Have You Wonder

I'm Trying

My lids feel so heavy as I try to open them up. I didn't know that I fell asleep this easily. The last time I remember was I'm waiting for the bus then...

"A...ouch!" I tried to get up from the bed as soon as I remembered what happened but my head felt so heavy.

"Hey... don't move a bit. The Doctor said your body might feel sore from what happened." The guy said. This voice... this familiar voice I used to despise... what is he doing here? Why he's still here?

I tried to lift my right arm but there's a tube for dextrose that's injected into it. The shock must have affected me so much, to the point that I end up lying in this hospital bed.

What an odd that every time I passed out, Kree is the first person who will catch me from falling and the first person I would see when I wake up the next day. How I wish he was this responsible back then.

I was exasperated by my disappointing thoughts.

"Are you okay? Do you need anything?" He asked while looking at my wrinkled forehead. I can't help but be annoyed with what's going on.

"Let me call the Doctor..." He uttered.

"No, I'm good. I just need more time to rest. What time is it?" I queried in panic. My mom and dad probably get so worried about going home this late without telling them.

"You can take a rest, for now, I ask Charlotte to make some alibi so your parents won't worry about you tonight." He said.

I exhaled from relief. The last thing I would do is to make my parents worried. Good thing they are used to my sleepover with Victoria and Charlotte. They will easily buy that alibi without any doubt.

"You can go home now so you could take a rest. Somebody might have been waiting for you and worried where you at." I mumbled bitterly.

I don't wanna get involved or tangled with this sickening childish love triangle we used to have.

"Nobody knows that today is my arrival. And I'm afraid there's no one waiting for me to go home." He said, acting like his life is so empty and miserable.

"Besides, I thought we're cool. Since that night, remember?" He looked at me and I just didn't meet his gaze.

I somewhat feel guilty listening to what he said. He's right. We decided to forgive each other that night. It's just that... I can't accept the fact that he always sees me in my worst. Of all people who could save me from that drunkard, why does it have to be Kree? Why do I feel like I always rely on him at my weakest times? Why does it always have to be him?

The silence ate us up and all I could do was stare blankly. I somewhat feel humiliated acting that way when I'm supposed to be thanking him for saving me back then. He is the reason why I am safe but all I did was push him away.

And thinking about that reminds me of Ron? I wonder what happened to him after I passed out. I know deep inside that he's a nice guy. I just hope he's doing okay.

"About...the drunk guy. What happened to him?" I cautiously asked. Hoping he is not mad at me after acting up.

"Oh, the guy. He got sobered up when I came back to give a statement and he asked me to extend his apologies for what he has done. And I've got a feeling that you two know each other as he was regretting it a lot. I might have thought that he worries for you more than I do." He mumbled as if acting jealous.

Seriously, Kree???

"He was a former colleague but not anymore. Good to hear that he's good." That's all I could say or else, he might ask me further questions about it.

"I was scared to death when you passed out." He devastatingly uttered.

I felt like something squeezes my heart within as he says those words. I don't know why but I feel weird how he shows concern after what he has done to me. And despite how much I hate the fact he is with me all alone in this room, I feel so relieved that he chooses to say with me throughout.

My thoughts and feelings kept fighting that it made me dizzy. Better yet, I should go get asleep. But how about him, where would he sleep?

"My head feels like pounding. I should go to sleep. You can go home now so you can take a rest. I'm grateful for all your help but I think I can manage. You've done more than enough...Kree."

It feels strange to spill his name right from my lips. I used to hate mentioning that name but it somehow feels... fine.

He was about to respond but his phone suddenly rings. He looked at it and was hesitating to take it but I insisted. As usual, I am pushing him away.

"Take it. It must be very important."

He looked at me and furrowed his brows as if he was annoyed by the timing. He turned his back at me and took the call outside the room.

I lie on my side and turned my back away from the door. I couldn't stand seeing him walking away from me. It feels like the cuts in my heart will sore and freshen up again.

=======

I turned around the bed but I suddenly feel someone's leaning on my bedding. Why is he still here?

He moves a little as he felt his arms getting cramps. He shook them up and stretches to keep the blood flowing. I just remain my eyes shut, acting like I am still in my deep sleep.

He stands up from the chair he was sitting in and looked at my face. I can feel his breath as he slowly tucks the loose strands of my hair behind my ear. What's wrong with you, Kree? Did you do something against my will while I was sleeping last night?

I moved a little and stretched my arms as if I was just woken up. He tittered as he kept staring at me.

"I told you, drop acting and just pursue singing. You have such a bad acting skill, Enzey." He teases and I just rolled my eyes from him. Annoying as ever.

I looked at my phone to see what time is it. I still have plenty of time to prepare to go to work on a half-day.

"Where's my stuff and clothes?" I queried nonchalantly. I can't help but get pissed off for some reason.

"In the cabinet. I have laundered it because I know how stubborn you are. I'm pretty sure you'll insist on going to work despite what happened." He said in a matter-of-fact tone.

It pisses me off even more that he knows me this much despite that seven years. Why do you have to be this annoyingly great, Kree?

I took a half-bath and changed into my clothes, preparing for work straight from the hospital. There's nothing to freak out about about about after what happened last night. I can confidently get back to work like it never happened.

I discharged myself even though Kree insisted on doing it for me. But I never gave in. Being grateful for saving me from last night is more than enough. I don't wanna be indebted to him even more.

I'm trying to get back on my feet and I'm trying to live my life without looking back at what's already gone. What we had was history and all I wanna focus on is the future where no more pains and heartaches, just happiness and contentment.

He decided to drop me off at the office but I strongly declined. He has done more than enough and I already took much of his time. Maybe it would be better if we will go on our separate ways as we go out of this hospital.

"Thank you...so much," I mumbled and he just smirked as he looked at me.

"No need to mention it. I just did what I have to. And that's the least I can do for you. I couldn't thank God enough for allowing me to be there in perfect timing." He stated.

He waved his hand in the air as he walks away from me and I looked at my phone as I was waiting for a cab.

I kept thinking about what Kree has said a while ago.

Perfect timing...

Was it perfect timing or just a mere coincidence? But whatever it may be, I am getting more certain that I couldn't look nor feel the same way for him anymore. No matter what he will do for me or no matter how nice he will treat me, he can never ever make up for the seven years he chose to let go.

Nice try Kree but I guess, trying will never be enough. I'm sorry.