15
1443 Words
If you love me for what you see, only your eyes would be in love with me.
If you love me for what you've heard, then you would love me for my words. If you love my heart and mind, then you'd love me for all that I'm.
But if you don't love my every flaw, then you mustn't love me, not at all.
-Unknown.
~
I don't know how long we sat there, in the middle of a semi crowded hospital after midnight. At some point during my breakdown, Ms. T had somehow managed to get me from the floor to the closest seat and I had curled myself into a ball as I cried myself to sleep.
When I woke, I found myself lying on the couch in the waiting room as Darcy and Ms. T talked in hushed tones near the wall opposite me next to Carol's door. It was agape and I could see Veronica sitting on the bed besides her wife as my brother sat on the bedside chair. Carol was still unconscious and as I checked my wrist watch, the time showed me it was after two in the morning.
"You're awake." Ms. T says as she comes towards me.
"Yea. Why are you still here? You know you didn't have to stay. I know you have the club and-"
"It's okay love. I wanted to stay. Make sure everything was alright and that you were alright... Are you alright?"
"Um... better." I sit up and pat the seat next to me and I'm greatful as she takes it.
Resting my head on her shoulder, I inhale deeply before releasing, getting the most of her scent and wallowing in it. It meant a lot to me to have her here and although I knew she had stuff to do, I just didn't want to stomach having her leave me again. Especially since Austin was on a war path.
I looked into the small room but he was preoccupied as he held the hand of his daughter that wasn't currently in Veronica's.
"I'm glad that you're still here." I murmur as I interlock our fingers and I smile as she rubs her thumb against my hand.
"There's no where else I'd rather be."
"Not even with your husband?"
It was a stupid question to ask, I know, but she was indeed married and although she said I was a client, she still didn't need to be with me every time I called. She's never once called because she needed me and I couldn't help but wonder if I was a burden to her. Maybe she just wanted to be with her husband but I was burdening her with all my problems and she felt obligated to be here.
She uses her free hand to pull at my chin so we're eye to eye. "I promise you that in this second and for the next few hours... there's no where else I'd rather be than with you, here, now, in my arms, kissing you like this."
Her lips gently connects with mine in a soft kiss and I moaned as I unlinked our fingers, putting them to better use as I slipped them into her hair. My heart was racing and it should have been from the mad display of PDA but all I could think about was finding an empty room and having her distract me from the horror that was my reality.
She goes to pull away from me but I thighten my grip on her hair and she moans before pulling them loose. Groaning, I try to pull her in once more but her words confused me enough to halt my actions.
"Yes Darcy?"
I stare at her as she literally just mumbled another girl's name and my daughter's girl no less before she breaks eye contact and turns away from me only for me to realize that Darcy was standing in front of us with Jane trying to look anywhere but at me.
"Sorry." I mumble, shame overtaking me.
"It's totally okay mom. We just wanted to say we're leaving. I have a job interview in a few hours that I need to sleep for and Darcy... well, I guess she has one too?"
"Kind of... yeah."
"Okay. I'll stay with Austin and we'll probably go home after... or something."
Jane shyly smiles at me, avoiding eye contact with Ms. T before she walks away, leaving Darcy alone with us.
"You have a job interview tomorrow?" Ms. T asks.
"It's not really a job interview. My last exam at college was done yesterday and well, I don't have a job so I was looking into this cooking thing until someone hires me."
"What? Is your diploma not work material?"
"I kinda don't want to be a paralegal anymore and so I just didn't take the job."
"What?"
"Yeah am, maybe we could talk about this some other time?"
"Come by my house after your interview. We'll talk then."
Darcy nods and I sit quietly as she bids us both goodbye.
"Since when do you take clients home?" I accused, unable to take the jealous sound out of my voice.
"Please, we're not doing this here... now."
"I just thought things were kept strictly at the club and that your place was off limits."
"Justine-"
"And by the way, she's dating my daughter." I stood, fully intending to go see my niece but a strong grip on my waist steered me towards the first empty room that just happened to be next door before it was quickly shut and my body slammed against it.
"I."
My words were cut short as my mouth was dominated and my body abused by her fingers as she expertly succeeded in silencing me. The kiss was over as soon as it started and I honestly considered begging.
"You need to stop with the taunting and teasing and getting upset when I sleep with other people or when I talk to anyone else."
"I-"
"I'm married, 1. You know this. 2, Lady Faye was my employee. And 3, I'm a dominatrix, that means I f**k for a living. If you can't handle that without getting jealous then I don't know what we're doing here."
"I'm not getting jealous!-"
"And you shouldn't be! Because I asked you a long time ago if you had feelings for me that ran deeper than s*x-"
"I-"
"I asked you if you could ever love a woman. If you could ever see yourself being with a woman and you said no. You made it perfectly clear than you would never be that person so don't you dare go acting like you've suddenly reconsidered."
"Ms. T."
"I put myself out there for you and I got rejected. I don't repeat myself-"
"I-"
"Ever."
I was left staring at her as she did the same before she pushed off me and I'm left feeling hallow and empty. I want to tell her... something, anything, but I can't and she takes my silence as her answer before she paces the empty room. I suddenly can't stand anymore and I take the bed, staring at my hands and listening to her heels on the clean tile.
"I can't do this with you anymore. This is... this is exhausting."
"What are you saying?" I asked, my voice betraying me and cracking.
I'd already been abandoned by one person tonight, I honestly didn't think I could go through it again.
"I'm saying... I'm saying maybe we should just be friends."
"I thought we were." I say softly, looking up at her as she comes to stand in front of me.
"No, we had s*x. Over and over again. Friends don't do that."
"You want to be friends with me? Just friends?"
"Yes."
Ms. T pauses for the longest time and I could've sworn she was memorizing the sight of me before she gently leans in to kiss me. It was so light that for a moment it didn't feel real but when she pulled away all I wanted to do was pull her back and deepen it.
"Please don't do this." I heard myself say. "Please don't leave me."
"I could never do that. But you don't know what you want and even if you did, I'm not in any position to act on it... to act on us."
"Ms. T." I pleaded but all she did was kiss my forehead.
"My name is Denise."
I sat there on that hospital bed, watching yet another person turn their back on me while I couldn't do anything.
Was I truly meant to be alone?
- Writer
