Between Needs & Desires

Feel for the unthought-of want

I got married to Elvis when I was 25 he was a billionaire, that by all accounts wasn't bad,we had a posh life from the beginning, honeymoon at miami, settled in California pice road 7th block, yes you can say its the posh area. Here every building was either 3 or 4 stories. I dont have much of a social life, though i am meant to have one. As u can see its pretty boring around here, and the best boring part is yet to come, that's how I got married, my dad was a business man and... they had a collaboration with Elvis's grandparents that made them very good family friends. But how did we get married is the most logical part,Elvis was never interested in anything but work he was basically a workoholic. 

He never had any interest in girls or anything of that sort, but i have got to say his body was just worth drooling cant deny that, he was a typical smart business man expect for the part where his romance level was 0%, his adult life, teen life just went by learning how to Handel the family business and how do I know that, well.....6 years was quiet enough to know about him. 

And as for me about how i landed up with him was bizarre there was no force from parents nothing that typical but just to establish the sign of strong relationship between the two families. So neither of us gave a damn about it unless we got the posh life we had. He didn't necessarily do anything wrong, he just didn't do anything at all. Now, I am not a "typical woman". I love myself. Sure, there are things I want to improve, but I don't have a problem with my age, or intelligence, status or my body figure, or my personality- those things that seem to stereotypically plague women just don't bother me for what so ever reason. I have a career too that was one thing decided that i could do after marriage where I make more than enough money on my own to live comfortably. 

I know how to cook or make hot water bath and anything else that needs to be done. I didn't really require 50 servants around me, two for all my jobs. In addition to this, I say what I mean, and expect others to do the same, none of this passive-aggressive nonsense. But I'm stubborn as a mule, and marriages are supposed to last, so even though I was the primary breadwinner, and managed my felt like one sided marriage i was proud of myself. There was no one left to blame for the marriage either, both our parents had left us after 3-4 years of our marriage. But they knew that we didn't work out because there was no chemistry between us at all and neither did any of us try working it out. So i always wondered how it would actually felt like to be a wife, and not just a girlfriend-that I had already been not that good of an experience though.

The best question that arises here is that if we had kids or not because it’s been 6 years and there is no way we didn't have 1 or 2. Well, ironically we did have a child I can't exactly say we though, no it’s not like I hooked up with another person like an affair in the marriage, it’s not that, that's too cliché to actually happen in real life. Elvis had this case where his sperm count was very low , he was infertile, and could not fertilize me, but I don’t know how much of this is true because we didn't find it out, it was the other way round. Before we got married we checked ourselves out for HIV, infertility or any other sexually transmitted diseases. That's when we got to know. But yes we do have a kid, when I was so done with getting bored and feeling out of love and life I consulted a doctor. She told about how this knew thing has come called reproductive assisted reproductive technologies I guess that is what it is, but it was not famous or something or even Much in use, at first I thought it was because it never worked out, and off course if a women finds out she can't give birth, her one of the main dream gets shattered. But later the doctor made me understand that people didn’t opt for it and choose adopting because these were very expensive ways of bringing a life into the world.

That's when I got a plus point because money didn't matter, one of the perks of being a billionaire. I took artificial insemination...I know I know even I dint get it this first time...but think about it, break the words it’s not rocket science. It was a small procedure that I had to go to I won't disagree that I wasn't scared ...It was too much. But I had two servants and a nanny already prepared. They would take the semen from a healthy donor and put it inside my uterus.....that was yah what the doctor told me, but it worked and I got pregnant within 4 Weeks. 

Those four weeks were bad because I was always thinking about how I felt too self conscious and I also imagined some tingly feeling in my tummy.... no it doesn't happen like I

Told you, it was my extreme imagination. But the worst part was yet to come, when I got pregnant I was head over heels, I knew I would give him or her all that I have got. Elvis was neutral to it “I am happy that you are happy" that's what he said no hugs no kiss. I sometimes wonder if he even meant it or he just said it for the sake of it. After that the nine months didn’t just go by I had serious mood fluctuations and mood swings. Vomiting, cramps and the list runs on. 

When Elvis got to know about my condition through my personal nurse he appointed a highly qualified doctor to take up my personal care that was sweet but i really did Wanna see him that time. My millanium baby girl was , she looked so cute, she was born healthy with black eyes and Brown hair. I was so happy that it took me about months to recover but the feeling was motherly. Arissa that's her name .. ! We knew she wasn't getting what she deserved from a father, once she started going for kinder garden school she started questioning, I couldn't talk about it to her more so I decided upon asking Elvis about it...

"I think you should talk to Arissa sometime" i said refilling the kettle. 

I couldn't get enough sleep just thinking about it and so I was desperate for some coffee."I do,...don't I!"

He said not moving his eyes away from the news paper. "'Its not enough " I said.... "What is that your cribbing about, tell out already what does she want,.... their is a whole store for her toys and books ..does she want something else I will get it.!" That's it " I am cribbing about this...ah Do u think? Okay so.. you want to tell it out already so here it goes.. you and I have a daughter of 2 years old now and she doesn't even know you well don't you ever feel any reponsibilities over her.

I ain't here to bring up my kid all on my own, parental need is the requirement you see. Now do you want me to hire a dad too to give her what you are not giving her, I won't let you do what you did to me to her. " I said . 

Also, I wasn't done yet " if you think money can just buy everything then I guess you need to buy yourself some time here because that's what you need more, I said”. With almost tears in my eyes. This wasn’t just about giving Arissa time anymore it had become about us. 

No I do not have any feeling of connection towards her. It doesn't feel like she is a part of me, he said. I knew some or the other day he will say something like that, but I didn't expect him to say it out so bluntly, the least he could do was reframe his words and say it.   

"Mommy can I sleep with u " Arissa asked. She looked so scared and pale ,my hearts went out to her. "Yes u can. What's wrong you don't like your room or is it the bed or do you want me to change the wall print we could make it micky mouse or war ever u like " ....."nooo" he said dragging it. "Okay, then what is it" I asked . "I am very scared to sleep alone".

Aww, there is nothing to be scared about honey. You know when I was small I had a small

window in my room when night came by...I always saw some shadows and heard noise like someone was scratching on my window" " I used to get so scared I would pull up the blanket, cover myself up fully,and close my ears till I feel asleep, as I grew up I came to know that those were some tress beaches and when ever the wind blew the branches would moves and the noises would come and later it was all fine." I Saud smiling, I could feel that she was feeling alot better. Furthermore, Now lets get going to our room okay, She nodded."don't frgt to take your mister teddy bear ". 

"Where is Dada " she asked as she got down her bed. " He is dealing with some monsters so my baby can sleep in peace " I said though smiling but with her heavy heart. I still wasn't over about what Elvis had said.

The next morning it was a very bussy day and I had to get to the office in time...., I just wish I

could say that. Because all the chores are done always even to the extent where they put out my choice of outfit for the day too. It doesn't matter if I am late or on time because being the CEO of the company I decide the timing anyway. And Arissa has a nanny to take good care of her so I just play the part where I kiss her a goodbye for her day at school. Today was a recruitment day in the office, where our juniors got new position, precious ones. 

Though the procedure of getting selected is not partial after, the commoners began their protest against the board to make it impartial, the board's decided to take the ace level exams to get in.I think that's more difficult but after they have past that boulder we take an interview and then they all get selected. The position they get differs upon their speaking

skill.....convincing skills I must say.   

In addition to this, ya just send me the candidates one at a time and please get me two latte shots in my cabin. " I told my assistant Mia. I never wanted to interfere my career with my personal life niether did i even did that. I just wanted to go through all the portfolios, once before the candidates arrived. Generally every year equal amount of women and men apply and most of them are mid-aged. This time we had some younger recruits, their were about two or three, most of the times these youngers don't apply for this position because we give preference to people with experience. By younger I don't mean I am old or something ,so don't run your thoughts too much okay .....here goes the first one. 

I rang the bell and entered the first candidate,awell dressedwomen entered ..I like it. It went on and I had finished about 6 of them when my stomach quivered during the interview with the 6th one so i decided to get a small sandwich brake.After the break I had to deal with the last three candidates and then I was done for the day. When the last candidate came by .....wait he didn't come itself that's what happened I mean he had the audacity of doing that even after he knew he had like just 30% of getting in because from what this Isaac Coreeltan portfolio said he had zero experience ....Coreeltan I have heard that somewhere thoug. I have always abided by the rules so I had to take his interview when ever he decided to make his gracious presence.

After an hour or so. "Good afternoon Ma'am, I am Isaac Coreeltan!, may I come in?" I looked at the top from my desk and saw a man walk peeping into my office ...he was the last one "yah welcome come in please.!" Furthermore I said sacarstically. But I don't think he got that much of it. He was a built man not that young either,when compared to his portfolio picture. "Take a seat!

Sorry I got a bit late " he said smiling. In addition to this, well, Isaac you are late but as per the protocols i had to do the interview." I said as a matter of fact. "Yes I am aware of it " he said confidently... okay not bad. First he walks in late and then gives me the attitude. He has pretty eyes though. I have seen him somewhere; I have a gut feeling that i have but where...!?

He was with a girl..,his sister...She..." Shasa Coreeltan the brand amassdor of Atlanta's hikes." I said out loud I didn't mean to but I was so happy with my recalling power that I dint keep in mind who was sitting in front of me. "Ahh yah she is my sister" he said cooly.  

Your sister Han, when u have a family business of your own why would you want to take a job under some other company "He smiled. 

Furthermore, He just did that "I know but that doesn't mean I wont given it my best here and besides i think I can start off with the 5th level here. However,  I was so dumbstruck it left me speechless I mean all the other experienced people I gave in today get 3rd or 4th levels but he just wants to jump to the 5th one. "Whats makes you think we will

give you that position.?" "Try me"

I reached home by 7pm,I would have made it sooner if Isaac hadn't come that late but I think the time was worth it. We spoke alot about career than about his business. He was a very down to earth man, keeping in mind all the things his family owned but that's whats different about him,he wanted to make a identity for himself, not just take up the family buisness. "Hloo,Momma" . 

In addition to this, My honey coomb, how was your day today did you have fun at school?" I said hugging my lovely daughter . "Yesh i did" said Arissa looking up. "Did nanny Dora give you, your supper?" I asked with concern." Yesh " "I want you to be in bed by 8 okay" i said to which she nodded. I kept thinking about Issace that whole night his confidence level his way of talking and showing respect it was really nice. The next few week days were filled with suprises and good times.. Isaac was right he was capable of a 5th level job he had a very updated skills I could say. We would spend some good quality time together sometimes in work and then other times in the name of work. 

But I knew this much for sure that he did too enjoy our time together.It was all fine till he asked me out the other day I first thought it was just for coffee but there was more to it. I abruptly put him off that day and avoided him for the next couple of days. I didn't know what to Do, to the world Elvis and me had a perfect life but, we knew we didn't and Isaac had no idea about that .But mostly Isaac is much more younger to me, I don't wanna spoil his perfect life to be, as much as I had started to love him. I also did want him to have a normal life ,not include him in the dramatically boring life that I had.It was a weekend as we were all in the living room for once Elvis was at home which was a nice feeling for Arissa. I wanted them to spend more time together so I gave them their space. But later I found out that Elvis was on his phone mostly and ignored her.

 While the nanny spent the whole time trying to keep her away from upsetting him by going towards him and asking him to play because he was doing some paper work and bussy in the laptop i suppose that pissed me off more than anything else.I have raised Arissa mostly on my own Elvis didn't have time for her and i had noticed that she called for her nanny more than for her father, I felt like i spent 9 years in that worthless expensive marriage. At the end of the day, my husband felt like I didn't need him in any way, because I am very capable.But he was wrong, Even someone who would be bathing with money always needed support. I couldn't manage EVERYTHING on my own; and I still can't.I was still upset about the whole thing when I went to the office the next day. When Issac came around and noticed it, I just couldn't take it anymore I was broken and disturbed and couldn't do the cool play anymore. I told him everything about Elvis and me, he was not shocked much and later he told me that he knew something was up anyway.

With much support from Issac I had finally decided to ask Elvis to leave,he understood and took it well, something clicked between us, everything improved immediately. I could breathe again. I felt as if i was free of so much dead weight.

I was so, so happy to just not-have-him around. It was so much better ,and I felt like i was ok on my own. Sure, I crawled in to bed every night, feeling ready to collapse at the end of the day. But i was free. And I was happy. Elvis would send me money every week which I didn't need but the lively Manson did for its better care.Elvis got around Arissa well and also got her any toy she wanted though she was never deprived of anything expect for a father love. He is appreciative! He does not just satisfy my wishes but also my s****l desires. He actually says things like "wow, this dinner is amazing, thank you so much for cooking!" or "wow, you are really good at x, that is so cool!".

 Which always gives me a good feeling.

I felt like life gave me just what I needed and i loved him, he made me realize that it wasn't only Arissa that needed him I did too. It was wonerfull to know and accept that.He had no idea about how he was the guardian Angel to this family.

he craziest part to me was that he always wants me. He had the guts to be with a married women, he could do anything he wanted, the world is his oyster. Oh sure, he could have tumblr'd his way through a gazillion hot women his own age; that weren't long-distance, that didn't have kids,anyone would die for i

Tt because we all know his family background but no. Though i told him that i wasnt intrested into another marriage just anytime sooner.He picked me. Me, with my kid, and my stretch marks, and my sarcasm for days. Me, that is hard headed and opinionated, and can barely hold it together every day. I don't know what I did to get this guy,as a blessing but I'm sure as hell gonna do everything i can to make him as happy as he makes me every day. I didn't even know i needed him...