The lost bond

1. All the Feelings of the world

Helena

“Just ten more minutes,” I couldn’t contain my silly smile as my anxious eyes moved between my wristwatch and Vince’s beautiful grey eyes. My smile only grew wider as memories flashed in my mind. The moment I first saw his eyes played in my mind. I was eight years old, playing in my cousin’s house when the son of the Vampire Duke came and joined the hide-and-seek game. We ended up finding each other and never wanting to go apart. We became inseparable.

Vince brushed a light-blonde lock of my hair behind my ear and looked intently at me, his eyes that were once filled with fun and jokes were now shining with love and lvst. But there was so much more that I could always find in his eyes: tenderness and sweetness. Looking at the way he looked at me, made me feel loved and accepted.

Our fingers were intertwined as we sat in front of each other in my bed. Shaking my head and smiling, I glared at the tacky decoration around us from the corner of my eyes. The room was filled by candlelights and petals of jasmine, my favorite flower.

Everything was perfect and ready. In ten minutes, Vince would be eighteen years old and he would be able to feel our bond and finally confirm what we have known for our entire lives: we were soulmates and belong together.

Vince squeezed my hands and closing the distance between us, he caressed his lips against mine, “Maybe we don’t have to wait these minutes. So, when the clock marks midnight we will already be one, I will already be into your body and soul.”

“You were the one who said we should wait until we know for sure about our bond before making love,” I tilted my head in confusion.

Well, I was never a patient person. If it were for me, I would have sealed the deal with my Vince months ago. There was no doubt in my mind about him, about us.

Vince brushed his nose on my cheek, his hands roamed from my waist to my hips in a delicious rhythm. In two weeks, I would be eighteen as well and I would also be able to feel the bond. We could mark each other and unite our souls within our love.

I know that it’s almost unpalatable sweet, but I didn’t care. I wanted this so much, I wanted Vince since I could remember. He was my best friend and my love.

“I can’t wait a minute more, Lena. Not when you look so good in this tiny silk sleeping gown,” he murmured in my ear, capturing my earlobe between his teeth softly and making me bounce up the bed.

A nervous giggle crossed my lips. Damn, I didn’t want to wait, we had waited for so long, and the last thing I wanted was to waste another second without being with him. I wanted to start being happy and letting go of all the pain now.

Yes, pain. Lots of it. Being the daughter of a Hybrid Princess and the Elf King was not only about pink tutu, luxury and tiaras —not that I cared much about this part. Since I was born, I have had these extensive empathic powers that I couldn’t ever control. They are a curse, an eternal headache, but I know that our bond and our love could fill all the empty spaces in my soul and illuminate me with so much love that I would forget my pain. All my headaches and nightmares would mingle, becoming small, insignificant, in comparison to the powerful healing magic of the mate bond.

A smile crossed my lips as I kissed him back, my arms around his neck. Our love would save me.

My gaze roamed to my watch once again, “Only two minutes, Vince,” I giggled.

“It’s only the time to peel your clothes off, Baby. In two minutes, forever starts,” he whispered, lowering the stripes of my sleeping gown and caressing his lips on my shoulders. His kisses sent a sweet shiver down my spine and I felt the proverbial butterflies everywhere, breaking their cocoon and dancing around my stomach until they reached the apex between my legs. I was all hot and bothered.

When his kisses reached the swell of my breast, the alarm sounded, it was midnight. Lifting his head, Vince looked at my silver-blue eyes and took my hand in his, placing my fingers against his slowly, ritualistic.

His eyes were lost in mine, but instead of recognition, they vibrated with confusion. He looked between my face and the watch before exhaling deeply.

“I can’t feel anything. Lena, you… you are not my mate,” he murmured, his eyes cast down. I could feel his confusion deep in my bones, making all the certainties in my soul crumble slowly like a sand castle blown away by a nasty wind.

My breathing grew rapidly, and I looked at both sides in a frantic rhythm. My heartbeat uneven and my hands trembling as I felt every dream fade away, fall down into a bottomless pit of desperation, “No! No! This must be wrong!”

“It’s already three minutes past midnight,” he murmured, his face contorted with sadness and frustration. That was what someone normal should feel in such a situation, but I wasn’t ever normal, especially not about feelings, because as a side effect of my cursed powers, it felt like I carried in me all the feelings of the world.

My tears were always a torrent, and my rage, a volcano erupting, while my sadness was a cold storm in Hell. Nothing could contain my fall.

“Maybe we should wait a few more minutes, a day or two… I know that we are mates, Vince. I can feel it in my heart and I-I love you…” I mumbled, my head started to throb with raging pain pulsing through my veins. My powers expanded faster than ever; clenching my eyes firmly, I breathed deeply, trying to get a hold of them. I pictured the physical barrier in my mind, just like my dad taught me when we meditated together.

“It doesn’t work like that, Lena. I also really wanted that. I have been in love with you since I was eight and I really hoped to be yours and to have you… but the Goddess seems to have other plans.”

It couldn’t be! The pain in my head radiated down my spine and I suffocated within my own tears. Vince took my hand in his, but it didn’t help to stop my violent shaking. I was losing it.

“The Goddess is wrong! I know I am your mate… I always knew it.” I murmured in between sobs.

“Lena, it’s good that we never had s.ex and made our friendship even more complicated. It hurts me as well, but we were wrong.” He squeezed my hand in reassurance. His cool skin against my burning one didn’t bring any relief. Things were escalating fast, and by things I meant my damn powers. They were possessing me and knocking the air out of my lungs, breaking the imaginary barrier I created and invading, flooding everything.

No! No! Voices screamed into my head. I was pretty much an outlet for the voices, thoughts not only of the whole neighborhood, but probably everyone around the whole realm, there were thousands of them. Tears slid down my cheeks and my vision was blurred by black dots. Everything hurt so much, my head and my heart. It felt like my mind would explode, and I remained on an ellipse, a radio receptor, catching more and more thoughts. I couldn’t hear myself. I couldn’t feel myself.

A piercing high-pitched scream parted my panting lips. Maybe if I screamed, the yelling in my mind would stop. It had to stop.

Vincent had to be my mate, “Goddess, please, I beg of you….” I whispered these words under my breath.

“Why are you screaming, Lena? Stop! Stop it! Are you insane? Are you out of your mind?” he asked, his grey eyes wide open and empty of tenderness. The way he looked at me had already changed, in a matter of minutes, and it was enough to send a thunder of pain straight to my heart.

Vince’s eyes narrowed at me. Although I couldn’t blame him for his confusion, his words and his gaze were piercing and cold like a dagger made of ice, making my body feel as cold as his vampire skin. He didn’t know much about my powers, only that I had psychic powers and suffered from the worst migraines ever quite often.

“Maybe it’s better that she isn’t my mate. Who reacts like this? She’s totally insane!” I caught one of his thoughts, which I normally couldn’t do.

Most of the time, I couldn’t differentiate voices or thoughts, it’s all a huge chaos in my mind. An embroidered net of emotions, thoughts and voices. So much noise. I had never experienced any peace. But now, everything is worse. Everything screams, making me want to crawl out of my skin, just blackout for it to be over. But it won’t ever be over, not even in my dreams I had peace. I am some kind of dream filter gone wrong. Every night I catch other people’s dreams in mine, hundreds of them simultaneously. I can’t even understand or discern anything, just that it’s all a huge nightmare.

“I will call your mum and your siblings.” He stood up and headed to the door, without even sparing a look at me. Leaving the door open, he ran out of the room as if it were on fire.

Crawling my way to the door, I heard their voices and my heart stopped.

“You! You are my mate!” Vince sounded shocked. Wait, who was he talking to?

“Nope. I already have three mates and I am not opening a vacancy for a fourth one, Vince,” I heard my mum’s voice. A breath of relief left my lungs; of course, mum wasn’t his mate. Silence surrounded me before a new surge of screams left my lips. I couldn’t control it, I couldn’t do anything. I was possessed by pain.

“Queen Livia, I…” he replied to my mum. I didn’t manage to move any further, my body felt light as my head seemed to weigh tons. So, I only listened to them from a cold spot on the floor.

“Mamma, I want to sleep.” I heard my little sister, Auri, whimpering. She must be in my mum’s arms. My hands covered my face, my screams surely woke the whole house up and now they should all be worried sick.

“Well, three is more than enough and no offence, you are a wee baby and I like much older men, eight-packs required too. Don’t say that loud either; if my men hear you, you will end up burned by hellfire, served on a stick with an apple in your mouth and whipped cream on top. So, forget about that! I am not your mate. What about Lena?” Mum asked.

“Not you, Queen Livia. Auri, she is my mate.” As I heard these words, a piercing scream left my soul. It couldn’t be! The man I loved is the mate of my four-year-old sister! I was indeed cursed all the way.

“Holy Goddess of the Kindergarten! That’s insane. Zo, good that you are here. Take Auri, I will go to Lena. Vince, go home. Being the mate of my four-year-old is also enough to get her father to spell you and make you the first vampire-frog in existence —green and pale, it won’t be pretty,” Mum told my brother Zorion and Vince. The air left my lungs once again and I think I drifted off consciousness for a moment.

“Mum!” I heard a kid screaming in his nightmares, “yes, Karl!” his voice soon mixed up with the loud moans of a man. An animalistic howl broke through it, hisses from the other side of the town. “Don’t leave…” I heard a Fae cry, I could feel her heart breaking over mine.

Tears slid down my cheeks.The cacophony only made me more desperate for silence and solace. But the echo of someone's laugh vibrated higher as a drunk and desperate man let go of everything. Cries. Moans. Nightmares. Screams broke through to me. Noise on top of noise. Chaotic and loud. Forever and nonstop. Why can't they think less loudly? Their emotions are too loud... "Muuuum!!!" I screamed.

As I opened my tear-flooded eyes, I saw my mum and my older sister. Together they pulled me up and helped me to walk back to bed.

“The pain… it’s… it’s worse than ever!” I cried out, my eyes clenched shut. Mum’s fingers roamed down my arms in soothing circles, but it wasn’t enough. Nothing would ever be enough, my hope of a mate bond was broken along with my heart.

“Your ears are bleeding, Sweetie. Breath slowly, I will take your pain away,” Mum told me, as she hugged me tightly. We had a unique connection and by hugging me, my mum managed to take some of my pain for herself. Trying to push her away, I shook my head frantically. I didn’t want to cause her any pain, I’ve already done it so many times while growing up. It was my curse to bear, not hers.

“Argh,” mum let out a strangled whimper, and fell on my side, curling up in our shared pain. She bruised her lips on one neverending bite in a clear attempt to avoid showing me how bad it was. But I knew it very well; I brought my family so much pain and misery.

“The stars are high in the sky. The silent night falls, it’s time to close your eyes, let go of it all.” My bigger sister Lola took my hand in hers, and started humming a lullaby. It was one of the only things that could bring me a fraction of peace, her singing voice. It was the only thing I had left, now that the promise of love with Vince was forever lost.

Now, all I could do was try and protect my heart and distract myself not to be consumed by the pain. I felt all the feelings of the world, but this pain, it was all mine.