The New Terra Sagas

Chapter 8: Stepping Up

Juan walked around his battle-scarred fighter on the hanger deck while two dozen repair bots that looked a little like chrome covered crabs worked on repairing the damage. Lt. Julie Bass walked up from behind; her attention focused on the strain covering her friend's face, more than on the work going on around them.

She stepped up next to him, standing shoulder to shoulder, near enough to be heard over the noise, but not in his way. "I can't believe you made it back in that," she said to him with a teasing sarcastic tone, hoping he was in a lighter mood than he looked.

"Yeah, guess I was lucky," he said with a cold detachment that almost sounded defeated.

Julie could hear the tension in his voice and believed it was her job to slap him out of his morose mood. "You're not supposed to believe in luck," she said with a grin, referring back to something their commander used to say all the time.

"Why's that?" Juan replied with more attention on his crippled bird than on her comment.

"Because you're in command of the squad now. You remember what Commander O'Hara would say about luck."

His attention didn't waiver from the repairs, but he did reply, "Luck is a luxury a commander can't afford."

They both stood there watching the repair bots work. Julie could tell that Juan was overwhelmed at taking over command of the squadron, but she needed to know that he had not lost his self-confidence.

Juan was a very talented pilot who had climbed the ranks faster than most, but O'Hara had held him back from getting his own command of a fighter group because he felt that Juan wasn't ready yet. Juan admired O'Hara too much to hate him for standing in his way, so he did everything he could to prove to O'Hara he was ready for command; from volunteering to do extra patrols to proposing a number of new fight techniques, but despite the fact that O'Hara would acknowledge how well Juan was doing he still would not give his recommendation. One day Juan finally pressed him on it, and O'Hara simply said, "When you can feel it in your gut, and I can see that in your eyes, you will be ready. Until then you still have a lot to learn." That was just a few weeks earlier. He still wasn't sure what O'Hara meant, but with his disappearance, Juan found himself in command and had never felt so unready.

Julie could see the uncertainty on Juan's face even though he would never admit it was getting to him. She knew there was nothing she could do to get him to talk about it, but she needed to hear something from him that instilled some confidence. After another minute she decided to break the silence. "I checked with the Chief; we will have fifteen birds ready to fly by the time we rendezvous with the fleet."

"That leaves us one short," Juan commented more to himself than to her.

"Yes Sir, but Franklin is still in sickbay recovering, so I was going to have Seward fly his bird."

"Sounds good," Juan said still not giving her his full attention. It was clear his thoughts were somewhere else. He walked around the fighter to check on the other side of it, and she followed two steps behind.

"Sir... Juan," she said making sure she had his attention. "You're ready."

He looked at her. They had known each other since basic training. She knew him better than his own sisters did and could look right through him the same way. He could see she wasn't going to drop the subject, so he looked around to make sure there was no one near enough to overhear and then stepped closer to keep the personal comments private. "You know how hard I had been trying to prove to Roy that I was ready for my own command."

She nodded but didn't say anything letting him get it off his chest.

"He kept telling me to be patient, that the time wasn't right and that he would tell me when I was ready."

"And?" Julie said expecting there to be more from the statement.

"And he never did. The fact is I'm not ready." The admission was difficult, and he couldn't keep looking at her, so he turned his attention back to the fighter again.

"Maybe," she said, wanting to be reassuring, but also honest. "Ready or not you are in command. There's nothing more to learn and nothing more to do. You just have to take the reins and hope for the best."

Juan didn't say anything for a moment, nor did he do anything. Her words cut a little deeper than he was ready for and his instinct was to push back. With frustration in both his voice and on his face, he turned to her and said: "I'm responsible for the lives of fifteen pilots, including yours and you want me to hope for the best?"

Her eyes narrowed as she stepped closer to him, locking her gaze straight into his. "No, what I want you to know is that we fifteen pilots trust you. To us, it's not hope, its faith. Faith in you and your ability to lead us. If you can't find that same faith in yourself, then at least have hope."

Juan thought for a moment and then said something odd. "Are you ready for it?"

"Ready for what?" she answered still in a defensive tone.

"To die."

Julie didn't like the question. Just thinking about it tightened her gut. But she answered him with the same cold tone. "No Sir. Not today."

"Good," he said and did not elaborate. They stood there, saying nothing, watching the repair bots work. Julie was angry and scared. The flight leader who had taught her, and most of their team, how to fight and survive in combat was gone, and the one who was filling his shoes couldn't even pretend he was ready. A slight sniffle came from her as her emotions started to get the best of her, showing a side of herself that she never let others see. Deciding there was nothing more to say, she turned and walked off. A part of her hoped Juan would say something, anything before she walked away leaving the deck with the last word being about death, but he didn't. Juan turned his focus back to the repairs on his ship. After a moment he grabbed a welding torch, shooed one of the repair bots away and proceeded to do some of the work himself.