5
INDI
After three days in the wilderness with three couples from Omaha, finalizing paperwork for the trip and putting equipment away, making chit-chat with Brandon was the last thing I wanted to do.
“I’m wiped. I’m headed home to get cleaned up and go to bed early.”
I hadn’t worn the same clothes for three days, but I was dusty, covered in sunscreen, and hadn’t had more than a washcloth rinse-off in a creek in all that time. My hair was pulled back, but it was snarled and tangled. My mom had left a text the night I left to tell me she’d stuck a casserole in the freezer for me to heat up when I got home. The idea of her chicken enchiladas made my mouth water.
There were things that needed attention at Sparks Outdoor Adventure, but I could do them tomorrow. Or Brandon could take care of it since it was his company.
“There’s a band playing at K-Sparks,” he said, referring to the local radio station, KSPK, which doubled as a bar and outdoor music venue in the summer. “Want to meet me down there after you’ve had a shower?”
Ugh. I hated that he knew my routine. Ordinarily, I would’ve loved to head to K-Sparks after a long trek once I’d had time to shower, rest and recover. We used to meet there. As friends. After college, I’d thought I had the perfect job—a cool, laid-back boss with whom I was more friends than employee. One night, we hooked up. I’d been grieving Buck. Maybe I’d been a little lost. I’d also had a couple of beers.
I told him I didn’t want a relationship, and he’d agreed it was just a no-strings kind of thing, but I should’ve known better. Because now he was what the movies called a Stage-5 Clinger. He kept trying to make it happen again, and I kept refusing. It was getting damned awkward.
“No, I’ll stay in for the night,” I said.
“Sure.”
I took a step toward the door then turned back. I’d had so much time to think on this but had been afraid to say anything. But f**k it, since we were talking, I went for it. It couldn’t go any worse than my talk the other day with Ford.
“Listen, Brandon.”
He glanced up at me with a weird glint of hope in his dark eyes.
“I know you mentioned wanting to move back to Oregon. I was wondering if you’d consider selling SOA to me? You weren’t going to take all the equipment with you, were you? I could, um, take over as the new owner. Keep your legacy going, you know?” I flashed him a smile meant to make him proud of what he’d created here, which, I had to be honest, was mostly my doing anyway. He wasn’t the best at business, and he had no sense of direction, so he couldn’t lead wilderness trips. He’d taken a day trip group intending to go to Elbow Lake and a fun little cave, but he’d ended up getting them lost, and Search and Rescue had been called in to get them.
Why he’d started an outdoor guide company, I had no idea. I didn’t mention any of that because on top of not sleeping with him again, I didn’t think he needed any more of an ego hit.
I wanted to buy his company not ride his d**k.
“Oh.” He shoved his fingers through his chin-length hair. I couldn’t help but mentally compare him to Ford. Heck, even Kennedy. Those guys were men. Sturdy, solid, I won’t-get-lost-in-the-woods men. “Well, I don’t know when exactly I’m leaving, but yeah, I would consider it. Do you have a figure in mind?”
I did. I’d done some online research into selling businesses. I knew the approximate value of all the camping and hiking equipment, and I also had a pretty good estimate of the annual income of the place. Some businesses sold for three times their annual income, but I didn’t think SOA was worth that much. I planned to offer somewhere between the capital equipment value and the annual income, but I wanted to see how much I could get in a loan.
“I do, but let me put it down on paper for you, okay? I want to be sure I’ve considered everything first.”
“Yeah, okay.” He nodded from behind the counter. “That sounds good.”
For some reason, Brandon looked more bitter than excited.
Had he been bluffing about leaving town? Had that been a threat meant to punish me for not wanting a relationship?
Ugh. Men! Why did it feel like I never could get it right with the opposite s*x? The one I wanted didn’t want me, and the one who wanted me I sure-as-hell didn’t.
Nope. I wouldn’t think of Ford. Not about his big, broad shoulders. Or the hungry way he looked at my body when I was soaked to the skin with rainwater. I’d felt more when he’d looked me over than when I’d been having s*x with Brandon.
I wasn’t sure if that said something about me, Ford, or Brandon.
“All right, see you tomorrow,” I called, suddenly in even more of a hurry to get the hell out of there, to get away from those crazy thoughts.
I shook my head to clear it as I pulled out of the lot and headed toward my house. It wasn’t far, thankfully. Nothing was in Sparks.
The days away should have erased Ford from my mind. I’d had to focus on the group of hikers I guided instead of Ford. Making sure they were happy. Had no blisters. Weren’t hungry. Saw the elk grazing in the distance. Ensured all the food was in the hang bag away from bears.
I’d done all that but was still left with plenty of free time for my mind to wander. To think about how much he’d changed. How angry he was. Just as focused as ever, but it seemed honed somehow, like a blade sharpened on a rock. I knew he was affected by Buck’s death. The two of them had always been close. Closer than Buck and I, and he was my brother.
But Ford was also an asshole. I’d practically given myself to him, and he’d turned me away. Kicked me out of his bedroom—not before Buck had shown up.
I huffed out a breath as I slowed my old 4Runner around a turn. The usual thwump from the rotors was a reminder I needed to schedule a time for it to be worked on at Lee Lander’s shop.
I had to get Ford out of my head because he was in there, running as if he were on a damned hamster wheel. He was trouble. Always had been. Not only did he remind me of Buck and the constant, numbing loss, but Ford made me feel inadequate. Less than. As if I’d never be enough for him. He’d never see me as anything more than his best friend’s little sister.
At eighteen, I’d been daring and bold climbing into his bed. I still was when it came to anything but Ford Ledger. An hour with him during the storm the other day had validated every bit of insecurity I had and reinforced that Ford still had no interest.
I knew I shouldn’t set my worth based on a man’s opinion of me, but Ford…
“Let him go, Indi,” I muttered to myself.
All I wanted to do now was strip out of my dirty clothes and take a long, hot shower. Eat the casserole that I didn’t cook over a fire and sleep in an actual bed. I loved camping and loved being off the grid, but I enjoyed the comforts of civilization too.
The group I’d led had been really great. Eager for their vacation and easy going. They didn’t complain about how soggy the ground was or that an animal had, sometime in the middle of the night, gotten into one of their packs and eaten all the snack bars they’d brought. Thankfully, not a bear.
Except they’d been a reminder that I wasn’t part of a couple. That I didn’t have a guy to climb into a tent with at night. That the only d**k I was getting was made out of silicone and came with a charging cord.
A ten-mile hike to Messer Lake was tiring no matter how many times I’d been there, and I was ready for a few days off. My next scheduled trip, this time a white water rafting and camping combo, meant I’d be gone for a week.
My house was on the edge of town. It was nothing big, just a cute little rancher. My parents had given me the down p*****t for it a few months after Buck had died. When it had come on the market—after the elderly owner moved into assisted living—they’d thought it would be perfect for me. Perfect that they knew I would be living nearby, putting down roots in Sparks instead of going off and getting myself blown up.
I wasn’t sure if the house purchase was for me or for them. It didn’t really matter. Buck’s death skewed everything about what was important. I never intended to leave Sparks, and I had only for college. I’d started to work for the wilderness company after graduation, and I’d been there ever since. My plan was to start my own business someday, but I hadn’t had the confidence to do it, especially with Buck gone. He’d left for basic training when I was thirteen and had only been back on leave a few times in all the years since. I was used to him being away, but that was so much different than him being gone.
I turned down my street and blinked.
“What the hell?”
Two sheriff vehicles were in front of my house. I pulled into my short driveway and glanced around. The last time I’d had contact with someone official was when they came to tell us about Buck.
“Oh my God.” I hopped from my SUV like it was on fire and ran for the front door, my heart in my throat. Megan Hager, a sheriff deputy, stood there, hand resting on the butt of her gun, waiting for me.
“My parents? What’s wrong?” I said, adrenaline pumping through my veins.
Megan raised her hand and offered a small smile. She stepped close, set that hand on my shoulder and met my eyes. She was the same height, so her dark gaze was direct.
“Your parents are fine.”
I exhaled and felt like an empty balloon. I dropped onto the concrete stoop in relief. It was the middle of the day, and the neighborhood was quiet. Everyone was at work.
“Okay. Okay. Good.” I set a hand on my chest and tried to calm down. I had no idea I could be so panicked, so fast.
She squatted in front of me in her crisp tan uniform. The walkie talkie on her hip beeped, and someone was talking, but the volume was too low for me to understand. Megan was a few years older than me, closer to Buck’s age. She’d grown up in Sparks and only left town to go to the police academy in Missoula before returning and joining the local sheriff’s department. Every time I saw her, I thought she looked more like a model than a law enforcement officer, but she couldn’t help that she was gorgeous. Bad guys must stop running away just to get her number.
“I’m sorry I scared you like that,” she said, offering me a sympathetic smile. She was quiet for a moment, letting me settle. “We’re here because your house was broken into.”
I whipped my head around to my partially opened door. Now I noticed the damage to the door I’d painted red earlier in the summer and the frame. Beyond, my coffee table was upside down.
I popped to my feet and pushed the door open.
“Holy shit.”
It was as if a hurricane had come through the inside of my house. Couch cushions strewn. Books on the floor. Kitchen cabinets opened. As I walked in, I could see through to my bedroom, and my clothes had been tossed.
“I’m guessing you were off on a guide trip,” she said, her voice calm and even.
I nodded, staring at my desk. It was beneath the big bay window that looked out onto the street, the mountains in the distance. I loved the view.
My papers were everywhere. Drawers dumped on the carpet.
“Yeah,” I said, taking it all in. “I’ve been gone a few days.”
Another officer came out of my bathroom. “Hey, Indi.”
It was Dan Murphy. Mid-thirties, had a wife and two kids. Coached the little league baseball team. I knew this about him, and they both knew about me, my job. Buck. About everything.
“Can you tell us if anything looks missing?” he asked.
I ran a hand over my scraggly hair. God, I was a mess and smelled.
I didn’t care right about now.
Slowly I made my way through the house. It was a living room, dining room combo, but my desk took up that area. The kitchen was galley-style, and I couldn’t go into it without stepping on a dish or strewn napkins or silverware.