Haden Merrick

Chapter Seven

Chapter Seven - You're Stuck To Me Like Glue

          ''Thanks.'' My lips curve up into a smile as Joanne hands me over a pair of new glasses and clear contacts in the bag.

          ''Why are you thanking me? This is not a thanking situation,'' Joanne turns to look at me before shoving both of her hands in her pockets, ''I was the one who broke your glasses and the clear contacts are a gift—once you settle this whole situation with Haden, you can actually wear them again. I know how uncomfortable you are with the coloured contacts,'' She adds, as we both walk side by side.

          I chuckle, ''Well . . . all you've ever been is a great friend to me. Oh, and dear god, please don't get me started with the whole Haden situation,'' We both take a seat near the water fountain and I just take my moment to recall back when we met, how he reacted. ''how can this happen? Out of the blue. Just straight forward at me. One day I was taking care of Peter and suddenly, Haden is somewhat a priority.''

          She pulls both of her legs up before crossing them, ''Maybe, this is a sign for you.''

          ''A sign? Who are you and what have you done to my best friend?'' I laugh, earning myself a light shove from her.

          ''I know I can't talk about signs—''

          ''—because you don't believe in them!'' I cut her off.

          ''Exactly but you do and I respect that. So, speaking from your perspective, you've liked Haden for years and he hasn't noticed you until recently. Don't you think it means something? Maybe, right now is the perfect time for you two to start communicating and see where it goes. I know that the situation may not be like the one you hoped but Haden is still Haden, right? Despite the fact that he—''

          I groan, ''—don't say that he lost his leg. The moment I saw him, I was shocked to see the look on his face. The Haden I saw back then and the Haden I saw that day was two different people. It still lingers in my memories of when Haden would walk around smiling and laughing with his friends,'' I breathe out to calm myself down, knowing for a fact how much it affects me too. ''so, when I saw him like that, as if vulnerable, I was speechless.''

          Joanne stays quiet for a few minutes and so do I. We both just appreciate the noises coming from all around us but not the sound of our voices mixing in.

          ''Do you still like him?'' She asks, looking at me.

          ''Of course I do. How can I just 'not' like him?''

          ''Then, tell him the truth. You were the girl he met at the party, the one he said he would find before all this crap happened. Wear your clear contacts and take that mask off. He said so himself that he'd find you,'' She responds, making me think back of the possibilities of it being true.

          Haden, for a fact did say he would find me. 'I'll find you, Jasmine.' The words are somewhat fresh despite me being drunk at the moment but knowing the situation he is in, would crush anything I'd hope to happen. He looks the same, still has that charming smile and mysterious look in his eyes but I know deep down under, he's torn in between. Why wouldn't he be? He had lost something, not being able to get it back in return and everything else is changing for him, nothing remains the same.

          From the framed pictures on the wall, it clearly shows how Haden wants to explore the world—no, he had already explored the world yet he wants to explore more. He's the kind of person that would want to exceed his own capabilities and I don't blame him, he's extraordinary. I've always believed him in being someone who's much more than just by his looks and by far, I'm right.

          ''Only if it was that easy, Joanne.'' I shake my head, disagreeing.

          ''Why can't it be that easy?''

          ''He's hurt.'' Our eyes meet for a few seconds before I turn to look elsewhere, not wanting her to see the pain in my own as well. ''He needs support, someone to be there for him and remind him how amazing he is. He doesn't need the girl he met at the party. Not now,''

          Joanne sighs, ''Is it that bad? That they had to hide the accident away from the school ever finding out,''

          ''For someone who used to have everything, it can be soul wrenching and heart breaking but I know he's strong. He'll get through it even though I know he's already wanting to give up,'' I mutter, closing my eyes; reminded back the look on his face when he turned to look at me, recognising a stranger looking back at him instead of the girl he almost kissed that night. This feels surreal.

          My eyebrows furrow at the sight of Joanne smiling as she continues to look at me, ''What?''

          ''It's crazy. It's just crazy how you speak like that about him,'' Her eyes held a different meaning, somewhat looking at me in awe. ''it's like you've known him your whole life and you're just still here for him through everything. How can that man get any lucky? How can he not see you yet?'' She adds, smiling to herself now as we just let ourselves drown in our thoughts. We may seem like we're living our lives in the best way possible but we're both human, we're both broken in ways we can't comprehend.

          When you see someone walking down the street, just casually with his hand shoved inside his jeans' pocket while the other holds a cup of coffee and earphones plugged in his ears. You'd think he's just walking down and listening to music but Joanne and I, we see someone like that as a person who wants to block out the negativities in his life; to block out the problems from dragging him down. Sometimes, when we take the train, we see the looks on different people and we realise just how exhausted we all are living our lives yet we keep moving forward.

          The reason?

          Some might say they want to see how this turns out, they want to reach that peak in their lives where they are content with how things turned out but others might say they don't know, they just live because then, death doesn't seem like a better option.

          A few might even choose death over living because they see it as a better option, a clearer view. Some of us aren't lucky in life, we experience something we don't want and sometimes, we can't handle it. We'd wonder, we'd ask, we'd think—why were we brought up into this world? Are we the unlucky ones? Are we only here to watch the world change? Then, we'd feel numb. The words that people say can sound hurtful but we feel nothing. The heart that once beat and clenched in pain is now somewhat just beating to keep ourselves alive.

          We'd turn to hurt ourselves. We start to feel something, we start to see blood and we get addicted to it. Even the pain we cause on our own end up feeling nothing in the end that we wonder, maybe it's better to end it all.

          Humans. We're all broken, one way or another. We just don't show it to others—no one wants to see a weaker side of you, no one wants to deal with something they don't understand. That's how Joanne and I see it.

          ''He'll see me one day and he'll be luckiest man on earth,'' I reply, my lips slowly curving up into a smile.

          ''Speaking of the luckiest man on earth, here comes our gay best friend.'' Joanne says, making me look up to find Seth making his way towards us with a smile plastered on his face before turning to glance at me for a few short seconds—sometimes, I wonder if Seth should ever be gay at all because he attracts attention from women as well, the way he dresses, the way he present himself to the world is very much, very, undeniably beautiful.

          However, lately he has been a little bit weird. Probably, it's just me who notices.

          ''Hey beautiful ladies,'' Seth chuckles as he wraps both of his arms around our neck, ''how is it that every time I see you two, you guys are just getting more and more pretty?''

          ''Cut the crap, Seth. You're making my heart skip a beat,'' Joanne pushes him away, pouting but Seth and I both know just how much we joke around like this and be unbothered by it. What we don't know is that maybe, deep down, we don't take it as a joke but as something serious. ''you can't go around saying things like that to people like me when you don't even like walking vaginas.''

          ''I never said anything about not liking v*****s,'' He raises an eyebrow, still having his arm wrapped around my shoulder.

          ''Yet, you're more attracted to people with a penis.'' Joanne states.

          Seth laughs before turning to glance at me, ''I get your point and I understand your frustration but I've felt both. I mean, come on, girls. How can you choose to like men when you haven't tried both sides?'' He gestures the question more further towards Joanne as she continues to slap him by the arm, grabbing a few people's attention yet they both continue to mess around.

          ''I'm staying straight. Period.'' I smile, cutting in.

          ''Me too. Goodbye, Seth.'' Joanne grabs me by the waist as we continue to walk away, making Seth run after us—grabbing our hands with him being in the middle; it seems like we have the kind of friendship people would envy of.

          ''There's something I want to tell you guys,'' Seth says, instantly turning the conversation into something serious which causes us to stop walking but he still tries to keep up a smile. ''don't be all serious about it, Belle. It's just that . . . I think I want to go to London,''

          ''Excuse me?'' Joanne exclaims, shaking her head.

          ''I'm going to London.''

          ''I heard you, dumb a*s. Why are you going to London and why would you even consider London?'' She continues to ask him, the look on her face shows disbelief while I stand still at the side, trying to process the words spoken by Seth. ''I know you hate the president, Seth but you can't go to London because of that. We have classes, you have Belle and I. Are you going to waste it all away for London?''

          Seth grabs Joanne by the shoulder, ''Calm down. You're freaking out,''

         ''Are you going to London for fun or are you considering to move there?'' I ask, grabbing both of their attention.

          Both of his blue eyes are staring deeply into my hazel ones and there's something he wants to speak of but the words doesn't seem to escape his lips. ''First of all, I'm not moving to London. Girls, you have got to let me speak before you make any assumptions. My brother lives in London with his girlfriend and I thought I'd see him—it has been awhile since we last saw each other. Plus, I want to clear my head from a few things I don't want to trouble myself with,'' He glances at my direction before turning to look at Joanne, ''life isn't perfect, right? I need to take a break.''

          ''Something has been bothering you? That's why you're a bit distant lately?''

          Joanne sighs, ''London is kind of far.''

          ''I need to figure it out, guys. It has been bothering me for awhile but I kept quiet about it,'' The look on his face shows determination as he continues to look at me, for some reason it feels as if we're the only ones here just by his gaze alone. ''in order for me to understand myself better, I need to find a place to clear my head. London may not be the best choice but what better place to figure things out than somewhere boring and raining?'' He chuckles at the end, clearing his throat.

          The three of us silently stare at one another, completely drained.

          ''I love you,'' Seth speaks up as he grabs our hands, ''you two know that, right? I'll just take a couple of weeks off and I'll be back as a better person, I hope.''

          ''I'll see you at home,'' Joanne pulls her hand away before walking towards the other direction, not glancing back even once. It might seem like Joanne is overreacting but she's good at that. that is what she's best at. She's used to having Seth around all the time and I know just how her crush towards him is still there but she has to deny herself; she's miserable but she's hiding it away.

          ''You're going to walk away from me too?'' Seth asks, looking down at me.

          ''I need a ride home . . . so, no.'' I respond, both of us staring at one another for a few seconds before we burst out chuckling—Seth nodding his head and pulling me close by wrapping his arms around my body, in a hug. ''you're going to be okay, Seth. Whatever it is bothering you, you'll figure it out.'' I add, wrapping my arms around his waist.

          ''I desperately hope so.''

          After awhile, we both pull away and I see the redness in his eyes as he sighs. I'm used to seeing him laughing, smiling and even making silly jokes, seeing him like this is quite new for me. It's like he wants to drop everything right here and right now and just walk away but he's holding himself back—like I said, we're all humans and we're all broken. Different pieces of our broken parts just laying on the ground.

          ''You can talk to me.'' I grab his hand, playing with his fingers.

          Seth looks down at our hands before looking up into my eyes, ''You're perfect, you know that? You're always here for me. You're always good to me. Sometimes, I don't think I deserve having you around. It's like I did something right in life when we both know I'm not that good of a person,'' He breathes out, clenching his jaw. ''you're one good thing in my life, Belle and I don't want to lose that. I'm saying this because I think I'm going to be a different person when I get back and I don't want you to run away from me. Whatever I might do or say, I want you to know it's hard for me too.''

          I grip harder onto his hand, ''What are you talking about? Why would I run away from you?''

          ''I'm just saying. Okay?'' He smiles, tucking a strand of hair behind my ear before slowly placing his hand on my shoulder.

          ''Okay.''

          That night, despite all that happened during the day and I still manage to show up in front of Halley's house. Yet, it surprises me to find a familiar pair of brown eyes looking back at me instead of Halley's. ''I thought you weren't coming in today,'' He says, opening the door for me to come in before closing it behind me—letting me stand still at my exact spot after stepping inside. 

         ''I'm not going anywhere. I thought I told you that?'' I raise an eyebrow, trying my best to hide behind these coloured contacts and disposable face mask.

          Maybe, it's how he always gaze into people's eyes but there's just something with it that causes me to feel uncomfortable. As if, he can see through my soul and pretending to not know anything even though it's not true. ''And like I said before, it's your loss.''

          ''I'll be here everyday. You're going to see me everyday. When I have classes during the day, I'll come after and if I don't, you'll get a whole day with me.'' Our eyes continue to stare into one another. It's possible that I'm only this cunning and brave behind my pretend but I'll show him just how I won't be bothered by how uninterested he is with me being here, ''you can complain about it, you can hate it but you're going to keep seeing me. So, the thing here is Haden, you're stuck to me like glue.''

          To my surprise, he begins to take a few steps closer towards me. ''Don't get too cocky, it's only your second day here.''

            Then, he starts to walk away in his crutches without being bothered to glance back towards me. For some unknown reason, a smile creeps up to my face because it feels like we're playing a game we both know we won't win. ''And I'm going to make the best of it!''

          Just like that, I'm back to being on my own.