The Truth About Her

09 | Litost

Litost (n.)

A state of agony and torment created by the sudden sight of one's own misery.

▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄

AS SHE RISES FROM the heavy slumber, the first thought that crosses her head comes in the shape of one short word: Cai.

The previous night had been one of new beginnings, happy thoughts, and utter excitement. She felt elated, and that feeling still hovers around her head when she wakes up. At last, she could release her past, let it drift away into obscurity. This town won't be all about sad memories anymore. Happiness flows through her, warming her skin like the rays of the spring sun. Her customary cautious grin explodes into a radiant smile that she has never worn before, not even as a child. There's this constant feeling in her chest, something that makes her feel like everything is going to be alright now. Even if she's trying to not get ahead of herself, the memories from last night, Cai holding her in his embrace while kissing her under the rain and then kissing her again when he dropped her off at her house, send all the butterflies in her stomach into a rampage. Everything just feels wonderful.

After getting up and making her bed, she heads straight to the bathroom, where she washes her face and brushes her teeth before getting dressed to go jogging, as usual. While she's tying up her hair into a ponytail, her phone buzzes over her dresser, and she looks down to find a message notification from none other than the boy who has occupied her head since the minute she opened her eyes this morning.

Cai Boulya:

Good morning, Ann!

Have a good run. Hope we run into each other.

Picking the phone up, she unlocks it to type a quick answer, and after thinking it through, she sends him a silly sticker as a way to play it cool and not give away the fact that his message caused all the butterflies in her stomach to revolt. After putting her phone back down, she finishes getting ready and leaves the room. As she reaches the last step of the stairs, the sound of voices coming from the kitchen flows into her ears, and her eyebrows knit together instantaneously in confusion since it takes her less than thirty seconds to put a name to those voices. One is her father's, and the other belongs to a certain boy who has been living in her head rent-free for the last couple of days.

They're both sitting on the kitchen table with their backs turned at the kitchen entry, so they don't notice her once she walks in, but they do when she clears her throat to get their attention. "Good morning."

"Good morning, kiddo," Gregg says, swiftly turning around to meet her gaze and shoots her a smile.

"Hi," Cai says, beaming, and stands up to approach her. "Sorry I didn't tell you I was here. I was jogging, and your dad saw me and greeted me and then suggested I waited for you, so you wouldn't go jogging alone."

"How convenient," Oceana answers with a small smile trailing on her lips. "Let's go then. I'm already late."

"Yeah, I was about to go check on you. I found it weird you hadn't gotten up yet." Her dad says as he takes some dishes to the sink. "Did you sleep well?"

Blood rises to her cheeks as her dad's question makes her feel sort of bashful because she did have some difficulty falling asleep, and the reason for it is standing only a few meters away from her. "Yes, sure. Can we go now?"

"Okay, okay, come on," Cai rolls his eyes and takes her hand, guiding her out of the kitchen. "Thanks for the coffee, Mr. Hemmings."

Once they're outside of the house, Oceana stops in her tracks, causing him to stop too. "So, you happened to be casually running past my house when my dad saw you."

The corners of his mouth turn up into a cheeky smile. "Yes, I actually thought you had already left the house, and when your dad invited me in and told me you were still in your room, I texted you, just to check if you were awake or not."

"Yeah, and the hope we run into each other was some sort of joke? She raises an eyebrow.

Incredibly, his smile grows bigger, reaching the corners of his eyes, which shine with mischievousness as he closes the gap between them and wraps his arms around her waist. "Are you mad?"

"Of course not," she looks up at him. "It's pretty cool you're here."

"I think it's pretty cool I'm here too," he teases and leans in to plant a kiss on her cheek.

"Alright, Romeo. Let's go."

WHAT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE ONLY a forty-five-minute run is extended into an extra thirty minutes of walking to the beach. The beach is empty at this time of day, making her feel a lot more comfortable as they sit on a bench, enjoying the cool spring breeze and the soothing blue sky. Her hand rests over the wooden bench in the space between their thighs; his hand is in the same exact position, next to hers. She noticed the proximity right away but didn't act on it or gave it any thought, not wanting to come off as too intense or clingy. It's been a while since the last time she had to go through this phase of getting to know a guy and sort of start with the whole dating experience, getting to know each other and such. If you think about it too much, it might even be stressing, to think about the do's and don'ts, the wondering about what the other may think of you, or if they are interested in you for real, or if you're bothering or boring them – if you're an overthinker, getting to know someone new in the prospects of getting to date them in the near future, can be pretty overwhelming.

The good thing about Cai is that he makes it all easier, whether that's just the way he is or he does it on purpose she doesn't know, but the point is that with him, she feels comfortable and doesn't have to worry as much as she'd usually do. So, when she feels his pinky brushing against her own, she can't stop the smile that makes its way across her face. Glancing at him, she finds him already staring and with a tiny, sweet smile lingering on his lips, which turns into a wide grin when she decides to be a bit bold and intertwines their pinkies together. Their moment is interrupted by the sound of his phone ringtone, and with an apologetic smile, he stands up and walks away to answer the call. She only gets to hear him say "hey, dad" before his voice trails off as he gets further away.

Oceana leans back against the bench, allowing herself to enjoy the golden sand, the hue as gentle on the eye as a vintage photograph. There she remains, breathing deeply of the ocean carried air, listening to the percussion of waves. Not far away, she spots a tall, lean figure jogging at a rapid pace. The person doesn't have to get too close for her to recognize who it is in only a matter of seconds, and as the distance between them narrows, his green eyes spot her immediately. And instead of staying on his lane, he takes a turn and jogs his way to her.

Theo shoots her a smile before waving at her. "Hi, what are you doing here all alone?"

"Cai is over there," she turns around and points at the boy standing a few meters away. "He's talking to his dad."

The green-eyed boy nods slowly. "So, you two are dating or something like that?"

"I think that's something you should ask your best friend, not me. You know, because of all the being your ex-girlfriend issue." She says, and Theo scratches the back of his head as he looks away for a few seconds. Suddenly, her pulse quickens when a specific question passes through her head, and the desire to express that question "Theo…" she enunciates his name slowly, even with a bit of fear.

He looks up, meeting her gaze. "Yeah?"

"Have you told him anything?" Automatically, her voice lowers as the words come out of her mouth.

He shakes his head. "I don't think it's my place to do so. It's yours."

She heaves a sigh. "Thanks."

"Oceana, I never got to tell you this because you left town without telling nobody but –"

By the corner of her eye, she can see Cai is making his way towards them already, and the last thing she wants is to have this conversation in front of him, knowing that whatever Theo might say, it's going to take her down the road of the past. "Not now, please."

And they both turn to look at the brown-eyed boy.