Broken Half

VIII. Big Mistake

Whenever I see my prune hands and the sad excuse of a paycheck, my desire to be an adult decreases. My husband - if I can find one - will live with my parents.

Or his parents.

Whoever can handle us.

No.

Whoever can cook better.

"Cheer up." Brian rests an arm over my shoulders, "You can treat us to a meal at the Halloween festival. Then, you can get messed up at Nolan's Halloween Party."

"Can I get messed up now?" I ask. I lift my paycheck and fake a tear with my finger. After tax, I barely made it to a hundred.

"You're washing dishes," Brenda says. "Not discovering the cure to cancer. Don't expect your paycheck to be luxurious."

"Actually," Eric intervened. "Scientists who find the cure to cancer would not make that much money. Their discovery is owned by the company who contracts them."

"And?" Brenda question.

"Be in business. Business makes moola." He rubs his fingers together.

"You're all about that dough, aren't you?"

He glances at Brenda, "You better not pack that sass to the fully paid trip to Rome."

Brenda smiles, "If you ever pay for my trip to Rome. You can decide what goes inside my suitcase."

Eric snaps with his fingers, "Deal." He looks at me.

"I'll wear all the bathing suits you want me to wear for a free trip. But, you're also going to have to buy bathing suits."

Eric pumps his fists in the air while we all laugh.

On Monday, when we first walked through the hallway, we were impressed with the gloomy yet brightly decorated hallway. There were fake webs on the corners and lockers and fake spiders in every corner. The walls were covered with ads of booths for the festivals or haunted houses. Before and after school, there would be artificial smoke in the hallway.

The freshman was awed.

Seniors?

Not so much.

The school day passes like any others. Then, it was time to go to the festival. Friday festivals are for friends. It's convenient since we had school all day and will go to a Halloween party together.

Saturday is a family festival type of day. The day where a handful of us would wear dark sunglasses and curse how bright it is. We'll walk around without a single thought in our minds because the headaches occupy all of the space.

I'm not proud of my decisions.

But, whatever.

Yolo.

I'm an i***t.

At Brenda's house, I pull up the tight Minnie Mouse costume. "How do I look?"

We went to the festival. There wasn't much, so we left early. It isn't our first time, and it won't be our last.

"Like you're looking for someone to screw you tonight."

I turn towards the mirror, "Hopefully, someone that's not mini."

Brenda gave my sad attempt at a joke some pitiful laughs. I appreciate it.

Of course, I'm not looking to f**k anyone tonight. I don't want to be f**k while wasted. It's the worst feeling in the world. You would think you would lose your mind, but you only lose your senses.

You're wasted.

You're drunk.

You're out of your mind.

You don't know which hole the d**k is going in.

I don't want to relive the nightmare.

I put on my ears and then turned towards her.

Brenda nods, "You look cute." She got up, "Me?"

Brenda is dressed as Daisy. "Fuckable."

"Excellent."

I ran my fingers through the fake blonde hair, "This is a good wig. I could barely recognize you."

Brenda smiles, "It means I can do whatever I want tonight, and no one will know!" She gave off a crazy laugh.

"Alright. You had enough," I said.

Brenda glanced at me, "Shut the f**k up, and let's go."

When we walked downstairs, we could hear the guys laughing. They're probably watching some dorky Halloween movie.

"Where are your parents?" I ask.

"I don't know? Indonesia?" Brenda's parents are active hunters, which means they are often sent to different countries to handle whatever problem there.

Brenda and Brian traveled with them when they were younger, but they settled here when they got older. Their parents would take turns watching them until they reached middle school. After that, they're mostly on their own.

It's actually a norm for middle school students to stay at home while their guardians go out on missions.

It's an honor.

I consider it child negligence, but I'm only a teenager. What do I know?

Eric and Brian whistled when they saw us. When Brian's eyes met Brenda, his grin dropped. "Not you. I'm not whistling at you."

Brenda hit the back of Brian's head.

"Why didn't he get hit?!" Brian complained.

I hit Eric's head.

He glared at me.

"Blame him." I point at Brian.

After some more back and forth, we walked into the car. Brian is driving us to the party.

I rest my chin against the palm of my hand as the spooky music travels into my ears. It's a way to pump us up. The windows roll down, and the calm wind rushes into the car.

Surprisingly, it's not that cold tonight. Usually, every Halloween, the temperature would feel lower than expected, or it's raining.

I smile when we pass downtown. There was loud, sweet music in the air. The children shuffle around in their costumes and ask for candies.

Sometimes, I miss those days.

Innocently, go around with my parents and trick or treat.

I can't exactly ask my parents to go out trick or treating with me anymore with my age. And telling my friends that I want to trick or treat instead of going to a party isn't exactly cool.

I'm the type who likes taking the easy path. Going with peer pressure seems easier than admitting I miss my childhood.

I grew up with these three. It shouldn't be difficult to express my emotions. But, if I can't properly talk to my parents - the people who raise me - about my life, how could I talk to anyone else?

It's all inside my head.

I know it.

But I can't help keeping it there.

When the car stopped, I knew we were there. Crowds of people stand in front of a large house. There were even more people walking into the house.

I'm not surprised if students from the West are here, which means one thing. We party hard, and we leave early. We all exchange glances.

"Eleven?" Brenda suggests.

We all nod.

"If any of us are leaving early with someone. Group message a picture of an eggplant and a tongue with a face," Eric states.

"Alright," I say.

"Meeting location?" Brian asks.

We all got out of the car and scanned the area. The front seems like a disaster. We can't use the car as a meeting place because there are so many cars.

"Tree." Brenda points at a large tree. "Single large tree in the front. None of us can miss that, and it's the perfect place to throw up."

We all nod.

Then, we huddle together.

We reach for our pockets and pull out a small beeper. It's an alarm that notifies others when someone needs help. Nothing had ever happened to one of us, but it's better to be safe than sorry.

We each test out our individualized alarm to make sure it works.

Brian and Eric hang it around their necks.

Brenda puts it near her breasts.

I place it on a strap underneath my dress.

"Rules?" Eric question.

"Don't drink any drink offered by someone," Brenda says.

"Don't go upstairs with anyone unless you want to get laid," I said.

"Don't throw up in the car because we can't afford dry cleaning," Brian includes.

That is a good rule.

After our little meeting session, we head off to the party. The house had it all from flowing ghoul-gowns to eyeball treats in punch bowls. The ghost retro-like beat pumps in the background, and everyone has neon lights on them.

We grab the light-up bracelets and necklaces upfront, then head deeper into the house. It looks more like a nightclub than a house party. I hope Nolan tucked away all the valuable items because tonight will end with red and blue lights.

I can already tell.

The four of us jumped to the beats, and soon, we were more than drunk in the atmosphere.

I scream when Eric misses at beer pong. The drinks were shoved down his throat.

Brian is in the corner with a girl from the grade level below us. I only know because he came to celebrate his possible score momentarily before he ran back to her. When we received an emoji of eggplant and face with a tongue sticking out, we knew he wouldn't go home with us.

I search for Brian for the car keys to find him in an intense make-out in the kitchen. I know he couldn't hear me screaming: "Give me the damn keys!" but I said it anyway. He searches for it in his pants while making out with the girl who couldn't stop giggling. He threw it at me.

I put the key in my pockets only to feel another buzz. Brenda is also going back with someone else. I notice how she is laughing with some guy near the front door. Our eyes met. When they turn towards the exit, she looks back and gives me two thumbs up. For her to do that and message us properly, she's not entirely wasted.

We have another unspoken rule. If we receive multiple messages of emojis or weird words, the other party is too wasted to make their own decisions. That's when the search party began. Getting laid is a no-go.

Now, all that's left in the house is Eric. I sat down in the living room to see Eric laughing and hitting other guys. He drank another red cup. I place my cup down. One of us has to drive tonight, and it doesn't look like it will be him.

I may not have a license, but I know how to drive.

The guys taught it to me in an abandoned parking lot.

Fingers crossed, I don't get busted by the cops.

The moment I laid off the drinks is when the pain creeps up. I don't know why I do this to myself. I rest my head against my palm and rub my stomach. The music somehow seems too loud for comfort. I look at my watch. It's already 11:15 pm.

We've been here for over 3 hours.

I saw how Eric stumbled into another guy's arms when I looked up. Eric looks at the drunk guy, and they both laugh.

"You're f*****g gorgeous," the guy says.

"That's what I say every morning!" Eric laughs.

I made my way towards Eric to drag him out of the party. Stumbling with headaches and nausea, I find myself regretting all my life decisions.

But, I know I'll make the same mistake for the rest of my senior year.

What about college?

Will I also do the same thing?

Probably not.

I feel like I'm all-party out.

When I pass a large window, I notice a red-faced Lucio and Nolan. Lana is standing in the distance in what seems to be a fairy costume. Even though I'm not out there, I could guess what happened. Lucio is drunk. Nolan is protecting Lana. Lana is afraid of the fight that's about to break out.

The situation is obvious.

But why is there another guy in the circle?

When the crowd covers them, I brush away the situation—big mistake. I should've analyzed the situation a bit more. Connect the troubles that are about to come.

"Eric," I mumbled underneath my breath. Eric is on a chair...sleeping.

I place a hand on the small table beside him, "Let me go throw up, and I'll come back to get you." I patted his shoulder and left to go to the bathroom.

Another mistake.

I should have grabbed Eric, then gone outside and threw up.

The bathroom close to us was locked. I rattle it a few times in hopes that someone will walk out. Instead, I find myself crawling through the middle of the house to go to the other side.

Shoving my way through rows of people, the music only seems to escalate. It's louder in the middle of the house because of the speakers' location. When a guy dances towards me, I glance at him before shoving him away. After I sober him up, he stares at me with wide eyes. I gave him the middle finger and continued walking.

When I got closer to the bathroom, nausea felt even more unbearable.

I crashed into another body, "Move, please," I said sluggishly.

When the body didn't move, I repeated it. "Move!"

My head moves up to see only darkness. There were no pupils in his eyeballs or maybe, the pupils spread, but all I could see was black.

Either he's on drugs, or I'm on drugs because that's not possible. My heartbeat seemingly increases with his gaze, and the music somehow fades out.

The guy grabs me by the wrist, and my body reacts by jolting back. With force, he pulls me forward.

Big mistake.

"Mat-"

I threw up...on him.