I'm Forbidden To Love You

Chapter 8

Joy burton was a happy girl.

She had everything she ever wished for. She had a happy life, great parents, and the best brother in the world. What more can you want in life?

That’s what everyone thinks if they looked at her.

Then why was she not joyful about her life? Yet, her name was Joy. What an irony!

As a part of the royal family, she never knew hunger, nor was she denied anything. Whatever she wished for, Dresses, jewels would be brought for her even if she didn’t say anything aloud.

Her father had always been like this, pampering her to no end. Her mother was the only strict figure in her life, guiding her to be a royal woman and teaching her etiquette and politics all the time. Her mother was worried about Joy that she was too innocent for the politics happening in the castle.

Not everyone had evil plots and ulterior motives in the royal family. Mother was like this and worried about her too much. But she loved Joy anyways.

Her brother was the best, though.

The best brother in the whole world.

Even though her parents brought everything she ever wanted, she never had a friend, and none could buy her that.

She was just sixteen, and she had never left the castle for anything as she was not allowed to. Partly, she knew that it was for her safety and that royal women were not allowed to go outside of the castle unless it was essential, and even if they did, they have to travel in a carriage, hidden away from everyone.

She didn’t have anyone to share her true thoughts and feelings.

She was assigned personal maids when she was ten, approved by her mother. She knew that if she shared anything important with her, it would be conveyed to her mother. Nothing remained secret in the castle and especially to her mother if it was something related to Joy and her brother Ryan.

Her father didn’t have time for her as he was busy with his duty to the King and country. She usually sees his father once a week. Joy’s days were spent learning proper etiquette and politics as she would only ever be allowed to be married to a Prince. If it was not that, then it was in singing, drawing, fashion, and formal dances.

She was bored of all this.

Not everyone was strict like her mother. But, her mother felt that Joy had to learn everything and to impress every suitor with her talents in different fields.

She was bored of this.

Doesn’t she have a right to be a human?

Can’t she be Joy instead of just someone who will become a wife to a Prince?

She sometimes felt suffocated with this life?

Amid her lonely, caged life, her brother was the only solace she had.

He listened to her thoughts, even if it were something silly.

She had shared her thoughts and feelings with him. She had shared her opinion about how things should be for a royal woman. And, he had patiently listened to her and consoled her, explaining how it was difficult for him too, even if it was different from what she goes through.

She didn’t know why everyone in the world don’t just get along together and forget about backstabbing and betraying just to gain a step for power.

Maybe she was just a young girl who was naïve about many things, but she did have a heart, and she did have feelings of her own.

From the moment she wakes up, there was already a lady-in-waiting present to assist her in simple tasks, like from fetching her slippers to tying her hair; the maids will help her all day along till she falls asleep. From the next day, the routine continues.

If she did things to herself like wearing a bracelet or something, her maids would report that to her mother, and she would advise her that Joy would be a queen someday and she doesn’t have to do all these tasks.

Act like a queen Joy, her mother would say it with a smile, and she will suppress whatever she felt to keep her mother smile.

She wanted to be alone, at least for some time else she would go crazy. She was a human too, after all.

She had her wishes….

Nothing grand…

Just simple wishes…

Like how she wants to be drenched by the rain without caring about what others will say and how un-ladylike it was.

She wanted to run around, chase butterflies in the forest, catch a firefly, ride a horse, play around in ponds, just lay under the sunlight, and wear dresses of her choice without anyone’s assistance.

Simple wishes she cannot voice aloud.

Simple wishes she was not allowed to.

Her simple wishes felt too much sometimes that she felt she would drown under the weight of them. She felt like she would drift away if this kept on going.

Brother Ryan was the one who recognized how depressed she was under the laughing mask she wears around other people.

So, he takes her around, commanding the maids to leave them while he was here and fulfill whatever wishes she had.

He helped to fulfill her simple wishes one by one.

That was why he was the best brother in the whole world.

And he was struck in this life just as much as her, if not more. She had never realized how hard it is for him sometimes. She foolishly thought that only because she was a girl that she suffered like this. She didn’t know that men had their own problems and restrictions.

He was the only light in her darkness. 

That was why she could not see her brother like this.

Here he was, lying on the bed unconscious, after being brought by Knight Norman, who had found him after two days. Her brother hadn’t eaten anything, so he became unconscious because of that.

She was worried about him. She knew it was supposed to be a secret that his brother went away without informing anyone. But, Joy was able to know about it by chance when she came to see her brother in his room as it had been a long time since she saw him last time.

“Mother.”

“Not now, Joy.”

Then when?

Maids and servants had been ordered away; only Knight Norman guarded the door. It was just them.

“Then when can we speak, mother?”

Her mother met her gaze, and for once, Joy wasn’t afraid to meet them.

“Your brother is resting. Let him.”

“I am not speaking with him but you, mother.”

“Then what do you want, Joy? I am not in the mood to speak at all. He has become a recluse. There is a courting session going on and how many foreign guests are here. I want him to impress them and to make some powerful connections. This is a perfect chance. But, look at him. How careless he has become. Do you know how angry your father will be if he knows about all this?”

“Maybe he doesn’t want that. Have you ever thought that he might desire something else?”

“What do you mean, Joy? Has he said anything to you?”

Joy knew that whatever she might say will never reach her mother’s ears. Even if she said anything, her mother would say that she alone knew what was best for them.

“No, mother. I am just saying that he might desire something else other than becoming a husband to some princess.”

“What would you know about the world. All I do was for you and Ryan’s sake. Do you think I don’t know what’s good for his future?”

See. Just as expected, her mother can never understand them.

“I know that you and your brother think that I am some sort of cruel mother for meddling in your lives. But I don’t care as long as you two have a good future. I know what is better for you. Or, do you think you know better Joy?”

Her mother’s tone forced her to look into her eyes.

“Do you think life is all sunshine and roses? Do you think everyone has a good heart like you? Do you think you or your brother will be left alone if you so wished for it? Do you think everything will be fine if you leave the castle? Do you?”

She kept silent, not knowing how to answer this. But her mother kept speaking,

“Do you know what will happen if you step out of the castle the moment without any guards? Let me tell you what will happen? Someone will kidnap you, kill you, or worse, molest you and do even more. Even if you’re born in a commoner family, the women were all restricted for their own good because society is like that.”

When his brother turned around in his sleep, her mother lowered her voice, not to disturb him.

“Do you have any idea, Joy, what will happen to you as a part of the royal family of Avera country? Do you think there aren’t spies around? Do you think there aren’t people who are upset with your father? Do you think that there aren’t assassins roaming around the country? I guard you with my utmost ability from what you eat to where you go, and I am not sorry for it.”

Joy hugged her mother to calm her down when it seemed like she would hyperventilate any minute.

“I am sorry, Mother.”

Her mother hugged her back, holding her tightly as if someone might snatch Joy away.

“I am sorry, Joy. I shouldn’t have raised my voice against you. It’s just I am worried about your brother.”

“He will be fine, mother. Don’t worry too much.”

“How can I not worry about my Ryan, Joy? How can I? I don’t know what happened, but something has changed in your brother. He was never like that. Something must have happened while he was away for months.”

“Nothing’s changed. You worry too much, mother.”

With that, Joy guided her mother to a nearby chair and pulled her mother’s disarray hair into a bun.

“Now go and change your clothes, mother. Have your dinner and come here.”

“Joy, I cannot leave….”

“I will be here, mother. A lady should always be dressed impeccably. Have you forgotten?”

She smiled cheekily at his mother.

Her mother cradled her cheeks, leaned down, and kissed the crown of her head.

“That’s my Joy. The joy of my life.”

As she moved away, Joy moved towards the bed where her brother laid, held his hand that eased the frown lines on his forehead.

Her smile slipped away, as did the mask she wore around others.

It seemed it was of no use to share the real her to even mother. She won’t understand.

Maybe, from her mother’s point of view, it might be correct. Maybe, she was naive and a little girl who doesn’t know the real world.

But what use living like this?

What use in walking into the cage willingly?

Just because hunters are around, should the birds not fly freely? Did they walk into the cage willingly? Did they forget to fly?

What use in living like her mother if there is a bridge between her and her own children?

What was the point of living like this?

Looking at her brother’s condition, she cannot help but feel sorrow about what all he had to go through being a Prince. And it was even more sorrowful to think their mother still doesn’t understand brother Ryan even when he became sick.

She will support and help his brother no matter what.

From now on, she will become his strength just as he had been hers.

She vowed to herself, unknowing of the fact that she was the only weakness in Ryan’s life.

~~~~~

Finally…

Finally, some peace at last.

He felt stupid with the stunt he pulled a few days before, disappearing without letting anyone know. He had made her sister and parents worry about him. He knew that it was wrong of him to let things get to him.

But, there’s a limit to how much he can tolerate.

He shouldn’t have done that anyway. He was not a child anymore, to throw tantrums. He was an adult now.

He had a talk with his mother about forcing him into things he didn’t like. She had agreed that she would stop forcing him to marry and that she will give him time and space to think about this.

It was not as if she promised to leave this matter alone. But he will take whatever he can get.

In return, he had promised her that he would not disappear like this.

He could see it in his mother’s eyes that she was afraid….

Afraid of him and his strange behavior.

He cannot handle upsetting his mother.

He had forgotten all this during his stay out of the castle for almost a year. He had tasted freedom, and he cannot go to the cage willingly again.

He had forgotten how much his mother’s tears affected him.

He cannot see her cry like that.

He had made her cry, and it was not forgivable no matter what. Her mother had sacrificed many things and had spent her whole life raising him; he cannot step on those things like an ungrateful brat.

Thankfully, none knew about his disappearance as his mother had told everyone that he had gone hunting. And, it didn’t reach his father’s ears. Mother had kept it a secret for him.

It was not as if his father looked into their daily day life. He was only ever present on the crucial things in their life and that too sometimes, he couldn’t attend as he was always busy with something.

He had long past grown past the stage of wanting parent attention and them understanding him. It was foolish of him to wish for it.

He worried about Joy sometimes. She was not that mature enough to understand things. He tried to be with her as much as possible. He didn’t want his sister to become like him.

He wanted her to be happy, unlike him. He wished for her happiness with all his heart. He will do whatever it takes to keep her happy and safe.

Sometimes, he felt that he would have run away if it not for his sister Joy.

He cannot lose himself like that again.

He was Ryan Burton, the second Prince of Avera country.

He cannot afford to become just Ryan.

His birth and destiny have already decided his path. He has to bite down and walk the path in front of him. He has to fulfill his duties.

Outside the vast window, he could see it started drizzling. It was no wonder as the sky seemed gloomy with dark clouds earlier.

Soon, heavy droplets clobbered against the windowpane, roofs, and castle walls, sounding almost like a piece of music played by nature. If you looked outside, you would see nothing but darkness.

The servants tried to keep the lights on with the way the wind blew faster, and droplets of rain seemed to reach inside through some of the opened windows.

Despite all, this night seemed as if it would bring light to the world.

Ryan felt strangely calm and at peace even if it rained outside.

It felt as if everything’s going to change as he walked towards the lunar hall.

It was a hall that could hold hundreds of people. It was a small hall compared to others. Still, it was more beautiful than others since the hall allowed the moonlight to stream in, creating an illusion of fairytale with the way it would glow, reflecting of the furniture and chandeliers that were carefully placed around the hall.

Perfect for a small gathering and to dance and hang around.

It seemed, a moronic person booked it.

It’s was rainy season, and the sky seemed gloomy most of the time. How come the moon will be viewed by people in this whether?

He had received an invitation from some small country’s prince Perro Hoich. Ryan didn’t even know him yet received an invitation to attend the small party he had arranged.

No doubt, trying to show off his wealth and character to all those he invited. Foreign guests are allowed to book private halls and invite whoever they wished for. It was to show their wealth and talent to impress people.

So began the month of what Ryan called Show off parties of the courting season.

As he gave the invitation to the guard inside, he could see that Perro Hoich was not a fool as the room was just as beautiful with the way lights from the rushlights and braziers.

He didn’t come here because his mother forced him or anything. He just came here to please his mother. He didn’t want to upset her anymore. And from the happy smile she gave when she saw him getting ready, Ryan had decided to keep her happy like that.

It seemed Perro Hoich was a foolish brat after all with the way he started speaking to everyone gathered here and started to boast about his wealth and country, making the guests to cringe away.

It was to form political connections too; that was why the men were invited here.

So, why was he here going through this torture willingly?

Oh, right, he wanted to please his mother and to stop her from worrying about him. He didn’t want her to become ill, thinking about this constantly.

As minutes passed with Perro’s exaggerated speech and gestures, Ryan got bored out of his mind. The way Perro flirted with girls, he shuddered to think about being on the receiving side of it.

Soon, the food arrived, and guests started to form groups of their choice and chatted around

 Ryan grabbed a wine glass, not in the mood for any food or alcoholic beverages, decided o sulk in a corner.

Ryan could see that the guests were getting bored, and some of the female guests were already long gone. He could see that Perro was getting desperate to please everybody and to at least keep the males interested in the gathering.

“Now, the main part of this event. To entertain you all, I have arranged for a special performance.”

That stopped most of the remaining guests, for many of them seemed curious.

Perro whispered something to the nearby person.

His guards grabbed some women in dancing dresses and made them to stand in the center. Ryan was disgusted as he could tell that the women were forced here with how frightened they looked. Some kept trying to cover their skin with how small their dresses were.

When he finally felt peace and decided to move on, forgetting her, destiny had a funny way of thrusting her in front of him.

Standing there, the girl he wanted to meet for weeks with a helpless and frightened look, those turquoise eyes that occupied his dreams were looking around like a cornered deer.

Ryan could feel his resolve slipping away the more the seconds passed.

He felt like he could tear the world apart just to wipe that frightened look on her face.