Vampire

Chapter 2 What the Heck?-1

Chapter 2

What the Heck?See? I said my life was boring! Nothing ever happens-err, well, apart from what happened to me two days later… That was when my whole life changed; you will notice I did not say got better. It was a Friday, and Amy normally loved Fridays. Like Saturdays, they were not school nights, so her auntie let Amy go out on a prowl. Not that my auntie knows that I am a vampire; she just thinks it is normal that teenagers my age hang around graveyards, spend all their allowance on raw meat and sunblock lotion, and go through three miles of dental floss a month. Apart from being human, she is crazy; yes, I did say crazy. Well, she likes to sleep on the roof at night in case of burglars, and during the summer, she sleeps naked! And, like, she is old. If Google maps ever decides to photograph our house from the air, someone is going to have one heck of a shock!

Amy

Walking alone at night had never been a problem for Amy as she had good night vision. Again, I have said this sort of stuff before, but as mostly stupid humans will be reading this, I try to speak slowly and explain long words. Look, the hours of darkness have a comfortable feel to them. I am not sure I can explain, but imagine a warm blanket of darkness and, well, it is not like that at all, but you get the idea.

As for sleeping, Amy could still sleep in the next morning just like any normal girl her age. No matter how much night sleep she got, however, she always felt the same the next day, and that is normally crappy. You might ask if she worried about her safety; the worst that could happen to a vampire out walking would be to run into Van Helsing holding a hammer and a sharp piece of wood. The second worst thing would be meeting a stupid, short-sighted rapist that failed to read the logo on Amy’s shirt that said, “I’m a vampire, now P… off!”

Tonight, she was lucky, as only the second worst thing happened. Sigh. And when I say as a teenage girl that meeting a rapist is only a minor thing, you can see how crappy my life truly is.

At least her auntie got very good cell phone reception on the roof. Just as Amy was tying to text her and tell her that she was going to stay with a friend overnight and not to worry, suddenly, out of nowhere, some maniac lunged at her, causing her to drop her phone. From the unpleasant sound it made, Amy just knew it had broken. And being the third one I have dropped this year, I also know for a fact that my auntie will never, ever buy me another one. Therefore, my whole limited social life and any future love life I might have were now as good as flushed down the toilet.

Without so much as a, “Mind if I grope you, miss?” this bum just grabbed her! Of all things, the first thought that went through Amy’s mind was the fact that he smelled of out-of-date dairy products, which would be a great help later on a wanted poster. With his hand covering her mouth, all she could do was mumble; even if he understood, Amy doubted that he would let go of her just because she was trying to tell him that she was one very pissed off vampire just out taking a walk.

As he pushed her towards the wall, Amy kicked him hard: as hard as she could. So much for self-defense lessons, as he just ignored it! Amy thought that it was yet another failure on the part of the standard vampire movies; not all vampires are martial arts experts with super strength.

The kick was not fully ignored, as he then punched Amy in the stomach. Vampires came in two sorts: the super strong, and Amy’s sort, the type who feel weak and sickly most days and constipated the rest of the time.

All her super vampire defenses were useless due to him having a hand over her mouth, which stopped Amy from yawning or growling: the only two ways she had to summon her weapons. After being punched in the stomach, her most potent defense now was to throw up all over him, and unless he moved his hand, even that would not work.

At this point in time, Amy was not so much worried about reluctantly losing her virginity followed by her life but instead more on the lines of why he was able to hold her down with a single hand over her mouth when she was supposed to be a dark denizen of the night. She knew that she should have been frightened, but this was not the time to try to multitask, as Amy was far too busy trying not to be sick and choke to death on her own vomit.

As she felt his other hand undoing and then pulling at her jeans, any faint hopes that this was a mistake and he was just lost and wanted help finding his way home were fast diminishing. Amy did not need to be a straight-A student to know just what his current intentions were, so to stop herself from being sick, she bit him. Anyone so stupid as to cover someone’s mouth with a hand deserves to be bitten, and to stick one’s hand over a vampire’s mouth just borders on insanity.

Amy was surprised to find that sharp teeth and fangs were now filling her mouth without needing the standard, jaw-cracking yawn to activate them. And as she clamped her jaws together, she remembered that the girls’ personal self defense class had not gotten past the kicking-in-the-nuts technique. She was sure that what she could do with her teeth would hurt him far more than any good nut-kicking. Not only was it extremely painful to have needlesharp teeth bite into your flesh, but Amy also had four highly polished fangs that did not just bite but impaled things, like hands. She knew from bitter personal experience that it really, and I mean really, really hurt. Amy had stabbed herself so often that she had put heavy duty gardening gloves on her birthday present list. She now mentally added a new phone to that list due to this i***t. Who in his right mind would try and rape a vampire by first placing a hand over her mouth!? Didn’t he watch late-night horror shows?

As his other hand now struck her, strangely it did not cause any interest as Amy’s full attention was on the new taste in her mouth. The blood from that impaled hand was proving to taste better than any raw steak, and he was leaking so much blood that it was now filling her mouth so quickly that Amy had to swallow fast so that none escaped. With his third blow, she grabbed his fist without thinking and squeezed it until a long stream of swear words that Amy tried to memorize for future use hinted that it was his turn tonight to be pissed off by events.

Slightly dizzily, and in a red blur, Amy let go of his hand, belched and sighed out loud as she dropped to her knees.

“Wow! I’ve found something better than chocolate!”

Her vision was suddenly sharper than normal, and colors seemed to be different: more vivid and kind of pinkish as she watched him slowly stumble backwards. The surprise at what had happened, however, changed to disappointment as Amy saw him pull a gun out. Rapists always used knives, didn’t they? It was an unwritten rule, along with having a dominant mother.

This bum had clearly not read the rulebook, mind you, Amy thought. She was a little impressed that he still had a working hand to hold the gun with, and her next thought was to wonder if vampires were bulletproof. Was it only silver bullets that could harm us, or was that just werewolves?

The chance to find out if lead was dangerous if taken internally was lost as a man that Amy had failed to see standing behind the rapist leaned forward and snapped his neck.

She looked down at the now very dead rapist then looked up at the stranger; was he also a vampire? He was definitely a well-dressed businessman in a three-piece suit, so lawyer or vampire or perhaps both. If he wasn’t a vampire, then he really should book an appointment with a good dentist and buy a nail file, Amy thought. Either way, he was the sort of businessman who could make a real killing in the city.

What should I do? What should I say? Before needing to worry if she should thank him or scream, he spoke.

“Are you a Masochist?”

Wondering what her religious views could possibly have to do with him just appearing from thin air and killing a man, all Amy could do was tell the truth as best as she could.

“Err-No, I am a Buddhist. Well, kind of-err. Like, not the vegetarian sort.”

For some reason, this stopped him, and Amy could see an eye twitch as he was trying to think of a reply. Then he went adult on her.

“Just what were you doing, letting a meal treat you like that? Didn’t your parents ever tell you not to play with your food? Waste not, want not; now finish him up before he starts to congeal. There are vampires around the world killing each other for a meal like that. Well? What are you waiting for?”

Amy’s head was swimming so much that it should have been wearing a bikini, and her eyes were telling her that the world had turned a very nice shade of pink in color.

“Just because you are feral (and that means wild if that helps), you should not leave a meal to cool down. It is bad for your digestion.”

Amy wanted to say, “thank you, that is so kind of you to explain,” in a sarcastic way, but she did not get the chance as he just pushed her head down towards the very dead-looking corpse. Not that she had seen many corpses to know the normal look; this was her first one.

Amy did not wish to be this close to this guy when he was alive, let alone now when he was lying about breaking several city hygiene laws littering the sidewalk. As she turned to point this out to her pompous rescuer, to her embarrassment, her tummy rumbled. She found that her mouth was again full of far more teeth than was normal for a girl her age.

It must have been the smell of blood that was doing strange things to her body; if he had still been alive, he would have been more than a little surprised at the way Amy really wanted his body. This feeling was nothing like what raw steak could do for her. Without any control, her fangs took it upon themselves to clamp tightly around his neck. As soon as the blood touched her lips, she was lost in a red mist, like when you start to drink when you’re really thirsty. You know that you will only stop when the glass is empty or the bubbles go down the wrong way and you end up being sick…err, or is that just me?

Anyway, after some unknown amount of time, the businessman tried to pull Amy off, saying that she had had enough, so she slashed out at him with fully extended claws that no longer needed baseball moves and growls to activate them, making a very neat, red cut across his chest. This automatic reflex surprised him as much as it did her; I don’t normally have urges to rip heads off of businessmen. Then her surprise turned to pain; he said something she did not catch then and slapped her so hard that she banged her head on the nearby wall and must have been knocked unconscious as the world went dark.

As she slowly came to, Amy felt a chill, and her whole head hurt. The ground was cold and damp and not so much ground as a large flat roof. No longer with a red haze, her eyes tried to focus. She knew the reason for feeling cold when she saw the neat little pile of clothes that should have been on her body doing the job of keeping her warm that were instead creating an interesting work of art at the feet of the businessman.

She got to her feet and reached out to grab her things, hugging them close to her chest and forcing herself to ask the obvious question:

“What did you do to me?”

It did not help that he smiled as he looked at the way Amy was attempting (and failing) to hide as much as of her body as she could behind jeans and a top.

“Do? My dear, I can DO whatever I wish to DO to you!”

At this point, Amy’s claws began to extend, and even though the red haze had retreated, she could remember the feeling of power that the blood had given her. It was still there in the background, ready to be called upon.