I stand in the apartment, completely disorientated as he makes us drinks; silent and calm like we're just up here to have our usual chat and arguments, and yet I am completely on edge and cannot relax. He seems normal, unfazed, unaffected, and he hasn't made any moves to touch me since we got in the lift.
It's weird, unnerving and I shouldn't be like this. I'm not a virgin or an amateur. s*x is part of what I do or used to. I taught myself how to overcome all the s**t that surrounded it emotionally and learned the art of making it feel good instead. Finding the pleasure in it and getting off instead of the trauma of my past. I separated the memories and the act and used s*x as a tool to get ahead in life. It got me here to America for a fresh start and I have never looked back.
I like s*
