chasing demons. ***completed***

#3 Dan

he woke up in a dingy hospital. doctors rushing around caring for wounded. he looked around seeing a nurse looking at his bandages. " ma'am my friend is he OK? did he make it? Rogers, is he here?" she came closer to him. she smiled down at him.

" specialist rogers is doing fine captain sterling. thanks to you. you saved his life from what he told me." her voice was soft as she spoke but it felt like she was holding something back.

" I can tell you are holding something back. just tell me." he could feel the pain in his chest.

" sir, I'm not a doctor let me get you one ok?" she rushed off talking to a guy in army fatigues. Dan knew this was bad if she wasn't allowed to tell him. the man walked over to him with a somber look on his face. yup, Dan knew his life was about to change.

" captain sterling, I'm doctor skilling. I'm glad to see you are awake. I want to go over everything with you is that ok?"

" just give it to me straight. I don't need any sugar coating. "

" well sir, you took a bullet to your lung. we were able to remove it but the bullet caused damage to one of your lobes. we can't repair the damage but were able to remove it with minimal damage and then we also removed two bullets in your left arm. you will regain full movement to that arm and will require some physical therapy. however, the damage to your lungs was enough that we don't believe you will be eligible for duty anymore. I'm sorry." the news hit Dan like a semi hitting him head on. no longer eligible for duty. no longer a ranger. no longer a soldier. what would he even do now? who would he be?

"were the girls and teacher hit? did they make it?"

" sir they were all good. a bit malnourished but all of them made it back safely. the teacher is petitioning for all the girls to be brought to the us for their safety. so far it looks like the government is on board with this idea. thanks to you and your men these girls may have a fighting chance. I'm sorry we couldn't do more for you." Dan closed his eyes trying to let the news process in his mind.

" can I see rogers?"

" yes I think he would like that. you are a hero you know. from what your men said you ran to him after securing the girls and teacher then threw him in the truck. you were taking bullets to save his life and then threw yourself into the back of the truck. not everyone would risk everything like that."

Dan didn't feel like a hero. he felt like his men were all like that. They were brothers and would lay down their life for each other. they never would leave anyone behind. it wasn't in their nature. they were brothers and no one would leave a brother behind. that's not being a hero. it was being family. " not a hero." the doctor nodded to two nurses and spoke to them. soon he could see them wheeling Kevin towards him. " Mr Rogers I'm glad you are alive brother."

" we are both going home so I guess it's just Kevin now. I'm told I'm being medically discharged. I get to go home. I want you to come with me for a while. I want you to meet my wife. My Mary. Montana ain't so bad. you may even like it and want to stay. stay with me a while Dan." Dan could hear the sadness in his voice. Dan wasn't even sure how to be a civilian. Kevin and Dan would talk about how hard it was being able to go home and be normal after being in war mode for so long. Dan knew he needed a change. this life had sucked his soul out of him. maybe he could find it again in Montana. Maybe he could stop chasing the demons that followed him in the desert. The demons created inside his head with each deployment.

Dan looked up into the roof of the make shift hospital. it was nothing more than a large tent set up with beds and make shift surgery rooms. sand and dust everywhere. it was hard to keep it out. " can we even be 'normal' anymore? I'm not sure I can even have a life anymore. Not a normal one anyways."

" Dan I can't do this without you and I know you are the same. let's go back together. you promised you would visit so let's help each other. there's gonna be things we will have to work through in order to get our heads out of war. let's do it together."

he knew he was right. he had seen soldiers who tried it alone. it was a lonely existence not having anyone there who understood what happened over here. a man could get lost without the support. it's why suicide among soldiers was so high. the effects of war created a loneliness. a void in each soldiers life and the longer they were in the service the harder it was when they were sent back States side. it seemed like war followed them and haunted their very existence. he wasn't even sure if he could exist without war anymore. he had created a bubble for himself and somewhere along the way even his family could no longer bring him out of it. his entire life had become war. It had engulfed him and took over his body constantly looking over his shoulder and watching his back. The demons following him in the middle of the night. " I guess I could come for a little before heading back to my family. maybe getting our heads back together is a good thing." Dan closed his eyes trying to take everything in. he would call his family and let them know what happened and what he was doing. hopefully he could get things right before heading back to them. it wasn't the worst idea in the world. maybe not doing it on his own was a good thing.

six weeks later he was cleared to travel home. he looked around at the desert he was leaving behind. " make sure you have a huge steak for me man!" his men were coming over and saying goodbye. this was it. he was headed back to the states tomorrow. starting over. come morning he would be changing everything he had come to know. his entire world had changed. he wasn't even sure if he could be out in the real world anymore. It was like he had left his soul in the desert sun. He buried it there in the sand. His thoughts consumed him. He wasn't sure what his future would now look like. He had always imagined he would die here. Left in the desert of some failed mission. This was supposed to be his legacy. The desert had somehow become his prison. Now he was leaving it all behind. They boarded the plane as Dan settled in closing his eyes. He was leaving everyone behind. His family was staying to fight another day and he was being cast out like yesterdays news. He wasn't sure how he was supposed to feel. He didn't know how to be a normal person anymore and he was terrified. Dan took in a deep breath and allowed himself to fall into a deep sleep praying he could stay that way without the nightmares knocking him awake. It had brought him an odd comfort in the desert. It was how he knew he was still alive. He felt the plane lurch forward. there was no going back again. His future was now in the states.