Racing Hearts

Chapter Three- Wicked Lips

“Hey Char, do you mind meeting me in our spot? I just want to run to the bathroom real quick before it starts.” Jeff asked his date as she nodded, gave a kind wave to Kayla, before leaving the scene so the two exes were allowed to talk; completely unaware of the situation as a whole as she pranced like a supermodel through the crowd as all eyes were on her; both male and female. 

“Six months?” Kayla began. 

“You knew things were f****d up with us for a while…”

“So that makes it okay to find someone else?! Believe me...I don’t want to fix whatever broke between us...but I do deserve at least an answer to know why.” Jeff paused for a moment before kicking the dirt beneath his feet as he struggled to formulate anything within his mind that wouldn’t make him come off as either a coward or a d**k. Either way, he remained silent as to not appear as one of the aforementioned traits. “You have no problem telling me how I shouldn’t wear white because it points out my flaws, that I should only ever wear my hair down because it hides my ‘manly’ shoulders...and that I am a borderline agoraphobic which frustrates you-but you won’t tell me what I did to make you cheat on me?!”

“That! You constantly b***h at me over everything.”

“Everything? The fact that I want a boyfriend that won’t screw some other girl is ‘bitching’ at you? The fact that I want you to strive for more than spending your days with your ass planted on the center of a couch instead of getting a job and helping?!”

“What do you want me to do? You painted me into a corner, Kay!”

“How is that exactly? Considering I am not clingy or possessive or-”

“You’re damaged!” He finally spoke the words aloud that managed to stun her into silence. Of course, she had known these words to be true as she only had a single friend and a now philandering ex-boyfriend to show for her attempts at how ‘out there’ she put herself, with her past having been a foundation as to why. But she believed even in their most angry moments that he would never speak this truth aloud; as it was one she wasn’t quite prepared to face; let alone before a crowd of thousands of people who no longer seemed interested in the race and instead in this lover’s quarrel. “You’re the kind of damage that comes after a tornado-you saw it coming, you took shelter, and still your s**t got messed up...I see that in your eyes every time you wake up...anytime you sleep...you scream in your sleep about it...and you refuse to get help!”

“Why would I want help from a stranger when the people who are supposed to love me treat me like this?! I demolished my walls for you...and all you ever did was make me wonder why I didn’t keep them up! I have spent so much of my life trying to appear ‘together’...”

“Yeah? And where has that gotten you?” Her eyes fell to the floor for a moment as she allowed a set of tears to fall to her feet before she rose back up to eye him. “You need help, Kay...Serious, professional-medicinal help...but I can’t be that safety net anymore...the one who was watching you slowly self-destruct.”

“I was the one self destructing? I have a job...I have friends...I have-had you...You sat on the couch day in and day out taking turns between porn and video games and I pretended never to notice because I didn’t want to embellish what parts of us were cracking. I thought if you needed those things, then I could let you have them because I wasn’t filling those voids that you needed-but screw that! No matter if I was hormonal or emotional or independent, it gives you no right to ridicule me or cheat on me! If you were SO unhappy, why didn't you just leave?”

But again, he remained silent, clenching his jaw as she egged him on. “Huh?” She continued. “Go on...don’t hold back now.”

“I was afraid you’d off yourself!” Her lips came open in shock as she didn’t speak another word and instead pushed through the crowd and towards a private section of the bleachers, where he followed quickly behind. “I mean-”

“No, I get it...You were the dutiful martyr who dated the girl whose dad died...you suffered for five years hoping one day I’d wake up and just be okay...but you have no idea the memories in my head that follow me from that day! I had to watch him die at eight years old! And my mother leaves me at the doorstep of a goddamned orphanage with a thousand bucks for when I turned eighteen, as if that is going to fix anything!” He paused, his eyes fading from their confidence as she sniffled to withdraw her own sadness. “You were supposed to be the person who helped me learn to live with it...not a reason to question why I’m living at all!”

“There you go...putting all that pressure on me...why wouldn’t I think you’d try to kill yourself when you phrase things like that?! It’s not like you haven’t tried...”

She clenched her jaw along with her fists before responding to him. “Because I don’t believe there’s anything waiting for me. People kill themselves with the hope of finding peace-but I don’t believe that exists for me...not in this world or whatever is after it! But you...you gave me this flicker of hope that maybe someday someone would want to take my broken pieces and mend them-not break them further!”

“How could I? There won’t be another guy in this world that will put up with your bullshit, Kay! Another guy who will deal with your hot and cold bipolar behavior! A guy wants to take his girl out for a drive once in a while...but you are so much of a coward that you won’t even come with me to the store to get smokes….And you talk about me sitting on MY ass? You wanted the truth?” Now hyped up with confidence, he spoke the most hurtful thing he could think of to her. “ I am embarrassed of you. But Charlene...she makes me feel alive...she puts an effort in to look good for me, she makes my heart race-”

“Yeah, that’s probably because you were waiting to get busted at any second, right?”

He shook his head ‘no’ before folding his fingers over his lips as a sign of frustration before they fell at his sides. “I really hope one day you can find someone or something to fix you...because even though I don’t have that love for you, you need it…” Exhausted with the argument, Jeff pulled himself away from the moment as he left her a mess of tears as she fell against one of the metal edges of the bleachers and began to sob in private; or as private as one could get at an event such as this. 

“Hey…” A kind voice spoke to her as she raised her head upwards to find the sun keeping her from learning the identity of this figure before her eyes adjusted and the man knelt at her side. 

Dusty. 

“Are you ‘lright?” He asked as she nodded, brushed her tears into her skirt, and rose to her feet before passing the trailer housing Devon. She was spared the embarrassment of his eyes having witnessed the experience, however, as he seemed entirely indifferent to her; not even meeting her gaze to torment her as he seemed to jump at the chance to do anytime prior to this. But little did she know, he heard every depraved word from the lips of her ex and felt not only sympathy, but anger for her; an anger that was not polite or decent for him to harbor as he knew nothing more than her first name-and yet, felt this need to protect her. But he was too stubborn to be the one to venture to her himself, therefore Dusty’s presence. 

“Why don’t we get ya back to your friend and we’ll make sure you get on home later?” She nodded, not wishing to argue another word and following Dusty as she returned to that special viewer’s box exclusive to her and Amanda. But the moment the door opened and Amanda turned to inform her friend of the luxuries of their time spent apart, she dropped all of her focus and bled into Kayla. 

“Kay? What is it? What happened? He didn’t do anything to you, did he?”

“No…” Kayla was usually the kind of girl that could hold every ounce of her anger and every prior tribulation behind a content expression or at least the thick body of a novel. But without the ability to harbor either, she fell into Amanda’s grasp as she was reminded of at least one soul that loved her unconditionally;even if it was not in the way she had expected. 

“Well you know what? You are beautiful and intelligent and way too good for anyone in this town-or honestly, probably the planet. What he did is the worst thing you can do to someone and that has more to do with him than you...I never liked him…”

“I’m aware….” Kayla shifted her eyes to Amanda with caution as the door behind them came open once again, this time, Dusty had a headset over his ears as he motioned the girls to follow him. 

“Where are we going?” Kayla questioned as she no longer sported the puffy eyes or runny nose, she seemed melancholic, yet more together then she had been a half an hour prior. 

“I was just asked to bring you out here…” Dusty spoke with dismissal as the girls were allowed to sit at a more secluded section of the raceway off the center of the main bleachers. 

“For f**k’s sake…” Jeff grunted behind her once meeting her gaze before she turned away from him. 

“Just remember, it’s his problem, not yours…” Amanda reminded her as the announcement to commence the event played through the speakers as the sight of what appeared to be endless cars lined up at the ready. Each car, a different color, had been covered with an individual number upon the hood, doors, and roof and encased in sponsors different for each vehicle. It ranged from Doritos to a local carpet cleaning service; but the car wore each sticker shamelessly as the green flag was twirled by its holder and they set off around the track for their first initial lap. 

For the first ten laps or so, Kayla found herself focusing on the urge to remain forward as she didn't want to give Jeff the satisfaction of believing she longed for him. But every few minutes, she couldn’t help but allow her gaze to wander; not from jealousy-but curiosity to know what this girl had that made her not broken. But eventually, by the twenty fifth lap, she began to join in on the chanting with Amanda at her side as she called out Devon’s number with excitement; just to get a rise out of her ex.

“Twenty-six, whoo!” She cheered as Amanda smiled with pride at her friend who was playing the most classic card in the book of a breakup; make the man who broke your heart regret doing so by reminding him with what he no longer has and can never have again. With this, she unbuttoned a top disc of her dress and allowed her hair to fall down beyond her shoulders despite the fact it was hot enough to make every tendril stick to her skin; but her continuous cheering had forced this to defy physics as she remained effervescent with each passing lap. 

Coming up on the first break, the girls discussed their jobs and the details of the cars below before returning to the second part of the race. Once again, Amanda and Kayla would rise to their feet whenever Devon was in the lead-which remained the majority of the event until that final 200th lap. 

Marco Yerger was an occupation enemy to Devon in every way, and showed why as he teased the lead with the nose of his car several times before the car finally passed Devon at the first half of the final lap. The other cars long forgotten, it seemed to be the focus of these two as Kayla clutched the bar of the private deck she was hoisted on with anticipation before Devon managed to accelerate just enough and angle perfectly to win the race by a literal hair of a second. 

Yet, he did not take the expected victory lap, and instead, climbed from his car, removed his helmet, and moved to the stands in which she was located. Throwing himself upon the railing as if he was beginning to show his skills in parkour, he climbed over the metal ledge as Amanda watched with a friendly envy. 

“Hate me later.” He spoke slowly before pressing his lips to her own and pressing his hands to her hips. But as he had expected a temporary lingering only because he caught her by surprise, he was the one bewildered as she took hold of the collar of his suit split open by zipper left half undone by his own actions. Once realizing that she was receptive to this kiss, Devon gathered the fabric of her dress in his palms as he now pressed her back into the bar and she released every single one of her inhibitions. But it would be Devon that ceased the kiss as he pulled himself back from her and kept his forehead against hers for just a second to gain his composure before speaking. 

“For what it’s worth, you aren’t damaged.” She blushed as she came to realize that he had heard the conversation with Jeff before he pressed his hand to her cheek. “But I do think I’ve earned that date.”