The Asters of Ogaza

Sadness is contagious

      Amare knew Zina enough to figure out that she would refuse to go to the Royal infirmary and get checked. So, after he had held her and let her cry as much as she wanted, he found a small infirmary nearby and took her there. The nurses took her away for a long while. They kept Amare busy with food and books, but he couldn’t bring himself to do something other than . . .worry, about what would have happened to Zina if he hadn’t noticed those two boot prints that weren’t Zina’s in the soil. Those animals, they could have done what they wanted, and then killed her.

          The nurses wanted to put her to bed rest for a while, but she didn’t want to stay. They had to go, and even though Amare said he would find a way to cover for them, that he would go back and tell Master Poja that she’s on bed rest and he wants to stay with her, she declined. They walked back to the Palace later than usual, and Amare was practically numb to his own pain in that moment. He blamed himself, for leaving her alone, for sulking over his Dada’s bull crap news, and being hostile to Zina. If he had been there . . .

          Amare made an excuse for them when they got in late for supper. Zina barely ate, and Master Poja (Princess Haile was absent) questioned her swellings that were now abating. Amare said something again, and after supper, Zina hugged him so tightly, she hoped it said the many words she couldn’t say right now. She had already started to cry again before she dashed into the dorms and flopped unto the bed, knowing this would be something she’d never be able to share with Pa or Zo. He warned her, pleaded with her to forget the Obsidian.

           All she had ever known since she started this mission is danger, painful rumors, fear over losing Amare to allergies . . .fear of losing her life to those animals. If this was really a sign to stop, then, maybe, just maybe she might consider it. Her whole body tremored from crying, and she was glad Marjani wasn’t there. She needed arms to cry in, but definitely not Marjani’s.

          In the boy’s dorm, Amare felt weighed down, by everything: Zina, Angel who was still fazed by the whole Jael drama, his nightmares. His Dada Sitting on his bed was all it took to make it all come pouring now. Everything he had bottled in in Zina’s presence, they rushed out in a burst. And Angel was not exempt. He was now extra sad, finding out what happened to Zina.

          “I . . .I should never . . .have . . . have left her. I . . .shouldn’t have!” He sobbed through the sentence, and Angel just cried, not knowing exactly what to say. Something that rarely happened with Angel.

          The three Asters sat at their spot the next day. They had strategically placed Zina at their middle, both feeling a new and strong need to protect her. To protect each other. They sat, realizing even deeper how much they meant to each other, how their lives even though completely apart outside the Palace (save for Amare and Angel), had now intertwined so . . .boundedly. Each one looking out for the other in ways that couldn’t be measured. Going through lengthy lengths for each other, saving their lives, putting a smile on their faces.

          Frankly, they were all broken. They accepted each other, with all their fractured parts, their ugly sobs, their weird and occasionally infuriating nicknames. The Palace that was supposed to build them, to make their bodies somewhat, tenacious, had now shattered them in pieces. But those pieces, were beautiful pieces. At least to them, they were. So, even though they sat still, poring over hurt esteems, new marriages and near r**e experiences, they were grateful. To have each other. And they said it with their silence.

          Zina brought out two white star apples and handed them to Amare and Angel. Amare took them, his eyebrows arched in surprise and slight confusion. Zina’s lips managed a small smile.

          “For . . .me?” He asked.

          “For . . .you.” She replied, and it took a while before the boys tore the fruit and ate. Zina didn’t get any for herself. She wasn’t ready to eat yet, and even rejected the boys’ offer

          “Jael’s an i***t,” She started, looking far ahead as though the people she was talking to weren’t by her side. Her Angel and her Amare. It felt good to think of them as that. As . . .hers.

          “I don’t even know why we pay her any attention. Maybe it’s just the fool’s effect. They have the ability to . . .cause such a scene and garner a crowd. With her tiny ego, and her completely useless friend who I unfortunately share a room with. But hey,” she turned to Angel and took his large hands in her smaller ones. “she’s an i***t. Don’t let her folly get to you, Angel. You have no idea how amazing you are. As a person. As Captain. Don’t let anyone, any one talk you down.”

          Angel nodded vigorously, his throat becoming tight with tears. He sniffled. “Speaking of,” he said, not sounding as cheery as only Angel could. “I wanted to tell you guys that . . .I’m going to step down. As Captain.”

          The other two shifted their bodies sharply to face him.

          “Are you crazy?” Amare asked, his voice tired. “You’re going to step down because of that worthless thing?”

          “No,” he shook his head slowly. “I’m going to step down because I want to. Not because of anyone. Or her. Maybe my life was better when I was unseen, and in the dark. Quiet. When I didn’t have to be reminded by people that my limp is the only thing they see.”

          Amare’s lips were ready to move in response, but Zina grasped his hands, silencing him.

          “If you’re sure that’s what you want, then, we can’t stop you. That just leaves us with Marjani as the only Captain.” Amare groaned and Zina squeezed his hands. She was still holding them, and he liked the feel of her palms around his.

          “We don’t agree with you, but we will support you.”

          He stared at her and smile ‘thanks’

          “Just so you know, though. You were never unseen. You were never in the dark, and even if you were, you’d never be there again. Amare saw you first, then I did, and we see so much more, so far ahead beyond your limp.”

          The tears in his eyes were on his cheeks now, and Zina reached up to pat his soft hair. He smiled, his dimpled smile. And Zina smiled back, brighter.

          Amare put his arms around Zina’s shoulder, and so did Angel.

          “I’m sorry, Warrior Z.”

          “No one’s ever going to hurt you again, vulture.”

          And just like that, the three were sobbing again. But this time, they were less sad sobs.

                                                                             ****

          Princess Haile hadn’t come out of her quarters since she spoke with her brother. Not to train the Asters, or to eat with them. She also didn’t let anyone in, not even PJ. Her parents had threatened to break the door if she didn’t come out, but she didn’t budge. She just sat on her bed, holding a picture of her and that friend Zina noticed was everywhere in her room. She got up and went to open her door. The maidservant who was waiting there scrambled up to her feet.

          “Your Majesty,” she bowed. “It’s been almost three days. Everyone’s worried about you.” She bent to pick up a tray of food.

          “Get Zina Anfari. Now.” She went back to her bed.

          Zina didn’t go to the Princess’s quarters with despisal this time. She denied it, but she was somewhat relived when the maidservant had come to get her. The Asters of course, noticed her absence and were beginning to wonder. It was unlike her to miss trainings. The maidservant knocked, announced their presence and went in with the food. Zina followed carefully behind her. The curtains weren’t drawn the way they were the last time she came. And the Princess wasn’t seated. She was lying down, bundled up under her covers.

          “Take the food out.” She commanded the maidservant.

          “Wait,” Zina said. “Has she eaten anything at all?” The maidservant shook her head. Zina took the tray from her. “Leave it with me. Just, please bring her some fruits, water and anything you have for strengthening.” The maidservant nodded and disappeared.

          Zina sat beside her, tray of food in hand. “Your Majesty,” she bobbed her head. “Sit up. You should eat.”

          The Princess watched her with glassy eyes. She shakily put out her hand and Zina grabbed it in one awkward motion. She helped her up, uncovered the dishes, and took a spoon of food to her mouth. The Princess chewed like a sad child, it reminded Zina of Zo. The maidservant returned with another tray of fruit salads and water, and some drink in a bottle. Zina wasn’t sure what it was.

          “Why do you always take care of me, Raya?” Princess Haile said with her mouth full. A tear had dashed out from under her left eye. Zina didn’t wipe it off. She actually pretended she didn’t see it. She was still very fragile, and could burst into tears anytime. She didn’t need a trigger.

          “Just eat, Your Majesty. We can talk later. We’re worried, and we want you to be out of here soon.”

          More tears escaped the Princess’s eyes as she chewed. She couldn’t finish the whole thing, so Zina passed her water, then her salad.

          “Why do you love me, Raya? Why do you even believe in me, when nobody does?”

          Zina wrinkled her forehead. Who is Raya? And why was the Princess calling her Raya? Princess Haile was still crying, and Zina didn’t want to make things harder for her by asking.

          “Uhm . . .well . . .” she stuttered. “We all love you, Princess. And we all believe in you, too.” Believe in her for what? She wasn’t sure. She just wanted to make sure the Princess ate, so she could head out. Darkness and a crying Princess were not the best things for her right now.

          Princess Haile dropped her fruit bowl on her lap now and started properly crying. It was restrained, like she was ashamed to cry. Zina watched awkwardly, suddenly not knowing what to do.

          “Uhm . . .Your Majesty? Princess Haile,” She placed her left hand on Princess Haile’s.

          She quieted down. “Don’t lie to me, Raya. You’re the only one alive who believes in me. Taye stopped believing in me when . . .Dada started believing in him. And he’s doing this out of pity. He’s not getting married because he pities me. He doesn’t know what I would do when they crown him Emperor.”

          Wait, what? Why isn’t the Crown Prince getting married? Why does he pity his sister? And why is the Crown Prince becoming Emperor a problem? Isn’t he the first twin? Shouldn’t he be the one to take over the throne? Zina wondered. It sounded like there was trouble within the Royal family. Something that nobody knew of.

          Zina patted her hand, not knowing what to say. “Eat up, Princess.”

          She did. Two more spoons, and then said, “He’s right, Raya. I don’t know what I would do if he takes that throne. My throne.”

          Zina took her hands off the Princess’s like she had suddenly developed a skin disease. What in the name of the Emperor is going on?!