The Friend On The Boat (Summa c*m Laude)

An Angel On The Boat

By Michael Juha

 getmybox@hotmail.com

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“Hold it! Hold it!” a boy of around sixteen frantically shouted when he saw me clamber over the iron railing. He was in the nick of time. My left foot was already over it and I was ready to leap into the ocean.

I had been diagnosed with a condition called keratoconus. It is a progressive disease affecting the corneas, gradually deteriorating my vision and if left untreated, it will lead to blindness. My condition is already in the advanced stage and the only recourse is through corneal transplant. The doctor said that if I could not have the operation in six months, chances are I would lose both of my eyesight. The problem is that my parents could not afford the operation, the same reason why my condition deteriorated. And adding to the problem was finding a cornea donor.

At sixteen, I was supposed to be at that stage of starting to explore and enjoy life. But instead, I languished in depression, in fact so severe that I plotted to end my life.

School break came. I asked my parents if I could go to my uncle’s province. My uncle was a social worker and my parents pinned their hopes on him to find me a donor. But I was not very impressed. I knew my uncle. He was just an ordinary, low-paid, timid worker with no friends or connections. But I still wanted to visit him. The boat ride to his place was the best opportunity to execute my plan.

So, while the boat was sailing, I could not help my depression watching over the distance the little islands, the sandy beaches in them, and all the panoramas in that wide, blue sea. The beautiful sights seemed to be mocking me. “Don’t be afraid. Your pain will be over…” I murmured to myself.

That was the point when climbed over the iron railings and attempted to jump.

Then that shout. “Hold it! Hold it!”

I felt like something hit my head and I suddenly came back to my senses. I hurriedly retrieved my left foot which was already dangling over the railing and stood there pretending to be oblivious, played innocent while watching the scenery like nothing had happened.

“Why did you do that?” the boy asked as he came near me.

“What?” I replied, pretending to be surprised and unaware of what he was worried about.

He must have understood that I didn’t want to talk. So, he leaned on the railing and did not force the subject.

Silence.

“You know what? We just went to the big city. It’s really beautiful there. But I still like the countryside. The air is fresh, the fields are green, and the climate is not as hot,” he said, breaking the silence.

I did not answer. I just focused my eyes towards the ocean pretending that I never heard a thing.

He turned his face towards me. “How about you? Are you going to the province too?” Judging from his tone, I could sense he’s a happy person. His was full enthusiasm.

“Visit,” was my short reply.

“You’re visiting a relative?”

“M-my uncle, a social worker.”

“He’s working in the Social Work Office? It's the one near the central plaza. I love to go there. There is this huge acacia tree along the seafront and it has a tree-house on top of it. I go there every Sundays after lunch. It’s the time when it’s hot around but cold and breezy in the tree-house. There is a bulletin board there too where visitors post messages. Kind of funny because strangers actually become friends, thanks to those little bulletin posts. I recommend that you visit there. It’s one spot in the village that you will not regret visiting.” He was so loquacious, as if he had known me for ages. And I liked his vigor. He was so bubbly and full of life.

Since I was not in the mood to talk, I just stood there in deep thought.

Realizing that I was inconsolable, his tone shifted. “You know... my father said that bad things happen for a reason. But the good thing about it is that after we overcome the bad things, it makes us wiser, stronger and better persons.”

At that point, I strongly reacted. “I don’t believe it... Look at me, I’m getting blind. In less than a year, I will totally lose my vision. So, this – my getting blind, makes me a better person?”

He looked at me with a sad look in his eyes. I did not know if it was empathy for my condition, or a feeling of sadness for something else. Then he released a faint smile. “My friend, this reason that I was saying may never be known for now or in the near future. In fact, we may never really know it at all. Whoever created life or this universe, his mind must be so huge that we can’t fully fathom his workings. What has happened to you is just a speck, albeit an integral part of his grand design. If you have faith, if you believe... then it may help you feel better. But granting that you become blind will it be the end of the world? Will it make you the only blind person on this planet? There are many people with handicap who have risen to the challenges and made the best out of their lives. Have you heard of the girl who has no arms but goes to school like any normal person? Have you heard of another handicapped person who holds a license to fly an aircraft? Have you heard of that blind girl whose sweet voice she used to sing inspirational songs and inspired many people? They are the brave people who face head-on, rise above the challenges and defeat their lives’ tribulations. They are the unsung heroes who not only excel in their own chosen fields, but also inspired others and touched lives.”

I felt like I was doused with cold water upon hearing what he said. “He has a point...” I conceded.

“You know... the measure of life is not just on how to achieve dreams but on how to make the best of life in spite of handicap, in spite of what little there is in life. Look at the grass. No matter how we ignore them, step on them, get rid of them... they continue to flourish. And we are not a grass. There must be a bigger reason why we are here. There are many people who want to live life even for just a little longer but didn’t have the privilege to make it. And here you are, trying to end your life simply because you are afraid. So, don’t be sad. Don’t be a coward. You are given that life because someone up there knows that you are brave enough to fight it out until the end.”

I was momentarily dumbfounded. Every word he spoke seemed to penetrate deep into my heart. I was in disbelief that a boy my age could give an advice with such sagacity. “Is he an angel?”

“Do you have parents?” he asked.

“Yes.”

“Do you love them?”

“Yes.”

“Do you think they will die in peace with you if you jump there?” he said pointing to the sea.

I was lost for words. He was right.

“Of course they won’t. They will continue to live and bear the heavy burden of your untimely demise due to your stupidity,” he paused for a while and then continued. “Friend, they must be one of your best reasons why you should treasure life.”

At that point, I felt tears rolling down my cheeks. I remember my parents. When they sent me off, they reminded me to take care of myself, to stay healthy, to obey my uncle, and to always be good.

Silence.

“You know what they call the highest honors conferred when you graduate from a degree?”

“Summa c*m Laude?” I answered as I tried to hide my tears by secretly wiping them with my hands.

“Yes!” He exclaimed. “You know what? I want to be a summa c*m laude... in life.”

“W-what?” I asked. I couldn’t seem to get what he meant.

“Living life is just like studying in school. If in school we take tests, we study subjects, we learn lessons. It’s the same in life. When we graduate in school, we are conferred with honors if we did our best. In living a life, the graduation is death. But the honors conferred to the dead are the good deeds they made when they were still alive. For me, I want those honors. And I also want that you aspire for it too…”

“What?” I asked again. What he said made me more confused. “Why are you talking about death?”

“I mean, the next time you want to jump there,” pointing to the ocean, “think first if you have even passed life’s test.”

“Ah, okay, I get it now.”

“So, promise me, don’t ever end your life unless you are sure to receive the summa c*m laude honors.”

I released a faint smile. “Okay, I promise…”

He was so happy. He extended his right hand and just when I grasped it, he pulled me to him and embraced me tight. “Thank you, friend,” he said.

The boat sounded its siren. We were so engrossed with our conversation that we failed to notice the boat had already docked.

“I got to go bro... Bye!” he said. “Thanks for the time. It was nice talking to you! My mother must have been looking for me by now. Take care!” He shouted as he rushed to the stairway going to the second floor of the boat.

“Hey!” I shouted back. “What’s your name!”

But he did not hear me. He was lost in the middle of the many busy passengers who were queuing to disembark through the dock stairs.

-----

It was my second week in my uncle’s place. I had forgotten all about the boy on the boat. Even the words of wisdom he imparted seemed to have lost its meaning. It was like I had a dream and he suddenly appeared, and then disappeared.

As my vision continued to deteriorate, I could not help but feel more and more depressed. My uncle could not still find a donor. I already felt the pain of my deteriorating eyesight. There seemed to be no end to my agony.

As I watched the central plaza from the window, my eyes were transfixed at a huge tree by the seafront. I could not see it clearly with my already indistinct vision but I felt it could have been the famed acacia tree.

Excited by the prospect of meeting my friend, I dashed out of the house. And I was not mistaken. It was indeed the tree he mentioned. I could see above me the tree-house perched on its branches.

Coincidentally, it was Sunday and a few minutes past twelve. I remember him saying he used to visit the place on the same day and time.

I hurriedly searched for the stairs and climbed up. But there was no one in the tree-house. I was disappointed. The thought of meeting him vanished.

As there was nothing to do, I decided to just stay and enjoy the ambiance of the place. He was right. The place was cool and breezy, and from its vantage point, I could see the ocean and the surrounding places. It was indeed a perfect place to relax. “So beautiful…” I murmured. I could not help but release a deep sigh. I knew it was a matter of time before my vision leaves me and I would never see such beauty again.

I was about to leave the place when I spotted the bulletin board. I read some of the posts. And there was one message which caught my attention, “To the boy I met on the boat. If you have read this, please come to my place, 27 Vine Street. URGENT! Please, please, please come. Your friend on the boat. –Ariel.”

I felt my heart throbbing so fast and so loud I thought I could hear it. “Could that letter be for me? Could he be the Ariel whom I met on the boat?” I exclaimed to myself.

It didn’t take long for me to decide. I snatched the note, went down the tree-house, and hurriedly took a tricycle. In ten minutes, I arrived to the said address.

Their house was small, and dilapidated, almost exactly like my parents’. But what surprised me was the countless people in it. I sensed something was wrong.

When I was about to enter, I saw a white casket laid in the middle of the narrow living room. It was eerie. I was scared.

“You are the boy on the ship?” a woman in her forties asked as she approached me at the doorway.

“Y-yes?” I hesitatingly answered. There was still a whiff of doubt in my mind.

I was about to ask some details to validate if I was indeed the right person to be there. But before I could utter a word, she handed me a letter. “He painstakingly wrote it a few hours before he breathed his last...” she said wiping the tears in her eyes. “He was happy to have met you. He told me all about your encounter with him on that boat. All he wanted was to see you again before his last breath. But…” She paused for a while, trying to hold back her tears. “Thank you for giving him the strength to keep fighting until the end...” she added.

I took a seat in one corner and unfolded the letter. It was handwritten.

“Dear friend on the boat. It was kind of funny how I met you on that trip. Time seemed so short that I even failed to notice it all ended quickly and I forgot to ask your name. But anyway, my greatest hope is that you can come. I had been hoping that I could still see you in the flesh... but it seems impossible now.

I have to admit that I was about to do the same thing that you almost accomplished over that railing. But when I saw you, it was like I came back to my own senses and held back that plan. I ended up talking to you. Thank you for saving my life. Thanks to me for saving yours too. (Smile)

You know, I have a cancer. My right kidney was already removed. I thought that everything was fine until two years later, I became ill again. When I met you on that trip, it was the time when my mother and I went to Manila for the check up. There I learned that my cancer had recurred and it was already in the terminal stage. My remaining kidney had been affected and the cancer had also found its way into my other internal organs. We were told that all operations would be useless because of the extensive damage to my system. So, I wanted to end my life at that very spot where you wanted to end yours. But I when I saw you, it was like someone whispered into my ears and told me it was not yet time to die. My fathers’ words flashed back in my mind, ‘Life has a purpose and everything happens for a reason.’

I admit that what my father said was so hard to understand in the beginning. Like you, I could not accept why the thing I hated the most could happen to me; why I should suffer, why I should die young, and of all people, why me? But I tried my best to broaden my understanding. There was no choice after all. And I realized that the more I surrendered and accepted everything regardless of whether I knew the answers or not, the more I felt better. And when I learned about your own problems, I started to realize that maybe I found the reason why I should fight until the remaining moments of my life. So I pretended to be strong. I tried to appear brave for my parents even if I cry in silence and in my aloneness.

Since the time when I was diagnosed with this cancer, my mother had sought for donations from different charitable organizations. Just last week, we received a good news: a rich donor wanted to help me. I am happy, although not necessarily for myself. Since my case is hopeless, I made a request to the donor to divert his kindness to you. He agreed. And immediately on that day, he came and sent me to the hospital. In the evening, the doctors performed the extraction of my corneas – for you.

See? There is now someone willing to help you finance your operation. And for the corneas, don’t worry they’re cancer-free! (Smile).  

If all plans go well, your eyesight will be restored. You may not see me in the flesh anymore but I am happy because through my corneas, you will be able to see the beauty of the world again. And not only that, something in me will also become a part of you. While you keep your sight, so will you keep remembering… me.

My father was right; things happen for a reason. There is a reason why we met on that ship… and I’m happy to know it before my time came. I’m sure you know it by now.

Take care always friend. Please enjoy life; for life is beautiful. Be a warrior in spite of everything, and be the best person that you can ever be. Your friend, -Ariel“

No word could ever describe how I felt upon reading his letter. I was shocked and was so ashamed. My problem was way lesser compared with what he went through. Yet I took mine like it was the end of the whole world.

After I read his letter, I stood up and approached his coffin. My tears just fell seeing him as if he was only sleeping. He was so innocent, like an angel in his white long sleeved shirt. It was still fresh on my mind the last time we met on the boat. I could still picture him in my mind while he was giving me those advices. He was full of energy then, full of hope, full of enthusiasm. I did not know that he was dying, and he faked it all to give me hope and make me strong.

When I looked at his eyes, it was the moment when I could not control myself. I sobbed so hard knowing that underneath his closed eyes his corneas were gone because he saved them for me.

-----

The operation on my eyes was done on the same day of his funeral. The doctors wanted to do the operation immediately on me. While I felt some degree of excitement, there he was laid to his final resting place. It was kind of ironic.

A few weeks after my operation, I visited Ariel. In front of his grave, I played the song, which he mentioned to me on the boat to be his favorite. He also asked me to listen to it, “The Warrior Is A Child”

Lately I’ve been winning battles left and right

But even winners can get wounded in the fight

People say that I’m amazing

I’m strong beyond my years

But they don’t see inside of me

I’m hiding all the tears

Chorus:

They don’t know that I come running home when I fall down

They don’t know who picks me up when no one is around

I drop my sword and cry for just a while

(Look up for His smile)

‘Coz deep inside this armor

The warrior is a child…

Unafraid because His arrow is the best

But even soldiers need a quiet place to rest

People say that I’m amazing

I never face retreat, oh no

But they don’t see the enemies

That lay me at His feet

And while the song was playing, I read my letter to him.

“Dear Ariel, thank you for everything... No amount of words can describe how grateful I am for what you have done to me. You’re an angel sent from above, my angel friend on the boat…

You are right. Life has a purpose and everything that happens has its reasons. I just have one regret, during those times when you cried in silence, I was not there by your side to at least cry with you. I didn’t realize that your burden was heavier than mine and yet, it was you who cheered me and uplifted me up. You are amazing. But of course, you are a warrior. Just like in your favorite song, I know you are.

I am sure you are at peace now. As for me... I still have to trudge these tricky trappings of life. But don’t you worry, I’ll be a warrior too. I promise to be strong, courageous, and brave. And I will win over battles. Like you, I will give it a good fight until my last breath.

Thank you for giving me the opportunity to see the beauty of the world again. Thank you for opening up my mind about the meaning and value of life. I promise that I will strive to be the best person that I can ever be, so that when it will be my turn to graduate from this ‘college of life’, I will be like you.

Goodbye my dear friend. I’ll see you around. Your friend on the boat, -Noel-”

I planted a kiss on the letter as I folded it. Then I placed it on his grave together with the flowers.

I reached for the envelope and from it, I took out the sash. I laid it on top of his tombstone. In it was an important inscription which I meticulously embroidered.

“SUMMA c*m LAUDE”.

(End)