Letters With Boys

Tally and Ezra, Week 3 - September

Hey Ezra,

I’m sorry to tell you that, despite your promising me I would have a good time at your party, I did not.

Did I not explicitly tell you that I’m not a casual hook-up kind of girl? Why, then, did you feel the need to aggressively and consistently beg me to go up to your bedroom with you? Not to mention sticking your tongue down my throat?

I don’t think we should hang out anymore. We’re too different. Let’s keep this pen pal thing to the mandatory minimum.

Thanks,

Tally

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Tally,

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold on a minute. I’m sorry for coming onto you so strong—really, I am. I couldn’t help it. You just looked so sexy in that tiny, little white t-shirt that showed off your tight, little stomach. You must work out a lot. You never mentioned that.

Also, I was really drunk. So you’ll have to excuse that, too.

The truth is, Tally, I’m scared. There’s a lot of pressure on me, you know? My older brother’s already the successful athlete in the family, and at an Ivy League, which means I have to pave my own way to an Ivy with my grades and extracurriculars.

Which means I don’t, unfortunately, have time for a girlfriend.

If I did have time for a girlfriend, believe me, I would want it to be you.

Does that make sense?

Ezra

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Ezra,

Well, that’s very kind of you (actually, not really), but for the record, I never said anything about wanting to be your girlfriend. All I said was that I wanted to know what you wanted—which, by the way, you never told me. But at least now you finally have.

Can I make a suggestion? If you’re really so concerned about getting into an Ivy, maybe stop going to parties every weekend. Particularly, stop hosting them. Seems an unnecessary risk, if you ask me.

And I may not have mentioned specifically that I worked out, but I definitely mentioned the dozens of sports that I do on a regular basis. So I guess my question is, what kind of numbskull doesn’t put two and two together there?

Tally

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Tally,

I’m still sensing a lot of hostility from you, and I get it. I was an asshole last weekend, and apparently I’m continuing to act like an asshole even now.

I realize now that you’re right—you never said anything about wanting to be my girlfriend. That was an assumption that I made based on the way most girls tend to act around me.

I like that you’re not like most girls, though, Tally. I mean that. I’ve said it before, and I’ll keep saying it.

Can you give me a chance to apologize in person? This weekend, maybe? No parties—just me and you, someplace nice? Wherever you want.

Ezra

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Ezra,

I’m not ready to meet with you in person again. I didn’t like how you acted around me, and I don’t trust you. Besides, even if I did, my friends absolutely hate you and would never forgive me if I met up with you so soon after that embarrassing experience.

I think we need to stick to letters for now. If you really want to make good with me, let’s start with more of this.

Tally

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Tally,

Fair enough. Though I must say, I think you shouldn’t let your friends’ opinions influence your own. That’s a general rule of mine—not just because it might work for me in this particular situation.

Anyway, I’d be happy to continue writing with you and prove how sorry I am that way. What should we talk about? We haven’t been given any prompts since the first day, but I suppose we could keep going in the “favorites/interests” route. Do you have a favorite movie? Favorite animal? Favorite vacation spot?

For me, it’d be Top Gun, lions, and Maui.

Looking forward to hearing yours.

Ezra

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Ezra,

I don’t think those kinds of questions actually tell you anything relevant about a person. Take Memphis, for example. She is the kind of girl who always has the really “cool” answer for those questions, and now it’s got her pen pal, Gray, swooning over her and calling her his “dream girl.” Neither Bridget or I was surprised when she told us that. Why? Because boys are obvious, and what they want to hear is obvious.

Now, though, Memphis is nervous. She’s decided to meet with him in person—with me and Bridget there, too, of course—and she’s not sure either of them is going to like the actual person they’ve gotten to know as much as they like each other’s written personas.

See what I mean?

Bridget and Kai, on the other hand, seem to be getting along swimmingly. I think this is because Kai doesn’t hit on Bridget or make her feel uncomfortable. He seems like a great guy, and also like a pretty damn good soccer player.

So, I guess my point is, if you want to apologize to me and get to know me better, try the Kai approach. Tell me real things about you—more about your family and your upbringing—things that make you sad or scared. Things more specific and real than I’m under a lot of pressure because I have to go to an Ivy League. Do you have regrets? Mistakes you’ve made?

If this is all too much for you, I understand. We can just keep these exchanges brief. Frankly, it might be for the best, anyway.

Tally

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Tally,

All due respect to your friend Memphis, she is nervous because her subconscious is warning her that Gray is a shitty person and she is about to make a mistake. I’m glad you will be there with her. I’ll be curious to hear how that goes.

I get what you’re saying, though. So far, you don’t really know anything more about me than anyone else does, nor I you. And I don’t want to keep these exchanges brief, because I like you, Tally. So here goes.

I grew up in Buffalo, where my father still works as a judge. He stays in Buffalo during the week and travels home on the weekends to be with the family. It’s a little hard not having him around, but they agreed that the move to Granger was best for the family, because of the schools—specifically, because of Lancaster. Which is where I started.

Unfortunately, without my older brother’s athletic prowess or my younger brother’s test scores, it became clear that I wasn’t ever going to be at the top of my class at Lancaster. So, a few years ago, my parents transferred me to Seacoast, where I’d be able to stand out more—you know, big fish, little pond.

It worked, but I’d be lying if I said it didn’t give me some confidence issues. I mean, you get that, right? Are there things your brothers are better at than you—things that make you feel inferior, or even weak?

As for regrets and mistakes, I would have thought that was obvious. The way I treated you at that party was unacceptable. I don’t normally act that way, Tally, and I hope I never do again. The thing is, you scare me. In a good way… but also in a scary way.

And that’s the truth.

Ezra