My Sin, Lesbian b**m

Chapter Three

Chapter Three

Her name was Cindy Gardener. She lived in the city. I copied the address from her library card and drove into the setting sun. I wasn’t accustomed to driving in heavy traffic, and I became lost several times looking for her street. Eventually I found her address. She lived in an apartment above a hardware store in a working class neighborhood.

I didn’t have a plan. There was a moment in the library when I had been ready to ask her out, but the ghost of rejections past had stolen my nerve. I could have been misreading her cues. I might even have been wrong about her s****l orientation. When it comes to the dance of seduction I have two left feet. I could only imagine her exposing me to Mrs. Friendly and anyone else close enough to hear her outraged protests. Yet the memory of her had followed me home, taunting me with the possibility that I had missed my only chance.

It has always been my way to seek signs and portents. I believed that fate would point me in the proper direction when the time came. Action of some sort was called for, even if it seemed misguided or dangerous.

I could have called her up, but what would I say? Hi! Remember me? I’m the mousy librarian you barely noticed. The one who drooled all over the hard bound copy of “Tender Buttons” that you checked out this morning. I was wondering if we could get together tonight for coffee, or dinner, or a weekend of marathon orangutan-in-heat s*x?

She would pause for a terrible eternity while I tried to read the silence. Would she be mentally rewinding memory tapes in a vain attempt to recall my face? Perhaps she would be composing a polite refusal, or covering the mouthpiece while she giggled to her roommate. It’s her! It’s that needy old dyke I was telling you about! Gawd! She’s stalking me!

Telephones terrify me. I need to see the faces of the people I speak to.

Fresh from the shower, I stood in front of the mirror and gave myself a pep talk, telling myself that my tummy was still flat and my breasts weren’t all that saggy. Stand up straight for a change, and try to smile for once in your life! I could hear the ghost of my mother lecturing me.

I was dressed for the hunt, at least as much as my limited wardrobe allowed. I wore a red silk blouse and a straight skirt that was slit up the back, but not too high. I dug my boots out of the back of the closet, the ones I bought in a fit of wild abandon and never wore. They were black leather, with two inch heels and narrow toes. Walking in them transformed my everyday amble into a catlike stride. They made me feel sensual and a little dangerous – well, two inches taller anyway.

The savings and loan across the street was closed for the day. I parked in the empty lot facing her building and sat there for awhile trying to build up the courage to knock on her door. Darkness gathered around me and lights started coming on upstairs. I saw silhouettes moving about.

Hi! I was just in the neighborhood and....This was too lame, even for me.

I had just about talked myself into starting the car and abandoning this madness when the door across the street popped open and three people spilled out. One was a slender man of average height, young and rather good looking in a sweet, harmless sort of way. Two steps ahead of him, a tall woman led the way. She was also thin, but more angular. Her dark crew cut emphasized her high cheek bones and sharp chin. Cindy bounced between them, laughing and tossing back that unruly red cowlick. The man said something to Cindy that was mildly offensive. She whooped and rapped his shoulder with her fist. He threw up his arms and flinched comically, as though to ward off further blows. She banged her hip against him and giggled at his simulated terror.

Watching her, wanting her, I failed to notice that the hawk like gaze of the other woman had scanned the street and frozen on me. It would have been foolish at this point to duck out of sight. I did the next best thing. I picked up my purse and propped it up on the steering wheel, rummaging through it as though I were searching for something. When I looked up again, the trio was half a block away. They were still walking, and didn’t seem to be headed for any of the vehicles that were parked nearby. I got out of my car, closed the door softly, and followed them.

They were in a party mood, bouncing off each other’s energy like teenagers. I kept to the shadows and tried to tread lightly. My boots were designed for baiting prey, not pursuing it. I was already missing my sneakers. Fortunately, the people ahead of me had eyes and ears only for each other. If they saw me, they didn’t appear to notice. Overhead, the harvest moon was full and red – a hunting moon.

They entered a bar and grill. I walked past the place, listening to the raucous laughter and loud music within as I wrestled with my wiser nature. My Mother’s ghost whispered in my ear. People who hang around places like this are not people you need to know. I took a deep breath and strolled in with all the insouciance I could summon.

It was as crowded and noisy as you might expect. Techno music blared from speakers around the room. I waded through the bobbing, gyrating dancers, scanning the throng of people for my quarry. I caught a glimpse of a bare pierced belly button here, a tattooed arm there, a girl swaying softly with closed eyes, a scruffy male grinding his crotch against her backside. Most of them seemed mere children, and I felt ancient by contrast. A whiff of pot drifted from the bathrooms in the rear. I soon spotted the trio I was following. They sat in a booth in the corner. I took a barstool where I could keep them in sight, ordered a gin and tonic, and sat down to observe.

It was impossible for me to tell if Cindy was romantically involved with either of them. She seemed an equal opportunity flirt. She would rub up against the woman like an emotionally deprived kitten. But a minute later she would run a hand over the man’s shoulder as though telegraphing her availability. I was intent on searching her body language for clues, and it took me awhile to realize that the dark haired woman had noticed me, and was staring back with puzzlement and a hint of challenge. I turned away quickly and ordered another drink. When it arrived, I paid the bartender and took a sip.

The voice behind me was soft, and the music was loud, yet I heard her clearly.

“Why are you interested in Sin?”