I'm Dying, Mate

(7) Goodbye and Hello

(7) Goodbye and Hello

IONA

When you think about death, some say it was easy and living is harder than dying. There’s a large part of me that believes that. Death was easy and when you choose it then all of the other decisions are done.

You wouldn’t have to deal with anything else anymore but if you choose to live, harder decisions comes to place and harder things will come. Living tires the soul until it wishes it never lived in the first place.

Then I had cancer, it exhausted not only my soul but my body and mind. I have nothing left in me that wanted to fight after all the things I went through. I wanted to throw the towel or wave a white flag in surrender.

Every time I open my eyes, I wish that I didn’t that I would just waste away already. I was ready to die and see my mom again. I was ready to see him too. God knows how much I miss the two of them. They were the reasons why I tried so hard to live. Now, that they’re gone I didn’t know what to do.

Under the covers, I and Synthia have been talking about possibilities of things that might happen. After what happen with the meeting and my mates leaving without divulging anything about the fact that I’m their soulmate. I decided that it’s time to say my goodbyes. My mates didn’t want me anymore and though it hurt, I have to face the reality of me dying.

It’s not like I haven’t realized or accepted that I was going to die. I’ve known it since I was a kid that I was going to die but upon hearing that I have a mate, my heart hoped without my permission that I’ll have what my uncles have.

I’ve seen how much they love their mates. Uncle Raven accepted the Alpha title against his will and was given a mocking nickname of “Alpha Beast tamer” because of Aunt Fiona who was once feral. Raven was the only one of the brothers that refused to accept the Alpha gene and fought against the Elders as much as he can. The Elders force my uncles to attend every first shift of Alpha daughter in hopes that one of them are the mates

Uncle Fredo fell in love with Aunt Farah from the moment they were children. They grew up together and didn’t even know they were mates until Aunt Farah shifted.

I remember the stories Uncle Fredo told me when I was a child. He told me of the days he hated everyone because the thought of Farah being mated with someone else killed him which basically means he was an asshole all throughout their childhood. Aunt Farah was pretty much the same, she told me how High School was already hell enough but having to go to the Elder’s trainings and seeing them push Uncle Fredo towards other Alpha females, killed her.

Uncle Arthur had a messier mating with Aunt Cara. I heard Aunt Cara was the daughter of one of the Elders who wasn’t known for being compassionate. They decided to elope without the permission of the Elder and only returned back in to werewolf society when the twins were two and when they heard Aunt Cara’s father was dead.

The only mating that went smoothly and according to plan was Uncle Ross and Sarah. Sarah wasn’t always like this, I remember the family holidays of her singing her beautiful voice with the greatest smile on her face while Uncle Ross played the piano, gazing lovingly at her.

It was my fault she changed so much so hopefully when I do die, she’ll finally have what she wants. The revenge she ached for.

“I can’t believe you’re going to be eighteen soon” Synthia’s voice snapped me out of my thoughts.

I smile “It won’t be long now”

She giggles “and they said you’ll only live until you’re sixteen. You were always known to beat the odds”

“Yeah” I say softly. My heart clenching at what I was about to say to her. I asked Doc to let Synthia stay for the night, hoping that I’d say goodbye to her first before moving to the others

“Maybe, you’ll have a mate” she says, her eyes hopeful and wide. “Then you’ll be a werewolf!”

Sighing, I realize it was now or never "Synthia, remember when I was having my bone marrow aspiration?"

She nods "Yeah, you were scared and crying especially when your dad almost slapped you. If you didn’t stop"

I feel my eyes burning, the tears wanting to escape but I kept my smile and keep on looking at her "then you cried with me and said that you will never leave me even if I was being cut open"

"Yeah, I followed you inside but the nurse wrestled me back outside so I decided to sneak in the and hid just below your bed." She chuckles but then slowly frowns "Why are you crying?"

I ignore her question and keep on smiling "Even though I was out cold, I could still feel you below there and I wasn't scared anymore. The procedure was incredibly painful but the thought of you just below me was comforting."

"Don't say it like that Iona you're making me cry" tears starts to fall from her wide eyes.

"After that, you promised me that if I cry, you'll cry too and if I laugh, you'll laugh too. So, that I won’t ever be lonely ever again. And remember the time, I was going home for the first time. I was scared that my dad and mom will fight again and they did

and the moment I called you, you started screaming to Doc to come to my house and get me even though you were just six at that time" I say trying to remember every single memory I have of her.

"What are you saying Iona? What’s happening?" Synthia cries "you're scaring me"

My tears won’t stop but still I continued "Don't be scared, Synthia. I will never leave you but just this time you have to forgive me for dying." I wipe away her tears and force her eyes to look at me by cupping her cheeks. "I found my mate and there’s two of them but they rejected me meaning I won’t be long now"

“No” she moans. She hugs my waist and buries her head on my stomach. "Please, Iona don't leave me"

"You know the reason I wanted to die" I whisper

she shakes her head. "I don't! I don't understand at all"

"you know it but it doesn't mean you have to accept it" I say patting her head. My arms going around her as I try to comfort the little kid.

"tell me the reason again" Synthia whines

"It’s because of Trace, remember him? The guy who took away all of my first, my first love, my first kiss, and even my first broken heart"

"The one who had a heart disease and died unexpectedly?” she says looking up from burying her face on my shirt "you want to die just to see him"

I smile "Yes, but also I want to see my mom"

"then how about me?" Synthia asks

"you'll be fine. Doc will take good care of you"

Synthia cries even harder. I cried with her, not knowing what else to do we fell asleep as I hear someone howling at the night sky. I questioned for a moment who could be howling in this time of the night.

Patrols never howled since they can immediately mind link each other as a form of communication. It’s one of the defining characters of a werewolf against a normal wolf.

But as sleep tugged at my tired eyes, the question faded.

Morning came and the rays of its heat came through the open curtains of my room. The feeling of it on my skin, roused me from my slumber. I’m always cold so any for or type of heat would surely get my attention.

I played with the light rays, curling and stretching my fingers as if I can hold the sun’s rays on my hand. I pretend that I can control it that I can wield it and use it for the benefit of my body. I know it wasn’t true but the thought of it comforted me.

I don’t remember the last time I ever had a healthy functioning body. I think I was once was before the diagnosis that changed my whole life. I was first diagnosed a month after Dad took me and Mom away from our family.

It was the day he started beating the both of us. He likes slapping me and throwing me to the bed with force of his strength. At first, Mom thought it was normal that I bruised easily because I was being beaten and so was she.

She began having her suspicions when hers would already heal and mine hasn’t. Then she noticed how easy I bruised like when I bump in to the door and a large ambiguous shape formed from it. She immediately took me to a hospital and then I was diagnosed.

I still remember my Dad’s anger when he knew she took me to the hospital. At first, he thought that she came there to report the domestic abuse. I didn’t know what hold my Dad has with my Mom but I know Mom would never report Dad. She tried once, for me but me having cancer totally tied her to Dad.

Not only was she tied to him for some odd reason, she now needed his money and insurance for my medical bills. I feel like I’m the curse that landed on my family and kept giving them a hard time.

I’m nothing but a curse.

I feel Synthia move beside me. she stretches and groans as she sits up and looks around her surroundings. Remembering where she was and what happened last night, her eyes snaps to mine and I see the redness of it.

She pleadingly looks at me and I thought she was going to cry again. I sigh and hug. I run my hand through her long wavy locks and kissed her head.

“Stop, everyone is here. Don’t think about it, okay?”

I feel her nod and release her from my hug. She sniffs and wipes her own tears then looks at me again. “What do we do now?”

"We don’t tell anyone about last night, okay?" I say, examining her pretty face. She truly looks like one of those Japanese dolls with their traditional kimono. "wash your face and if anyone asks you why your eyes is red tell them we were up late, alright?"

she nods and headed to the bathroom.

I sigh and sit back to the foot of the bed, trying to recall what just happened. I feel incredibly stupid to make Synthia cry but Goodbyes are made of tears, right? No, goodbye is easy unless you never really meant it.

Synthia came back after a few minutes. She looks a bit better but there is a slight reddening around her eyes. She gives me a strained smile to which I can only kiss her forehead in comfort while I head to the bathroom to get ready to face the family.

I took a brief shower and changed the dressing on my bandage. My clothes that my family bought for me were a luxury and style I wasn’t used to. I picked the ones that I suspect would be my kind of thing to wear if I was ever given a chance to grow up normal. Since growing up, I only ever had sweaters and pants to hide the bruises that littered my body.

I picked the tribal sundress and some flats. I really don’t know how to dress myself so I just shrugged at my reflection and got out of my room. I follow the scent of the morning breakfast and it lead me safely to the kitchen.

I hear cheery laughter and a lot of talking. I peek in seeing my Aunts with the other werewolves chatting amongst themselves. The image looks familiar to me as a wave of nostalgia came to me. but I really don’t remember where I saw this before.

“Iona” Farah notices me, she gives me a wide happy smile and motioned for me to come in the room. “You’re finally done preparing.”

I nod “Where’s Synthia?”

“Oh, she’s with the boys. She seems to be the curious type” It was Aunt Cara who says this.

I see Fiona smilingly stir something in a pot. She glances at me and gave me something that I can classify as a smile. I know she doesn’t talk much unless she really wants to be heard or there is something needed to be said. So, this doesn’t bother me.

I sit on one of the barstools by the island with the marble top. I watch as my Aunts interacted with each other as if they haven’t seen each other in years. They complimented what they were wearing and their cooking.

Aunt Cara managed to make Aunt Fiona blush when she tasted the soup in the pot Aunt Fiona was stirring earlier.

“This is delicious!” Aunt Cara says then kiss Fiona on the end of her lips in appreciation.

I see red coloring Fiona’s cheeks while she moves to plate the soup she made. Farah and Cara just laughs at her reaction.

“So, little dove, any plans on going to school?” Aunt Cara asks me while giving me a plate in front of me. it’s filled with healthy fruits and fiber along with some meat for protein.

I shake my hands “No, I’m done with that. I should be applying for colleges now”

“Really?!” Farah drops the ladle and it falls deep in to the pot. She covers her mouth with both of her hands and gazed at me with wide amazement. “My girl is going to college already?!”

I giggle at her reaction. “I’ve accelerated a year. There’s nothing much to do in the hospital other than read and study so”

“Where would you go?” she happily questions. I see a worried looking Fiona look at Farah’s pot as she tries to fish out the ladle Farah dropped.

I shrug “I haven’t made my mind yet”

“She passed Harvard, Stanford, Yale and countless Ivy colleges” I jump in my seat as Manuel slides on one of the stools beside me. he steals one of the bacon on my plate.

I feel everyone gawk at me and I avoided looking at them by pretending to be fully focused on my food. I’ve already separated my fruits from the meat and rice when I heard someone speak again

“Our girl is so gifted” Farah swoons.

“What major?” Aunt Cara asks

“it’s different with every school. But her options are either humanity based or medicine.” It was Airo this time who came out of nowhere and took a seat on my other side. He moves to steal one of my food but I hit his hand with a spoon “Ow”

“I don’t give food to rats” I playfully say while I dig in to my food.

There was a chorus of laughter but then Farah says “So, what would you pick?”

I didn’t know what to say. Sure, I got accepted but I’m dying soon so I didn’t think I’d go. I shrug “I’ll think about it again”

“I say Harvard” Uncle Fredo comes in the kitchen and kisses Farah’s cheek. She giggles and kisses his cheek back. “Morning, mate”

“Morning to you too”

It feels like yesterday never happened as more people piled in the kitchen but I knew that that wasn’t the case. It didn’t help that the twins researched about my life. Now, they’re all talking to me as if I have a future to look forward to.

But I keep smiling as they try to sales talk me in to the universities they want me to be in.

“While you’re deciding why don’t you go to the boy’s school and see what it’s like?” Fiona talking made everyone’s gaze look at her with their full attention. She also has a very beautiful low voice.

I nod “sure, why not? I’ve never been to a school before”

“I’m not sure about that” Uncle Raven says while sipping his coffee on the table just a few feet from me. “She might get hurt”

“that’s true” Farah frowns “You shouldn’t go”

“I have Jared and the others with me” I reasoned

“Come on, Mom” Keith prods “It’ll be fun and we’d keep an eye on her”

“Keith, I love you and you’re my son but you’re not really someone I can trust with any sort of responsibility” Farah says with a soft smile and kind eyes.

“Mom, you know you’re a heartbreaker.” Keith mockingly looks offended even putting his hand over his heart. “You have that innocent look but all your words are just spiteful things that hurt your own son”

“It’s not like she’s lying” Michael chuckles, biting on to his bread. He was still half naked and I can see his pack tattoo on his back. “you’re crap at taking care of things”

“you killed the pet bunny, remember? You broke Jared’s heart” Farah throws a comforting look at Jared.

Jared flinches at the mention of his name. he looks slowly up from his food then to us and he scowls “I wasn’t that upset”

“Oh, you were” Skylar says. Both him and Mark was silent on the farthest side of the table from me but the topic seems to rouse something in them.

“you cried your whole heart out in my room” Mark grins at him

Jared growls “whose idea was it to get a f*****g bunny in the first place?”

“Yours!” Farah argues “You cried and beg me to buy Twactor”

“You named a bunny Twactor?” I ask Jared

He lets out a gruff sigh “No one is going to live this down, huh?”

I shake my head with a smile. “I don’t think so”

“So, is this a yes on the school thing?” Keith prods.

“Okay, fine but I trust Iona with Jared and not you” Farah gives a warning look at Keith

“I’ll call the principal” Uncle Fredo says as he steps out with his phone on his hand.

“Hmm, my first school” I grin at the thought

After breakfast, I came with Jared in the Hummer with Synthia as the others they rode their own vehicles. The twins has two Suzuki GSXR 600 Streetbike, Frier has the same car as Uncle Fredo a BMW M6, Skylar has a Jeep, Keith has a Ford F350 and Mark has a Jaguar XJ.

“I’ve never thought I’ll be related to rich douches” I teasingly say to Jared as he climbs to the driver seat.

He scoffs “Yeah, well we have it hard too you know. Behind all this money and luxurious cars we’re people too”

I roll my eyes while I put the seatbelt over me and Synthia. I can’t let Synthia sit on the back or on her own because since the accident she has developed a sort of phobia and the only thing that keeps her from having a panic attack is if someone placed her on their lap.

“You okay?” I ask her while moving the seat back to give her more breathing space from the tightened seatbelt.

She nods but doesn’t say a thing. Her eyes wide and focused on the road.

“so, we need to drop her at her old man’s place, right?” Jared says while starting the car.

I nod

He starts driving and I felt Synthia grip on the seatbelt for dear life. I offered for her to hold my hand but shes scared that I’d bruised if she does. I wrap my arms comfortingly at her while we got close to her house.

“What’s wrong with her?” Jared asks when we finally dropped Synthia to Doc’s house. “I’ve noticed she changed the moment she got in the car”

“She got in to a car accident. You know that scar on her throat? She got that from it”

“Really? Wow, that’s… sad” he fumbles

I nod “but she’s okay and that’s what matters”

“And you’re going to be to, you know that right?”

“hmm?”

“We’re going to find a way for you to live, Iona. You don’t need an Alpha gene only proves that you’ll have an Alpha mate. You might have a normal mate out there”

I force a smile at my face as I say “Yeah, maybe”

We got to the large High School. Doram was the only one left in the pack house and my aunts were keen on keeping him there for some reason. I climb down slowly on the tall truck just as Jared has tried to run to my side to help me.

He frowns “You should have waited for me”

“I can still do things. I’m not an invalid”

If it was possible, Jared would have frowned deeper. “let’s just go”

I pull him inside the school. There were a lot of curious eyes on me while I was beside Jared. It gave me the inclination that perhaps he was popular. I wanted to ask him that as we walk the halls until he pulls be back almost suddenly.

“What do you want?” he spats at someone

“Mr. Blackfield that is mighty rude of you” the familiar voice sent a chill up my spine. I look around Jared’s massive body to see Damiano’s eyes.

His hair was styled to look like he just climb out of bed. He wore a collared shirt and over it is a blue sweater that hug his body. His muscles straining over the preppy look he has. He also wore khaki pants and brown loafers.

I know for a fact he is too old to be a student and that he looks too adult to be a student. I can only think of one reason as to why he’s in this school.

“Step away” Jared growls while I duck behind him when Damiano’s eyes looks at me.

My heart quickening in my chest, my palms sweaty and I feel slightly out of breath at the sight of him.

“I’m just here to welcome our new student” he says, “Iona, is it?”

The way he said my name coaxed me from behind Jared. I feel so drawn to him and I know it was just the mating bond.

Mustering every inch of my courage I faced him and let a blank expression on my face. “Yes, I’ll only be here for a brief amount of time”

“I heard, the principal said you’re an exceptional student who passed a lot of colleges”

“You’ve seen and talk to her” Jared scowls “We’re done here”

Jared pulls me away but I can still feel Damiano’s gaze on me as we walked away. “Remember to be careful! I wouldn’t want someone hurting you. It’ll be bad if that happens”

My heart skips a beat, it sounded like a serious and grave warning. I turn to look at him but he was already gone.

What did he mean by that?