Chocolate Cosmos

"Please....p-please don't let go. I don't wanna die." "I won't let you go! Just stop moving or you'll slip away!" I grunted in pain. My shoulder was sore and my fingers were giving out on me. "Help! Somebody help!" I cried louder, but no one came. It was a fifty passenger cruise ship for God's sake, why can't anyone hear me! They were all busy with the party. The loud music, the dancing. Completely oblivious to us.   "Charis!" Nila cried out when her hand slipped an inch from mine. "Hold on! I won't let go I promise! I promise I won't let go!" I cried painfully. The panic eating at me. True I've always hated the girl's guts. True she's been giving me a hard time in every walking second. But she doesn't deserve to die. Not this young. "Nila, come on, try to lift your body up!" I yelled through the night. I could feel my tears pouring down mercilessly and even though I couldn't see her face properly, I was sure it was wet with her own downpour. "I'm trying, I'm trying but I can't!" She cried, stupidly withering her body and causing her arm to slip down more. We both yelled in unison. "Stop moving around!" I ordered in fright but she wouldn't stop. "Help me up! I don't wanna die, just help me up!" She wailed more. Her voice channeling her sheer terror. I could already feel her hand turning ice cold from fear. Mine were iced as well. I tried pulling her up. I tried mustering every strength and every bit of power I had in me to lift her up. I cried for anyone to hear us and come help. I prayed to God, I did everything. And suddenly it all ended. Too fast for my comprehension. Too horrifying for my mind to accept and the feeling of Nila's wrist in my hand was replaced by nothingness. They were frozen in their same holding position, my muscles unable to move. My eyes never left hers as she fell down, screaming all the way till her body splashed into the cold ocean. The sound of her colliding with the water surface snapped me out of my shock. "Nila! Nila!" I wiped the stray tear that ran down my cheek as I woke back up to present time. "I- I'm sorry doc. I just-" "It's okay Charis. Take your time." Doctor Selene spoke softly. She understood how hard it was for me to remember that night. How painful it was to talk about it. Especially what happened after. My publishers thought it would help talking to someone. Getting treatment. And to also help with earning some public sympathy. It has already been a year now but Nila's face never left my mind. Her wide, terrified eyes, begging me to do something as she fell into the water. Her pale face and her tears. I could still see them all so vividly. "Tell me Charis." Doctor Selene started with a deep breath, a sign that she was changing the subject. "How are your nightmares?" "Better." I lied. "The medication helped I guess." I never took those medications. I didn't want to forget. I should've held on tighter. I should've done something, and I was afraid if I forgot then I'd just burn in hell. A part of me screamed that it wasy fault. That I was the one who left her hand.  "That's good, good. Did you consider going back to writing again?" "What's the point? It's not like anyone would even consider reading my book. They hate me now remember." I deadpanned.  Doctor Selene sighed. "Do you still have suicidal thoughts Charis?" Her voice was barely a whisper, she was trying to be careful so as not to trigger me.  Always.  "No." I figured that I was becoming very good at lying. My eyes focused on the red swirls that framed the carpet beneath my feet. "I- I'm a little tired doc. Can we do this some other time? I'm sorry." I got up to my feet, avoiding any eye contact with Doctor Selene. I knew she'd see right through my face.  "Okay Charis. We'll take this very slowly, no pressure. And you have my number, call me when you need anything." I smiled at her kind words, but I knew better than to believe that she said that because she cared. It was only her job. I left her office with a long sigh. I fixed my cross bag on my shoulder and walked out to the street. The streets that were once my kingdom. I used to walk down them proudly, getting amazed looks from everyone around me. People running up to me for a picture or a small signature. The same people who are now spitting on my photo, destroying my books and despising my very existence. "You killed her!" "You've always hated her! How could you kill her so coldly?" "Murderer!" My stomach twisted and I felt nauseated. I made sure my long hair fell down my face, covering it from the people more, while my black cap and hoodie covered the rest. I couldn't risk showing my face to anyone, they'd hurt me. They did before. Egging my house, throwing rotten food, empty cans. The even tried crashing my car on the street. Several even tried getting into my house at night. I took a deep breath, relieved that it all calmed down slightly now. There were no more serious attempts to take my life or hurt me one way or another.  "You should've stuck to writing dear Mrs. Charis. Why did you have to resort to murder?"  I shivered in terror as the girl spoke with malice. She dropped down to my level as I was forced to my knees, my hands tied behind my back. Two other girls stood on either side of me, man in between them and another behind the girl in front of me.  "You just gave us a reason to judge you how we want." Her lips curled and it sent chills down my spine as she ran the cold blade against my cheek.  "And who do you think you are to judge me?" I spit out with surprising courage that I didn't even have.  But it was short lived as her hand slipped my cheek harshly before holding my neck in her grasp.  "You don't get to talk bitch." She brought the blade back to my face, applying pressure. "You-"  "Hey! What are you doing over there!" Someone called from a far. They were two policemen running towards us causing the group to flick their tongues in distaste and run away.  My body shivered and I fell into a fit of painful wails.  Nila Rossly. My life's curse. She was a pain when she was alive, and giving me even more trouble when she's dead. "Taxi!" I hailed a cab, asking the driver to take me to my home's address, all the while making sure I didn't show my face to him. "Aaaaahhh!"  Nila's scream echoed through my brain painfuly. I closed my eyes tight as I tried to shake the scream away. My ears burned.  "You okay ma'am?" My head snapped up at the driver's voice, all the while still maintaining a hidden face.  "Yes." My voice was raspy. I could feel my chest tightening and my breathing constricted.  Thankfully, he didn't direct any dialogue to me again until we've reached my house. I paid him hurriedly, not bothering to take back the change and ran out the suffocating car.  Air left my mouth in pants as I hid in the confines of my house. It was a villa bought by my hard earned money. A place that was once filled with high end cocktail parties, weekend brunches, people coming and going. I looked around me at the place that used to buzz with life now as silent as a graveyard. A place people saying that i don't deserve it now. I sighed, my knees buckling underneath me.  I don't wanna do this. I don't think I can.  My tear glands were already fully used up. Even the thought of suicide didn't scare or sadden me. I felt at peace with it. I felt empty.  Nila Rossly.  I knew she'd be the end of me one day. She fought with me on everything. Competed to no end and was always hell bound on destroying me somehow. Yet she never succeeded. that is until she died. I vowed to never go on a cruise ever again. Despite hating the memory that they brought, a big part of me was afraid. Frightened even. Doctor Selene said that it was post traumatic distress syndrome and I guess she was right.  It was all too much. Nila slipping from my hand. The voice note someone secretly recorded of me saying how much I wanted to kill her. And finally the video that shot her death. Her slipping from my hand. all evidence used against me as the cause of Nila's death. the murderer. The sound wasn't clear in the video and all that could be seen was us holding hands and a couple of seconds later, a splash is heard.  Crazy how the longest time of my life was nothing but mere seconds. How it all ended just like that. And I suddenly became the nation's most hated woman. I was worse than child traffickers, abusers, serial killers and terrorists. I was the nation's number one enemy.  I sighed painfully, burying my face in my hands and after a few moments, with a determined mindset and coming to terms with reality, I got up. If I was going I wanted to at least look good doing it. My dead face and my pale body will be all over the news so I wanted to be remembered as the heart throb author they once knew.   °°°°°°°°°°°