko bago ko siya sinulyapang muli. Inabot ko ang divorce papers na inihanda ko habang nasa business trip siya. "What the hell Sam? W-what's the meaning of this?" kita ko ang takot sa mga mata niya habang saglit lang binasa ang papel na ibinigay ko. “Divorce papers.” "Jesus! Sam—" "I know everything now," I cut him off. I don't want to hear his lies. I'm tired of it. He looked at me with confusion in his eyes. He was about to touch me when I took a step back away from him. "O-on Julians' birthday, you lied that you were on a meeting. I was actually planning to surprise you, so I went to your office..." Nilunok ko ang bikig sa lalamunan ko at iniwas ang tingin sa kanya. I should have leave when he was gone. Hindi ko na sana inantay pang bumalik siya. “…but I was the one who got surprised when I saw my husband having s-s*x with her ex-girlfriend.” Umiling-iling siya at napahawak sa ulo niya. Nanahimik saglit bago nagmamakaawa ang tingin na ibinigay sa akin. "Sam no, I was drunk that night! I had a meeting and—" Pinunasan ko ang luhang tumulo sa mga mata ko at pinatigil siya sa pagsasalita. "You were drunk, but it wasn't enough to cover that you cheated on me! You broke your promise to me that I’ll be the only woman in your life. Marrying you was the biggest mistake I made in my life." "No Sam! I regretted what I did with her, believe me! It was just lust! You are the one that I love! Please Samantha, forgive me...I promise I won't do it again. I'm sorry," he said as tears started falling from his eyes. Umiiyak siya ngunit wala akong makapang awa para sa kanya. Nagmamakaawa siya pero buo na ang desisyon kong iwanan siya. Hindi ako tutulad sa ina kong nagawang patawarin ang ama ko sa daming beses na panloloko nito sa kanya. I deserve better that a cheating husband. Mahal ko siya pero sa tingin ko mas kailangan kong mahalin ang sarili ko. I won’t let myself be miserable. I held my stomach when a pang of pain came in. I found out that I'm pregnant but still, I won't stay. I won't let my child witness how unfaithful his father is. I won't let him/her see our loveless marriage. Loveless, because I can feel it, I'm slowly losing the love that I have for him every time I remember how he kissed that woman. How he thrust his hips on her. How they moaned that night. "My decision is final. Our marriage is done. You can now go f*ck her as much as you want! I don't care..." He shook his head and tried again to hold me, but I quickly get my things and walk away. I am Samantha Miller—I'll never beg for love. I'm not going to stay with a person who doesn’t love me enough to fight his temptation over lust. Never. T B C