Ussh! It's a secret

12. Where was me ?

Alisha closed the letter, she leans back in his chair, closed her eyes, " what was me, what I am now, why I became like this, what's wrong with, I still remember the first day in college, with many ambitions excitement, hardihood, I stepped here. Druv was a silent cute boy in the class, and wonderful dancer, he has a certain fan base in the college, there are many crazy girl fans, especially in my class, I noticed many girls are seeking attention from him.

I was going to the classroom, he dashed me, I looked at him, I scowled at him angrily.

"I am sorry, I haven't noticed you" he stammered.

That was the first time he encountered me, but life would be another way if that would be first and last encounter. I can't blame my fate, because I took the wrong decision with all my sense

.

I noticed many times he was ogling at me, I felt so nice, that was the first time I got such attention from somebody, I felt so special.

When I looked at him, he used to turn his gaze immediately, I felt like pulling his cheeks whenever he gets the dimple to want to say, "aww! How cute!" But I don't have guts to say,  at that moment I understood what was the meaning of crush!

Crush used to crush in many dreams, until that moment I don't know I could think like, I know this won't happen, this love and all won't work to me, especially my family were completely against such things, my mom has given strong warning that " you are going for studies, just keep studying and get good marks, don't put your head in extracurricular activities"

Suddenly one day, he stops the bike in front of me, I startled, he said " hey! Come on its Me, come on I will drop you"

I don't understand how to react, I used to watch such things in movies, that was fun to watch, but I never expected that I should face such things, I smoothly rejected " No! It's okay, college is not much far, it is a walkable distance"

He moved his bike little forward " hey, don't say no please"

My friends are so excited, there are pushing me saying "you are very lucky,  he is offering you lift why are you saying no, oh! come on he is not taking you somewhere, you drop you in college.

After  15 minutes of continuous argument, I lost the argument and agreed to go with him.

That was my first rid, I never been before like this, I felt very much new about me, there "n" number of speed breakers I am so nervous to say even thanks too, I blushed and walk to the class.

I don't want anyone else getting some butterflies I get when he smiles or say my name. I don't want anyone else making him blush or calling him babe, by thinking all those things I was smiling like a fool, he caught me when I was smiling.

Suddenly he walked to me says " I love you"

I widened my eyes, everybody is smiling, those looks gave positive feeling, I felt like the film heroine, remaining all are the supporting characters,  I seeing everybody's special attention on me, I felt so good maybe that would be the reason, to think about him so positively.

He held my hand says "I know you want to take this slow and you're scared, I get it but I can't this is mine, you are mine forever and ever"

At that every frame, background everything going slow motion, I was an amazing feeling I could see the entire universe was so beautiful.

After a few days with all encouragement of my friends, I said yes.

He used to sit beside me, never allow anybody to sit beside me, slowly I become alien in the classroom, some times there was a proud moment that he was so possessive towards to me, I literally love his love, care, protectiveness everything about him, even I started loving romantic teenage love Novels, love zone movies, cliche type of movies.

I was talking with a guy, he was actually, good, helping me making notes, he pulled me back, and warned me not to talk with any other, other than him.

I teased him " Are you Jealous"

He pinned me to the wall, comes dangerously close to me says " I am not jealous I territorial what's mine is mine and if you are crazy enough to test me then go ahead hun be ready for the consequence, messing with me, understand better you understand" his hot breath burning my skin, I enjoyed the closeness and blushed.

He warned me, at the time I took very seriously like passing years, months, I am not able to concentrate on my studies,  even I never used to get enough time to talk to parents too, he started doubting on me I did not understand what kind of possessiveness that was.

Everything became Dangerous, I am not able to take a breath too.

He started controlling me in every aspect, how I look, he used to come with many restrictions on me, he used to violate my privacy, he used says allways he want to me to spend all time with him. Some times I don't even understand what I should do and what I should not, he used to manipulate my decisions, I controlled myself might be he scared to lose me, but why? I should think that he was scared to lose me seriously might those words out by movies which I have watched, stories which I read, even I used to behave like according to the lead characters which I read and watch in novels and movies, that might be sound foolishly but I did literally. He made me feel like he doesn't have a life outside of me, even he behaves exactly like he doesn't have anybody except me, keeping eye on me that was the only job to him. He gets upset when I was busy, he is jealous if I talk opposite gender of mine, I started feeling unrealistic expectations on me, he doesn't want to listen " No" from me, became so defensive.

In two years where did, I lost myself, why I behaved according to him, where I lost these two years when I said I am done, I found myself back, felt like I got back my independence back. But somewhere again my friends and my roommate, are making me feel I did a big mistake, I am the characterless girl,  for them, I am the one who used him, but nobody understands, how much I damaged.

Today he forced him, and kissed in front of everybody in college, I felt so disgusting, he makes remember the big pig, cockroaches, but my bad luck nobody came forward to stop me,

Now I understood how to fool I am for giving importance to others more than my feeling, I am failed as a daughter to my parents, I am sorry !

Instead of discussing so-called Friend to take a decision in love life, I would have informed you, ask you, ask your suggestion, maybe I would be getting this situation.

As Manu said in the letter i not a brave girl but only I don't want to break your trust, that's why I am handling myself without thinking about suicide.