The sound of the Rain

12. Feelings

“So?” Riko poked her friend the same moment they left by the gate at the back of the house, meant for servants.

“How do you feel about your first day? You think you can manage it?” She tried to get more information from her friend. Alyia pouted, brooding over Riko’s questions. Alyia realized she could manage the workload without getting herself too tired, which meant a lot, especially in her current situation. Upcoming exams together with her payments and work did not leave her with too much free time, and she already felt psychologically exhausted. Manual work, although simple like cleaning, meant she could do something else except focusing on her thoughts.

“Hmm, not bad at all. I liked the library,” she leaned to Riko, gently poking her side, giving her a happy smile.

“I bet you did,” Riko replied with a tease in her voice. It was not long since she met Alyia, but since the first day, she liked her, becoming her best friend instantly. For that reason whenever she saw her worried, she felt uneasy. Helping Alyia to change the environment and easy the load on her mind was the only thing she could do for her at this moment.

Alyia replayed again her tour around the library. The entire time there, she felt strange. She loved the place and the smell of the ink, but she could not shake off the unknown feeling deep in her chest. Place made her feel vulnerable, the same as someone would follow her, watching through her, watching her every single movement. She knew she only imagined things, especially since Riko told her no one could be in that place since madam forbade that, yet the place made her feel that way. It did not feel uncomfortable as she first thought she would feel when showing her vulnerability, but it was not pleasant either. Alyia thought about her emotions, trying to figure out why she would feel that way. Something about that library felt nostalgic but Alyia thought she would never forget a place like that if she would ever visit it before.

“Earth calling the moon. Is everything alright?” Riko interrupted Alyia's thoughts abruptly. She only shook her head, giving her friend a reassuring smile, trying to convince her all was well.

“I know you said you enjoyed it, but somehow you made me feel you are more worried than before.” Riko tried to word her thoughts and concerns about her friend.

“It’s really nothing. I just felt like I already was in a place like this before, but that’s impossible.” Alyia did not want to lie or make up stories about her deep thoughts and saying the truth could not make any problems right now. Riko looked at her, thinking about what she just said, searching in her eyes whether she was telling the truth or not. In the end, she just turned and walked away from the villa.

“How many days till you finish your other projects?” Riko changed the subject of their talk out of the blue. Alyia seemed to count days in her mind before she replied to her.

“About a week till both are finished. I finished with the first story; I just need to send it to my editor and wait if they approve. The other one, I should be able to submit within a week.” Alyia explained to her, and Riko nodded.

“And your school assignments?” Riko continued questioning her.

“I have only one for this month. The rest have due time next month before exams,” Alyia said with a smile. They got several assignments, but she didn’t want to admit that half of it she already finished. The ones left were just those for next month and even from those, she already collected half of the materials she needed.

“Hmm, are you sure you are in the same department as me?” Riko asked her teasingly and the truth which popped in Alyia’s mind made her blush. She didn’t want to admit it loudly, but they both knew Alyia was a nerd.

“I’ll drop you home,” Riko said when opening the door of her car for Alyia.

“Thanks,” Alyia got into the car and waited for Riko to come around as well.

“You are a sort of gentleman,” Alyia joked when Riko joined her. Riko pouted at her, giving her a scolding look and slapping her shoulder.

“Not funny. I am sorry that I care about you,” Riko said, pretending to be angry with Alyia. She smiled at her, trying to please her and make her forgive her while poking her shoulder.

“Come on. You opened the door for me like my boyfriend,” Alyia made her puppy eyes at her.

“If you continue giving me such eyes, I should be your boyfriend,” Riko said, trying to look serious, but in the end they both laughed loudly. Riko fired up the engine and drove Alyia straight home. The late time made the traffic sort of annoying for both of them, but since they could talk, not that bad for either of them.

“See you tomorrow,” Alyia said to Riko when getting out of the car and closing the door after herself. Riko nodded to her. Seeing her entering the building where Alyia lived before, she drove back to her dorm.

Alyia didn’t turn around to see whether her friend left or not, she just walked inside the building and straight to her home. Once she unlocked the door and entered the apartment, a sudden heavy feeling engulfed her.

‘Maybe it wasn’t a good idea to live alone,’ Alyia said to herself. For the past month, she kept herself busy, which distracted her mind from thinking this way, but today was different. The moment she entered the apartment, the loneliness hit her hard. She dropped her bag on the ground, taking off the shoes and walking straight to the living room, but the heavy feeling only deepened inside her chest. Suddenly even breathing felt impossibly. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, focusing her single mind, trying to bring back the only sound that could calm her mind and steady her breathing. The last panic attack came several months ago, and Alyia thought those states were behind her, but today it threatens her to come forward once again. Alyia didn’t know what brought this forward, but she needed to calm herself and she needed to do it quickly.

She took another deep breath, bringing forward the memory of the day she spoke to the only person she kept in her mind for the past dozen of years.

Rain poured down heavily, but she didn’t mind. Hiro sat beside her, holding her hand as they were waiting for the rain to stop. She just sat quietly, feeling the warmth radiating from Hiro. They side leaned on each other as they both hid inside of the tree hole.

“Are you afraid?” Hiro asked her. Alyia lifted her eyes, looking up at him and shaking her head.

“I don’t when you are with me,” she replied to him almost instantly. Hiro felt guilty. They stayed out and got caught by the rain because of him. He refused to go home, and Alyia didn’t want to leave him alone, so she said she would accompany him. Usually, they stayed close to her home, but today he took her to the park because they could easily hide here. Seeing her like this pained him, but there was nothing he could do except hold her close and protect her.

Little Alyia pressed his hand as she continued sitting beside him and listened to the water falling to the ground, shivering leaves as the water made its way through them. Although the weather was cold and the rain heavy, she felt safe. She knew Hiro would protect her. He was her hero.

Alyia opened her eyes once she felt better. She missed the rain, and she missed the boy from her memories. Many times, she wished her life would go in another direction. If her parents wouldn’t divorce, she would probably still be beside him. As Alyia kept reminiscing about her past, one particular memory came forward as well. She didn’t see the face of the person, but the voice from the library when she went to submit her project suddenly echoed in her mind. She knew that voice and doubts grew fast in her heart as they replayed his tone again and again.

“This makes me crazy,” she ruffled her hair as she tried to stop the replay in her mind. Thinking about his voice made her both angry and curious. Angry about thinking about someone like this. Someone who just enjoyed flirting with girls, skipping school. He must have been from a rich family to have such behavior: Alyia thought to herself. But the other part of her was curious why his voice sounded so familiar.

The panic attack that threatened to start was gone and Alyia felt lighter, just more confused. Confused from her roaming mind, going back and forth in her memories. To stop the wave of those memories and one particular memory from yesterday, she opened her laptop and two folders with her current stories appeared in front of her. She opened the one which she had already finished and sent it to her editor before she opened the other one and read the notes she made before about the ending. Her editor again suggested going with the sad end, and she already had in mind how to perfectly finish the tragic love. For the rest of the evening, she engulfed herself at work just to stop the flow of her thoughts, bringing back memories she didn’t wish to remember right now. Alyia tried to see the connection between the boy from her memories and the voice she heard today, but Hiro in her mind was an innocent, caring boy, who always followed principles. The voice she overheard today belonged to a completely different person.