Bound To You

Its still very early, but Jess was already out of the house to buy breakfast. He cursed his own stupidity, for forgetting to buy last night after he got off from work. Sighing he let his eyes wondered. There are students around him, noisily fooling around, wearing unkempt school uniforms and not wearing their scarfs, even though it's already winter. Jess felt envious. He's turning twenty eight this coming Sunday. He was no longer young. And even with the thermal inner wear inside his suit and a thick cashmere jacket outside, he still felt cold and needed to wrap a scarf tightly around his neck as though he was about to hang himself.. With another sigh, he finished all his errands. Then afterwards he headed to Nielson's apartment to deliver his breakfast. Yet, the bastard wasn’t pleased. “I want the beef-flavoured one, this is chicken. How did you even get this wrong?” and even added, “Stand further away from me. The oily smell of meat on you stinks.” And its so funny that he still ate everything even though he is full of complaints about the food. “Where are the files I asked you to organize? Still not done?" Jess sighed again. “I’m finished with it. I already sent it through your email. You can check it out later. But I need to tell you the details so you're more familiar with it.." Jess is like a robot, explaining everything in autopilot. And before he knew it he's already lost in his thoughts. Thankfully he knows how to multi-task. Even though he's talking he can still think of something else. He cannot remember when everything change. He still remembered that when they're still in their 16's, Niel is very sweet with him. He was romantic, kind and caring. Even though he's hiding their relationship because of his homophobic parents, their relationship was strong. He never minded that, pathetically loving Nielson. Twelve years passed and everything is still the same. He's still Nielson's dirty secret. And he was so afraid that they wouldn’t be together if he complained so he endured it until now. Even when Nielson started dating women when his parents complained about his lack of relationship. He endured everything. Even smiling at the side when Nielson let him met his girlfriends. Silently crying when his out with them for family dinners, wishing that he is with him instead. And it seems, he won't be able to do it anymore. Looking at Nielson's back, Jess ponder and said timidly, “I have something to tell you… It’s my birthday this Sunday and I...” The atmosphere turned weird and without even turning back, Nielson purposely changed the topic, “I need to go. Anything else, tell me about it when I get back tonight.” It wasn’t like something one would say to a lover; it was more of something one would say to a subordinate. Jess didn’t answer, and Nielson didn’t even realized how he sounds like. He was saying a command anyway, not a request. Jess is very obedient, he would do whatever Nielson says. He never thought that he would regret it for a long long time. ***************** When Jess arrived at the company he is working, and saw the state of his table. He was stumped. Jess regretted taking a day off the day before. Looking at the mountain of work he had to complete he let out a long miserable sigh. He started working at this company after graduation and had been here for almost five years. He was intelligent and serious, yet willing to give in to others, well-organised and managed to be promoted within two to three years. The previous general manager admired Jess greatly but before he was promoted to the HQ, he asked for Jess to stay in the office. Everyone else was shocked. Was Jess going to become the branch office’s head? But without a warning Harold Davidson—the CEO’s youngest son, only twenty-two this year, a fresh university graduate came. Therefore, Jess had to accept the position to be Harold's right-hand man. He, however, wasn’t angry because he was long used to such things. Besides, it was his teacher who specifically asked him to stay and gave him the chance to be on good terms with the youngest son of the CEO. Sadly, Harold was ignorant and incompetent, not to mention always arriving late and leaving early, and sometimes just fooling around elsewhere instead of turning up at the company. With Harold calling the shots, the company’s atmosphere was no longer as before and while Jees did his best to keep things under control, he was hardly able to maintain the current condition. Jess is very devoted in guiding the CEO’s son but sadly, he was not appreciated. And Harold even have the audicity to say, “I have money even without working, so why do I have to work hard.” Jess was speechless. After asking around, he learned that Harold had been unruly since young despite his beautiful resume, seeing that Harold graduated from a renowned school and was more educated than him Jess thought that he was a prodigy, but clearly he's far from it. And with Harold as his boss, this past half year becomes so exhausting for Jess. And even now, Jess was only gone for a day and the company is already in this mess. He heard that young master Harold didn’t even bother to turn up yesterday. Checking through all the work from yesterday, Jess was lucky to spot a mistake made by a male university student who just entered the company, that almost caused a big problem, so he called the worker to his office and reprimanded him. With Jess feminine look, pale skin, upturned eyes, and a small build. He was aware that he didn't look intimidating but the guy was so afraid of him he was about to cry. But even with that state, Jess didn’t take pity on the worker. Because he knew people will only stop committing mistakes after being thoroughly reprimanded. In the afternoon, the workers were having their lunch while Jess continued working, planning to finish all the work on his hands before leaving. He had decided to resign and wanted to finish his work earlier so that the company wouldn’t be in too much mess after he left. His phone buzz. Someone sent him a message. Jess picked his phone up to see and a line of text surfaced in front of his eyes: That old sissy guy was making a mountain out of a molehill. So petty! He wouldn’t let go of such a small mistake just to show how superior he is. Jess only saw the message for a moment before it was deleted, as though nothing had happened. He felt kind of sad. Hah!! The nerve of them! Unfortunately though it's not the first time someone talked harshly behind his back. Its almost closing time when Harold finally entered the company’s doors and felt guilty for a bit when he saw Jess busy working. Jess used to call him to rush him to work whether or not he would work properly, just so he would obediently sit on the chair in the General Manager's office. He went to dance at a nightclub last night, got drunk, slept and only woke up in the afternoon, and remembered that Jess was coming to work today. He struggled, but at the end decided to turn up in the end. He believed he was giving Jess quite a lot of respect and was afraid Jess would pull an evil-stepmother-look and nag nonstop at him again to be proactive in his learning. His parents didn’t even care. Jess should just mind his own business. When Jess ended up not scolding him, Harold got worried. Why should he scold him? Jess thought and was disheartened, Harold might be calling him sissy behind his back too. It's just a waste of his time. All of his efforts until now, had always been futile. When Harold saw Jess deep in his work, he got carried away and sneakily moved his big pile of documents that only required to be looked through, stamped and signed onto Jess table. Jess looked at Harold coldly and the latter pressed the side of his forehead, acting sick. “I drank too much last night, my head still hurts. I’m working even though I’m feeling unwell today. Help me do half of it, just half, or else I’m afraid I can’t finish it…or maybe just a quarter?" Jess stated coldly, ” Do you think this is the wet market and you can bargain?” Harold was good at sweet-talking and was shameless enough for his own good. “After all, I’m useless so I need you to help me.” Jess felt extremely tired at that very moment. He's speechless. With more work added to his already mountainous paperwork, its already 12 midnight when he arrived at Nielson's house. Upon arrival, Nielson gave him a glare and coldly said. “Are you that busy? If you couldn’t be early, you should have told me earlier instead of making me wait for you.” “What’s with you these days? You’re out of it again?” “Hey, I’m talking here, are you even listening to me?” "Jess!” Jess once asked Nielson why he didn’t buy takeaways if he was too lazy to cook and why he didn’t just hire a helper if he didn’t want to do the housework. Nielson just shrugged his shoulder and said, “Takeaways don’t taste as good as your food, I got sick of them. Helpers aren’t reliable, I can’t find any good ones and they are not as good as you too. Jess you’re the best to me.” As though Jess was absolutely necessary in Nielson's life. Jess didn’t eat dinner before rushing to his boyfriend's house. He's already very tired and hungry, yet he still had to be scolded. Looking at Nielson's annoying face, while he insult him and then recalling the upsetting events he had experienced at the company today, he suddenly laughed. The sound was far from being joyous. It sounded broken. He finally realised, he's really pathetic. How hilarious! Nelson frowned. “What are you laughing at?” ‌Jess answered in a mocking tone, “I’m laughing at myself for finally waking up.” Nielson started panicking. “What are you talking about Jess?” Jess was too tired that he didn’t even want to speak with Nielson anymore, so he turned and leave. Nielson pulled him back. “Explain what you mean! You’re already old, stop throwing a tantrum like a kid!” Jess pulled back his arm and glared at him coldly. “I mean, please find yourself another boyfriend, gosh, that's stupid of me.... You didn't even treat me as a lover..." Jess nose becomes stuffy, and his chest becomes tight. It's hard to breathe. "From now on, I’m going to live my own life, so stop bothering me.” Jess walked out the apartment. And when he is halfway from the parking lot he turned back, only to see darkness. There was no one there. He laughed at himself for being weak enough to give Nielson another chance after saying those words. He simply didn’t cherish him. And Jess doubted if Nielson even love him in the first place. With a mocking laugh to himself, he approached his car and get in. He was driving home, but his mind was elsewhere. Sighing and feeling unwell, he stopped at the side of the road, lean against the steering wheel and took out a thin piece of paper from his pocket. It's the diagnosis results he got from the hospital yesterday. He wanted to show it to Nielson but he couldn’t find the time. And after their argument today, he wouldn't need to. The doctor told him he had contracted a terminal illness and could only live for another half a year. If he focused on treating the illness and was lucky, he could probably attempt to live for another one and a half year. Jess clenched tightly onto that death-sentencing paper, nails tearing through it and pressing into his palm, causing him to laugh in pain. Even if he died, nothing will change. There is more than a million ordinary citizens like him in this world; his death won't affect anyone. And before, he really wanted to tell Nielson the truth, but he probably didn’t even have any idea that he was sick, that he went to the hospital to be checked. He couldn't remember how many times he tried to tell Nielson, but the man wouldn’t even pay him any attention. He wanted to finish settling the work at his company before resigning, but his subordinates were talking trashed about him behind his back and his boss was taking the chance to slack. Was he really needed? As for his parents, its been a long since he came out with his sexuality, he was disowned, and it was already five years since he went home. How laughable. He thought too highly of himself. But the truth is, no one would care whether he was alive or dead. He lived his twenty-eight years like a total i***t. It was only now, when he was about to die, that he was thinking to live for himself.... When it's already too late...