Trials Under The Moon

What she means to me

Damien's POV

I can't believe it's been 5 years that Bella has been here. In all my time assigned to managing the omegas, none have flourished as much as they have, than during Bella’s stay. She has a positive effect on just about every person she sees. I wish I could give her the answers that she wants. But it wouldn't do any good. She wouldn't believe me.

I was only 18 when Alpha Black sent me out on my first pack invasion, I had just got my wolf, Arrax. A sleek, pure black colored beast with broad shoulders and piercing blue eyes to match my own.

If I'm being completely honest, the alpha gave me so much responsibility and trust because I'm the only one who can successfully rein in his chaotic son, Eric . Eric is sadistic, reckless and wild, just to name a few things, but we've been best friends since we were pups. Alpha Black knew that if I could keep Eric in control, I'd be able to lead and direct many in the future.

I've been struggling for 5 years to remember that day better. The day that I brought bella home. I can't recall exactly why I decided to bring her here, or let her live at all for that matter.

Growing up in a pack that constantly thirsts for blood, and war, numbed me. At some point I kind of turned everything off, so that I wouldn't suffer from grief or guilt. Innocent lives being snuffed out like a candle flame were a regular occurrence. The Alpha and Beta families thrive on it, on the gore and killing, much like the rest of the pack. Which is why Eric is an unhinged sociopath, it's literally in his genes.

I manage well enough, to hide the disgust and distain I have for my packs fascination with death. This is my family, after all. The only family I have ever known. And while the Alpha is quick to murder someone else's child, he would defend his own with his life. Though I know he worries for Eric, because when anyone becomes crazed with bloodlust to the point of killing blindly, without reason, or gain... they can be lost.

Black Moon kills and destroys anyone or thing in their path for land, wealth, or basic bragging rights. But Eric has been caught countless times killing even our own ranked pack members for sport. We've managed to keep it hidden from the rest of higher ranked members, as this is a law punishable by death. I've had to stage many bodies as victims of a rogue attack, or a brawl between two wolfs, whom were both killed by Eric.

A deranged male cannot become an Alpha. He cannot lead and manage a pack, if he cannot control himself. I've promised the alpha to take care of Eric, and to protect him, no matter how difficult it may be.

Still, saving Bella wasn't entirely in character for me. She didn't present herself as pitiful, or cry out for me to spare her once we captured her.

Anyway, before I knew it, I had one male in my command throw the small girl over his shoulder and carry her all the way back to Black Moon. Once we reached packlands, I took Bella into my arms and bridal style carried her to the Tier 3 Omega lodging. I felt she'd be safe under Zoe's careful eye. My feelings towards this pup were distracting, and I couldn't exactly pin point what those feelings were. So I decided to leave her with Zoe and the other omegas.

To her credit, she immediately started to exercise and train. She took Zoe under her wing, despite being a year younger than her, and convinced Zoe to take better care of herself. It wasn't easy for an omega to be strong and healthy here, but it wasn't impossible either.

Survival of the fittest.

The first time I caught the two of them training before sunrise, I stayed out of site. The fifth time, I decided to sneak up on them and gauge their reaction to being discovered.

Zoe looked like she could've pissed herself, but Bella looked like she was ready to fight me. This kid really had a death wish.

Again, that pull towards her, towards helping her was too strong to ignore. So I decided to aid them in training, every morning before I had to see to pack training. I could see the love-filled eyes that Zoe pointed at me, as well as the uncertain and untrusting eyes that Bella had for me. It was the latter that would give rise to feeling...hurt? Yet, I responded to both with a stoic, borderline bored mask, devoid of emotion.

If Zoe knew what I really was, and what I did for this pack, her eyes would change from lustful to fearful. Actually, During our fight training Zoe's entire face morphed from happy to complete concentration. Bella was right, She wouldn't escape the Tournament this year, and I could do nothing to aid her this time..

Last year, I may have snuck wolfsbane into her food a few days before the Tournament was to begin. Making sure that Bella didn't accidentally eat any of it was the tricky part. The blind need to protect Bella ultimately forced my hand in protecting Zoe. For lack of better words, I tolerated Zoe well enough before Bella’s arrival. But I never would've risked so much to keep her from being killed had she not been such an important friend to this little wolf who'd caught my attention. On top of that, Zoe's life was at risk because her wolf challenged a member of our guard trying to protect Bella.

I felt terrible for what I had to do to Zoe, but sickness is better than death. Besides, for 2 full weeks I was able to run and train with Bella one-on-one. Being around her was disarming. I looked for and hoped for any excuse I had to be close to her, to touch her. As we jogged, side by side, I was entranced by her swinging ebony ponytail, the curve of her hips, and her sweet caramel colored skin.

I wanted her to trust me. I wanted to give her answers. I wanted to give her everything. Bella and I were able to learn more about each other in that two weeks, than in the whole 5 years. I liked Zoe, well I liked that she was good to Bella. But I only felt comfortable being open with Bella, when Zoe wasn’t around. Two weeks wasn’t enough. I needed to know more about her. I needed to know what was happening between us.

Even though I wasn't entirely sure what she was or meant to me, I needed her to stay alive long enough for me to figure it out.

My face remained emotionless, while my heart sank into the pit of my stomach when Bella announced her decision to enter in this years Tournament of Death, in order to increase her rank.

I had to walk away. I couldn’t stand there and picture her fighting in that ring. Dying in that ring.