The Search for Soaring Hawk

Chapter 1: Small Hawk-3

For two days, Small Hawk vacillated between ignoring his desire to know more about the life of Lean Bear and seeking out his father to ask of it. During that time, he found excuses to walk past the lodge of the man who was now the center of his curiosity. Several times, he had seen Lean Bear. One time he was talking with White Wolf. They were laughing and joking with one another. Small Hawk wondered how they could do this so normally when they had done what he had witnessed in the forest.

On another occasion, he saw Spirit of the Tree and Lean Bear leave the village together in the direction of the clearing where he and Fox Cub had hidden and watched Lean Bear and the braves. His small p***s grew hard at the memory. He was tempted to follow them, but he resisted.

On the third day, River Runs Deep called to him as he was leaving the lodge. “Small Hawk.”

“Yes, Father?”

“Get two spears and the fish basket. Today we go to the river to find our dinner.”

The boy ran to the side of the lodge and procured the requested items. He always felt proud when his father asked him to accompany him on man’s work. The younger boys stayed behind to help their mothers, but as a boy grew, his father began to take over his instruction. Today was such a day.

The path to the river came very close to the place where Small Hawk had watched the men have their way with Lean Bear. It reminded the boy of his intent to talk to his father about the man with whom he had become fascinated. He would wait until his instruction in fishing was done.

Father and son hid in the rushes and watched a heron as it stood majestically in the shallows. It looked to Small Hawk more like a statue than a living thing. Every so often it would lift one leg, balance for a time, and then take a slow, careful measured step.

“See how still Brother Heron stands, Small Hawk?” his father whispered. “Observe him carefully. He will teach you to fish.”

The boy watched. The bird’s head moved slightly to one side, then, with lightning speed, his beak darted into the water and came up with a wriggling silver fish.

Swallowing his prey, the bird resumed his statue-like stance to await his next victim.

“You see?” said his father. “Brother Heron waits with patience until his quarry is near, then strikes with speed.”

Small Hawk nodded.

“Now we will try.”

Wading out of the rushes, the two startled their teacher, who took flight. River Runs Deep held up his hand for his son to stop. The man took two more steps and stood still, with the spear raised to his shoulder. After several minutes, the thrust of his father’s arm startled Small Hawk. The man pulled the spear up out of the river and their first catch of the day was secured. Small Hawk was proud.

After spearing several more fish, River Runs Deep motioned for the boy to come forward. It was his turn to try. His first attempts failed. His father told him he must aim below where he thought the fish might be, as the water spirit played tricks on the eyes and made one think the fish was where it was not. Small Hawk tried again and whooped with delight when he pulled a small bass from the water. He turned to look at his father, who beamed with pride.

At the end of the morning of fishing, they pulled their basket of fresh fish from the water and strolled back to the village. Small Hawk decided it was time to ask River Runs Deep about Lean Bear. He also decided it was better not to let his father know he had observed the man with White Wolf and Stout Bull.

“Father, there is a brave in the village named Lean Bear. He does not dress as the other braves. Why is this?”

River Runs Deep did not respond right away. He walked silently beside his son for some time before stopping near a fallen tree. He motioned to the boy to come and sit with him on the trunk. “Lean Bear is not a brave.”

“Not a brave?” repeated the boy. He had not expected this. Weren’t all grown men braves?

“No, he is ikoueta, a squaw inside a man. He will never be a brave.”

Never be a brave? Small Hawk thought. That is awful. A man who can never be a brave. “Why is that, my father? He seems to be a man of strength and power.”

“He looks like other men on the outside, but inside he has the soul of a woman. He is of two spirits.”

Small Hawk did not speak. He tried to think of what it must be like to be both man and woman. He could not fathom it.

Finally he asked, “Why does he wear his breechclout as he does, so his butt shows like a small child’s?”

“He does this to show he is available to men in need, he will do for them as a woman would.”

“But why would a man want to be with Lean Bear that way?”

The man smiled at his son. “You ask many questions, Small Hawk. Soon you will understand what it is like to be in need. Before a man marries, he must take care of these needs in other ways. One way is to visit one like Lean Bear.”

The boy thought about this. He had seen Spirit of the Tree leave the village with Lean Bear. Spirit of the Tree was married. “Do married men visit ikoueta as well?”

“Yes, sometimes.”

“But, why?”

“I cannot say for sure. There are times when a man’s wife is not available to him: when she is sick or near her time with a child. If the need is great, then he might visit a squaw inside a man, a man with two spirits.”

Small Hawk’s next question was out of his mouth before he could think to stop himself. “Have you ever visited Lean Bear?”

“No, never,” his father replied.

Small Hawk stared down at his feet, thinking. “Do the people like Lean Bear?” He gazed up at his father.

River Runs Deep looked at him as if he thought this an odd question. “I do not understand. Why would the people not like him?”

“Because he is not like other men,” Small Hawk said, looking down again. “The book of mother’s God says he should be killed.”

“Ah,” the man said. “I see. First, know this, my son. The Book of Sky Eyes’ God is from the white men. It has no authority in our tribe. As for Lean Bear not being as other men are is no reason to dislike him. He is what he is. Because he was created in this way, he still has value and deserves our respect.”

Small Hawk thought further. “Fox Cub said Lean Bear would not marry. Is this true?”

“Lean Bear is of two spirits. He will not marry. He will never be a brave. He will live as he does now. He will help men in need. That will be his life in the tribe.”

The boy pressed farther. “Is he happy?”

“You ask too many questions,” his father said with a laugh. “Come, it is time to go home for dinner.”

The two set off for the village. River Runs Deep had answered some of the boy’s questions, but the one that really mattered to the boy remained unanswered. Small Hawk wondered: Could Lean Bear be happy? The question kept coming to his mind, though he did not know why.

Over the next few moons of summer, Small Hawk often found himself walking near the dwelling of this man with whom he had become fascinated. He watched as different men of the tribe came to talk with Lean Bear. Sometimes he followed them, hid again in the bushes and watched as they satisfied their needs. As he watched, he would find himself aroused and excited. He did not share his curiosity with Fox Cub or any of his other friends.

He had the urge to speak with Lean Bear, to find out from the man himself how he felt about this life he was destined to lead. But he did not. He kept all his thoughts inside himself.