Dying For You

Chapter 10

Day three of disappointing my mate and her not wanting to see me. It took a little more energy to get out of bed today. I'm so worried that once she finds out she can reject me, she will.

"She doesn't want to see me. My presence upsets her. Every cell of my body screams at me to go to her, but when I do, she screams at me to get away. It's an awful feeling knowing that I am harming her. I HATE it." I vent my frustration to my best friend and soon-to-be Beta.

"She needs time. I asked my Dad about it, and he told me what he remembered when it happened. And we've all heard the horror stories of hunters growing up. The hunters are probably all she remembers if she was taken when she was only three years old. You can't blame her for being nervous." he argues.

"I'm not blaming her. I fully understand her hesitation to trust me or anyone. I'm just saying it sucks. I've waited so long to find her. Do you know how long I've dreamed of how great it would be to find my mate? But I'm pretty sure she will reject me. I'm not supposed to take over the pack without a Luna. We already made exemptions for me to go to Alpha training. If you hadn't already found your mate, I doubt they would have let me go to Alpha training, but they did since they sent you to Beta training. I don't know, dude. I can't keep living like this, waiting for her to reject me." I sigh, running my hands through my hair in desperation.

"I don't know, dude…. Sucks." Ren sighs.

"f**k” I groan.

"Come on, breaks over." Ren taps my shin as he sets his water bottle on the ground. "Time to get back to training and get your mind off this."

"Fine." I groan, standing up.

We go to the mats and take positions across each other, readying ourselves for the attack. We aren't trying to hurt each other; just working out some of our energy.

"Look on the bright side; you're already done with Alpha training, so now you don't have to worry about leaving your mate for six months and worrying that she will forget you while you're gone. Or worrying that something will happen because you and your mate found out she was pregnant two days before you left for six months, only to be then forced to leave your pregnant mate with little to no contact, making her take care of herself and prepare for a baby by herself, only to come back knowing that you have a baby due at any moment and know that you will never get back this new, exciting time in your life and relationship," he says with a sarcastic smile.

"I know that sucked. I tried to fight for you to postpone-" I look at my best friend, who looks like he is just going through the motions and doesn't want to be here anymore. "We've been training for 4 hours. Do you want to call it a day to see your mate?" I ask.

He runs off the mats. "Yes," he says, quickly gathering his things.

"Bye!" I call out after him as he runs out of the training arena.

I sighed, then walked back to the bench and gathered my things. The training was a nice distraction from the shitstorm that is my life. I walk out of the arena and head towards the pack house.

As soon as I get to my bedroom, I toss everything on my bed and strip. I put my sweaty clothes in the hamper and jump straight into the shower. My muscles relax under the hot water, and I immediately feel better. Ren was right about training being a good distraction from my mate. Maybe bombarding her when she first wakes up isn't good for her, so I need to visit her later in the day so she can wake up, get comfortable, and feel safe before we start invading her space. Plus, sitting on the floor 8 hours a day is a big waste of my time. But I can't pull myself away when I'm there. It's impossible.

I clean up quickly and get ready, throwing on jeans and a T-shirt. I rub the towel through my hair, getting most of the water out. As soon as I'm semi-presentable, I head out of the Alpha and Luna apartment and through the hallways of the packhouse. One thing I love about our pack house is it's one large apartment building where every family has their entire apartment, including washers, dryers, and kitchens, so everyone can live as independently as they want. Still, we also have an industrial kitchen with a hired staff that cooks for the pack every meal. Most pack members choose to eat together, though.

I get to my mate's parent's apartment and knock on the door. After a short moment, her Mom opens the door. "Hello, Alpha; I wasn't sure if you were going to come today," she says as she lets me in.

"She's my mate. I'm going to make sure I see her every day. I just wanted to give her time to wake up today so she didn't feel like I was bombarding her." I explain.

"That's very thoughtful. She's not awake yet, but she's doing ok today, so I hope she wakes up soon." her Mom explains.

"I hope so, too." I smile.

I head back to Laila's room and slowly round the corner to look in the closet to see her sleeping in her usual spot, snuggled up to the wall. That can't be comfortable. I wish she would sleep in the bed; she would probably get better quality sleep if she slept in the bed. I'd stay out of the room if that's what she wants.

I take a seat, leaning against the chair while watching my mate. I don't want to spook her in any way with any sudden movements. I scoot some, so my right side is leaning against the chair instead of my back, resting my head on the seat, getting comfortable, and closing my eyes. I want to rest my eyes for a second. The lack of sleep is catching up to me. I might as well get comfortable and relax.

I don't know what it is. Maybe it's being so close to my mate and her unique scent surrounding me, but I don't think I've ever felt so relaxed. I could fall asleep at any moment.

THUMP.

I force myself not to jump up to react to that noise, but it sounds like it came from the closet. I want to help Mate, but I cannot scare her. Without moving a muscle, I slowly peek one eye open to try to check on her. She is awake and standing up with one hand on the wall; I assume that was the thump. She stumbles to the door of the closet while watching me closely.

Don't move a muscle. Do not spook the nervous chicken.

Laila runs past me and into the bathroom, closing the door quickly behind her. She's awake. She feels safe enough to come out of the corner of her closet. That or she has to pee that badly. But she feels safe enough to run past me.

That might not sound like anything; I'm counting it as significant progress.

I sit still, pretending to be asleep, in case she's watching me. I can't turn around because the bathroom door is behind me. Before long, I hear the shower turn on. Her Mom appears in the hallway, looking at me, confused.

"Is she in the shower?" her Mom whispers, pointing at the bathroom door.

"Yeah," I whisper.

"She's awake? Did she say anything? Is she ok?" her Mom asks.

"I think she thinks I'm asleep 'cause she tried to sneak past me and ran into the bathroom," I explain.

"Ok. I'm getting her another set of clothes. She's been wearing my clothes although they are too big for her. But she's not ready to go out in public just yet, so I can't get her clothes, and she seems comfortable in sweatshirts and sweatpants." her Mom says before disappearing down the hall.

Soon, she reappears with a stack of clothes. She walks past me, setting the clothes on the bed behind me- near the bathroom door. "I'll be back with food when she is out of the shower," she mentions on her way out the door.

I settled back in where I was supposed to be asleep. Soon I hear the bathroom door open with a warm, humid gust of air from behind me as Laila hums a monotone note nervously. Then, one thought occurred to me.

My mate is only wearing a towel…. If she is wearing anything at all.

DO NOT TURN AROUND!

DO NOT TURN AROUND!

DO NOT TURN AROU- the bathroom door closes again. Oh my god, that was so tempting. Just imagine the water dripping down her bare skin, her smooth… sweet…body.

Fuck. Baseball stats and the weather. Do not get a boner. My grandma's grandma's home cooking. Ren farting. Ok, I think I'm in the clear.

Perfect timing, the bathroom door opens again as she hurries into the closet. I can practically feel her eyes on me as I pretend to sleep. I peek one eye to see she's sat back down, playing with her sleeve.

Her Mom walks into the bedroom holding a plate of food. I close my eyes, pretending to be asleep, as her Mom enters the closet to give her the food. I hear chewing and footsteps leaving the room. I assume her Mom left us alone while Laila ate.

I listen patiently as she takes her time eating. She's eating slower than she ate yesterday. That's good. She doesn't feel like she has to rush because of me. It's progress, and that's all that I can ask for.

It takes a few minutes before I no longer hear chewing noises. She's probably done eating. That's good. She'll probably go to sleep soon. That's good. That might not seem like much, but today's been a good day. She's showing progress. I'm just going to sit here and pretend to sleep until she falls asleep.

About 10 minutes have passed since I heard a peep out of her. She must be sleeping.

Thump…

OK, what is she doing? She's on the move.

Creek…

She's walking... Where?

Creek…

She's getting closer.

I lightly feel a finger on my cheek.

Poke.

She poked my cheek. I slowly open one eye to see her running back to the closet to hide in her corner. She's looking at me, seeing I'm not asleep. I pick my head up and look at her. "Are you dead?" she asks nervously. "They always take away the dead people, so if you're dead, please let someone know so the doctor can take you away somewhere," she says, looking like she is about to cry. I grab the whiteboard off the ground and start writing.

'I'm not dead. Just sleeping.' then, show it to her.

"Ok." she nods as she sits back on the ground. She plays with her sleeves a little more. "Have you seen Doc? I want to know when I'm returning to my space," she asks, looking back up at me. I start writing again.

'You're not going back. Ever.'

"Why not? Am I going somewhere else? I'm tired of The Above; it's so bright up here." she complains, looking around. So bright? Does she mean sunlight?

'If I make it dark, will you please try to sleep in the bed? We will all stay out of the room if you try to sleep in the bed.'

She nods. "It's so bright all the time." she sniffles. Ok. I'm going to buy her curtains. I stand up and explain what I'm doing on the whiteboard for her to read.

'I will get you something to make it dark so you can rest, ok? Your Mom is around if you need anything.'

Laila reads it and nods. The only thing allowing me to leave her quickly is the thought that my mate needs something. I can do something to help her and fix her problem.

I fly down the road to the nearest store that sells curtains. I grab 3 of every black-out curtain in every color they have. I don't know what color she likes, and I didn't measure the massive window in her room. Anything I don't use, I can return.

I'm back at the packhouse carrying an armload of shopping bags until I arrive at her door. I have to readjust the bags to knock on the apartment door. I know I wasn't gone long, but I expect that Laila's falling asleep again. She doesn't stay awake long; that's ok; she needs to heal.

Her Dad opens the door and looks at me. "Hello, Alpha, I didn't expect you back so soon." he greets me as he steps back, letting me walk in.

"Laila was telling me she thinks her room is too bright, so I bought her curtains and a curtain rod; I'm going to hang them fast, so hopefully, she gets better sleep. I don't know her favorite color, so I got curtains in every color I could find." I explain as I show him the bags.

He looks at me and smiles, nodding, "You care about her a lot."

"Of course, she's my mate."

"Even more than that. You've been here every day in case she wakes up and can speak to her momentarily. She told you something, and you went out of your way to help her. It makes me feel better that you were willing to go out and buy curtains." He laughs a little bit while scratching his head. "I know you're supposed to take over for your father soon and be Alpha of this pack… but that's my little girl in there. She's had such a hard life already; you can't blame me for being apprehensive about any guy claiming to be her mate when we just got her back." he sighs, putting his hands in his pockets.

"I understand. I swear I would never hurt her. I only want the best for her," I ramble frantically.

"I know. I remember that feeling from when I first met my mate… it's like my whole world made sense; it was all because of her. And I would do anything for her. All she has to do is ask." he sighs, looking at the ground. "Come on, she's this way," he smiles, nodding towards the hallway that leads to the bedrooms.

I walk down the hallway passing the spare bedrooms- they used to be their son's bedrooms. I walk into Laila's bedroom to see her Mom sitting on the floor in front of the closet where I was sitting earlier as she writes on the whiteboard. She glances at me with a smile and then goes back to the whiteboard.

"Hello, my love," I turn around to see Laila's Dad leaning against the door frame with his arms crossed, looking at Laila's Mom. She looks up at him, blushing profusely as she smiles. "How's she doing? Is she still awake?" he asks, stepping inside the room and craning his neck to peek inside the closet.

"We're talking." her Mom nods, starting to write again.

"She's still awake?" I ask, walking in front of the closet. Laila's sitting on the floor with her knees pulled to her chest as she looks at me from behind her knees. I turn to look at her Mom. "I got curtains for her. I didn't know what color she likes." I explain. I walk over to the bed and dump the bags on her bed. I glance at her Mom, who is writing quickly. I started pulling a curtain of every color and design I could find out of the shopping bags.

I grab them and slowly walk towards the closet so I don't spook Laila. I set them on the floor just inside the door and glance at her Mom, holding out the whiteboard so Laila can read what she wrote.

'He is going to show you something. You pick out which one you like.'

Laila nods while licking her lips, then shifts her attention to me. She watches as I kneel in front of her, laying out the curtains so she can see them all. She watches me as I slowly take a few steps back from her. I've never been so aware of every movement I make. She shifts her focus back to the curtains lying on the ground. She slowly reaches for a handout, feeling the curtains. "What are these?" she looks up at me with tears.

"Curtains. They're just curtains." I reach out to her, showing my hands. She flinches away from me, retreating within herself.

"Alpha, she can't hear you." her Dad reminds me.

I turn to her Mom, who is waving her hand at Laila, trying to get her attention, holding up a whiteboard that reads, 'They're just curtains. They cannot hurt you.'

Laila sniffles, wiping her cheeks as she reads what her mother wrote. "I-I- I don't understand." she stutters.

"Let me talk to her," I demand, turning to Laila's Mom. My mate is upset, and I need to fix it now! She holds out the whiteboard towards me with a shaky hand. I snatch it from her and furiously start writing.

'Do you remember when I told you I could make it dark so you could sleep better?'

She furrows her brows as she squints to read. When she's done, she looks up at me. I nod, trying to encourage her. She slowly starts to shake as she gulps loudly.

"I'm so tired. Please make it dark." she sighs. I nod and start writing again.

'These curtains will make it dark.'

She reads the whiteboard and then looks at me again. I point to the curtains in front of her. She follows my arm until her eyes settle on the curtains before her. She slowly unfolds her arms and reaches out to touch one, then another. "I don't understand what I have to do-" She looks up at me and stops abruptly when she sees me shaking my head.

"You don't have to do anything. You can choose which color you want." I explain, pointing at the curtains. She looks back at the curtains.

"I need all of these curtains?" she asks. I shake my head and start writing again.

'No. I think you only need 2 or 3. Just choose which color you want.'

She looks at her Mom and then at me. "Choose? How do I do that? How do I choose?" she asks.

She doesn't know how to make a choice. I look at her Mom and then at her Dad to see her Mom looking like she could cry as her Dad shifts uncomfortably. "We don't believe that she has ever had a choice in anything that's happened to her, so she's never chosen for herself. We would introduce that concept when she was healthy enough to understand new things. She made choices as a toddler, but I doubt she remembers that. We've just been getting her anything she might need without stressing her out." he says.

I turn back to my mate, who is focused on the curtains on the floor before her. She's never had the freedom to make her own decision. I'm going to change that. She deserves everything she could ever want, and I will give it to her.