I'm Forbidden To Love You

Chapter 18

Ryan kept silent as he walked towards her, masking his inner turmoil, not wanting her to know.

He was not worthy of her.

He definitely wasn’t….

How can he be deserving of her smile, her kindness, her friendship?

Ryan knew how brave she was to befriend him, knowing that people will punish her for this. Then, why he was not courageous enough to speak for her?

He wanted the earth to swallow him as he felt too ashamed to look at her.

He gave a slight bow to her, not making eye contact with her and guided her out of the court hall as there were still few royal officials around as they escorted the King and Princess Elltore to have a private discussion.

He walked out of the corridor, ignoring the guards and soldiers bowing to him in respect. Usually, he would nod at them, but he was not in the mood to notice anything.

He knew she wanted to speak with him with how she kept on trying to catch his eyes. But she cannot talk with him as there were many soldiers guarding throughout the corridors.

Ryan left the ward where the King held the court and met foreign guests, and took a left turn that would lead to the exit of the main building.

Just as they exited the central part of the castle, he could hear her whispering his name.

“Prince Ryan..”

“Prince Ryan..”

“Prince Ryan..”

“Prince Ryan..”

“Prince Ryan..”

“Prince Ryan..”

Ryan ignored it with a heavy heart, unable to hear her pleading his name anymore, so he quickened his steps and her trying to catch him with how fast he was walking.

I am sorry, Zelda.

I am really, really sorry, Zelda.

Ryan didn’t have words to apologize to her properly.

But he will. He would apologize to Zelda and ask her forgiveness even if he had to beg. And then, he will stay away from her. He cannot stay near her anymore.

All this Avera had brought was pain to her.

He cannot afford to make her suffer anymore. His mere presence will put her in danger again.

He took steps towards the small house near the armory and knocked on the door.

From there, an elderly woman opened the door, looking at him in surprise before her face morphed into a happy one.

“Prince Ryan, welcome, welcome. How long has it been since you visited me last? Have you forgotten this Granny?”

“No, Granny. How can I?”

He went forward and hugged her as a greeting.

Granny Ada has always been an important person in his life. She had been a nanny to him when he was a baby and later a nurse who had looked after him when he had been sick during childhood.

Her husband had died during the war, and her children left for work in other places. So, she remained here in a small house on the castle grounds, teaching people who wanted to be nurses and called for duty if the medics needed an experienced person amid them.

Ryan would visit her often, bringing her things he brought from his travels usually. For the past month, his life had seen many ups and downs that he hadn’t taken time to visit Granny Ada.

“Come, come inside. I will make you your favorite tea. Just a moment.”

“No, no, Granny. I have brought a visitor. She needs medical attention.”

Granny looked over his shoulder at Zelda, who was standing outside the door awkwardly. Granny gestured her to come inside.

Ryan sat on the chair nearby, looking around the shelves that had various herbs, vials of different colours, not able to look at Zelda.

“So, you haven’t come to see me?”

His Granny Ada was, as usual, dramatic in a good way, trying to act cute even at this age with a pout.

Ryan had always been grateful for her presence in his life. He was glad that Granny Ada had brought him up rather than his family members, who were all busy with their social lives.

“I will come by this evening, Granny. I’ve missed your fruit cake very much.”

“Missed my fruit cake, but not me?”

“Granny.”

Ryan tried to make a pouting face too, feeling like a child in her presence.

“Okay, okay, Prince Ryan. I will make them in the evening.”

She chuckled at his antics while dressing the wounds on Zelda’s hands and putting the herbal concoction on her scrapes.

Ryan didn’t want to give in to his rage.

He cannot even imagine what she must have gone through when soldiers had dragged her here forcefully. He had seen the bruises in her hand and had brought her here.

He had always wanted to bring her here, to meet with Granny Ada, but he never wanted her to meet like this.

He watched her wounds get treated silently, not wanting to disturb Granny Ada while she was at work.

When Granny finished dressing Zelda’s hands, he got up from the chair and listened to Granny advising her to apply the medical herbs in the vial Granny gave to Zelda.

Ryan decided to take his leave. He hugged Granny one more time and silently thanking her for not questioning him anything; that was why he liked Granny Ada the most.

“I will see you in the evening, Granny.”

Granny bid bye to him while Ryan guided Zelda out there, not giving her a chance to speak with how much distance he created between them by walking ahead of her.

Ryan’s mind was chaotic with how thoughts of her helpless face this morning were plaguing his mind.

Ryan wanted to rage around, break something, probably the hands of investigators who had ordered to drag her from her room. Ryan wanted to scream in anger with how it consumed his entire mind. And above all, the guilt that was rendering him speechless in front of her.

Without noticing the direction he was going, he had mistakenly taken her to the tributary they had first met.

He hadn’t even realized that he had brought her to the very place that changed his life when he met her.

He whirled around to leave this place, but it seemed that it was too late, for she was right behind him, with her arms spread out as if to stop him.

Ryan took a side step, but she took steps whichever direction he moved to escape.

How stupid was he to not notice the location he was going toward?

Ryan couldn’t meet her eyes even now with how ashamed and guilty he felt.

“Prince Ryan.”

Words failed him.

Ryan didn’t know how to speak to her anymore, and what can he even talk to her about? That he was a coward? That he was not able to help her when she was being almost sent to her death.

“Prince Ryan.”

Ryan faced away from her, not able to see the turquoise eyes that had captured him the first time he saw her.

“Prince Ryan.”

Ryan gritted his teeth, gripping his fingers tight, not able to hear her pleading voice.

She hadn’t done anything wrong. He was the one who didn’t deserve to be in her presence, and he was afraid that being near him will bring her nothing but sorrow.

“Prince Ryan, do you… do you also think of me as a murderer? Is that why you won’t speak with me?”

Ryan turned his head towards her so fast that his neck almost hurt. How could she think like this?

Ryan’s hand rose towards her, but he lowered them forcefully.

“How can you think like that, Zelda?”

Ryan asked her, finally breaking his silence.

His heart pained to see her bruised hands that had been dressed and the slightest tear in the hem of her dress.

Ryan gritted his teeth painfully.

Why?

Why were people always hurting her one way or another?

Why things like this happened to only her?

If whichever God was listening, he prayed that things like this happen to him and not her. Never her.

“Do you really think of me like that, Prince Ryan?”

“Never, Zelda. I know that you could never do things like that. I may not know you for years, but I do know that you can never hurt anyone willingly.”

Zelda turned her face away, not looking at him.

Was she angry?

Why would she turn away from him when she had not faced away from her judgement in the courtroom? In fact, Ryan admired her courage for not crying even in that situation and instead tried to explain to everyone about her innocence.

She was strong.

Stronger than him as Ryan was nothing but a weakly coward the way he couldn’t do anything for her.

Maybe, she was disgusted with him.

Seeing her clutching her skirt and face still looking away from him, Ryan’s hand itched to reach her and to hug her, hold her safe in his arms.

But, he had lost his right.

“Do you trust me that much, Prince Ryan?”

Now, her turquoise eyes were looking at him with an intensity behind them, demanding his answer.

“Of course, Zelda.”

“Why won’t you talk to me then, Prince Ryan?”

Ryan owed her his honesty.

“I am… I am…. I am a coward, Zelda. I don’t deserve to speak with you.”

She looked puzzled at his answer.

“I don’t understand, Prince Ryan. What did you do to think of yourself like this?”

How innocent can you be, Zelda?

“Because I couldn’t help you, Zelda. Even though I was right there among the same people who were all watching you suffer without any humanity in them. And, I was right there. But I couldn’t even lift a finger for you. What sort of friend I am to you?”

Zelda’s eyes widened at his outburst.

Ryan let everything out, not able to contain how he felt.

“Do you have any idea how it was like to watch people giving you pain, making you suffer without any reason, and I have to watch everything from the sideline as if it doesn’t hurt to watch you like that?”

Zelda took a step towards him to calm him down, but he stopped her by raising his hand.

“Do you know how angry I felt that day when someone dared to force you into that stupid dress and asked you to dance? I wanted to gauge Prince Hoich’s eyes out. Do you know how my anger consumed me enough so that I considered to slap Lady Triston among the crowd there itself when she dared to insult you?”

Ryan took a deep breath, letting his frustration out.

“And, today? Do you know how it felt to watch everything happen, not be able to help you in any way? How can I be your friend, Zelda, when I cannot save you from things like this? I couldn’t come to your aid as I wanted to avoid anyone getting suspicious of our connection. How can that be a justified reason for not coming to your help?”

 Ryan laughed bitterly, not able to see her sympathizing reaction.

He didn’t deserve her.

He didn’t...

As she took another step towards him, he took a step back.

“No, Zelda. I don’t deserve to be your friend. You were right that day. You asked me what sort of friendship that would be if it was hidden from the world? What is the future of our friendship? I was naïve, Zelda and childish to risk you like this for being friends with me.”

“Prince Ryan..”

“No, Zelda. You were right. I cannot even think of what danger may fall upon you because of my closeness with you. I cannot tolerate seeing you in danger again, Zelda and that too because of me. I don’t have the heart to see you suffer anymore, Zelda.”

“Please listen to me, Prince Ryan..”

“No, Zelda. I don’t want to put your life at unnecessary risk.”

“Please, Pri…”

He cut her in midsentence, not wanting her to plead him when he was the guilty and undeserving one here.

“No, Zelda. I mistakenly brought you here. So, I will guide you to your chambers.”

As he took a step towards the path that would lead him out of this place, she hugged her stomach, whimpering.

What happened?

Did someone hurt her physically?

Did someone abuse her?

Ryan could never forgive himself if she got hurt. Maybe he should have told Granny Ada to check Zelda thoroughly.

He went close to her, putting his hand over her shoulder, trying to comfort her.

“What is it, Zelda?’’

Not hearing her answer, Ryan questioned her again.

“Does it hurt somewhere, Zelda? Are you okay? Where does it hurt? Please, answer me, Zelda. I will bring you to Granny Ada. Just a few minutes.”

Zelda looked up at him, her hand leaving her stomach and Ryan was fooled with her act.

“Zelda, you…”

“Just because you walk away doesn’t mean I won’t be your friend, Prince Ryan. See how much my pain affects you. Won’t you worry even if you stayed away?”

“I…”

Ryan didn’t know what to answer as there was no way he will stay calm at her sufferings.

“I couldn’t help you at all, Zelda..”

Ryan stumbled back when she hugged him all of a sudden…

And Ryan’s word tilted to its original axis, rotating around Zelda happily.

Ryan hugged her back, almost lifting her with how tight he held her. He held her closer and inhaled a deep breath, relaxing as he found her safe in his arms.

He cannot let anything happen to her.

No, he cannot let anything happen to her ever again.

Ryan cannot imagine anything happening to her, nor does he have the heart to bear her pain anymore.

“Stop it, Prince Ryan. Just stop it. You’re not a coward. I saw you in the middle of the case. I saw your pain. I saw you getting up. Why did you get up, Prince Ryan?”

“How can I not do anything after that? They were going to sentence you, Zelda.”

“So, you will risk everything you’re for me? How can you do that, Prince Ryan? I cannot see you in pain, ever. I do not ever want you to risk anything at all because of me. I could never live with that.”

“Then, how can you expect me to see you suffer, Zelda? I didn’t care about anything at that time.”

“Don’t say that, Prince Ryan. I don’t want you to suffer.”

“And, I don’t want you to suffer, Zelda.”

Zelda held him even more closer, burying her face in his chest. Ryan felt like if he were to die now, he would die happily.

“Prince Ryan, how can I not risk being your friend when you’re ready to risk everything you have to save me?”

Ryan could not leave her even if he walked away today. He knew that he would come back to beg her forgiveness.

How can he stay away from her?

How can he?

Ryan reluctantly let her go when she pulled away from the hug.

She smiled at him despite having bandages around her hand, scrapes on her neck.

Ryan hugged her tightly again, not letting her go, unable to handle the feeling of fascination, possessiveness over her that was consuming him day by day, hour by hour.

Ryan didn’t know how he can let go of this precious person, who was snuggling in his arms like a cat.

Ryan decided to spend some time with her before escorting Zelda to her chamber.

For now, he hugged her tightly even though he could feel her struggling to move away from his hold.

~~~~

Stella bowed down at the people opposite to her; even though she felt disgusted inside that she had to lower her status like this to people like them.

She was Stella Preston, the Crown Prince of Cherry Land. She was not some low class like the people standing opposite to her.

The family members of Triston were disgusting, especially the mother of Lyara Triston, who was wailing aloud, looking at the coffin of Lyara’s body.

The medic people of Avera had informed them that Lyara’s body wouldn’t survive the travel. Still, the Triston family insisted on burying their daughter in their homeland and that Lyara would love that too.

So, they had arranged for the body to be transported to Triston family grounds. Initially, they had raised such ruckus over Lyara’s death, demanding justice for her but calmed down after His Majesty apologized for the death of their daughter with money and expensive things.

Disgusting…

If Stella was in the place of Lyara, not that she would ever be, but just in case, if Stella were in Lyara’s place, her father would have raced the capital of Avera.

Stella had come to the Triston family send off to pretend to sympathize with them as she had acted friendly with Lyara.

Stella hoped that this would be the last time she saw anyone named Triston in her life.

She had given Lyara’s mother, a cherry blossom seed to plant it near the burial site of Lyara. Stella had told how she had always asked for her country’s flowers and how Stella couldn’t give it to Lyara while she was still alive and requested Lyara’s mother to plant it.

God! Pretending to be teary-eyed was getting hard nowadays.

He saw how soldiers were assigned to help through the Triston family’s return.

A kind gesture to many, but Stella saw how the King was manipulating the emotional side of the Triston family, invoking them to be loyal to him.

She inwardly smirked at the end of Lyara Triston, who annoyed her from time to time.

Stella didn’t even feel a little bit bad after hearing the news of Lyara’s death. She could only laugh at the deserving end she got. Stella couldn’t control the giggle when she heard about Lyara’s demise, and she masked it as a whimper of sadness.

Lyara deserved it anyways.

Who was she to aim for her beloved Prince Ryan?

But if only someone killed that maid the same way they did Lyara, Stella wouldn’t be more happy and grateful to them.

God! What wouldn’t she give to see the death of that maid who dared to enchant her Prince Ryan like that?

Stella had been there in the proceedings of Lyara’s case that day. She was shocked to know that the maid was a human and not a mermaid, like Stella had assumed that day.

How dare her!

How can her beloved Prince notice a maid but not Stella?

As she walked away from the crowd that had gathered to send the coffin off, she glanced one last time at Lyara’s coffin, wishing that it was the maid’s body inside the coffin instead of Lyara.