Heidi: Nano Wolves 3

Chapter 1

1

Heidi sighed and climbed from their still warm bed as she watched Ryan pace the confines of her room at the inn. Though she’d never seen her lover’s animal side in reality, it was easy to see the restless wolf prowling inside the even more restless man. Ryan continued complaining as he dressed.

She went to the bathroom to wash her face, but left to the door slightly open to be polite.

Ryan’s blind persistence about the state of their relationship left no room for her to express any feelings of doubt she still had. She felt pressured by his constant demands for more than she wanted to give at that moment. Was she fond of Ryan? Yes, of course. Did she love him? Her answer was always a big “I don’t know” which was the core of her problem, and more than enough reason to slow things down.

She was tired of fighting and trying to get him to see she needed time, space, and the freedom to figure things out. Instead, they’d been having this exact argument every day since she’d finally found a way to move out of the inn and into her own place. Not that she’d found her perfect sanctuary to live in yet, but apparently her intention to do so was more independence from her than Ryan could handle. He insisted she had to live with him and refused to hear anything to the contrary.

“Tell me the truth, Heidi. Do you want someone else in the pack? I know you see nearly every male come through the healing center at some point.”

Heidi fisted a hand on her hip and glared at her jealous lover. “How many times are you going to ask me that stupid question? One possessive werewolf is more than enough for any sane woman to want to deal with. You know you’re more than enough male in bed. Some nights you barely let me sleep, Ryan. What more could I want?”

Ryan growled, unable to hold it back. “If I’m so great in bed, then why won’t you talk about moving in with me?”

Heidi snorted at the sound. It took more than a bunch of growling to intimidate her these days. Ariel and Brandi growled constantly. She wasn’t immune yet, but she was damn close.

“I’m not going to move in with a man just because of great s*x. I’ve had my share of sleeping with men and the ghosts of their former lovers. I think we both need some space to work through things before we can talk about any sort of real future.”

“Fine. I’ll buy a new bed, one I never shared with any other female. See? Ghosts all gone. Problem solved,” Ryan said, lifting a hand.

Heidi shook her head. “Are you not hearing my words? Closure is about a lot more than a piece of furniture, Ryan. You’re not just going to slide me into your mate’s old house and make me an echo of a dead woman—wolf—whatever.”

“That doesn’t make any sense. My mate’s been gone for years now. I’m ready to mate again—with you. Come live with me and change whatever you want,” Ryan insisted.

Heidi growled, the sound rumbling in her chest as it surprised her. She seemed to growl a lot when she was aggravated. “I don’t know who I am yet, so there’s no way you could know if I’m right for you. I need time to figure things out, not constant pressure. That’s not unreasonable given all I’ve been through, now is it?”

Ryan huffed out a breath and then snorted. “I know you went through a lot being changed into a werewolf, but your pack mates have both adapted and taken mates. Why can’t you?”

Heidi swallowed the hurt she felt at being unfavorably compared to two women she greatly admired. “In case it has escaped your wolf senses, I’m not Ariel or Brandi. And if you think their lives are a bed of roses with their so-called mates, they’re not. They make things work on their own terms.”

“Mating is simply two people wanting to be together. It doesn’t have terms,” Ryan said firmly.

“You’re twisting my words because you’re not hearing what I’m saying. I can’t fight with you every day, and also be calm enough to do the healing work at the center. I need time for myself, and… and my Alpha said I could have it. One way or the other, I intend to create a living space where I can grow into the person I was meant to be. Right now I don’t see that being with you when all we do is argue.”

“Is that your final word on the matter?” Ryan asked, tugging on his coat and hat.

Heidi nodded tightly. “Yes. Whether you understand my reasons or not, I’m taking the time I need to sort myself out.”

“Fine,” Ryan said, marching out the door and slamming it behind him.

“Fine to you, too!” Heidi yelled, knowing his werewolf hearing would pick up her sarcastic echo.

She was still glaring when the door suddenly opened again. Her whole body relaxed when she saw it was Brandi. Her pack mate and friend came in and perched on the edge of her bed.

“Trouble with your Calder triplet of choice?” Brandi asked.

Heidi snorted. “I should have just picked stupid Junior, but no, I had to pick the needy, serious one.”

Brandi chuckled. “I passed Ryan as I came up the stairs. He looked upset.”

Heidi grabbed two handfuls of her hair and yanked as she growled loudly. Brandi’s laughter had her releasing her inner b***h who was still seething mad at him.

“I will not be pressured into becoming Ryan’s mate. I don’t even need Ariel’s directive against it anymore. He’s made me so mad now that all I want to do is stay the Hello Pete away from him.”

“Hello Pete?” Brandi repeated, laughing at the phrase. “Is that how you swear?”

“Yes. I was raised in a conservative town,” Heidi explained.

“Me too,” Brandi said. “But it didn’t f*****g take in my case. The military wiped the rest away.”

Heidi snickered. “You think I’m a big wimp, don’t you?”

“No.” Brandi rose and walked close enough to put a hand on Heidi’s shoulder. “No, you’re definitely not a wimp. A wimp would never have run with us that day. A wimp would have turned herself in to the authorities by now. You are hell and far from being a wimp.”

“Yeah? So what am I then?” Heidi asked, her confidence frayed. “I wish someone would tell me, because I sure as the sun shines don’t know.”

“You’re going to be whatever the hell you choose to be, which is what I always see in my visions of your future. And speaking of visions… that’s why I’m here this morning. Can you call Eva and come out with me instead? I need to check on something I saw last night.”

Heidi’s anger disappeared as fast as it had built within her. She’d always seen her ability to set anger aside as a gift, but it had sometimes made her an emotional doormat. There had to be something in-between the two extremes. There just had to be.

She nodded and grabbed a jacket from the closet. Eva would have to understand because the needs of her primary pack came first.

“What did you see in your vision?”

She watched Brandi run a hand through her now shoulder length hair that she had to cut every five days. It was a big change from the short, choppy bob Brandi had worn when they met. For reasons none of them could explain, their nanos chose certain aspects of their personal appearance to tweak. Brandi’s nanos evidently liked her with long hair. Gareth did too, but then wasn’t that true of all males?

“I don’t know if what I had was a vision or just a very strange dream. I couldn’t tell this time. But if I don’t go see the place I saw in my head, the wondering over it will drive me crazy.”

Heidi nodded to show her acceptance. “Okay. Let’s go. I’ll call Eva on the way. Is Ariel going with us?”

“Of course. She’s downstairs waiting now.”

The helicopter blades still whirled quietly overhead as Katarina Volkov ducked and ran under them. She did not turn to look at the dead pilot she’d left on the ground, nor did she lift her middle finger to salute the blasted flying machine. She wanted to do both, but did neither because there was no time to vent her frustration in the usual ways.

She’d killed the pilot to escape. What was done—was done. Now all she could do was run before the pilot’s boss came back.

The silver collar her captor had put on her was still doing its job very well. Although it had kept her from shifting to a wolf, it had not drained her determination to flee when she saw the chance. Her handsome abductor would not be happy to return and find his expensive pilot dead. The one he called boss on the phone would not be happy either.

Of course, if she ended up dying in her escape, she would be the least happy of all… which she was smart enough to know could still happen. The collar burned her neck so badly it felt like she was choking. Perhaps it was all in her mind. She was still woozy from the drugs they’d used on her when they’d stolen her from her modest professorial home at Moscow State University.

If she could have shifted to a wolf, it would have improved her weakened condition, but wishing for the impossible would not help her survive. It was up to her human form and that was always a bit of a challenge in dire circumstances.

Curse her luck with men. Her handsome abductor possessed hair of midnight black and eyes like green jewels. Waking to see him standing over her had seemed a fantasy come true until she noticed his eyes held absolutely no delight. He gave her some water and eventually some food. Then he drugged her again, jabbing the syringe into her arm with no remorse at all.

He’d even refused to give her his name and brusquely told her she didn’t need to know.

Her inner wolf had worked hard to push away the drugs from her organs because she woke up to find the plane resting on the ground. She listened to her captor tell the pilot how he had to go into Anchorage. The idea of escape seemed destined once she knew where she was. The pilot’s attempt to accost her had provided the last motivation her wolf side had needed to find the energy to strike.

Alaska was not her motherland, but it was close in many ways. She decided if she didn’t die, she would run. She would run across Alaska until she found the pack that the visionary, Nicolai Vashchenko, had joined during her grandfather’s time. Before her father had banished her, the grandfather she’d liked had filled her head with tales about him, tales her mother had often punished her for repeating.

From Russia to Alaska, Nicolai had roamed across continents until he’d found a new pack—one that appreciated his gifts of prophesy and second sight. Once settled, he’d sent word back to one or two friends that he was doing fine. He did not care enough at that point to tell the family who’d shunned him. He also did not tell the woman who’d said she loved him, but had no faith in his calling.

Giving up on Nicolai, her grandmother had eventually taken another mate, Katarina’s own grandfather, which is why she now existed. Yet her grandmother had not given her grandfather a mating that was a whole love. It was Nicolai Vashchenko’s name on her grandmother’s lips when her final breath left her. Only after Katarina was fully grown did she realize her grandmother’s deathbed utterance had broken what was left of her grandfather’s heart.

Yet why had it surprised? Even as a child, Katarina had known her existence came from one heartache chasing after another. Her mother conceived her without a true mating and her biological father refused to admit she was his. In her pack, giving birth to a female Alpha was mostly seen as a curse on your family.

Perhaps it was true.

No one had stepped forward to claim her as mate or to help her defend her right to rule the pack. But everyone had supported her father in getting rid of her.

Her father hated her. She knew for truth because he’d said so often and with great passion.

She’d seen surprise—and what she wished was pride—in her father’s eyes only once. His sons by a female not her mother were not borne Alphas, but both had attempted to be one to please the unhappy male who sired them all. She’d emerged the victor from their public attack only to be immediately sent away in shame.

Shunned, Katarina had gone to nearby Moscow and resigned herself to live among humans until her destiny changed. She had lacked Nicolai’s courage to venture so far from what she’d known all her life… and she secretly hoped to be missed and asked to return. Years passed though—over fifty years—with no changes. She’d heard nothing from her pack in all that time, other than a brief message telling her that her biological mother had died. She’d grieved alone and then she’d gone on.

Until the day a handsome wolf had taken her from her home.

Katarina slowed her jog as her vision blurred. Her throat tightened painfully, obstructing her breathing more than ever. Her wolf urged her on, saying help was close, but how would her wolf know such a thing? Her monthly shifts had never been enough to appease the restless animal inside her. Unhappiness had eventually turned inward to become unpleasant traits like irritation and impatience with everyone. She fought a daily battle to push away the despair of being alone.

Humbled by the true possibility of death, she found herself praying Nicolai’s Alaskan pack might find and help her, but life had taught her prayers often went unanswered. After years of no werewolf company but her own, she’d come to her own conclusions about the hierarchy of her species. Alphas got discouraged just like regular pack members. They were just hard-wired not to show it, which was the only reason her protesting feet still carried her forward. It was the one thing about herself she trusted implicitly.

A jolt of electricity shot through the collar and the blazing pain stole what was left of her bravery. The rising black behind her eyelids overshadowed her deep disappointment in herself for not succeeding in her escape. She thought wistfully of her grandfather’s home in Balashikha. She thought of Moscow, St. Petersburg, and all the places she’d miss in her motherland when she was no more.

No one was coming for her. No one cared. She’d lived alone. Now it seemed she would die that way as well.

On her knees, Katarina called once more to the spirit of her grandmother’s true love. She did so in English, which might have been the language of his new people. In either case, it was the only other one she half-way knew.

“Nicolai Vashchenko in the great ever after, I ask you to meet me on other side,” Katarina whispered.

Gritting her teeth, she screamed, but it only came out a croak. Her hands stung like fire as she made one last attempt to rip the silver collar off before she hit the ground.